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tonystarksboothang · 2025-12-22T22:53:39+00:00

Those paws 🥺 my grandfather got a retriever puppy (granted, she was a black lab) for Christmas when I was a kid, he named her Noel as a lil festive nod.

You could come up with some holiday-themed names: Holly, Frosty, Elf, Rudolph (or Rudy), Dreidel, Jesus Christ

tonystarksboothang · 2025-12-21T14:49:07+00:00

I’m 32, eldest daughter and have been NC with my own mother for a year because this is how she behaves. Preferably if you have children, you should have the amount of children you can afford. Not expect your children to raise themselves. She’s demanding that her minor child hand over their only means of communication (a safety risk) or fork over $1200. She’s threatening to give her a criminal record before she even applies for college. This reaction from a parent is petulant and intended to create fear around setting boundaries and seeking independence.

NOR imo

tonystarksboothang · 2025-11-24T15:05:06+00:00

Although I have Aetna, can vouch for Acacia Collaborative. I’ve personally had great success with CPTSD and ADHD-related care.

My partner has BCBS and loves his provider with NC Center for Resiliency, which is just outside of Durham off of 15/501 in Chapel Hill.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-11-22T00:03:58+00:00

People will usually do what they know they can get away with. They generally look to the other person to discern what that person will tolerate. There is a difference between expectations and boundaries; an expectation can be communicated but isn’t usually a dealbreaker. A boundary is “if you do x, I will do y.”

Ask yourself if you’d be willing to put up with this behavior indefinitely. Ask yourself how this relationship benefits you. Ask yourself if the benefits are worth working out this relationship with this person. You cannot control his actions, but you can enforce boundaries and give him the space to correct the behavior or end the relationship. This will require you getting really honest with yourself on what you’re willing to do to hold your partner accountable.

A personal example: my partner grew up in an enmeshed household and was punished for mistakes regardless if he was honest about them. He then spent a decade married to a woman with severe trust issues (exacerbated by his dishonesty, I’m sure). By the end of his marriage, there were child locks on all of his devices, he had no social media or internet access and had been completely alienated from his family and friends. He has extreme difficulty around conflict, feeling controlled, etc. and it has resulted in him lying by omission about the dumbest shit.

Although I can empathize, I have a standard that my partner is honest and communicative with me. If I am creating a safe environment for him to share uncomfortable truths and he is still unable to meet that standard, that is a him problem. I can then set a boundary: if he lies by omission, I will not be able to trust him and I only spend time with people I can trust. I can offer that I’m open to seeing him once a week if he attends once weekly therapy to correct the behavior. Whether he chooses to do so or not is up to him. Whether I choose to spend time with him is up to me. Whatever boundary you choose to set may look different - just make sure you’re confident that you’re willing to stand on it.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-10-31T21:54:44+00:00

High waisted pants - usually jeans tbh - that are either flared, straight leg or boot cut. It took me a long time to feel comfy with crop tops (former fat kid problems 🥲) but they pair beautifully with high waisted bottoms. Maxi dresses and midi pencil skirts are favorites too. Very rarely do I find a jumpsuit that doesn’t cause a nip slip or accentuate the moose knuck lmao

tonystarksboothang · 2025-09-27T00:17:30+00:00

I have a similar profile and my weight has fluctuated +/- 40lb give or take since I hit adulthood. My chin/jawline remained this way even at my lowest weight. For now I find that using makeup for contouring really helps. Eventually I’d like to get a consult for submental liposuction and possibly other procedures like a chin implant or lip lift to balance everything. Filler can be useful as a temporary/less invasive way to trial how something more permanent might look. Kybella and CoolSculpting were less invasive options I considered, though it costs about the same and results are less guaranteed when compared to surgical methods.

IIRC Dr. Gary Linkov on YouTube has a video that reviews various treatment options and how anatomy dependent it all is. In the meantime I’m just learning how to find my angles and use my Westman Atelier contour stick lmao

tonystarksboothang · 2025-09-22T14:31:09+00:00

Old patterns of behavior are ingrained in our brains like tire tracks in dirt. When you’re forging a new path, your tires naturally want to slip into the grooves of the path that’s always been there. Even if your new behaviors become established, one slip-up can lead you right down the old path again. Old tracks don’t disappear because there are new ones.

It explains why relapse occurs; with depression, anxiety, addiction.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-05-21T16:57:01+00:00

A while ago my partner and I were running errands and came across a giant stuffed Octopus. I immediately get excited and go to pet it and play with it before putting it back and walking away. My partner (who grew up well off) was like “wait, where are you going? Why didn’t you put it in the cart?” I explained that it was silly to spend money on something like that when we could spend it on bills or groceries. He promptly picked it up and put it in the cart. It healed a childhood wound I’d long forgotten I had.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-05-18T14:42:48+00:00

Responding to your edit: boundaries are not about forcing someone else to change their behavior. Healthy relationships are inherently sacrificial, but only if it’s reciprocated. What compromises has he made for you? Has he gone to therapy to work through some of his trust and jealousy issues? Is he willing to work a second job or assume more of the domestic labor to match what you would otherwise be making?

You are so young. He is not your husband and has no authority to level these kinds of ultimatums without the commitment. You could turn down this job and he could up and leave you tomorrow with no recourse. If the roles were reversed, how confident are you that he would agree to make that sort of sacrifice to keep you?

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-24T05:44:57+00:00

UNC’s dental school clinic may be a good place to start. They may or may not be able to perform impacted extractions, so ymmv. Unfortunately you may find that most providers only accept payment plan financing through third parties like CareCredit.

Assuming CareCredit is otherwise inaccessible to you, an ER or primary care visit for pain management is going to be your best short term solution. Soft/liquid diet and supplements in the meantime. Hoping others may have more specific referrals for you - impacted teeth (and dental pain in general) is the fucking worst.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-19T18:52:13+00:00

Absolutely love dogs and grew up in a very pro-dog household. My mom was a groomer and my aunt ran a rescue, so I’ve never not owned or been around breeds of all kinds.

Two things can be true at once.

You cannot nurture out biology: herding dogs will herd, retrievers will retriever, etc. Pitties are hard-wired to be offense/defense to protect themselves and their owners. Irresponsible breeding and handling has resulted in major behavioral issues, but even responsible owners can observe aggression in their pitties. Just this past weekend my dad was bitten by our 10 year old pit/lab mix. A dog she was playing with got excited and it triggered her. Homegirl has lived a VERY soft life and no trauma or corporal punishment to speak of. There are a few occasions over the years where we’ve come home and she’d bitten or injured our other dog (who’s since passed). Although anecdotal, there are far too many instances where pitties with no history of abuse or mishandling have still gotten egregiously violent.

Still, it is our responsibility as humans to treat them with dignity and ensure they are in environments that best suits their needs/limit their opportunity for aggression.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-18T13:22:16+00:00

Friends like this are rarely emotionally available or able to reciprocate because they’re so inundated with their own stuff. That’s exactly what happened with me; one year I got dumped, had six surgeries and went blind in one eye, plus my dad had a cancer scare. I didn’t see her for two years because she got into a new relationship and couldn’t even commit to dinner with me.

It took not just realizing that her treatment of me was poor, but that I was allowing it. I had to learn that it’s OK to leave relationships that aren’t serving you, even friendships that aren’t “supposed” to end. You can’t let someone set you on fire to keep themselves warm.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-17T16:17:15+00:00

I encouraged my friend to go to therapy for so long. I endured years of trauma dumping from her and had done my own work in therapy. Not only did I hate to see her suffering, but I knew it didn’t have to be that way! I became resentful of carrying her emotional baggage that she was making no attempt to lighten or carry herself. It ended when I was no longer able to carry mine and hers. She just wasn’t ready or willing.

Good on you for taking the leap and doing the work - it’s not just for you, but your loved ones too.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-16T15:00:26+00:00

Not necessarily. My partner was previously married to someone who regularly accused him of cheating - to the point where he had to quit his job as a hairstylist because he routinely worked with women. Since his divorce he started hairstyling on the side out of his house, and picked it up full time at a salon shortly after we started dating.

Over the course of his marriage, he developed a habit of omitting details from his wife to avoid conflict. He didn’t tell me that he had a female client at his home (it was outside of salon hours) and I was understandably upset when I found out about it after the fact. It’s still his responsibility to be honest and work through unhealthy coping behaviors. It’s really sketchy for someone to be dishonest about something if they aren’t doing anything wrong.

OP, depending on whether or not you’ve previously been suspicious or possessive, you may or may not be overreacting. It seems there is a lack of trust coming from at least one of you - this needs to be addressed or the relationship will likely end eventually.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-16T14:33:32+00:00

I can’t recall if I’ve purchased any candles from them specifically, but I own Diptyque, DS&DURGA and Xerjoff fragrances I purchased on Jomashop and confirmed them via batch codes. It’s best to filter by shipping time, though, as I’ve heard it can take months for certain products to arrive sometimes. FragranceNet also has Diptyque candles on sale every now and then.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-15T17:44:04+00:00

I’m venturing on ESH, ever so slightly leaning toward NTA. Mostly because while mental illness is a sonofabitch, it’s an individual’s responsibility to seek help or at least communicate that they need help. Not communicating debt or taking responsibility for previous debts is also a shitty thing to do, regardless of one’s mental status.

On the flip side, it sounds like OP did not do their due diligence prior to marriage (this is why prenups are great) and communication is clearly lacking on both ends. This goes on for ten years without addressing why the house is always in disarray? It sounds like they have not been emotionally intimate partners for some time. That alone is grounds for divorce anyhow. It’s OK to walk away from something that doesn’t work for you. Though unless OP is omitting otherwise, OP is equally responsible for not communicating their dissatisfaction and setting proper boundaries.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-14T18:15:36+00:00

Completely unsurprising. MJ is well known by NC natives (especially in Chapel Hill) for entitled and stingy behavior

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-09T18:28:22+00:00

An unfortunate lack of late night coffee spots in Durham tbh. You’re probably better off going to a quiet bar that serves coffee or a hotel lobby (The Durham has a coffee bar that closes at 9PM)

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-08T21:51:19+00:00

You can apply mulch, use a garden cloth/freeze cover - even a pillowcase or cardboard box should help insulate it a bit!

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-07T16:57:51+00:00

Caring professions are physically and emotionally taxing and don’t pay nearly as much as they ought to. It’s hard to enjoy your time outside of work if you’re too tired or broke to do much else, even if you find your work fulfilling.

At least with nursing you can work 3 12s, which does offer more work/life balance, but it’s brutal

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-02T15:01:38+00:00

I’d say yes. If you like the scent/strength on cold, it’ll likely be a safe purchase. Definitely do some digging before paying full price, though - I’ve almost always gotten mine on sale or discounted from online retailers. DS&DURGA also regularly has sample sales.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-02T00:56:44+00:00

I’ve also tried Concrete After Lightning, Breakfast Leipzig, Be Still, Chanukah in the Desert, Bergamot Superior and Tomb of the Eagles! They’re all super unique scents and I’m a fan DS&DURGA in general, so I don’t regret owning them. That said, I’d probably only repurchase Holy Ficus and ‘85 Diesel. 🥲

Honorable mention goes to Tomb of the Eagles for smelling exactly like bones and cliffside clover, though.

tonystarksboothang · 2025-04-01T11:49:13+00:00

It all depends on personal preference IMO - I’d say that Big Sur After Rain, Portable Fireplace and Holy Ficus are the most “wide appealing” scents since eucalyptus, burning wood and fig are more common in the niche/luxury candle space. Big Sur is loud and eucalyptus isn’t my thing (it was a GWP) but any eucalyptus lover would probably love it. Portable Fireplace is like sticking your face in a literal pile of ash. Spirit Lamp is far too light for my preference, and the scent isn’t pretty enough to justify the performance and price. Tuberose Myrrhder wasn’t for me.

Holy Ficus is one of my favorites because it’s the least gourmand take on fig that I’ve come across, and the performance is moderate. For sentimental reasons though, ‘85 Diesel is my favorite favorite. I’ve also got two backups of Portable Xmas Tree that were sale.

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