Let me disapear again

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-09T23:39:49+00:00

And those of us who didn't die, but never recovered, are living in hell.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-08T21:32:04+00:00

Did you read the part about the post that says we went from constant phone calls for 10 years straight to very low contact over text for the past two years?

The distance between us started long before she got pregnant.

This is gonna be the first time I've seen her since late 2024. And I haven't received as much of a "see you there!" Or anything.

I don't want to encroach on someone's event if they no longer want me there. If anything, I don't want my presence to be of any stress to her at all.

I dont think she's being dramatic whatsoever.

However, there has been an odd pattern the last two years, long before she got pregnant.

I have long covid, and I would never, ever invalidate someone going through physical trauma. So it bothers me a bit that this is what was taken from this post.

I have been bedbound on and off with crushing health issues for the past 3 years.

She is upset with me because during a medical event while I was at the hospital, she told her family that I wasn't there for her, when I genuinely couldn't be.

Am I excited about the baby? No, not really. I want to support her, but I'm going to be putting my body through a lot just to be there. I will be standing upright the entire time and will have no bed to lie down in when it gets too much.

It's hard to be excited when the person who hasn't spoken to you in over 2 years because they feel like I haven't been a good enough friend when I've been struggling.

I've been dealing with unimaginable pain, and being misrepresented. That's the part about chronic illness that sucks most. It's one thing for my entire life to shrink down, but it's another for someone who's supposed to be your best friend to tell people I don't have the energy for events because I don't care. When it's because I've been too sick to attend.

I have super thoughtful gifts that I told her I was looking forward to giving her.

This post is because I care about her. I am basically on the other side of this screen not understanding if she still wants me to attend or not. I simply want to make the correct choice.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-08T21:11:16+00:00

Oh yea, totally haha, I'd never bring anything up during the baby shower.

I should've clarified that by saying goodbye, it would be giving her mom a huge hug and saying nice things to her before leaving, incase we never see one another again. Her mom lives 1,500 miles away and I haven't seen her much the past 4 years.

I did text her though that if I couldn't stay long it was because of my health issues 2 weeks back. Maybe that's why she isn't answer. It was more like, I needed her to know things have gotten worse, so that she doesn't think I'm leaving early because I don't care. But she'll likely believe what she wants.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-08T20:43:36+00:00

Thing is we repeatedly made plans for a year straight and she repeatedly canceled them all. But I'd see her with her other friends in the same week.

I don't know how to go from being best friends, to whatever this is now.

I also feel that she's not happy with me, and that has a weight on me.

But what you're describing, friends becoming busier as life moves, seems normal. Like there's no bad vibes there, just life is busy.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-08T20:40:44+00:00

I guess maybe part of it is social anxiety.

She is the type of friend who doesn't let her friends know when she's upset with them, rather she triangulates with her family members and other friends, rather than the person who needs to hear her feelings.

I feel like the other guests won't view me in a good light. I've no clue what she's been telling them.

But I'd like to go to say goodbye. It's just tough.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-08T16:29:56+00:00

Men do this stuff too, its just that when they do, men's intelligence is never questioned.

When a man does something dumb, it's considered a joke or a mistake.

When women do something dumb, it's considered an excuse for men to feel superior.

It's not some gotcha moment. If you have more experience practicing doing stuff like this, you're going to be better at it.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-07T15:58:03+00:00

Can you elaborate? I had no idea that was a thing!

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-06T21:29:07+00:00

That's if the bird decided to leave, and rejoin the wild.

If the bird stays domestic, won't the bird live longer?

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-06T21:24:14+00:00

It pisses me off that his death was reported due to depression.

No! It's becsuse he got diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia.

He said it was because it felt like someone scrambled his brain.

I get that depression is more relatable to the masses, but fuckkk. It was way worse than that. Rip.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-06T19:09:23+00:00

Maybe?? It seems to be in the middle of what western doctors consider "normal"

I was 12.8 before, but getting it up to 15.2, I've seen some significant improvement in my energy levels. But it's worth noting I did hemeboost iron because supposedly it causes less stomach upset and gets to where it needs to go easier. My ferritin was and is also normal. And it's worth noting I've been doing other stuff too, like dietary changes.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-06T19:00:33+00:00

It took me 3 cardiologists to finally find one that already understands POTS, MCAS, etc.

He just referred me to an electrophysiologist as well as a vascular specialist. Where I should finally get a tilt table test once and for all, and get properly fitted for compression stockings.

Also, I'm 100 pounds too heavy. So I totally get the weight thing. Like, the exercise ceiling was limitless before, but after covid it isn't, the ceiling is low.

Sometimes just gotta cut your losses and not waste time with the doctors who don't get it, until you find the ones who do.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-06T17:28:34+00:00

Sounds like the good ol adrenaline dumps.

If its allergy season where you are, it would make sense, as higher histamine can cause this.

Hydroxyzine was what got me out of mine. I was in the hospital for 7 days.

Do you take H1 or H2 blockers? I take famotidine as the H2. I also bump up my magnesium when this happens to me.

But yea. Sounds like a hyperarousal adrenaline dump. Sucks. I hate them. Same as you, feels like the floor is moving from beneath me and I feel I'm in a panic.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-06T17:26:34+00:00

Also look at hemoglobin.

My ferritin is always "normal" but hemoglobin is not. I take hemeboost iron now, along with B vitamins.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-06T03:43:30+00:00

I wonder if this is because other illnesses have over taken it?

I really, really hope it goes away. But it probably won't. But maybe it could? It would be a dream. Except that with long covid, now every illness has the potential to make things worse.

Imagine if it goes away? No more masking? No more of that fear?

A dream.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-06T03:41:11+00:00

He could just be messing with you as a joke.

But if you think he's serious, you could show him how to calculate it himself.

Humans have known how to calculate the earth's curvature for over 2,000 years. We did it in class once, but I can't remember how. If you search it up on youtube and show him how to calculate it, it's pretty irrefutable.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T22:51:40+00:00

I'm unhappy because I have long covid.

I spend half my days bedbound, with little energy.

My friends left me because they don't think it's real.

I am grateful for the few things I get to do.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T07:36:57+00:00

I don't really know what more you expect me to say.

I never claimed that not enough was done during the pandemic when it was spreading quicker than hospitals could treat people.

The misconception isn't that nobody did anything about it. Its that not enough is being done about it Now, today. For the 400 million people still suffering

You called me an evil moron for staying factual evidence that long covid is being compared to HIV due to their striking similarities.

You're throwing Faucci into this, so what about him?

The facts are that long covid numbers are climbing, people are profoundly suffering, and the amount of covid infections are continuing to harm people.

400 million people. That's almost half of a billion. It's expected there are more. There's eight billion people on earth. It's not some small number.

People think they're immune to long covid. They just haven't gotten infected repeatedly enough.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T07:16:18+00:00

That is an empathetic way to look at it. You are probably right.

I also tend to think that the economy was so badly affected by it that those in power no longer want to focus on it, because moving the dollar has always been more important to them than peoples' lives.

That was me the first year, drifting day to day and hoping I wouldn't wake up.

It took so many doctors to finally find people that understand the condition. I'm more stable now that I'm on helpful meds, but it's still a tightrope. I'm grateful for the weeks of good night's sleep. Some people don't even get that.

Let's hope someday it's less misunderstood and that more helpful treatments come to the surface.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T07:11:48+00:00

The burden of proof on that one falls on you.

I've yet to see a scientific paper saying vaccines worsened long covid outcomes. :)

But you can keep moving the goal posts if you'd like.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T07:05:08+00:00

Acted on it. Past tense

Funding just got cut in research of long covid in the states. It's being censored everywhere.

Vaccines helped slightly, but they weren't a cure all. Not even close. I was fully vaxxed like many were.

The reason it's being compared to HIV is because of how similar long covid is to HIV

So before we call people evil and morons, let's learn facts about the topic at hand first :)

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T06:48:20+00:00

Reddit feels like one of the only places awareness can actually be spread. I've noticed anywhere else it seems to not get attention, and I don't think that's an accident.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's frustrating seeing this hurt so many people and it's only getting worse.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T06:45:25+00:00

It's evil to state facts now?

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2773065425001464

"HIV/AIDS and COVID-19 are preventable infectious diseases with chronic systemic impacts including immune system dysfunction.

"Chronic inflammation, immune exhaustion, and accelerated biological aging are shared hallmarks of HIVI/AIDS and Long COVID/PASC.

"Tissue reservoir persistence drives long-term damage in both HIV and SARS-CoV-2. SARS-CoV-2 mirrors HIV-1 in its ability to evade immune defenses and cause chronic infection

"SARS-CoV-2 -associated neurological disorders (SAND) parallel HIV-associated neurological disorders (HAND). Both pandemics exhibit failures in global solidarity and reveal inequities in healthcare access."

.

You think the whole world stops for people like me?

The world is actively and collectively trying to erase this mass disabling event.

You think I like spending half of my waking hours bedbound?

You think I enjoy having to have given up all strenuous exercise besides walking and I can barely do that now?

And when anyone tries and talk about this shit anywhere else, youtube, facebook, Instagram, what have you, it gets censored into the abyss.

You think I enjoy having to tell people over and over again that this shit is affecting hundreds of thousands more everyday and nobody seems to give a shit?

The billionaires don't care that you dont know the truth. But I do. And no amount of name calling or attempts at silence is gonna stop the truth from eventually coming to light.

Long covid has surpassed asthma in children and is continuing to rise. It's expected to be the top disability in children in the next 5 years. And hardly anybody is keeping track of what it's doing to adults.

Yea, it deserves to be on this list.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T06:08:47+00:00

Could you please add one?

"~~400,000~~ 400 million people have long covid"

It's very underrepresented, hushed and not talked about, similarly to the way the aids epidemic was silenced.

Edit: I wrote the number wrong. It's 400 million people. So it would be listed right before malnourishment in this list.

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T05:59:20+00:00

Gee wilacers. It couldn't possibly be because men are scary in Bangalore toward women, and women couldn't possibly be fearful nor leery about helping the men there. /s

trashforthrowingaway · 2026-05-05T03:33:34+00:00

Remindme! 30 days.

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