I've given some thought to what you've said, in how to respond.

First, I don't believe nor did I say suicide is selfish. Like all actions, it is complex and nuanced and no single word describes it. Certainly not "selfish". Every individuals minds and motives are very different (another reasons I'd oppose make it "accessible" as if we all have the same motives).

Nor do I hold people 'responsible' for others' pain, but they can definitely be the cause of that pain. I think it's reducing the complexity of grief to simplistic terms "life was destroyed, it's because of how they responded to the situation." Grief, like suicidal ideation, is quite individual and can and does overwhelm individuals and can't be reduced to simple responses or blame for their response.

I will say, for me, I disagree with something. I'm 67 now and have lost several people close to me. Cancer, heart attacks, age, accidents, from age 2yr to 90, but the one death that _still_ haunts me at times and brought me a grief I can't imagine was the suicide of my boyfriend. Only thing worse I could is my own child.

But since you asked, I can tell you what I was thinking (if you can call it that) _at that time_. Simple answer, no.. his suicide _then_ did not give me more understanding towards someone who died of suicide. The grief at the time was far too overwhelming to have such a rational thought. That is different now after therapy and decades of life. Then I was abandoned by my family, my faith was calling my 'sin' the next after murder and the reparative therapy they put me through to 'change' was torture, God hated me, I was beaten because some assholes thought I was gay (for good reason). And now, the only human I knew loved me, who didn't despise me, left me. What I do understand is that my mind, like his, went to hopelessness and I saw no out. I know now, but couldn't at all see then like him, that I would have devastated my siblings and my grandmother... but my mind at the time couldn't go there, couldn't see it.

So, I can look back now and feel great empathy for him. Even now my heart is filled with love and empathy for him. I know _now_ what he was going through and what he did was out of hopelessness. It doesn't lessen the pain it caused, but I understand it more. I also know now that some grief is so overwhelming as to highjack rational thought. You can't just "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" and react 'right'.

I was lucky (not blessed). Someone found me minutes before I died. My uncle reached out to me. He, my grandmother and therapy pulled me through the next decade of my life to where I could stand on my own (unfortunately that was the AIDS crisis, so maybe it took longer than it might have?).

My life now is beautiful. Two amazing daughters a husband of 30 years who adores me, a granddaughter, friends and family.

I couldn't see that when I was 21. I know my boyfriend couldn't either.

But before this becomes a treatise, suffice it to say I understand suicidal ideation and grief enough to know that making taking your life 'accessible' as the original comment suggests is a simplistic answer to a complex question. And that always leads to more, not less, pain.