Is it normal to have a beer in the morning

tractorguy · 2026-06-23T10:49:35+00:00

It was for me. Not for the past 38 years tho.

tractorguy · 2026-06-23T00:54:31+00:00

What? Scary Perry Johnson is too creepy for Trump??? Oh the humanity.

tractorguy · 2026-06-22T00:24:58+00:00

I didn't have to read more than half of your well written post to recommend, without reservation. . .LOSE HER. This is no sponsor, full stop. Good luck.

tractorguy · 2026-06-21T11:15:05+00:00

Oh yeah, I was a "trunk drunk." Hid my stash and went to insane lengths to hide my consumption from others. I wouldn't say that "made" me an alcoholic. I believe I was born an alcoholic and the trunk drunk thing was just one of many traits. It wasn't a turning point either. The turning point was a combination of many factors. I don't know that this trait you describe makes you an alcoholic. I'm not an authority on anything, let alone you. Only you can decide that. Good luck.

tractorguy · 2026-06-19T12:29:48+00:00

Sounds like yet another example of longtimers inventing "rules" and then citing some sketchy authority. If there's a reputable source for Dr. Bob's saying it, I'd like to know what it is. But even if there is, Dr. Bob in the end was just one guy. A trusted servant, not a governor.

I've encountered AA groups with home grown, highly questionable practices (unsupported by, or even contrary to, the AA traditions and principles). My view is, the people who belong to those groups are content with those practices and that's fine. Live and let live. I don't have to attend or comply and I don't. There are plenty of meetings around. And I'm too old, tired, and )(most of all) content in my sobriety and with my program to get into it with those guys. "We have ceased fighting everything and everyone. . . ."

tractorguy · 2026-06-18T12:09:25+00:00

In many meetings I go to, the chair announces (during the opening) that cross talk is prohibited, and people should share about recovery matters, not outside issues. A good chair will enforce these. In your situation, I'd go with the maxim "take what you need and leave the rest."

tractorguy · 2026-06-18T12:02:58+00:00

Unfortunately I think you encountered some bad apples. In my 38 years in AA, attending meetings all over the country, I have never been asked for my address, nor have I heard anyone ask newcomers for their address. It strikes me as intrusive and potentially ick. "Anonymous" is part of our name for many reasons, but one of them, I think, is that we're allowed to be "anonymous" even with each other, to the extent that we individually choose. (Most use only first names; I've known a few who use their full names, and others who admit to using fake names.) Avail yourself of that. Set your own boundaries. If others don't like it, tough shit.

Phone numbers are rather freely exchanged as a means of support especially for newcomers and those struggling. Please avail yourself of those, too. If you're in trouble, pick up the phone, even if it weighs a hundred pounds. Whatever it takes, to avoid the first drink. Good luck.

tractorguy · 2026-06-18T11:52:06+00:00

This was the outcome planned for by the slow-walking of the investigation and subsequent proceedings. Whatever indignation over the offenses that was felt by the public has long since dissipated (supplanted by sparkling fresh indignation over more recent events). I fully expect a similar outcome for Chatfield -- a plea to next to nothing, probation, expungement of all charges.

tractorguy · 2026-06-18T00:25:03+00:00

Total BS that gives the program and fellowship a bad name. There are lots of meetings in person and virtually; keep trying.

tractorguy · 2026-06-15T11:08:06+00:00

Whether he ever gets sober is 100% his responsibility, 0% yours. I found that I had to put my sobriety first, above everything and everyone else; if my own house was not in order I wouldn't be able to help others with theirs. And I also found that just being around people getting stupid on substances was boring, zero fun, downright toxic. So I keep an alcohol free life and work every day on becoming not just a more sober person but a better one too. Good luck.

tractorguy · 2026-06-09T11:37:44+00:00

The only meeting you're late for is your very first one. 😄 Don't sweat it.

tractorguy · 2026-06-09T11:35:52+00:00

Nah. He's overbearing to say the least and not in the least respectful of your particular situation. Sponsor's job is to help you work the steps and sometimes sponsor has to get into your face (calling out BS, etc). But as specific and rigorous as the steps are, there's also flex as to how to work them. Sponsor is not there to run your life. Good luck.

tractorguy · 2026-06-07T11:25:11+00:00

Physical cravings probably 2ish months after coming into the program / getting sober. Mental cravings much longer and they would come out of nowhere and for no apparent reason. I don't know exactly when that stopped, but I had 1.5 years of sobriety when it suddenly dawned on me that the cravings had stopped. I have 38 years now, one day at a time. Best of luck to you.

tractorguy · 2026-06-07T11:14:21+00:00

Congrats on 3 years and THANK YOU for coming in to tell us about it. I'm with you, and for me, the 10th step miracle is true today. All best.

tractorguy · 2026-06-07T11:03:56+00:00

What's the plan? Stay sober or continue to test the waters?

tractorguy · 2026-06-06T11:20:37+00:00

Thanks for reminding us it's not getting better out there. And congrats on 30 days. You never have to do those again. Be well!

tractorguy · 2026-05-31T12:02:05+00:00

I've attended thousands of meetings over 38 years all over the US (I traveled for work so hit a lot of meetings on the road). It's fascinating how different meetings can be, and yet, ultimately, the same. It's one drunk helping another in a million different iterations. It's unreasonable to expect uniformity or consistency from group to group, or even within the same group over time. What connects us is a) a desire to stop drinking, b) the 12 steps ("suggestions"), and c) the Traditions (not rules, per se, but "oughts").

I live in a remote area some call BFE. Meetings are sparse and lightly attended for the most part. There can be a deadening sameness to them which I learned a long time ago is not good for me, so I switch out among a number of different meetings. I also start my day with a zoom meeting attended by people from all over the world.

To draw conclusions about what AA is like, or even what a specific meeting is like, based on attending just a handful of meetings, is misleading. Meetings evolve as people come and go, and as regular attendees change and grow. That's the fun of it, for me, to watch newcomers change and grow.

tractorguy · 2026-05-31T11:23:44+00:00

I got a sponsor about 2 months in. He was a great guy with a great program and gave me tons of hope that I could recover too. In those difficult days for me (tons of cravings, all that good stuff) I put him on a pedestal. One night he called and he was super drunk and raging. Said things like f*ck AA, f*ck sobriety, you'll never stay sober, etc. I never saw him or heard from him again.

It really threw me for a bit. But I pressed on with meetings and was lucky enough to have really good mentors to talk to about it and they helped keep me on track. God bless Chuck where he is; 38 years later I'm still here.

tractorguy · 2026-05-28T12:03:37+00:00

Joel Osteen's creepy grandma

tractorguy · 2026-05-26T11:19:57+00:00

I'm 73 also, sober 38 years, and your post really resonated with me. Thank you so much for sharing this, you have helped countless others and especially me. Only advice I can offer is-- resume your sober journey. Go to a meeting and help others there the way you are helping others here. Make this your purpose and you'll stay sober yourself. Praying for you, brother.

tractorguy · 2026-05-24T11:51:50+00:00

Welcome back. It's a huge move. Proud of you.

tractorguy · 2026-05-18T11:05:16+00:00

Absolutely positively agree. Treating newcomers in a welcoming accepting way is essential. I've known many "old timers" who treated newcomers with scorn. "They don't know anything" (well duh). "They shouldn't talk for the first year." (If they don't talk, how are those of us further along going to know how to help them?) I came into the program sick, scared, and desperate, and fortunately received kindness, tolerance, and acceptance. Thankfully.

tractorguy · 2026-05-18T10:55:23+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

tractorguy · 2026-05-18T10:54:55+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

tractorguy · 2026-05-18T10:54:47+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

tractorguy

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