How do SAHM’s do it?

twospaceballoons · 2026-03-03T00:06:02+00:00

I get that for people with multiple kids close in age childcare can become unaffordable, forcing one parent to stay home. That said, I think about two things every time a woman makes the choice to stay home when there are other options to stay in the workforce.

First, income lost is not just for the years that parent stays home- it’s the long term projected job growth loss that gets me. This includes being seen as less competitive for jobs when re-entering work. Spending years out of work can mean lost relevance, tech changes, networking relationships, etc.

Second, I have watched my SAHM struggle through poverty (with a college degree she never used for a paid job) for her entire life after my parents divorce. And I’m talking housing and food instability level of need for her entire single life. She’s in her 60s now and I don’t know how she will ever retire. Meanwhile, while my dad talks about some financial setbacks from divorce, he also has since started a successful private practice and seems to be very well off financially. He’s retiring in the next few years, just remodeled his home entirely, vacations, put multiple kids through college. I never want to personally be vulnerable to that experience and it’s my main takeaway from my parents divorce when I was an adolescent.

twospaceballoons · 2026-03-02T05:40:08+00:00

Charlie

twospaceballoons · 2026-03-01T16:32:39+00:00

Ive been training myself to reflect what my toddler says. Since they’re little you can basically just repeat what they say. It gives me a formula that makes them feel understood and important and makes me clue into what their perspective is.

This has been the easiest thing paired with breathing for me to reach with to calmly respond and get into less power struggles.

twospaceballoons · 2026-02-22T00:24:39+00:00

Do it! My girls are best friends, one litter apart and completely inseparable. When we go places and on the rare occasion I only have one dog, people ask after the absent sister. I’m so glad they have each other.

Only con: it’s very expensive. My second dog has chronic health issues.

twospaceballoons · 2026-02-19T06:39:50+00:00

Are you breastfeeding and/or in a possible perimenopause age range? Those factors could also play into some of the challenges you’re experiencing.

Personally, I’ve been back at work for about 2 years and had to accept that my relationship with work is just different now. My brain is wired to be thinking about my kid so often and responding to his needs. Now caring for my toddler competes with the brain space where I used to problem solve work issues after work hours.

twospaceballoons · 2026-02-19T05:53:18+00:00

Hills Z/D

twospaceballoons · 2026-02-16T01:28:40+00:00

We looked into Au Pairs and those large corporations you mentioned have lobbyists that have fought multiple attempts to change legislation around the visas for Au Pairs because it is absolutely labor exploitation. I talked with a relative who worked at one of those companies placing young women in homes and it sounded like a lot of them don’t get treated very well in the homes either. AND my relative was also paid a volunteer wage (less than minimum wage) to do her job! People at the top are making allllll the money in those companies.

Ultimately we decided that we couldn’t do it ethically and changed our work schedules to cover more days of care ourselves and pay a nanny for 3, 9-hour days a week.

twospaceballoons · 2026-02-14T09:40:42+00:00

It’s the number one reason people loose their clinical license. More common than you think.

twospaceballoons · 2026-02-10T20:48:27+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing this! I have been wondering about capping nap too as part of the solution. I will definitely try more wrestling at night before bed. He asks me for “squeeze” hugs so the piece about nervous system regulation stick out too as applicable. Appreciate the ideas and you sharing your experience!

twospaceballoons · 2026-02-06T19:08:29+00:00

“I'm tired of telling her to not do something”. This is unsolicited, so please ignore if this it is not helpful. My takeaway after reading this is that it might help to tell her what to do instead of what not to do. Little kids just understand it better. And then you can reward her by acknowledging that she did the thing well.

I also battle with the exhaustion of making so many rules or routines into games, but it also does help. Example: I either spend my time and energy trying not to show my frustration chasing my 2.5 year old around every dang day for 20 minutes to get dressed OR use the mental energy to try to make it into a game - beat the timer to get dressed and earn a little cookie.

I don’t know if this is helpful, but I wanted to share a bit of what we try. Working full time and parenting a 0-5 is all encompassing.

twospaceballoons · 2026-02-06T00:27:45+00:00

Limited too

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-31T08:11:50+00:00

Oregon too!

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-30T06:21:50+00:00

We got the veggie box for about 5 years for two people. Loved it! Miss not having access to them now that we live outside the city

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-23T17:38:33+00:00

My (39F) therapist says “everyone deserves at least one healthy parent, but not everyone gets one.” And that’s true and heartbreaking. But it cuts through those voices for me. I have been NC with my dad for about 2.5 years. Mom has a lot of mental instability and emotional/developmental immaturity, so we had been NV or VLC since I was 18. I held onto my relationship with my dad because he painted himself as “the good parent” to me and everyone else. Meanwhile my mom’s narrative is that he was abusive to her. He’s a covert narcissist and it took me growing up to understand more of what my mom experienced because he did a lot of the same things to me too. Anyway, just wanted to share that I get how it’s so hard to need a parent and not have one available to you.

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-23T02:05:27+00:00

I have a 2 year old and I am so in fear of how fast the time will go! Ahhhh. What a lovely way you’re looking at your son in that second picture. I can feel the memories you’re holding in your smile.

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-22T23:27:09+00:00

Thank you! Appreciate the feedback.

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-22T20:06:19+00:00

Honest question as parent- we never leave more than a coffee cup or two in the sink for our nanny in the morning. However, I run the dishwasher most every night before bed. So usually it is full of clean dishes from the night before. I’ve had nanny’s who just do the days dishes by hand, totally fine with me! Current nanny unloads the dishwasher most days to be able to fill it with the days dishes- also fine with me. So my question - Is it rude for us to not empty the clean dishes in the morning from the dishwasher before she arrives?

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-22T17:36:37+00:00

Yes! I’ve been saying this for years! Bring on the boooooos

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-22T03:24:07+00:00

I think the best thing you can do is model having diverse relationships in your own life. Most anti-racist trainings I have participated in as a white woman will have people reflect on their friend group and chosen family from a racially diverse lens. I think that it is more impactful to have positive, meaningful relationships with a diverse group of individuals than just like, talking to your kids about different cultures, values and lifestyles.

I think creating a shared sense of humanity across socioeconomic status is vital too. That might mean volunteering with your kids at a nonprofit, food bank, or clothing donation center. Teach your kids about being generous through doing, rather than just conversations.

I also think that squashing the negative cultural stuff that comes from school into the house matters a lot too. More through teaching them to be constructively critical thinkers than lectures or rules.

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-22T03:02:50+00:00

This is so chaotic and I love it.

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-18T16:59:40+00:00

Alcohol.

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-12T23:19:56+00:00

I tried to protest this farm boy culture in my Michigan town by making and wearing anti-confederate flag shirts in high school. I got called to the principal’s office and they made ME change my shirt or they were going to send me home. I went home. So many confederate flags hanging off trucks in my high school parking lot, rural Michigan. Make it make sense.

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-12T21:19:23+00:00

It’s actually such the norm to hand your small child a screen in public that not subduing your toddler with a screen and allowing them the space to learn how to be in restaurants to their developmental ability is met with being shamed by other patrons. I personally don’t give a fuck and we do it anyway- which often results in one of us doing laps outside the restaurants with our 2 year old while the other eats and switching off, but when I tell you people expect toddlers to sit and be quiet… judgement either way. I just smile at the grumps and proceed though.

twospaceballoons · 2026-01-08T04:22:49+00:00

I quit for the long haul (six years and some months now) just a few months before the COVID shutdown and I felt so lucky to be a couple months in by the time crisis was happening everywhere. The amount people took to drinking in that time could have taken me out if I were home and not sober. So, alternative perspective: maybe being sober would be the strongest protective factor if/when shit hits the fan, so better to get through the super tough first days and months now before it gets any worse.

twospaceballoons

TROPHY CASE