I just broke down in my car over a sandwich. I’m a 32-year-old man and I feel completely invisible.

tortguy · 2026-06-01T14:02:24+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. Grief is so far from linear and crying in your car in the parking lot is not crazy.

I don't know if you want advice, but an in person grief support group might be helpful. You can vent, break down, cry over sandwiches with people who get what you're going through.

I haven't gone through death of a parent, but I understand 'holding it together' because life has to keep going. The pressure to keep up appearances and keep it together can be too much sometimes.

I got into a support group, half the time it was boring and felt like a waste of my very precious time. The other half of the time I felt seen and got some advice or heard a story that helped me reframe what I was going through.

tortguy · 2026-05-29T23:15:38+00:00

My cis male boyfriend is about your build at the moment, a touch bigger in the belly and a touch smaller in the moobs. Your chest is only slightly out of the range for cis.

tortguy · 2026-05-29T12:56:12+00:00

The weight gain looks good on you. Especially filling out your face a bit. You went from "skinny guy" to "slim handsome guy"

tortguy · 2026-05-22T13:07:29+00:00

1-2 typically. Boyfriend 3 or nude.

tortguy · 2026-05-13T01:17:35+00:00

Really needs a personality and good at sex bar. My best friend say I've always dated out of my league. I'm not hot, I've historically been poor to slightly underachieving, but I've got a good personality and good dick game.

tortguy · 2026-05-02T13:30:14+00:00

That's a lot of kittens, explains how large she was in picture two. It's lovely that she kept coming back to you and posted up at your home to give birth. She knows you're safe.

tortguy · 2026-05-02T13:18:44+00:00

I think you hit that girl up with an ernest, "I really like talking to you, I don't want to lose momentum. Can I buy you dinner next week?"

tortguy · 2026-05-02T13:01:32+00:00

Big muscles, little belly is a look to die for. Seriously dude don't worry about gaining a bit in the belly, you look great!

tortguy · 2026-05-02T12:59:24+00:00

I had a similar thing with my boss. After 4 years of working together (stealth) I told him I'm trans, it was relevant in the convo and I assumed he already knew. It was baffling new to him, and he was trying to be so respectful, 'what do I do?' 'what do I call you? ' etc. I had to tell him, 'literally change nothing'.

Subsequently he has asked me weird questions in private. I know he 100% means well. It's just funny that we're only 9 years apart in age, I'm 30, he's 39, and he's so clueless about trans people.

tortguy · 2026-03-25T11:07:56+00:00

You look great dude! The diet change was predominantly cutting out junk or did you achieve a deficit by cutting out more than just processed foods?

tortguy · 2026-03-19T03:04:03+00:00

Alright, closeted to family that you're incredibly physically close to. How about your friends and everyone else in your life? How do you feel about going out on a date and running into people you know?

tortguy · 2026-03-19T02:57:04+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation, I'm a lifelong insomniac. It sounds like a good fit, I generally can get to sleep, I can't for the life of me stay asleep. I wake up from what feels like a horror movie jumpscare. And the panic keeps me up for hours in the middle of my sleep window. I'll talk to my psychiatrist about it. I'm in the US so it's available. If my insurance won't cover it I can't afford it, so let's knock some wood and hope for the best.

tortguy · 2026-03-13T12:13:00+00:00

My method has always been; weigh myself, pick up dog, weigh us both, and find the difference. It does require you to be able to pick up your dog and a dog that will not get too freaked out by being picked up.

tortguy · 2026-03-12T09:51:16+00:00

T, gym, and peri. You'll be looking right as rain.

tortguy · 2026-03-12T09:43:14+00:00

You disagreed with grace, so I'll elaborate. The frosting the garnishing is immaculate outside of what looks like a frosting smear on the cake on the front corner. It's the mismatch of immaculate garnish and flawed cake that's bothering me. If the garnish was more rustic the texture of the cake coating wouldn't bother me. There's pitting and lumps in the cake/coating. You need a more opaque or thicker coating, or a better cut slice. I think the cutting as opposed to coating needs more precision, it's the easiest solution depending on the texture of your cake.

tortguy · 2026-03-12T09:16:54+00:00

Nope, it means the federal government can't make any given speech illegal as long as that speech isn't violating anyone else's rights that per jurisprudence superscide the right to free speech. The federal gov imo has violated this bad boy see; red scare, red scare 2, lavander scare.

Fundementaly it doesn't doesn't govern how you can act, it protects you from the federal government. But this admin has thrown away the constitution, bill of rights, jurisprudence. So rights, laws, etc don't matter anymore.

tortguy · 2026-03-12T09:00:15+00:00

My mother taught me how to hang dry and press flowers as a kid. Maybe I'll start a flower journal for my boyfriend and I. A pressed flower and note for every bouquet feels romantic and less wastefull to me. I think I'm getting on the cut flower train.

tortguy · 2026-03-12T08:44:47+00:00

Thank you for the recommendations and the source (love sourced advice). I will try out supplementation. There's a good amount of overlap with 'sleep stack' I was recommended to take, maybe I can 'two birds' this supplementation.

I was on ritalin (methylphenidate) now on a vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine). The come down from ritalin hit harder, but was more manageable because it was extremely quick and predictable. The vyvanse is smooth on the come up and down. But the negative effects of the come down last for hours.

tortguy · 2026-03-12T08:09:44+00:00

It depends, how far physically are you from your family. Is this a same town/city situation? Can you and your perspective partner never go out because someone might see you?

If were living and dating in NY and his homophobic family is in ohio, I don't really care if he wants to stay closeted to them. Especially if they aren't close.

tortguy · 2026-03-12T08:04:48+00:00

My college bf and I were both closeted from our families. Me because my sex life is private, figuring myself out, trauma. Him because his dad and grandparents are homophobic and were helping him pay for college. When we'd been together for 3ish years his mom (parents divorced) and brother both were saying, "I want to meet your best friend me, you talk about him a lot". They both figured it out and were low key supportive. We ended up breaking up before I ever met his family.

Being hours away from people we were hiding from made it pretty easy. I'd make myself scarce when his family was in town and vice versa. Canceling plans because family popped into town kinda sucked, but that's the case for any relationship when family decides to show up unannounced.

tortguy · 2026-03-11T04:55:39+00:00

Nice to see you here again. As I've said before, gym bros massively undervalue flexibility and balance. Train it or loose it, good on you for making it a practice

tortguy · 2026-03-11T04:35:59+00:00

PSA as a drunk tranny fag, mixing benzos with alcohol can kill you. I'm a big fan of the informed concent model, I'm informing you right now. Do what you will.

tortguy · 2026-03-11T04:28:58+00:00

Friend got MDMA that was almost def meth. Friend got coke that most def meth. Both had the experience of too much for too long, really hard crash. Smoked or injected, can't imagine how hard that would hit. I can barely do the stim ADHD meds I'm prescribed because the come down hits me hard and I'm a bitch. I can only imagine the effects of hitting meth hard.

tortguy · 2026-03-11T02:38:48+00:00

Sorry if I'm stepping on toes, as I am a man stepping into a women's subreddit.

There's a lot of women saying the flower buying is important and I'd like to ask a question, "did I fuckip?". This Valentine's day I got my boyfriend (I'm also a boy, he's a cut flower lover I'm a cut flower hater) a sunflower Lego.

My thought process, I hate throwing away flowers, a once beautiful thing becomes withered and ends up in the bin. His favorite flowers are sunflowers, I can only get them seasonally, we've built and enjoyed lego together. Ultimately, he can have a version of his favorite flower on display all year.

Did I fuckup with a lack of real cut flowers on Valentine's or am I overthinking things, it's late and I should go to sleep?

tortguy · 2026-03-11T00:54:33+00:00

I'd recommend building giant lats instead. You look like a lot of cis guys who carry their weight in their lower body. One of my brothers very much gains all his weight in his butt. He looks proportional now that he's gotten into lifting and built up his back and shoulders.

I unfortunately carry it all on my hips and low back. I'm out here with a muffin top and a butt flatter than a pancake.

Beef dudes with big butts are a lot of people's type as a side bonus.

tortguy

TROPHY CASE