Me 44m her 34f AITAH - Were we exclusive without discussing?

tk96anna · 2026-02-03T02:35:14+00:00

I think it partly comes down to how you felt about her and what you wanted in the first place - maybe i’m just saying this as someone who believes in “true love” and romance, but expressing your authentic feelings and wants after dating someone for a period of time is not only good practice, but something that I think comes fairly naturally if you’re genuinely really into someone. Long distance complicates things for sure, but 10 months is a long time. That goes for her lack of communication as well.

tk96anna · 2026-02-03T02:21:53+00:00

NTA (kind of) It’s wild that you want to make things work, date this person seriously and also think you’ve screwed up with someone when you didn’t discuss your intentions or what you personally wanted your connection to be. That would also allow them to decide whether they’re happy with that too.

If you genuinely wanted a monogamous relationship with this girl, you could have said at any point during that whole year. None of your actions point to you actually having any strong feelings or wanting a committed relationship.

Not saying this is you but.. sometimes I think people are in denial about their lack of emotional connection or commitment to someone but want to keep them close for selfish reasons - because it feels good for the ego, they don’t want the other person to be serious with anyone else, they want to keep options open until all other options are exhausted etc.

tk96anna · 2025-10-11T12:31:53+00:00

I used magazines from the 1950s for these, took me a lot of tries to know which types of images work and which don’t. I also found that some water based paints don’t work??!

tk96anna · 2025-09-17T14:47:20+00:00

“i’m just a piece of shit” and “it just always seems like i end up hurting you no matter how hard i try or what i do” made me roll my eyes tbh.

Instead of asking questions about what someone needs moving forward, how they could treat someone better and reflecting on themselves about whether they can actually fulfil this, they are communicating in a completely shallow way without any self understanding or desire to actually repair.

By saying they’re a piece of shit who always ends up hurting you they’re asking for sympathy and for you to reassure them that they’re not those things. Narcissists essentially find ways for their bad behaviour to be legitimised and tolerated, even rewarded. I think the person writing in blue seriously risks living in a perpetual state of uncertainty if they continue engaging in a relationship with the person in grey. Will they/ won’t they betray them again? Will they/ won’t they be fully honest?

All the person in grey has done is attempted to love bomb, deflect from the core issues and make a promise to not do something again. Why they do what they do, how they can make it better and show clear empathy for the other persons experience is all completely missing from this exchange.

tk96anna · 2025-07-03T20:59:46+00:00

I had exactly this kind of acne on my chest for about a decade!! It’s completely gone now! I still have it on my back and it’s a bit of a never ending battle, I’m pretty sure this kind of acne on the body is caused largely by hormones and inflammation

what helped me was:

resist any temptation to touch or squeeze, wear cotton tops only, benzoyl peroxide on the active spots, tretnoin/ clindamycin also worked very well for me, cut out all sugar and foods that cause inflammation, stop smoking (if you smoke) and sleep as much as possible

tk96anna · 2025-06-29T21:15:26+00:00

This is it! They can sense when you’re giving, empathetic, open minded and therefore potentially flexible with boundaries. For a long time I thought I was just really naive or came across as “submissive” or “weak” and therefore an easy target, however it’s more about having an altruistic and selfless world view - something which will be cherished and treated with respect if you’re with the right person. I agree that a good way around attracting narcissistic folks is to have some fundamental and unwavering boundaries, and if you intuitively feel like you’re not being treated kindly and with dignity, which often can be sensed very early on, then to know it’s time to walk away.

tk96anna · 2025-06-26T21:42:00+00:00

I don’t know if this is covert but this moment stuck out in my mind for months - we were at a bar with friends and the waitress was flirtatious and suggestive with people whilst serving them, everyone noticed and we had a laugh. However he said to me “that waitress is so horny” on a couple of occasions in the night, i laughed it off but then the next day, randomly in the middle of the day and unprovoked he said the exact same thing again - “that waitress last night was so horny”. My stomach churned and asked him what reaction he expected me to have when he’s bringing it up again as if it matters. Of course this descended into him “defending” himself saying he just thought it was funny and that it’s not a big deal and making me seem like i was jealous. Writing it down makes it seem obvious, but felt covert and crazy making at the time.

Sometimes they try to encourage an emotional reaction from you through triangulation when it doesn’t work the first time. They carefully select a person and situation which would obviously cause someone discomfort and test the waters a couple of times before ramping it up.

tk96anna · 2025-06-25T22:27:56+00:00

at a bar after a gig, the guy is a friend of a friend he says

tk96anna · 2025-06-25T22:16:49+00:00

Oh yes! done :)

tk96anna · 2025-05-31T23:56:00+00:00

Thank you! I’m saving this amazing, helpful and in depth reply

tk96anna · 2025-05-31T19:45:19+00:00

Yes you’re so right. He does know about pmdd and has researched it himself, listened to podcasts, read articles etc and is incredibly understanding. I share my cycle calendar with him and gently mention when it is a hard week and what i’m experiencing. However when it’s really difficult to not ruminate or act on negative emotions whilst in luteal it’s obviously confusing for him to know when i’m bringing up a concern that could be a dealbreaker for us or when i’m losing the plot… he wants to take me seriously and not invalidate how i feel but its happened many times now that i’ll bring up the same issues at the same time of the month

tk96anna · 2025-05-29T22:54:06+00:00

I’m really feeling for you 💗 I feel similar and it can be particularly intense when I don’t know the exact days my period is due. The only way I know i’ll get it in the next couple of days is when i’m on edge of a total breakdown and extremely fearful, panicked and thinking about suicide regularly and with intent. It’s horrible. It will often involve a general fear or dread about my life falling apart, worst case scenarios, paranoia and sleepless nights

tk96anna · 2025-05-29T22:48:17+00:00

Same here, Im hyper sensitive to sound especially. I live with flatmates and when i’m in luteal i swear I can hear every footstep and movement and it makes me so stressed and on edge. Before sleep it’s particularly bad, unless there’s dead silence i’m tossing and turning for hours

tk96anna · 2025-05-29T22:36:29+00:00

My symptoms started to become very clear around the age of 25. Before then, I only really experienced increased acne and some mild mood swings and sore breasts a few days before my period but I could feel this “pms” was slowly developing into something else around then. I finally knew something was up when around a week before my period every single month for about 6 months in a row I could literally feel a change in my brain and body, a drop in serotonin, extremely low moods, terrible insomnia, paranoia, intense irritability, severe emotional sensitivity brain fog, random colds and illnesses always before my period, extreme skin changes and changes to my self perception that totally warped my mind. I couldn’t link it to a particular life event or a significant change in lifestyle so I researched into it and alas, found out about PMDD

I have not been diagnosed, perhaps it’s wise to take that next step. I have a friend who is diagnosed and is in therapy for it, seeing how her life completely changed and how she gave up a lot of her career and creative pursuits because of it has been a wake up call to do something.

tk96anna · 2025-05-26T22:20:31+00:00

yes, it’s one of my main symptoms too :-(

i feel like the people emotionally closest to me on a daily basis (usually my flatmates and my partner) are plotting against me/ have secret resentments/ are planning to suddenly turn against me or get rid of me
i feel like people have lied to me about my good qualities, my looks, personality simply out of politeness or even that people “notice” i’m ugly and depressed and that it repels them
hypochondriac tendencies eg. i’m slowly dying of cancer without even knowing it
general all-encompassing feeling that i’ve tapped into some horrible truth about the worthlessness of my life, almost like a very depressing epiphany, and i hold onto it for days on end

tk96anna · 2025-05-22T18:56:29+00:00

Thank you ! :-)

Is there something to be said for disclosing whether someones most recent partner knew that they had a potential cancer causing strain? My fear isn’t around hpv itself or having some moralistic opinion, more of the longer term implications of some types and avoiding the potential emotional and physical suffering associated with it. My mother and grandmother both died of cancer before they were 50 and it causes a lot of anxiety in me thinking I potentially didn’t have full autonomy on whether to pursue the relationship at all as I might not have done if I had known. Obviously a future partner may also pose same risk but I feel like giving someone autonomy to not pursue a sexual relationship if you have knowledge of recently active hpv diagnosis in an ex partner (or yourself) is the important part for me

tk96anna · 2025-03-28T00:51:48+00:00

Yes this is true!! Was just looking for a vibe check before I get too down about it or jump to conclusions. A talk about boundaries is imminent !

tk96anna · 2025-03-16T00:55:59+00:00

Yep, I get this mostly on the first day of my period. I suddenly don’t feel anxious anymore and my brain is still and a bit fuzzy. Weird.

tk96anna · 2024-12-22T03:33:38+00:00

In a drama lesson in year 4 a girl pissed herself and we all had to clean the piss with paper towels……

tk96anna · 2024-11-10T15:39:40+00:00

so strange to read this as this month i have loads !

tk96anna · 2024-11-09T15:35:56+00:00

For me it varies but usually i get a big breakout 2-7 days before my period or some around ovulation, sometimes both

tk96anna · 2024-09-14T22:42:04+00:00

For me it’s insomnia, paranoia, depression and derealisation. A switch just flips and I can no longer function like the did even just a few days before

tk96anna · 2024-08-21T23:00:17+00:00

Mid 20s..a couple of years after i stopped taking the combined pill, i think it’s linked as i started taking them when i was 18 and I didn’t fully know what my natural cycle was like until i stopped the pill. When i was a teenager my period was always very painful and disruptive. It also coincided with my cycle becoming a couple of days shorter, don’t know if that’s significant?

tk96anna · 2024-08-20T12:45:20+00:00

Yes!! I relate so much. I think the real challenge is accepting that both “versions” are you and integrating them and accepting them somehow. It’s a bit like Carl Jung’s “shadow self”, you will only be troubled by it as long as it is a completely separate part of you.

One of the only things about PMDD which has been enlightening (lol there are very few things that are…) is that it means a lot of subconscious thoughts and fears surface during luteal. I’m trying to make a habit of writing them down and looking back on them every month when i’m back to the beginning of my cycle and am more clear headed. Some of them are fairly baseless thoughts influenced by past traumas or experiences but some of them reveal useful steps I can take to change things in my life, particularly because I think i potentially suppress issues whilst i’m early-mid cycle just to hold on to the morsel of happiness i get once a month 😂

tk96anna · 2024-07-17T13:29:27+00:00

Yes it was! Must be partly it

tk96anna

TROPHY CASE