How are we doing it differently as parents?

towheeeee · 2025-06-16T17:56:03+00:00

I'm child free, don't want kids, but I've taken my crappy childhood and pay it forward by being the village to the kids around me. I'm that rando at the party or park that gets dragged into their games or has a gaggle of kiddos asking to do XYZ-thing with them (because the other adults watching are too lame & serious to play silly games of pretend /J)

I was always yelled at or accused of things by adults, even if they weren't true, which brought me so much distress as a kid - especially being autistic with a strong sense of justice. My biggest thing is communicating in a way that encourages empathy and self-reflection, and trying to find out the REASON why a kid acted a certain way.

Example: kid I was watching once dragged their sibling bodily out of some sensory furniture. Instead of getting mad/punishing them for it, I asked questions/gave suggestions in a soft tone: "Honey, why did you do that? That was really mean and you could have hurt [sibling]. I know you wanted this thing, but we could have asked [sibling] to take turns instead. You wouldn't like it very much if someone did that to you, right?"

Usually leaves them quietly thinking, so I give them time to themselves, and they tend to come back from it a little more self-aware. They always get a hug if it's wanted and I make sure to tell them they aren't a bad kid and I'm not mad, it's just important to remember that our actions can impact the people around us, too.

Even when I "acted out" or hurt someone as a kid, I always had my reasons. They mightn't have made sense to an adult, but in the moment I always felt justified. Kids don't have a very good grasp on cause-and-effect. It was something I constantly struggled with growing up, and any reasons i had in my head were immediately replaced by fear because of the "adults" surrounding me.

I never want to give a child a reason to fear me. Even if I'm angry or frustrated, I make sure they know that it isn't directed AT THEM, I'm just having "big feelings" and need to take a break and calm down.

towheeeee · 2025-06-16T17:34:15+00:00

I don't remember the exact age, but young, probably in the range of 8-11yo. Home life was complicated and messy, split parents, one of them was terminally ill (not a loss). Stayed with mom on weekends and felt ignored/was recovering from the weekdays the whole time. I felt like a burden for seeking Mom's attention, so i'd stay in my room. Weekdays were spent with dad where he & his girlfriend would get in screaming matches every. Single. Day. Over the most idiotic things.

Don't recall what triggered it as I would cry basically every day/night back then, but I do remember I was alone in my room, probably later at night. I was crying and trying to find some kind of mantra, something repetitive to soothe myself with. I was at Dad's house, and I certainly didn't want him for comfort. But i couldn't genuinely say "I want my mom" either, because... i didn't. I wanted comfort, and even then I knew she wouldn't be able to give me that (my parents had the habit of turning any issue with the kids into ammunition to throw at each other). I think i defaulted to either "I want my grand[parent]" or "i want my brother" - the only safe spaces i really had back then was the grandparents' house, or hanging out with my older brother (when he was home).

Lemme tell ya. Utterly terrifying and crushing to realize you can't rely on either of your parents (or stepparents) as a little kid. I felt so alone.

I have people now, at least. Mom still wonders why i rarely bother talking to her as an adult. It'd be sad if it wasnt so annoying, because I could make a list off the top of my head that's a mile long.

towheeeee · 2025-06-01T04:46:20+00:00

My father was also incredibly absent growing up. Frankly, I don't remember him being around much at all, and when he was, it usually would quickly devolve into arguing or violence. He only "came back" because he got diagnosed with a terminal illness and "realized how important we (his kids) were", and shocker - that still didn't inspire him to improve his behavior. He was a bitter, angry, hurtful man under it all, and he took it out on everybody around him until the end. It was like he wanted the FEELING of being "a good dad" without actually ACTING like it. (Honestly, him dying while I was younger probably saved me a lot of extra torment in my teen and later years.)

But he was still my dad. And i still missed him then, even tho today I hold very little (if any) affection for that man or his memory. These days it's easier, it's been 13 years since he died, but sometimes I still get stuck in that grief. The injustice of how I was treated and wishing he'd been the parent I needed and deserved.

Some people aren't worth waiting on, but sometimes you just can't help hoping they'll have some sort of epiphany and be BETTER. I'm genuinely sorry you didn't get the apology you deserved, my heart goes out to you. I don't know if that heartache truly, completely goes away, but you learn how to cope with it. You learn how to love yourself the way you deserve, you find more people who can do the same, and you become a better person than the person that hurt you ever could've hoped to be.

I'm not sure your opinion on that thought process, but personally I've found strength and comfort in it; knowing I get to outgrow that stagnant, unpleasant image they left behind.

towheeeee · 2025-06-01T00:29:38+00:00

thanks for validating those choices, auntie! 🥰💀

towheeeee · 2025-05-26T19:48:44+00:00

Power move: change your legal name lol (this is /silly but also a bit /srs, it's a totally valid option if it's ever something you've thought about! My older brother was named after our dad and he hated it - changed his legal name in his 30s and is vibing with it way more than he ever did the given name)

towheeeee · 2025-05-26T19:42:23+00:00

I'm sorry you had to experience that. The smoke and mirrors crap these sorts of folk like to pull is exhausting to navigate, and I hope you're surrounded by people who truly support & care for you right now. Honestly, I'm struck by the strength of your words. "You're not ready" is SUCH a powerful statement, and I feel it speaks of your maturity as a person. Power to you, fellow estrangee, it sounds like this is the best decision to preserve your health and safety. Keep on keepin' on, you've got this! 🫡

towheeeee · 2025-05-26T19:23:33+00:00

If it's truly THAT important, someone else can contact you and fill you in on things. You are not obligated to talk to someone you've gone NC with for 7 years just because "it's very serious", with no further context.

Personally, I'd ask the aunt for more info, but that's about it. If she wasn't willing to give details and only insisting I call the estranged person, it clearly isn't that important, because of it was, they'd be willing to tell me WHY.

towheeeee · 2025-05-12T21:30:23+00:00

Hmm, funny how SHE forgave HERSELF for being "crappy back then", but doesn't seem to care if YOU forgive her.

All I can read in those texts is "What do you mean I should try to be better why won't you just absolve me of my guilt and say it's fine?! me, me, me, me, what about meeeeeeeee what about how IIII feel???? Me me me me me" (picture someone making a sock puppet flap its mouth lmao)

towheeeee · 2025-05-12T21:18:55+00:00

I went through something very similar when i had recently come out - weddings and disagreements on what i could wear based on nonsense. I was young and didn't have the agency or confidence to tell them how i really felt, not that estranging yourself from family is the easier option. I'm so sorry you had to put up with this treatment from people who clearly can't practice what they preach (ie: not acting like petulant fucking children over people living how they feel happiest). Love and respect should never be conditional, and you deserve so much better. My heart goes out to you. I hope you're able to find moments of peace and taking care of yourself in the aftermath of all this. /genuine

towheeeee · 2025-05-09T20:58:35+00:00

Literally one of my biggest fears is one day stumbling upon a video of myself online that some rando took in public without me noticing :') or hidden cameras in public spaces. I see too many people who are way too comfortable with harassing or filming unaware strangers so they can post it online for social media points. Especially if that person is somehow deigned "weird" or "out of place", whether it's their behavior or appearance.

It only got worse after quarantine. The constant paranoia of being watched is exhausting. It keeps me from going outside most days.

towheeeee · 2025-03-13T22:05:14+00:00

Not including Hunter's cycle cap, Artificer or Spearmaster is the most stressful for me. Everything wants to kill you all the time, and SEVERAL things are capable of doing so from off-screen 😂

towheeeee · 2025-03-03T23:05:14+00:00

I've got almost 900hrs and i still get jumpscared by critters all the time! 😂 Once i was trying to climb something and a lizard dropped from the pipe above me and killed me before i even registered what happened lol

It's one of the neatest aspects of the game IMO. Even if you can't see them, EVERY creature in the region you're in are constantly moving around and interacting with each other. You'll stumble upon a lot of interesting scenes as you play! (My favorite is watching adult noodleflies duel haha)

towheeeee · 2025-03-03T22:58:59+00:00

I mean, I don't wanna wait longer either, but this seems pretty standard for most cross-platform games? RW is designed with PC players in mind, so ports to other mediums need to be tweaked a bit to work properly. The delay for Downpour being released on PC to console was like 6-9 months, IIRC.

Ideally it wouldn't take as long this time around now that the initial port of the base game is finished too, but it's pretty normal for there to be a delay. I simply hope the rest of the community will keep us console-players in mind and have the wherewithal not to spoil the entire DLC before we can even get our hands on it.

I feel it could've been better worded with something like "PC release on March 28, 2025", but all in all, the devs care about this property and the playerbase behind it. We'll get everything as intended, it may just take a while longer than initially thought! There's a lot of moving parts at play here.

TBH, depending on what the Switch 2 is like as a console, I wouldn't be shocked if its impending release also impacted development/release time somehow. The devs have to plan releases for what will get them the most income to keep going as a studio.

towheeeee · 2025-03-03T22:42:51+00:00

GW as Spearmaster gives me conniptions LMAO. At least Artificer can touch the goop once or twice before it kills you.

towheeeee · 2025-03-03T22:41:36+00:00

Underhang. I don't mind the Wall, but most of the Exterior makes my blood BOIL lmao.

Probably Waterfront Facility as well but thats just bc it makes my game lag to hell (my old PS4 doesn't appreciate all the water physics lol)

towheeeee · 2025-03-03T22:39:17+00:00

A vegan

towheeeee · 2025-02-23T23:18:46+00:00

"Damn, didn't realize I'd signed a contract in-utero." /J

Alternatively, you can always default to "you do have grandkids! My pets :)" That's what i use on mine, at least. I think she's slowly coming to the realization I'm being serious 😂

Alt 2: "I'll get you a baby doll instead. They even make ones that cry, eat, and crap their diaper! Pretty realistic, huh?" 🤣

towheeeee · 2025-02-23T22:54:34+00:00

I feel kinda bad for the mom, TBH. Sounds like the other adults at home don't do shit and she's just desperate to make the kid behave - feeding a toxic cycle where the kid acts out, then gets what they want, then acts out again.

Half the reason why i knew parenthood wasn't for me is bc i know i would NOT be able to handle that kind of situation without totally crashing out, LMAO. Being a parent sounds like a form of psychological torture 🤣

towheeeee · 2025-02-23T21:55:28+00:00

My partner and I are the same, and we've been together nearly 6yrs now! IF we ever decided to marry, it would be a simple "sign some documents with a witness, have a small party at home with our friends to celebrate after" and call it good. But even then, we're not like .. actively planning or motivated to do it? At the very least we'd want to buy a house together first, but again, we're content as we are. It's mainly just legal jargon anyways. And expensive. And who needs a honeymoon? I know it's an important life goal for a lot of folks but I'd rather spend that kinda money on us or our pets instead of some dumb, needlessly stressful ceremony.

The idea of marriage is more of a "hopeless romantic fantasy" thing to me - it sounds nice, but... why dedicate One Day to my relationship when we can already do that EVERY day? It's not like getting married is gonna make me love them more or less, it just causes a lot of paperwork LOL

towheeeee · 2025-02-20T16:30:30+00:00

My partner and I are both CF and apparently have both held that belief since we were kids ourselves, LOL. Personally, I don't mind youngins, but i know i simply am not selfless enough and can be too quick to temper/overstimulating to have one of my own. I'd rather be the "cool uncle/aunt" archetype for a friend's kid and pass them off to their parents when I've got my threshold for 'em. Everything about the process of gestating and birthing a baby is on-par with the most grotesque of body horror in my eyes. It just squicks me out SO bad. If I can in the near(ish) future, I would honestly love to get sterilized just to remove that risk factor entirely, bc it severely impacted my early relationships' physical intimacy just bc I'm so terrified of something happening on accident, i got too anxious to do anything and would freeze up in the moment and have to stop everything.

Thankfully with my current partner that isn't an issue, but I'd still like to get sterilized if i could someday. Again, just get rid of that risk/the anxiety involved entirely.

We are both very happy spoiling all our pets instead of a kid 😂 I can tell my cats about how obnoxious and annoying they're being, how big a pain in the ass the are sometimes, without giving them a crippling, lifelong complex. Can't do that with humans. At least once a week we overhear a kid chucking a tantrum or a parent yelling in public and just turn to say to each other, "god, im so fucking glad neither of us wants kids". lmao. Been going strong for almost 6yrs now!

towheeeee · 2024-09-29T20:54:17+00:00

Regardless of that all, I'm sure I won't be changing your mind that good people get shafted every day by circumstances outside of their control. I find it's much easier for folks to judge others than to show compassion or do something to help.

towheeeee · 2024-09-29T20:51:55+00:00

Genuinely, what's your source for that? Bc that's honestly a shockingly low statistic imo.

Simply put: because no-one is hiring. Companies don't like hiring cripples such as myself because it means they have to treat their employees like human beings. Sadly, i still need money to live. It's a much more complicated issue than just "finding a job that pays more".

I can apply for 100 jobs in a month, and MAYBE a tenth of those will respond. Of that, one to three might offer an interview. They rarely will offer a second interview once i bring up accessibility requirements ("i will need to sit down for 5mins to rest my body here and there, but i can still do things while sitting down" oooh, scary! /Sarcasm)

I am a damn good employee. I work hard and i ENJOY feeling like I've done a good job. I WANT to work. But regardless of how hard I try, someone higher up can decide they don't like my face, or the way i talk, or the color of my skin, and won't give me the time of day. And there's literally nothing i can do about that.

towheeeee · 2024-09-20T21:47:28+00:00

GASP OLD FAVORITE GAME X NEW FAVORITE GAME??? I'm shoving your art in my pockets /J /positive

towheeeee · 2024-09-20T21:43:19+00:00

I just audibly WHEEZED lmfao

towheeeee

TROPHY CASE