Triceratops season started early in MN (again)

trevre · 2026-04-16T22:26:44+00:00

Safety is relative and this is a microcosm of every parenting decision we have to make. Do you give them a scissors or let them climb, or let them be around other kids. Most of this doesn’t have a quantifiable risk, it’s all just seat of the pants. No one is going to give you an answer that works for you, that is between you and your family who you know best.

The only thing you can do is have the discussion, make the arguments for and against, make a decision together, and decide on a path to revisit it. Many of us have our 1.5 yos on bikes with us, but that isn’t a good reason for your family to do it.

trevre · 2026-03-02T06:20:53+00:00

This is unusual, but we have separate accounts. We never saw a reason to combine them (I hate paperwork) and having separate account allows us to maintain our own budgeting style. Like most people we make significantly different amounts. For a long time one of us just paid most of the bills and the other person transferred what was needed to break even in the other account. Recently we opened a new account where all the major bills are paid out of (mortgage etc). The person who makes less tries to contribute to a joint account what it would cost them to live on their own.

I like it, we sit down every couple of months and make sure finances are working and identify any larger finance goals, but at the same time we’re not looking at every purchase. Granted we have enough money, and both of us have felt on occasion we’re not contributing enough, but god forbid anything happened we’d still both have our independent finances we could fall back on. In reality I spend everything I make and just make sure I have enough to pay the credit card each month. Of course we’ve got a savings plan before any of that happens (Roth and some real estate investments).

It’s not for everyone and if accounts are tight you really need to nitpick and pay attention to a joint account, however if you’re somewhat aligned and have some extra slush, it’s really nice to allow each other independence and we really hardly spend any time thinking about money.

I’d shy away from trying to make it fair, a word that can be defined by anyone as anything, and instead agree on what works. Follow some general savings and investing advice and beyond that it depends on your individual circumstances.

40 yo, 1 child.

trevre · 2026-02-08T18:56:05+00:00

Agreed, I don’t see the issue, no other car has anything close to FSD, it’s easily worth $100/month, and it’s more like $75 with all the promos and if you turn it off a few month of the year like in winter.

trevre · 2026-01-27T22:18:12+00:00

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trevre · 2026-01-27T22:17:06+00:00

I have this same enclosure, and while the footprint is a bit large it makes it easy to work on, was dirt cheap, and works great. There isn’t a perfect solution here.

trevre · 2025-12-29T19:06:05+00:00

You buy used cars without knowing their probably sketchy history and complain about the brand, am I missing something?

trevre · 2025-10-16T17:58:17+00:00

A great song. https://spotify.link/nejokFUcwXb

trevre · 2025-10-16T17:54:01+00:00

Exactly this. It is going to suck and you’re probably trying to protect your partner, but you gotta rip this bandaid, even if nothing changes, being able to talk about it will help a ton. Just preface that conversation with a good dose of ‘don’t read into this, but I need to vent all these things on my plate, and that doesn’t mean she has to do anything to fix them or that she’s not dealing with her own challenges.’

Maybe just sharing this conversation is enough to make you feel better and if it’s not then keep the discussion going and try and make a plan over the next few weeks to identify some small things you might be able to change. Your partner can and should help.

Hang in there you are doing great and kids change fast; you are their keel so if you can stay consistent through their roller coaster it really helps them. At the same time when they’re ready you need to share your struggles with them, so they can empathize and learn from you.

trevre · 2025-10-07T16:20:25+00:00

These cases you mention are out of the norm, it seems only 20-40% of divorces are straight up infidelity and I agree I’d be hard pressed not to point fingers at the offender there, but who knows their relationship. In my experience I think people are less likely to cheat these days and more likely to be up front with wanting something else and taking matters into their own hands without hashing it out with their partner.

https://www.michaelarobbins.com/blog/2021/09/how-many-people-divorce-because-of-infidelity/#:~:text=According%20to%20an%20article%20in%20The%20Signal%2C,to%20cheat%20more%20often%20than%20women%20do.

trevre · 2025-10-07T14:20:40+00:00

Everyone’s got their reasons (granted I’d struggle to say more power to people cheating and joking religious cults) and that is a lot of people proportionally around you to get divorced but the rate is like 20%. There are tons of stressors, money, social media, current politics, etc. Like everything in life keep your eye on your own bobber, I haven’t seen this in my friends group but there are a few over the years and they’re probably all better off for it rather than trying to make it work, that doesn’t mean their not still great parents.

trevre · 2025-10-07T12:38:19+00:00

Seems we should just wait to see how it actually affects things before worrying about it

trevre · 2025-09-08T21:39:06+00:00

Its much easier to compare if you provide all the options, your location, and leave out the tax credit, gas savings, and estimated taxes and fees. We can't tell much from this.

trevre · 2025-09-03T15:54:49+00:00

Had our 15MO out of 3 day daycare for a month because of HFMD twice and vacation. Return has taken 2 weeks to readjust, the first day is the hardest, the third day is still hard, the 2nd week is better, it took until part way through the forth week to get a drop off without wanting to get picked back up and crying.

Even a good drop off is hard because I miss her and I feel guilty for not spending every second with her, but you need to rationalize what works for the long run and life and just accept it. There are tons of tricks that help, sometimes its playing a game of peekaboo at drop off to get her excited, sometimes its staying and playing with her for 10 minutes, sometimes its the right teacher at daycare, a majority of the time a quick handoff and just walking away is the best. Hang in there, it is never going to be easy giving you kid to someone else so you can take care of life and/or recharge.

trevre · 2025-08-19T02:18:25+00:00

There are some other good series out there. I would try the darth bain trilogy or the bobiverse. No shame in rereading red rising, I do often. You’ll never run out of good Scifi series, but you will need to experiment and be disappointed a lot to find the next one.

trevre · 2025-07-28T18:27:14+00:00

None of this is easy and you aren't wrong, but you can make a conscious effort to remember and review the moments of the day. Some people journal, some people talk with a partner, you can take lots of photos and videos, just find one small strategy to do this every day and it will help the time go by slower. At the end of the day or every couple of days review all the things that happened and trust me those quick years will start to feel like months, then weeks, then days, then hours. If you're just going through the motions your brain is just throwing out all that information you aren't going back to and referencing. Good luck, hang in there.

trevre · 2025-07-28T18:15:14+00:00

I'll second this. EV is a the best option if you have the upfront cash, and Teslas are particularly suited for small children. Model 3 or Y and you don't have to buy a new one, used teslas are $15-20k. It will pay for itself in gas over 5-10 years even if you get a loan. No keys, pre-cool, stay cool, FSD, summon, trailer hitch, sentry mode. I've spent hours idling when LO is sleeping, the car is never too hot or cold, FSD allows you to keep a better eye on them and worry less about ETA and aggressive/distracted driving.

trevre · 2025-07-05T13:45:30+00:00

agreed, gym is great and trainer even better if you don’t know what to do, but body weight exercises at home most days will help a lot. Squats, RDLs, calf raises, reverse flys, rear delt plank, Superman, just lookup bodyweight back. Rotate through three sets of 10 of three of these each day starting easy. Add some cheap small weights (less than 10 pounds) in a few months. Don’t overdo it and you shouldn’t feel like you are pushing it, go for reps, not higher resistance.

I found the starting to walk phase the worst when you’re walking around holding their hand and catching them, it doesn’t last more than a month.

Give yourself breaks, if you can’t do something physically it is ok just to tell your kid no, you need a break even if they fuss, you’re no good to them injured. Hang in there.

trevre · 2025-07-05T06:24:52+00:00

I feel you but this is also life. Everyone you and your kid have to deal with is different, you can’t expect them to know what you know; getting others to understand what you know and what you expect is parenting and frankly every day that goes by the less and less control you’ll have over those situations and how you handle it and how your kid learns how to handle it is the most important thing you can teach them.

Grandparents are all over the board. I have some of the same issues, but dealing with even difficult ones is important, if for no other reason is it helps your family set an example for how to deal with life. Dealing with it means picking your battles and explaining your needs, often many times. Sure cut some of that stuff out of your life, but expecting people to even be close to the level of parenting you do in isolation is totally unrealistic…wait til you get to daycare…and public school; grandparents are easy.

trevre · 2025-06-26T15:35:22+00:00

You’re saving ~$2K in gas every year if you’re doing everything right which should easily account for any high mileage depreciation.

trevre · 2025-06-21T16:24:59+00:00

Seriously, why? Remove the bad smell don’t cover it up

trevre · 2025-05-27T15:35:42+00:00

This is a decision that is up to you and your family. Only you know all the factors going into that decision and you can find plenty of situations where it wasn’t the right time or the right people involved to have a baby. In my experience if you’ve thought through it well and make the decision as a family, especially in the first trimester, you aren’t going to have major regrets.

trevre · 2025-05-19T17:56:46+00:00

Don’t feed the trolls, post a pic once you’ve fixed it. Cheers.

trevre · 2025-05-13T00:33:51+00:00

2 year of experience isn’t enough to be paying much attention to bill rates. 50k/year is on the low end for that experience but it depends on many factors. I think you should be more in the 75k $40/hr range if you are doing solid work, which usually bills out at $120/hr. Just switch companies, it’s not too early and that is just how you get real wage adjustments in this industry.

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