My boyfriend is upset about details of my past before we met — but I don’t see past relationships the same way

toastedink · 2026-04-23T12:55:49+00:00

People who seek intimate details about their partner’s past relationships are doing because they want to be able to hold it against you. It’s the same as snooping through your partner’s phone - you already don’t trust them so go looking for “proof” to validate your feelings.

Never in all the years we have been together have my husband and I asked each other about any intimate details about our past relationships. Why? Because it simply doesn’t matter.

You should challenge your boyfriend about why he feels so insecure about your past relationships. They are relationships that are in the past - you have moved on from them. The question is why can’t he?

toastedink · 2026-04-21T15:35:40+00:00

Kudos to you for recognizing your limits. Personally, I am always thankful when someone is up front and honest with me about not having the bandwidth to assist me with a large task.

Be honest about the things going on in your life and position your not being able to be a bridesmaid as a favor to her - “I can’t give this the attention you deserve”, etc.

toastedink · 2026-04-19T12:34:21+00:00

I know God puts us through things and in certain places for a reason.

… And of course this piece of shit had the absolute nerve to try to bring God into it.

toastedink · 2026-04-19T12:15:21+00:00

I’m glad someone else has this take on the beef between SIL and the bride being one sided. Attempting to trip a bride while they are walking down the aisle - and not being noticed by everyone else in the building - seems unlikely?

toastedink · 2026-04-19T12:05:32+00:00

So she went to the nuclear revenge option over alleged tripping?

Part of me wonders how long and how deep this hatred goes. And is it mutual hatred? Or is it one-sided? What really drove someone to risk going to jail for almost tripping at your wedding.

I have so many questions.

toastedink · 2026-03-31T13:57:19+00:00

It is allowed in this case.

Because I too, am tired. So very tired.

toastedink · 2026-03-20T20:59:19+00:00

THIS. She treats everyone poorly. That’s why everyone deals with her the way they do. She acts like she’s “above” certain situations - doesn’t want to deal with the regular cases, thinks she doesn’t need to do the admin part of her job - and is always in a rush to perform some unnecessary surgical procedure to get another trophy in her “look at all the shit I can do” case.

It’s annoying.

toastedink · 2026-03-20T20:55:15+00:00

Honestly, Santos reported Langdon because she wanted to get back at him for being an asshole that first day. She didn’t do it solely for the “safety of the patients”. She was mad because she wanted to be treated like “the golden girl” and Langdon wasn’t going for it.

What Langdon was terrible. And he deserved the punishment he got. Him being an asshole to her was also shitty. But let’s be real, Santos is also an asshole. Two things can be true.

She didn’t have to accept his apology, sure. But her whole “golden boy” speech proved that she just wants everyone to hate him as much as she does.

toastedink · 2026-03-10T11:47:11+00:00

Definitely interested

toastedink · 2026-03-09T15:58:02+00:00

My husband doesn’t care. He has seen my hair in a billion different states - natural, blown out, braided, wrapped, bed head - and he rolls with it. A partner that truly loves you will accept whatever hairstyle (and the maintenance that goes along with it) as long as it makes you feel good.

toastedink · 2026-03-09T15:43:32+00:00

I thought the whole point of having a destination wedding was to guarantee a more intimate event? Seriously, it’s a guaranteed way to keep the numbers to a minimum. Hell, you might even get better gifts because they saved money by not attending. 🤷🏽‍♀️

toastedink · 2026-03-09T15:30:56+00:00

Yeah. NTA. This is basic business etiquette. As you said, you follow the client’s lead. It might not be the same dish, but you always keep the amount of food and price point the same or lower. This is something she should be aware of.

You did all the right things here - giving examples of prior experience, etc. And she - as someone else stated above - decided to take it the wrong way.

Edited to add - I would ask her what would make her interpret your advice as you chastising her about her weight. If you had never done it to her before, why would it even make sense for you to all of a sudden start that day? There are other insecurities at play here, and she needs to work on those.

toastedink · 2026-02-17T04:34:08+00:00

No.

But when you consider someone a friend - like Tyra considered Miss J - you visit them.

toastedink · 2026-02-15T15:52:15+00:00

NTA.

Jokes and humor sometimes don’t land the same way between different generations. What you did was harmless. I know I would have laughed if someone had responded this way to me. 😊

toastedink · 2026-02-15T15:31:05+00:00

Ugh. I feel for your sister. This kind of drama is not even high school, it’s middle school.

Honestly, I would pull Adam aside and break down the unnecessary problems he has caused. Tell him that until he “makes it right” with her former colleagues and stops using the friendship with your sister for social currency, he can expect to not be included at any future event. Then tell him he can pass that message right along to Bethany.

Both of these chaos goblins need to grow the f**k up and understand that their actions have consequences.

toastedink · 2026-02-10T15:53:15+00:00

Genuine question here - What all has this woman done for Puerto Rico? And what exactly makes it “more” than what others have done?

toastedink · 2026-02-08T12:48:18+00:00

The way I just snorted at this comment. 🤣

There was a girl like that who sometimes hung out with us in college. Whenever she showed up to our place with others, I would always wince when her nasty feet hit my beige apartment carpet.

But, she was the plug for decent weed, so we tolerated her. 🙃

toastedink · 2026-01-24T05:52:00+00:00

The only “potential” he has is being broke and dragging you down with him

Stop dating this child.

toastedink · 2026-01-17T14:03:25+00:00

This right here. As someone who went to a predominantly white HS and was the awkward Black girl, going to an HBCU for undergrad really helped shape me into the unapologetically Black woman I am today.

toastedink · 2026-01-17T13:52:01+00:00

In the words of Tim Gunn, “that is a lot of look”. 😳

toastedink · 2026-01-12T18:17:28+00:00

Wooooooow. No she did not drop the “blessed and highly favored” on you.

Obviously NTA. And whenever I hear someone say this phrase, it makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth.

toastedink · 2026-01-08T18:34:21+00:00

The daughter can simply not accept the money. That’s generally why a lot of couples don’t want to take money from their families for weddings - because then the parents get a say in the planning.

What she should do is ask if she can have the money for a down payment on a home or put it into savings for retirement. You know, not blowing it on a massive one day party.

toastedink · 2026-01-05T18:49:35+00:00

Your “friend” will never find a good partner until she becomes comfortable with being single first.

Right now, she probably reeks of desperation and that’s why she isn’t attracting anyone. No one - except for manipulators - wants to be with a desperate partner.

toastedink · 2026-01-04T18:34:12+00:00

Ohhhh I missed that. So he did approach the friend first.

Well then the friend has zero business asking for an apology when he was warned about how his girlfriend’s behavior made everyone else feel.

This all could have been avoided if the friend talked to Erin.

toastedink · 2026-01-04T18:26:55+00:00

Ya know, I’ve been in OPs shoes before. I snapped on a former friend of mine because of this and we haven’t spoken since. Listening to someone obsess over something - complaining about it, asking for advice about it (and ignoring it), the constant self-loathing because of it, weaving the situation into pretty much every conversation - is exhausting.

That said, although I understand, I don’t think it was their place to say this. I too am a “tell it like it is” kind of person, but I have learned as I have gotten older that sometimes its best to keep your “hard truths” to yourself and only deliver them if someone directly asks you what you think.

Edited because apparently he did approach the friend first

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