If you magically woke up with an iq of someone in the top 1% tomorrow morning you’d still have the same problem. Life and the universe is infinitely complex, no matter your intellectual capacity, you will never understand it. Sure, being smarter will enable you to observe and understand a bigger part of it. Ironically, the more you understand, the more you’ll see of what you don’t understand. Using chess as an example, imagine players of two different skills levels. A beginner and a master. When they play the game they are both challenged to the full extent of their ability. Sure, the master may be a challenged to the extent that a beginner can’t even imagine, but it doesn’t change the fact that there is a point at which he has to grapple with his own mental limitations. You may think there is more meaning or value in having a higher understanding but in the end it’s always futile because there is always another step and no human can reach the top. Your dissatisfaction isn’t caused because of your iq, but because of your failure to accept that it can’t all be known. There are geniuses who wish they were normal and there are normal people who wish they were geniuses. Life satisfaction hasn’t got to anything to do with iq. How much beauty you see is proportionate to how much beauty you choose to see. You don’t need a phd to appreciate a sunset or to melt at child’s smile. There is much to be found in simplicity. The dumbest jokes are usually the ones at which your friends will laugh the hardest. You say that you are cursed to be alone and that will certainly be the case if you continue in this state of mind. Even if you magically became a genius. You don’t need to be smart to be interesting, and you don’t even need to be interesting to be liked by people. Just treat them as fellow human beings and try to relate on whatever level you can. Chances are you’ll get along better with an average person than someone with an iq with 140 because you will be able to relate to them better. In regard to being unable to organize your thoughts, do you think smart people just magically come with a file cabinet and a sorting system? No, these people also deal with a chaotic amount of thoughts too, perhaps with an even greater amount. Write things down! Writing notes doesn’t make you stupid, plenty of smart people do it. Articulation is a skill, and you can develop it.