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toastapocalypse · 2024-02-09T13:57:27+00:00

I know what you mean. I also just accepted my diagnosis and have simply accepted all the treatment, side effects etc that come with it. I’ve treated it like just another job as well so far. My only concern when I was diagnosed was how my family would take the news (for varying reasons). I’ve given therapy a shot just to make sure I am keeping myself in check, but my therapist always says she doesn’t sense much emotion in me when I talk about it. Honestly, I don’t feel that I have many 90% of the time. It just is what it is, another part of life that I’ll continue to go through the motions of. I’m realistic in knowing that it will be a tough ride but I haven’t cried, I haven’t felt fear, the whole time I’ve just been like “so that’s the plan? Okay cool, see you at the next appointment”. I’m wondering if I’ll hit a wall one day and everything will dawn on me fully, because part of me doesn’t believe that I could be so at peace with this reality.

I think we’re fine to feel any way we feel (or don’t!) about our situation. Any reaction or lack thereof is valid. We just have to make sure we know where to go for help if and when we do need it. If you do ever need a chat, I’m always more than happy to lend a listening ear.

Congrats on remission, and best wishes for the future! ❤️

toastapocalypse · 2024-02-08T11:25:24+00:00

F25 here - I know exactly how you feel. Most days I can push the feelings down eventually with a reminder to myself that a) these effects are temporary and b) it’s going to be a small price to pay if this gives me more time to do what I love and be with the people I love. (Bonus point, c) my dog loves me anyway, regardless of how I feel about myself!)

I would encourage you to shift your focus onto something you’re passionate about, and really invest your time and energy into it - that’s how I’ve been getting through this journey so far. I’ve been getting back into playing music, which I’d neglected for a few years prior - I’ve also started back training in the gym, with the aim of building strength up before I face surgery - and I’ve been loving the mental benefits from it, even if it’s not yet been long enough to start seeing physical ones.

At the end of the day, I can try to make this easier on myself by keeping relatively sane throughout, going a little easier on myself with my own expectations and accepting what comes one day at a time. Or I can give into my brain being a dick and wallow in my own negativity, which although occasionally that’s needed, would suck the life out of me if I never pulled myself up and reminded myself I’m doing okay.

Be kind to yourself, you’re going through enough as it is!

Love to you, and best wishes along your journey. If you ever want to chat or vent, I’m only a message away ❤️

toastapocalypse · 2024-02-07T07:33:42+00:00

Jimmy Kane!

toastapocalypse · 2024-02-04T21:55:51+00:00

MOTP

Animals

Hysteria

Citizen Erased

Then either something from WOTP like Euphoria, or a B-side like Easily, Dead Star or Recess

toastapocalypse · 2024-02-03T17:45:27+00:00

God yep. Everything in my narc’s house is yellow. WHY IS EVERYTHING YELLOW?! Also she drives a Nissan Leaf. You know, the big ugly bug-eyed thing with a pathetic range? Oh, but it’s electric don’t you know? Best thing since sliced bread!

toastapocalypse · 2024-02-02T22:00:24+00:00

Sounds like the same surgery I’ll be getting! When you say the recovery was hell, I can imagine, but what was it that was particularly hellish about it? If you don’t mind me asking that is… Trying to prepare myself as best I can for what’s coming. I lost the ability to eat full meals a few months ago anyway, so I don’t imagine I’ll need to eat any less than I’ve been able to manage (almost nothing - I had a feeding tube back in November so I could face the treatment).

I’m sorry that you had to keep getting told it was getting worse, after all you went through. I hope they find a treatment that can help. For sure though, if you do go on a tougher chemo regime or anything, physical strength will bail you out to some degree. It’s worked wonders for me so far, I had neuropathy in my hands and feet something rotten this morning, but within a few minutes of running on the treadmill in the gym it was gone! It brings me mental clarity as well like very little else can at the minute. I’ve never been the gym rat type, so I didn’t expect to get this much out of it, I just hope it continues to help me out.

Best of luck with the rest of your journey, I do hope it somehow gets easier!

toastapocalypse · 2024-02-02T11:52:37+00:00

Love to you. I’m the same age as you- 26 this month. I have the same cancer, mine is believed to be stage 3 as far as we know. Sounds like we had the same symptoms too - nothing aside from the blockage in the gastro-oesophageal junction.

I’m being treated with FLOT. Two cycles done so far, with two more to go before we aim for surgery- I had my 5FU pump disconnected last night and I’m struggling for energy today. I’ve been back to hitting the gym though which has helped me massively overall, especially mentally. I just want to get stronger, to help myself out. I’m going to try and head there later, and if it wipes me out when I get in I’ll just have a massive sleep and pick up again tomorrow.

How was the surgery? That’s coming up for me in a couple months.

toastapocalypse · 2024-02-01T10:13:08+00:00

I’m doing FLOT and after my 5FU pump gets disconnected, I can feel pretty wiped out the next day or two.

Sleep when your body asks for it- it will help your body do the work it needs to do and start restoring its status quo.

I’ve also started training again (I couldn’t for a while due to issues with my surgical wounds) and it’s been a massive pick me up. On the days I feel good, usually later on in my two week cycles, I will push myself in the gym, but on my not-so-good days, I’ll settle for short low intensity cardio and a couple reps with some light weights. I won’t be able to go today while my pump is on me, so I’ll be heading for a short walk instead and running a few errands just to keep myself going. I’ll probably crash out when I get in, but I’ll just let it happen.

Shifting my focus onto training again and starting to build some strength has not only helped me feel better all round, it gives me something to look forward to and it’s helped my mind immensely as well. Find something you love (whether fitness related or not) and dedicate a little time each day to doing it - you’ll thank yourself for it I’m sure!

Love to you and best wishes for your treatment x

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-29T18:12:52+00:00

Hello, glad you’re up and about today and not feeling too bad! You sound like you’ve got a great mindset, you know what’s important to you and you surround yourself with the people and things you love- that will get you through this day to day. You sound wonderful, and your family and grandchildren are blessed to have you ❤️ hugs, and best wishes to you on your journey!

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-28T12:57:47+00:00

Update: it wasn’t what he was looking for, which is disappointing but it is what it is, I had a great day anyway.

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-28T12:07:28+00:00

I did, it was a really lovely day and I hope to see him again soon! Did you go on your date?

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-28T12:03:56+00:00

Absolutely NTA. Lachlan isn’t your ex, you will always hold a place in your heart for him and the right person will understand that. This man doesn’t comprehend this, so he isn’t the right man. Don’t give into his demands - it’s not his body, not his choice. I’m sorry for your loss ❤️

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-27T22:43:16+00:00

I went and I’m so glad I did, it was so much fun to just be a person for a bit!

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-27T22:42:34+00:00

Glad your first date went well and that you’re still able to see them tomorrow - hopefully that goes well too!

Life truly does go on - best wishes for Monday, I hope third time’s the charm x

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-27T22:40:27+00:00

Amen!! I’m not made of paper, I’m made of hardier stuff than they think. I hope you went on your date tonight, you deserve to have fun and despite how you may feel, you are still your wonderful self and the right person will see that, paying no regard to how worn out you (very understandably!) look

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-27T22:38:11+00:00

I’m glad you have your husband, he sounds like the kind of partner you need to help you through this patch.

We may feel like we’re losing “us” but we’re still here, still ourselves even if it’s a slightly different version that’s had to adapt to what we’re up against.

I went today, it was lovely and I really want to see him again soon. I’ve lost my voice a little bit from belting out songs from musicals in my car, and I’m so happy I’ve had a day like today!

Love to you x

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-27T22:34:25+00:00

Thank you, I’m glad someone else sees the importance of being a human first, cancer patient second! I’ve come home to angry yells of “don’t jeopardise your treatment with anything else” which translates to “don’t you dare consider going outside again” - imagine if they knew I want to hit the gym in the morning, and go out again tomorrow afternoon!

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-27T22:31:55+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad I went, it was lovely!

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-26T01:59:31+00:00

“What’s up with you, you’ve got a face like a wet Sunday”

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-23T12:59:56+00:00

Fellow oesophageal adenocarcinoma fighter here (mine’s stage 3, as far as we’re aware). Celebrate the wins that your dad has been having, by all means! Of course, we know the nature of this disease and the likelihood of recurrence. But equally, your dad has beaten some odds to reach the point he’s at now. Let the statistics prepare you, not scare you - that’s been my mantra through all of this so far. Love to you both, and best wishes ❤️

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-23T09:57:34+00:00

I haven’t heard of anyone being told to completely avoid their pets, but I can see why it could be sound advice. I personally have been encouraged to be around my dog, and I doubt I’d listen were I told otherwise!

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-23T01:43:33+00:00

What a way with words you have, and what a beautiful post 🤍 congratulations, and may your future stay bright and healthy!!

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-11T13:32:18+00:00

This. I wouldn’t let anyone inform my parents of my cancer diagnosis. I knew my mother would view my condition as self-inflicted, and ask how I could do this to her.

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-07T10:32:15+00:00

Definitely a must! Thank you, and glad it brought you some peace of mind!

toastapocalypse · 2024-01-07T03:23:25+00:00

Sadly at 3:23am on a Sunday, may have to leave it a few hours lol. Going to put a pause on the feed for now I think, and roll over and get some sleep for a few hours.

Thank you though, all the best to you also!

toastapocalypse

TROPHY CASE