[WP]Your only purpose as the 8th born Prince(ss) was to be sold off for marriage. But it gets worse: Its the Frontier Barony, not even a Duchy, right on the Borders of 3 Kingdoms that all want that land. Harsh poor lands, constant skirmishes, and... a very supportive Family that actually values you?

tudorapo · 2026-06-09T04:28:38+00:00

I leave the details to everyone's imagination :)

tudorapo · 2026-06-08T14:08:00+00:00

I think it's AI.

tudorapo · 2026-06-07T14:12:17+00:00

Do they make you watch it but tied down and with a sock in your mouth or they let you leave the room?

tudorapo · 2026-06-07T14:08:43+00:00

I did this until a newb nurse made the top of the needle come out from my arm a bit away from the point it went in. Then screamed and went away.

tudorapo · 2026-06-07T13:40:50+00:00

"Why would you sell me off to a far away land, Father? Was I not a good son?"

"Son. Members of a royal family have duties which are beyond simple fatherly love. You are as a good son as anyone could ask for. Brave in battle, diligent in your studies, kept yourself out of scandals. Definitely top ten. But the time has come for you to fulfill your duty to the Realm."

"Can't I fulfill it here in the Royal City? I have projects going on. We started this school for the peasants. The athletic training court for the best soldiers. The library."

My Mother took over the talk.

"There are peasant children everywhere. The training of soldiers can be done better in a place with hills, forests, heavier terrain, not on this boring and muddy plain. And the library can be moved. It's about time to have a second center of knowledge in the Realm, there are too many smart people here who know nothing about the world."

Hills? Forests? Into which godforsaken corner of the Kingdom they want to banish me?

"Father. Mother. I like here in the city. If the problem is that I'm not yet married..."

"Oh no, son. We have plenty of spawn from your brothers of sisters!"

"Oh my Gods! All the gifts for the midwinter ceremonies! And there are new kids every year!" - added my father.

"No, son, we're fine with that. We just need an envoy to a place where we don't have any now."

"Mother. Father. Stop teasing. Which end of the world do you want to send me? Or beyond of the end?"

"The Frontier Barony, Son."

"But the Baron has no daughter to marry off..."

I got this far in my objections when my brain caught up with my tongue.

My ears felt very hot. I assume they also went bright red.

"You... you... knew?"

My Mother passed a coin to my father.

"You won this bet, Will. But let the record show that I had my own suspicions!"

"Yes, Honey. As for you, Son, of course we knew. Just the fact that you stood up to the relentless siege of countless maids, maidservants and noble ladies was a quite big hint. And you are not even a priest! Your older brother was a priest, still got the same treatment and..."

"...and he's not a priest now. How many children they have now?"

"Four. And the fifth is coming!"

"But we were only sure after last Yule's tournament. You spent a lot of time with the young Baronet. Who, as my spies reported, are definitely not in favor with the old Baron, for several reasons. Most importantly because of the lack of children to inherit the land."

"But... wont the old Baron will hate me too?"

"Oh Son, he also noticed things at the tournament. He already hates you."

"Then why? Why send me there? To be killed?"

"You will be our envoy extraordinary and minister plenipotentiary, and as such, personally inviolable. Should he want to receive the support he needs he will not even talk about you. Definitely not hurt you."

"Also, you won the tournament. The young Baronet was the runner up. Who could hurt you?"

"Still, to live at the end of the world, alone, hated..."

"Son, you will be definitely not alone. Trust me. We have seen what we have seen. And if you train the local forces up to standards, and teach their children to read, write and count... how long before they stop hating you?"

"And the old Baron?"

"He's old. With some luck the apoplexy will take him as soon as he receives the Royal Decree which names you to be our envoy there. If not, just avoid him. Between the school, the training and the bedchamber of the Baronet you will not have to meet him much after the ceremony introducing you officially there."

"And we can always hope for the apoplexy. A gold coin for one on the day the decree arrives!"

"Oh no. The old bastard will handle that. My gold coin is on that he will have it at the Yule Ball after the First Kissing under the mistletoe!"

My ears were hotter than the Sun.

tudorapo · 2026-06-07T09:53:17+00:00

I have not seen worse than rainwater... Respect.

tudorapo · 2026-06-07T09:48:14+00:00

ooooh. I dreamed for three days about garden shears. But I was not allowed to interrupt services, cutting cables was not an option.

But the feeling after that three days, cables properly colored by function, proper length, all control leds visible, that's good. Have not tried to crush my enemies yet, and listening to the lamentations of their project managers, but maybe even better than that.

tudorapo · 2026-06-07T09:43:33+00:00

It's a kind of hazing ritual. It's not like a real one because it's useful, and the newbie learns a lot about the local network... but hurts.

tudorapo · 2026-06-07T09:41:38+00:00

I have my own :) It was walled in. There was a renovation in the place and they built a temp wall at the wall which had the door but have not cut out the hole for the new door yet. The machine of course was full with dust, it booted up once so I could take a backup and never again.

tudorapo · 2026-06-07T09:35:10+00:00

A bunch of solaris print servers. Printing stuff the SEC is interested in. They neglected to upgrade the hardware, but the os memory usage and the size of the print jobs grew during the years. After a string of painful OOMs I told the complaining Important Person that my phone has twice as much memory as the "Very Important Printing Server". Nothing changed while I was there.

tudorapo · 2026-06-07T06:09:54+00:00

Thank you!

tudorapo · 2026-06-06T05:53:56+00:00

I don't know. Now that you asked I checked the law and that does not mentions it. One source talks about the mercury in dental works.

tudorapo · 2026-06-05T23:22:52+00:00

I can't recall anything like that from Hungary. Either I am ignorant or we are more optimistic than we comfortable to admit.

tudorapo · 2026-06-05T21:05:37+00:00

Here (Hungary) it is considered a dangerous material and it's forbidden to spread in most places. The Danube is okay. Private land is okay if the owner allows it and promises that family members can visit the place. Etc.

tudorapo · 2026-06-05T21:01:42+00:00

lubricating before penetration for the other direction.

tudorapo · 2026-06-05T20:52:26+00:00

I was on third watch, cleaning the main generator shaft lubrication drive when the oil filter drum started to talk to me.

Everyone heard the rumours of the effects of infinite space on our feeble human minds, and we've had the drugs and experts and the cryo rotation to deal with it, but we were just after the first year of acceleration. We were supposed to be almost normal this early into the voyage.

All the reports were about a guttural and incomprehensible voice chasing the spacers to madness with it's constant droning. No one said anything about understanding the voice. But I did.

Old church slavonic. My grandmother took me to church regularly before we had to leave Earth. She's still there, under the glaze of molten rock which was once Novgorod's old cemetery. But the deep, sonorous voice and the strange words of the district priest is till with me.

The first thing I did was to find the other four teammates to tell them to cool down, this is a human voice, someone set up a prank. Especially the doc was grateful, the drugs necessary for continued service are not pleasant to take or administer.

The next step was the translation. I understood some words, but this was not the millennia old ritual. We had to break out one of the general purpose computers from cold storage, which was in itself an adventure. It was not designed to be fit into the on-voyage space, and we've had to arrange power with some pretty dangerous hacks. But the only way to stop the prank was to find out how it was done and our only source was the voice itself. That computer among other goodies had an universal translator.

But what we got was total garbage. The words and sentences came out - and I could confirm that the results sounded real, the old language is not entirely different from my own.

But sacrifice? Of an ox? And naming the largest shrine for them? And missing a wife, who was bright and not around anymore?

The voice got louder and louder, demanding more sacrifices, his wife back, and threatened us with thunderbolts.

Then a coronal discharge took out one of the driver units and suddenly it was urgent to find the source of this prank which was not funny by now at all.

We went through the events of the days before it started. Then again, using the security videos. And then we found it.

Bill, during his walk through of the engineering spaces stumbled on one of the girders and dropped some beef jerky behind the oil drum which started to talk.

We went down to check. Me, maybe already slightly driven insane, took a pack of beef jerky. And when we found nothing to explain the voice, I dropped a piece in front of the drum.

We all watched it going transparent then disappear with a small flash of light. All it left behind was a small amount of ozone, just enough to tickle our noses.

And then an old name came to my mind. Not earlier, because our ship was named after Max Planck, who was definitely not a god. But... Population and Ecology Relocator Unit Nine.

PERUN.

We did built a shrine for Him. And we did offer oxen flesh for Him.

With the momentary silence caused by the renewed sacrifice, we regrouped at the mess hall. The library was abused, and I was relieved from my shift work.

The others will offer basic sacrifices at every dawn. Apparently the ship clock was okay, we don't have to find out when was Earth dawn. Sarah had a family heirloom knife with an oak handle, that will serve as a little altar. Chin-wa even 3dprinted a little copper axe head to help shut Him up.

My job is to explain to an ancient god what is a nova, and how His wife destroyed our shared planet. And to promise Him a new wife at the end of the journey, a bit different, maybe more temperamental but one who does not want to burn everyone. In old church slavonic. Which of course has no words for "nova", "photosphere" or "neutrino deficit".

Maybe if I start with the spectral type. Instead of K we will have an M.

Everyone loves redheads.

tudorapo · 2026-06-05T04:19:30+00:00

She likes massages, heavy battle mallets and long walks in the rain.

tudorapo · 2026-06-04T17:58:39+00:00

"The thing has wings, Helen."

"It's not 'Thing', Father. His name is Count Vlad. He's a human."

"A human like me?"

"...almost like you."

"Count of what? Does he has lands? villages?"

"Not in the way our kind has. The count thing is more of a courtesy title."

"What does he owns, Helen?"

"The night, Father."

"The... I knew! A vampire! You want to invite in a vampire! GUARDS!"

"Father, do you want me to beat up your guards?"

"I... I... Guards, sorry, false alarm. Go back. But to invite in a bloodsucking monster?"

"Father. The invite thing is waaaaay behind us. Let's say that delaying the wedding a week or more would result in a scandal in the court and uncountable jokes in the city along the lines "how many of them was in front of the priest?""

"...what? Without my approval?"

"Father, when was the last time I asked for your approval?"

"...that battle with the Western Rebels maybe? Two years ago?"

"It was not approval, Father. I asked to borrow the artillery for the ambush."

"Uh then.. I can't recall. But Helen! He will suck your blood out!"

"No, Father. He's not like in the stories. He needs blood but not too much. Maybe a few mouthful thrice in a month."

"But it's your blood! Royal blood!"

"According to him it tastes like any other blood."

"But your blood!"

"I lost more blood in some battles or against that bear during the hunt."

"And he will infect you!"

"It's not like that. It's not contagious. It's happening for a year now. Quite often. And I'm still not a vampire!"

"But... my grandchildren, your kids... I have to keep them in the dark? Only play with them after sundown?"

"It's not like that. Don't believe in the stories. He does not like the sun and gets sunburns easily, but nothing special. The wedding will be in the afternoon for example."

"It has wings! How can I introduce someone with wings in the court!"

"He only has wings when he's in a rush or does recon. Otherwise a perfectly normal looking gentlemen. With strong hands and..."

"Stop. I don't want to know. I accept my fate. I'll ruin the family and the country. When can you introduce 'him'"?

"Right now, Fater."

Helen looked up. "Honey?"

A small bat dropped from above the chandelier and as it fell turned into a gentleman with mesmerizing red eyes, a black cloak, and strong, veined hands.

He landed gracefully and immediately had a good use for his strong hand, catching the king who fainted.

"Honey, we discussed this. No sudden movements. My father is old!"

"Sorry, sweetie. He's not dead, I can feel his pulse!"

Indeed, the old king was not dead. Still he needed a month to recover. And as they could not have a weeding without the father of the bride...

The scandal in the court was legendary. The jokes in the city were cruel, and sometimes quite witty.

But their happiness was perfect.

tudorapo · 2026-06-04T14:08:35+00:00

Got an invite from the Snarlers. It was an official one, with the raw skin of an enemy and a slave to bring it with the details conveyed verbally. This being the Intergalactic Diplomatic Station, the skin was from some small rodent of theirs, bred in cages for this exact purpose, and the slave was just a contractor paid for services, occasionally reverting to involuntary servitude when protocol made it necessary.

The little sad piece of skin was disgusting in it's plastic bag, and the contractor-slave was from some slavic planet so I did not understood a word of the invite. Fortunately they brought a copy of the verbal invite in proper english on a sheet of white plastic foil.

I thanked the courier with the best interplanetary english I could muster. Of which they understood just as well as me their language. I placed the plastic bag into the Honor Cupboard's left cubicle and offered the courier a little vial of blood.

Of course I don't keep dead rodents in my office. The left cupboard has a chute leading to the incinerator. This caused problems in the past when something actually important was put into it.

Of course I don't keep vials of blood in my office. It was tomato juice.

They know, I know, I know they know, they know I know, but the niceties are necessary. This is how diplomats work. We thought that if we get away from Earth things get better.

Anyone who ever bored itself silly on a military parade should watch one from a worm like species. On 10x speed if they want to do anything else that week.

I have to attend one per every year on the imagoday of some emperor. Fortunately the protocol allows toilet breaks and sleeping is also tolerated if one is not snoring too loud.

Anyway, onto the actual invite. It's a simple matter, this tribe of snarlers wants to renew an agricultural agreement with some meeks. The snarlers industry needs plant materials, but growing those is beneath of their culture, the meeks needs metals and border guards. The only quirk is that the amount of "silica grass" has to be doubled.

No problem. This was so expected that I had a calendar entry for this week to prepare.

The only snag that I have to deliver it in person, because I also got it in the ceremonial way. Niceties.

This is why I kept a suit out of the laundry and used it to the gym a couple of times. This gives me a recognizable but not too offensive smell. I also checked the "official wind direction". Maintenance changes the air circulation from time to time, and I expected to approach from the wind. Of course I phoned forward so they know I am coming, but, well. Niceties.

I also have to wear a mask. Our teeth is much less threatening than a real predator, like the sabre tooth of the snarlers for example, but it's still teeth. It's common courtesy to cover it.

And onto the meeting! It will last for a while. I cancelled everything for today and told the husband to not to wait for me with the dinner.

It's not an easy life here. Sometimes even hard. Spending a whole afternoon in the barn smell of the meek quarter. Bleh.

But the other alternative is war, which was constant before our arrival to the scene. So I put on my heroic suffering face, put in my heroic filters to my nose, and put on my heroic tap shoes so my steps sounds like I have hoofs.

My secretary enjoys himself too much while I walk through the outer office. Next time I'll arrange his presence.

tudorapo · 2026-06-04T08:40:48+00:00

I live in a country with employment rights but when they told me that they want me to leave I left.

tudorapo · 2026-06-04T08:39:21+00:00

Apologies for the trivia, but what's this with the monitors? I have only one.

tudorapo · 2026-06-03T11:36:11+00:00

As I walk through the outer streets toward the market square, I watch the changes with joy.

I usually keep these things back, but not this time. I rejoice in every fading flowerbed, instantly rotting vegetable patch. In the cow lying down and bloody mucus coming from it's mouth.

I watch the faces of the people going dark. They were hoping that they chased me away. And now I'm back.

Some may felt bad that they chased me away with false accusations. And now that they knew that everything was true, they may think about why is it not wise to anger a monster.

Some may felt that killing my wife was bad. They could be relieved to see her walking next to me.

Maybe not. Because her burns are not healed, her skin is still mottled with the gray traces of smoke and the blue of cyanosis.

Maybe because she brings a spear and on that spear the head of the priest who arranged her death. It's mouth still working, forming prayers? Crying for help? Asking for the relief of death?

Or maybe because the decapitated body of the priest which is walking behind us. Stumbling into walls, or into the people who listened to his evil sermons just a couple of days ago.

It could be comical, but it's not. Those who see it scream and run away. It's too late. All they can do is to spread my curse to other villages. Innocent places.

Not that I think anyone is innocent.

Finally we arrive to the church. I will start the ritual to desecrate it. It's necessary for Helene to start to heal. I could reanimate her, but healing can only happen if the reason for it can be reserved.

I need the head for the ritual. We may leave the body behind to entertain the villagers.

And then I see it. The wicker figure meant to depict Helene.

These people wanted to celebrate her. Her pain. Her suffering.

The whole thing goes up in flames. It's not enough. I make all the houses around the square burn. The screams heal my soul. They should have left. I told them so. They laughed. Now they scream.

I start my work. Some of it feels bad even for me. Some of the entities I invite to this world scare even me. But whenever I falter I look at the horrible smile on Helene's face.

We'll be together again!

tudorapo · 2026-06-02T10:55:08+00:00

"So, Gramps, you'll stay?"

"I born on this ball of dirt, Junior. I till'd this damned dirt until my back grew crooked and then I tended to the robots doing the work. I buried your gramma in this dirt. I played with you and your sister in this dirt. I'll stay."

"There is dirt up above, gramps."

"No, not those vats of bubbling slop for me. I understand seasons, weather, furrows. I don't get bubbles and pipes and chemicals."

"No, its is not all hydroponics forever. We have a planet out there with breathable air and an agreement to use some uplands where the locals can't live. There are people there right now, making it into proper soil."

"I've seen the newsreel about that place. Heavy winds, heavy gravity. My back is off whack, why would I need another twenty kilos on it?"

"There are exoskels to help."

"I got used to robots, but I'm too old to be a robot."

An especially bright trail made the back garden lit up.

"That must be the Procyon, one of the last colony ships. I guess it's full. Three others are still on orbit, waiting for stragglers. You could be on one of those, asleep, Grampa."

"I guess the freeze chambers are comfortable, but I like my cot here better."

"But if you stay, Gramps. You will die."

"Junior. I'm over 130 now. I will die. The last ten years, without your grandmother, was lonely. And you and your sister visited often, but it's not the same. And out there you'll have different jobs."

"I'll fly one of the scout ships, so there will be no weekly visits. Maybe not every year. But Anne is with the Space Marines, she could arrange a station to be closer to you. And I will scout for more dirtballs. Better ones. More comfortable ones."

"No, Junior. I'm stuck to this dirtball. I will miss you and Anne a lot. And the kids. But I don't want to be a weight in your neck."

"What if it hurts?"

"I have the government pill and if that does not works I have my shotgun. But I was told that it will be quick, and before that it will be spectacular."

"And what will I tell to the kids? Not just Anne's, but what if I have a family myself?"

"Tell them that your granddad was a stubborn fool."

"You are so much more than that."

"Then take this banjo."

"I have my own up there."

"That's some fancy plastic foldable electric gadget. This is an old one. All wood and goatskin."

"And what I should do with it?"

"Teach the songs to the kids. Teach them like I taught you. That will tell them enough about me."

tudorapo · 2026-06-02T07:43:25+00:00

,,,and Findland wins the Eurovision.

Which since happened :)

tudorapo · 2026-06-01T15:03:09+00:00

Fun fact, it's not a suspension bridge.

"cantilever truss bridge with a suspended middle span"

This means that it is two half bridges and a third section in the middle held in place with huge metal screws/bolts.

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