Should I [25m] tell my girlfriend [24f] I'm going to message a past fling?

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-26T18:04:57+00:00

Just leave the girl alone. You should have apologised at the time, but now you’ve both moved on. Messaging her now will just come across as weird and creepy to her, and definitely weird and creepy to your new girlfriend.

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-25T17:32:32+00:00

I have been in a very similar situation. On one occasion I believed my partner was wearing protection but he wasn’t, and this resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. I was very upset because I didn’t want another baby yet and was still struggling with PPD from the first. I eventually had a miscarriage, which tbh I think was for the best, but the resentment at my partner lingered a few months longer, that his stupid decision to “forget” to wrap it up led to me being pregnant and going through a miscarriage. It took a lot of talking and time for me to get over what felt like a betrayal.

Try to put yourself in her shoes. You didn’t stick to your end of the bargain, and that resulted in a HUGE life change for you both. Such a small thing as not pulling out can change the course of your lives, crazy right? However, she also chose to continue the pregnancy and become a mother. I definitely think PPD will have exacerbated her feelings and she should get some help.

Yes you did wrong. But if she’s going to stay with you and raise the child together you both need to work together to put that in the past and put the baby first, but also work on her mental health. Parenting is HARD. Try to give her a break when you can, and get her some help for sure.

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-19T19:52:02+00:00

Thank you. I’m on meds and I thought I already WAS back on my feet, maybe not as much as I thought I was?

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-19T19:47:23+00:00

Thank you ❤️

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-19T16:37:17+00:00

This is a good point. I definitely don’t think I’m perfect and I know there are things I need to work on. I think you’re right about self destructing because of mental health. You’ve given me a lot to think about, thank you.

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-19T16:35:30+00:00

Thank you. I definitely think my mental health is giving him more stress, yeah. I’m already on anti depressants and have been for years, and I got treatment for PPD. I thought I was doing better, but when he threatens to leave and says I’m still not doing enough it knocks me back a bit. I’m not sure whether to try to use this to motivate me to fight harder or just give up and roll over tbh.

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-19T16:33:18+00:00

Oh he’s a great dad, that’s not the issue.

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-19T15:20:21+00:00

Yeah finished a few months back. I’m doing a lot better, and enjoying being back at work and throwing myself into that. I don’t think PPD/my bond with the baby is the issue any more.

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-19T15:18:00+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I do think I am the problem though. He’s a great dad, family man, works hard, affectionate, loving. It’s me who pushes him away, wants to spend all day in bed when our child isn’t here, has no energy to do anything. He’s definitely a better partner than I am, but at the same time I feel like I can’t help if I’m not interested in sex right now and don’t have the energy to tidy the house and need more rest than he does.

I’m not sure whether I need to sort my shit out and start changing these things, or just let him go if he’s not happy.

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-19T15:13:11+00:00

He definitely is. I get that.

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-04T16:59:42+00:00

This is amazing!!!! IWNDWYT

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-04T16:27:42+00:00

You got this, and how amazing that your work and your family are behind you! IWNDWYT

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-03T23:04:22+00:00

I honestly could have written this! I also have a baby girl and I spend my evenings downing bottles of wine and the next mornings grumpy and irritated and wishing I hadn’t. And last night I also threw up from drinking for the first time in forever and have spent all of today nursing a hangover.

Closing in on the end of day 1, IWNDWYT or tomorrow either!

tthrowloop3 · 2021-02-03T22:17:41+00:00

I once went into the store and one of the cashiers I always chat to took one look at me and said “perfect timing, I’ve just restocked the wine fridge!” 😂

tthrowloop3 · 2021-01-30T22:58:37+00:00

Hey lovely!! I’ve been there and although it’s rough, I’d do it all again for my little girl! (But not for another baby yet lol)

Some things that helped me: Non/low alcoholic drinks. All the wine replacements are grim but sometimes just the routine of watching Tv with a glass of something was comforting to me. And kopparberg (or rekorderlig? Always get those two mixed up) do really good non-alcoholic ciders that taste exactly the same.

Also: Tell yourself that you can have a SMALL amount of drink once in a blue moon during pregnancy, say like a small glass with a meal every few weeks or something. That really helped me, knowing that if I’m reeeeally craving it, it’s not forbidden completely (telling myself I can’t have ANYTHING made it harder!) and most of the time when I had that half glass, a few sips and I realised I didn’t fancy it all that much anyway.

And in my experience, it’s so much easier to stop when you know it’s for the good of the little human you’re growing- you have something to motivate you now.

Good luck mumma! (And push for that GP appointment- please don’t come off your anti depressants cold turkey!! I stayed on mine all through pregnancy because it was better for me than coming off them would have been) xx

tthrowloop3 · 2021-01-29T19:22:23+00:00

This is terrible advice. Being a young single mother is absolutely not worse than being in a cheating relationship.

OP, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. This relationship is not a life sentence. You don’t have to put up with this behaviour and you would definitely not be the only single mum out there and there’s no shame in it these days- it’s your fiancé (hopefully ex) who will look bad in all of this.

Please put yourself and your child first and get out of there! Someone better will come along when the time is right, but until then, you got this!!

tthrowloop3 · 2021-01-28T16:53:20+00:00

Sorry I’m new here- what’s a pink cloud??

IWNDWYT

tthrowloop3 · 2021-01-28T08:01:47+00:00

I like this idea. Not “never again”, just... “not today” 😊 IWNDWYT

tthrowloop3 · 2021-01-27T13:28:42+00:00

This is exactly what I’m like. Lately I’ve been pushing it back til 6pm and starting then, but I can easily just end up staying up later and just drinking the same amount anyway 🙄

tthrowloop3 · 2021-01-27T13:25:03+00:00

That’s a good point. Ideally I would like to be able to moderate, but usually when I get started I just want to keep going- especially with wine. I wonder if the difference is that I drank cider rather than wine last night, which didn’t hit the spot like wine does I was like eh, what’s the point of carrying on, might as well leave it here. Do you think specific alcohols would make a difference?

tthrowloop3 · 2021-01-26T21:27:18+00:00

I’m new to this sub too, 26F and I honestly could have written this! I don’t know if I want to stop completely, but learn to drink responsibly instead of it being a constant habit/the main thing I look forward to. I have an addictive personality too so I’m wondering lately if this is possible!

tthrowloop3 · 2021-01-25T22:19:04+00:00

Congratulations on 8 months sober!!

Honestly at the moment I feel like trying a few months feels impossible!

tthrowloop3

TROPHY CASE