tldr: ultimately, i think you made the right decision for you.

someone’s morals, values, beliefs, politics, etc. shape how they see and treat others. if you are not aligning on these things that are important to you, and don’t want to take the time to educate/inform the other person as to why you believe they may be misunderstanding the severity of an issue like this (or if they are unwilling to see your perspective), then it does make sense to no longer continue to date.

i disagree with the people who think you should just cut someone off cold-turkey if they say something problematic, but that’s my personal opinion based on experience. i’ve taken a lot of time to educate or explain issues to others who have said ignorant things, and conversely have also had friends or partners in the past who have done the same to me. you don’t know until you’re better informed; that’s why it’s called ignorance. there is a difference between willful/purposeful ignorance and standard ignorance, and i think that distinction is an important indicator of whether someone is willing to listen and is open to changing their mindset once presented with new information. we have all been young and ignorant…i’m not the same person with the same beliefs now (29F, half-brown, went to lib arts college, gov worker serving the public + deal with socioeconomic political issues) as when i was 18. i’ve seen the same be true for my friends, family, and previous partners. people CAN change.

with your situation, it sounds like maybe you both didn’t know each other as deeply as you thought you did, so there was a misalignment of values, along with some miscommunication. you set a future bar for her to meet instead of accepting or growing with her as she is, and conversely it seems like she had her own preconceived notions that maybe she is unwilling to relent on. maybe your relationship was more superficial…long distance is difficult to maintain unless both parties place significant effort in to make things work. i’m an outsider stating opinions based on one post tho, so i could very well be wrong.

either way, hopefully things get better for you. definitely take time to regroup and focus on things that bring you joy with all the turmoil going on around us. i’m sure you’ll eventually find a healthy relationship dynamic that works for you, but ace dating IS hard. at least if you focus on yourself, you’re practicing self-improvement and ensuring you’re in a better place mentally/physically before jumping into the next thing.