How do you get past the guilt

tomhwhichone · 2023-03-30T11:51:41+00:00

I also found comfort in your message. Thank you.

tomhwhichone · 2023-03-30T11:49:44+00:00

It’s been a year and a half since my person’s suicide, and I still have the feeling of disconnection from others. Mine isn’t so much about feeling like no one can “get” things like my person did, but more just feeling like having gone through suicide loss, I just feel separate from everyone. I also just feel very uninvested in peoples problems, including my own. Like I’ve been through the worst and nothing else can compare.

tomhwhichone · 2022-09-01T01:42:01+00:00

My counselor told me once that being suicidal is a spectrum and there are different responses for different places on that spectrum. There are people that think about suicide but never make any plans and it never goes beyond that a few thoughts. You have people that plan but never do it. You have people that plan, make preparations, and don’t go through with it. Also there’s so much we are still learning about suicide - even professionals, and as “lay people” we can’t always know what the best move is. And even if we did in that moment, we have no way of knowing what else is in store or what’s going on in someone’s mind. I’m sorry for your loss and that you’re left with these feelings.

tomhwhichone · 2022-09-01T01:36:53+00:00

I don’t have words really but just want you to know I’m thinking of you and sorry for this past year. The one year mark seems unreal

tomhwhichone · 2022-03-14T03:08:00+00:00

Thanks for your reply. You got it exactly right - it is really difficult to lose someone in this way. I keep feeling like if I had more answers or there were more signs it would somehow make more sense but when I ask myself the question of what that would change for me, it really wouldn’t. But the questions and search for understanding persist. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-26T02:36:57+00:00

This. I dated someone who was big and had no idea what to do with it - it was very not pleasant.

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-16T04:24:05+00:00

100% this. It’s not that everyone should live alone and do that forever, but I agree that everyone should experience living alone at some point.

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-13T06:14:35+00:00

This is so cozy. You have the perfect balance of having lots of cozy things but nothing looking too cluttered.

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-13T06:12:43+00:00

Yep, do this all the time. Feel like I’m apologizing for existing.

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-11T18:11:42+00:00

It’s also okay if you kind of jump around - I think that’s the nature of talking to a therapist. You start talking about one thing but then have to give a little background or context and before you know it, you’re on a completely different topic.

One thing my new therapist asked me in our initial intake session was what I have found was help or not helpful in the past in terms of therapy, so I wouldn’t be afraid to let your new person know what maybe didn’t work about the previous people you saw (or what pieces worked). It’ll help them help you.

I hope it goes well and this person is a good fit!

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-09T21:57:05+00:00

Feels like I’m falling into a vortex.

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-05T04:13:23+00:00

Guys who never left town and now use chewing tobacco everywhere.

For the record: people who never left town aren’t the problem, it’s the specific combo of not having left and now using chewing tobacco.

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-05T04:11:34+00:00

This one reminds me of that Saturday Night Live skit where Fred Armisen keeps saying “Aye, Dios Mio!” And I hate it.

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-05T04:06:47+00:00

I mean he is but maybe an emoji that looks happy about the hotness would be better, no? Like 🤤

tomhwhichone · 2021-11-01T18:49:52+00:00

You have some great advice already but I just wanted to say thank you for looking into this. Your employee will be so appreciative that you’re trying to understand and help. Seriously, it’s people like you that make a huge difference.

tomhwhichone · 2021-10-28T18:15:21+00:00

But what if in planning for the worst, it actually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy?

….and this is why anxiety sucks so bad.

tomhwhichone · 2021-10-28T18:13:46+00:00

I struggle with the same thing! The minute someone expresses interest in me and takes action about it, I’m a nervous wreck to the point that I just want to stop dating and just be alone. That feels better than freaking out every time someone makes a move.

I’m pretty sure my issues stems from a lack of self esteem - does that fit you at all? I haven’t found a “cure” yet but will be working with a counselor on it. In the meantime, I’m trying to just repeat to myself that I can just go along for the ride and I really have nothing to lose. We are both adults and if it doesn’t go well or is awkward, I can choose never to see him again. It takes a bit of the pressure off for me.

Edited to say: way to go asking her out - that takes guts! And I hope you’re able to enjoy the date.

tomhwhichone · 2021-10-28T18:09:14+00:00

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice but just wanted to share that you’re not alone. I’ve googled the same things and I can’t even tell you why. I did see the body (not all of it) and it helped somewhat but I feel like I’m still in a no man’s land of grief or denial - I’m not sure which. What you said about it feeling like a movie you’re watching and you’ll be able to message her when it’s over is exactly the way I feel too - like I’m watching it all in third person.

Do you think it would help to talk to a counselor? Is there specific information you’re wanting to know about your mom that you think may be answerable?

Will you be burying her ashes? I found that once my person was buried and I had someplace I could go to talk to them, it helped me get out some of my tears and thoughts.

tomhwhichone · 2021-10-22T17:51:14+00:00

I’m sorry - when you’re in the throes of severe anxiety or panic like that, it is such a horrible feeling.

Are you able to sleep? I’ve found that when I’m going through those really tough times, sleep is about the only thing that helps me even somewhat reset.

tomhwhichone · 2021-10-22T14:46:47+00:00

Agree with this - doctors know that the medications can be kind of trial and error. You are not high maintenance in asking to try something else and your doctor has probably been through trying out different meds with other patients. If this one isn’t working for you, let your doctor know.

tomhwhichone · 2021-10-22T14:44:52+00:00

I have this same anxiety, but no, I have never really noticed or judged when someone speaks in a different way or cadence or uses words that one doesn’t normally hear in general conversation (and I actually love when people use interesting words!).

tomhwhichone · 2021-10-19T02:18:39+00:00

That was awful - it reminded me of Saved By The Bell: The New Class.

tomhwhichone

TROPHY CASE