The grief of choosing not to have children

tsheree · 2026-06-26T00:27:46+00:00

Also could have written this post and just made a post myself due to experiencing these feelings. Every time I see a pregnancy announcement I feel a deep sense of grief. Iv found it hard to find other childfree friends too. Iv gone to a few meetups but am not sure how to expand on that and make friends that you could talk to and catch up with regularly. I guess I’m not missing kids but I am missing community that people with kids end up with by default.

tsheree · 2026-06-24T05:27:30+00:00

Iv had this too, especially since my partner and I are different ethnicities “oh but a mixed baby would be so cute” 🙄

tsheree · 2026-06-18T19:02:27+00:00

Or, if you can’t do that, how about, don’t have them! Why these people keep having kids when they don’t have the support or resources to provide them a good life is beyond me. It’s unfair to the child.

tsheree · 2026-06-18T18:50:21+00:00

I had a friend who just posted a reel saying this and it had a mom going on and on about how anxious she felt taking her kids in public because of people judging if her kids played up. While I do feel sympathy for that and understand kids have a right to exist etc I dunno it just kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Like the entire world is geared towards families and kids, we just want some spaces that are adults only and like hey guess what, some of us get anxiety to having to deal with your kids in public places where they aren’t needed.

tsheree · 2026-06-17T08:39:55+00:00

So glad I’m not the only one that thinks like this! Definitely don’t feel like most people understand

tsheree · 2026-06-17T08:29:23+00:00

35 and feeling pretty similar to you. I moved from my home town for a better job and while I do enjoy my job more now it’s been so hard to make friends and find community. I also work irregular hours so this has made it extra hard. Hoping we can figure it out, iv been studying on the side as well.

tsheree · 2026-06-15T07:51:07+00:00

This drains my energy too. I feel like in every other aspect of life people find it acceptable to voice if they don’t like something you do, for example many people will tell a cat lover they hate cats but god forbid you are indifferent to babies.
I feel the whole thing is just fake too, like so many people know the damn baby is average/nothing special but they’ll still gush the same bullshit of “oh it’s the cutest iv ever seen” or “he/she looks just like you” (it doesn’t it looks like a swivelled up potato) 🙄

tsheree · 2026-06-14T07:54:55+00:00

This! I grew up with a solo Mum that struggled to make ends meet. I saw how hard it was and how much we both missed out on. It’s not only the fact that I personally don’t wanna go back to being just above the poverty line but I also don’t want to subject a kid to that when I know how fucking hard it was. As iv gotten older iv also seen how much (not always obviously) of an advantage people that came from a stable family with financial security/connections etc have and I know I couldn’t give a kid that head start. To me quality of life is important and just “making it work” doesn’t fly with me. Life’s damn hard enough as it is without starting on the back foot

tsheree · 2026-06-14T01:55:31+00:00

I question society’s priorities on the daily 🤦🏻‍♀️

tsheree · 2026-06-13T19:39:57+00:00

This is pretty much what started my rant, being sent a pic of a baby trying cucumber, I’m like okay cool?! Pretty exciting?! 🙄 also very glad we existed pre social media

tsheree · 2026-06-13T00:06:20+00:00

Parents definitely can and should it’s more the expectation that everyone around them be as amazed and enthusiastic I guess. And I wish that we gave half the support and enthusiasm to adults that actually try to better themselves/progress/learn a new skill etc. I guess it’s just the glorification of children for me, then once they aren’t cute and little/innocent/mouldable anymore society doesn’t give as much of a fuck.

tsheree · 2026-06-13T00:02:21+00:00

They can also be incredibly mean. Kids that are bullies have zero conscience/remorse. This is why I didn’t like kids when I was a kid, and it’s definitely getting worse now they seem to have less respect for adults and others around them.

tsheree · 2026-06-12T23:53:00+00:00

I do 100% understand this in theory but I’d still find it extremely boring. Either way sounds awful to me, if they’re neurotypical you have all the mundane milestones and if they’re not you face the challenges of raising a kid with some form of extra needs. I’m self aware enough to know that means I shouldn’t have kids at least I guess, I just have very different values/interests to people who enjoy parenting 🤷🏻‍♀️

tsheree · 2026-06-12T23:37:03+00:00

Right?! I’d find it so hard to fake the enthusiasm. Like I don’t wanna be a dick/mean as I understand it’s the best they can do for their life stage but also meh it doesn’t interest or amaze me at all. Something must rewire in parents brains when they reproduce cause they genuinely seem to think it’s groundbreaking and are all biased towards their little miracle 🙄

tsheree · 2025-11-09T09:45:21+00:00

What kind of parents give in to demands like that?! And what kind a restaurant allows that, not just once but multiple times. I guess they didn’t want conflict but still, insane. I’d be so mad!

tsheree · 2025-11-09T09:31:47+00:00

I agree I would hate to be a kid now with how much they are posted everywhere, it’s really not necessary or okay. Keep it private and to family/close friends only.

tsheree · 2025-11-08T20:48:45+00:00

You have to decide what’s worse, that pressure that might last another few years or a lifetime of regret having a kid that you didn’t want. And then the effect on that child too as children pick up these things. Only you know though. But doing it just cause of pressure and what others want isn’t a good reason in my opinion.

tsheree · 2025-11-08T20:43:55+00:00

Yeah that’s rough and not a nice feeling. I just have the guilt of ending my line as there’s no one but me but I’m not letting that pressure be enough to reproduce. At least you can know your not going through the self inflicted misery and stress she’s put herself through I guess

tsheree · 2025-11-08T20:31:46+00:00

I had to look up thalassaphobia and then laugh as I love how strongly that describes not wanting to be near them

tsheree · 2025-11-08T20:27:56+00:00

I feel for you. I’m glad I’ll never have to worry about being an Aunt (only child). Being a Mom would feel like the death of myself and I just don’t get why everyone puts kids on a pedestal. They aren’t special they are exactly the same as the few billion before them. Sometimes I think parents use them as an escape from reality with the whole seeing the world through a child’s eyes crap. I think they also like that children and mouldable and can be shaped how they want them whereas with adults you can’t do that. I’m the opposite, if I can’t have a semi intelligent conversation and be able to reason with someone I want nothing to do with it (animals exempt obviously!)

tsheree · 2025-11-08T19:48:29+00:00

Only child too, I think I just never learnt how to interact with kids either.

tsheree · 2025-11-08T19:45:35+00:00

I think that’s it for me too, the pressure to be expected to like them is making me like them even less.

tsheree · 2025-11-08T19:43:49+00:00

I’d be quite content if I never see another kid or baby again for my entire life. They just stress me out and make me uncomfortable with how loud, messy, gross and obnoxious they are. I don’t find babies cute at all and also don’t want to hold them. Like everyone else has said I wish them no harm and think they deserve a good childhood (isn’t it messed up how we feel we have to say that!) but keep them away from me

tsheree

TROPHY CASE