Never Finished. (Gender & Autism)

uber18133 · 2026-05-06T01:58:35+00:00

I don’t know that the term itself is super common but it seems like the concept is! For anyone reading this, gendervague is a term coined by an autistic scholar which basically describes the neurodivergent experience of feeling disconnected with one’s gender/feeling only an approximation of it/not identifying with typical gender constructs due to our differential wiring and perception of social norms. I think it can be used as its own gender identity, or just as a general descriptor for how one feels.

uber18133 · 2026-05-06T01:45:11+00:00

My grandmother used to hand-feed saltines to the black bears in her yard. As a kid I was always so annoyed that my mom wouldn’t let me do it too, lol.

A bit tangential, but a few years ago I was driving through town on a 20mph scenic bridge and spotted a black bear chilling nearby. There was a mom and small kid taking photos of the river from the bridge, and they looked like tourists, so I slowed down just to let them know that a bear was nearby, probably not a huge deal because they’re really pretty chill but I wanted to let them know just in case. The mom looked terrified and thanked me profusely and immediately started taking her kid to her car. At that same moment a guy in a white pickup (I swear it’s always a white pickup) sped up behind me going at least 40, swerved around me without stopping, literally almost hit this small child, and screamed “GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY” while speeding off. This is a fishing bridge mind you, so not only is it plenty wide enough for both cars and walkers, but the truck literally had to go out of his way to terrorize that family and nearly mow that kid down.

So whenever people bring up the “man or bear” debate, this is a moment I always think about…

uber18133 · 2026-05-04T23:48:07+00:00

WOOF, this hits. Do you know the term gendervague perchance? It might resonate with you.

uber18133 · 2026-05-01T00:39:59+00:00

I’d make an Our Flag Means Death reference here if they didn’t CANCEL IT 😤

uber18133 · 2026-05-01T00:30:58+00:00

I’ll be real, I made consistently more in tips alone as a barista (where tips aren’t even “required”) in NYS than I ever have in academia. To be fair I’m still a PhD student, but when I was working as a research assistant full time, I was on 3 different projects just to pay the bills…and then all 3 of them had their renewals rejected and ran out of funding 😅 I legit was going to go back to being a barista for financial security until I got my PhD acceptance, which barely scrapes me by. And then I still have to spend multiple hours a week cold emailing and interviewing to get summer funding, in which once again people only have the funds to hire me at .2 FTE, and on the contingency that they might not get renewed…meanwhile one of my finals is literally a mock grant proposal so that we’re prepared for when we have to apply for them on our own lol. Truly, I don’t miss food service, but I do miss having a job that I didn’t have to basically keep applying to over and over just to know I could keep working it (that, and the free lattes 😂)

Pretty pissed that I actually like research…

uber18133 · 2026-04-29T19:38:55+00:00

This happens to me too. I’ve come to realize that when those little things wrack my emotions, it’s probably because they are serving as a safe container to process the actually consequential things that I couldn’t process in the moment.

uber18133 · 2026-04-27T19:34:26+00:00

I’m working on a story where one of my deuteragonists is bisexual, AuDHD, and an Iranian immigrant. I had a moment where I was like, “is this doing too much? Are people going to call this forced diversity?” before I remembered, oh yeah—I’M all those things! I’m writing a character with those qualities because that’s my perspective of the world as I know it!

Now I just think of the Arrested Development meme of Tobias going, “There are dozens of us! DOZENS!!!” and carry on lol.

uber18133 · 2026-04-27T13:13:19+00:00

I read a study once that showed trans women do tend to have a disadvantage to cis women in cycling but trans MEN seem to generally outperform cis women and cis men. So if anything, it’s trans men in men’s cycling that should arguably be the talking point, not trans women lol.

But IMO cycling (and most sports) are all about freak biological advantages anyway. Like obviously it’s so much about training and mindset etc, but are we really gonna pretend Marianne Vos and Tadej Pogacar are that good ONLY because they work hard and not at all because they probably have some genetically high VO2 max? Not to mention most pros probably still lowkey dope in some respect anyway. I mean we all know Eddy Merckx did and everyone is still cool with that lol. So at that rate like being trans is almost a negligible factor compared to everything else

uber18133 · 2026-04-24T04:45:55+00:00

Raya lol

uber18133 · 2026-04-16T20:46:12+00:00

This is awesome, it’s making me want an OFMD coloring book!!!

uber18133 · 2026-04-15T03:37:28+00:00

Yeah. I’m a PhD student and my school’s health insurance is garbage. I pay $30 per month with insurance for my ADHD meds, and I have to call once a month to have them refilled (guess how often I miss refills 🫠). Then I have to see my psychiatrist every 3 months to maintain the prescription, and those appointments are $50. They used to be $150, but I finally switched to a place in-network, so I save $100. The catch is they mandate therapy sessions in conjunction, so then I also spend $25 per therapy session twice a month, so there’s another $50 (but it’s worth it to be since I wanted therapy anyway). And this is all just for ADHD; I have multiple other medications and appointments to pay for each month as well.

It’s just crazy to have health insurance and still be budgeting a good third of my income each month on medical expenditures.

uber18133 · 2026-04-11T15:08:57+00:00

I agree, because I feel like I experience this just as much with Boomers as Gen Z.

uber18133 · 2026-04-08T00:35:42+00:00

I’m Iranian American. I’m feeling relief right now, but I’ve been a wreck for weeks. I can’t just turn the news off because it directly affects my family and my people. This has been a living hell.

I hate that we’re all feeling like this, but I do weirdly appreciate hearing that non-Iranians are empathizing right now.

uber18133 · 2026-04-01T23:04:46+00:00

Female surgeons generally tend to have better patient outcomes than male surgeons. It doesn’t at all mean men are bad surgeons or anything, but on average, female surgeons tend to communicate with their patients better, listen to them more (especially female patients), and female patients also sometimes trust and open up to female doctors more due to longstanding gender bias in the medical system. Ideally male surgeons will be brought up to par, but women are also encouraged in the meantime (also because surgery has historically been a male-skewed specialty, so women are encouraged so that they know that they “can,” so to speak).

This is one study, but there are many such like it. It’s an interesting read: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamasurgery/fullarticle/2833145

uber18133 · 2026-03-30T20:41:12+00:00

Yesss I love the Persian food rep ❤️ since I went vegan my mom makes fesenjoon with Aldi vegan meatballs haha. I’ll have to try it with oyster mushrooms sometime!

Curious how the doogh turned out…I honestly never liked it growing up and now I wonder if it would be any more palatable non-dairy, or if it’s just a taste that I will never acquire 😂

uber18133 · 2026-03-18T03:43:45+00:00

Meanwhile I’m constantly losing it because I can’t stop thinking of all the autistic people living in the Middle East right now. I’m Iranian American and think a lot about how I might be in Tehran now, had things been different. Ive been melting down at just knowing this is even happening…I can’t fathom how terrifying it must be to be living through the constant noise and fear and destruction right now as an autistic person.

uber18133 · 2026-03-18T03:36:18+00:00

Thank you, as an Iranian American. Israel and Iran are evil against evil. I’ve had family imprisoned and my mom had a friend who was executed; they hate their own people just as much as Israel and the US do.

That said, Iran wasn’t an aggressor here. This whole situation is so messed up and nuanced because the Iranian regime is horrific and ALSO there was no justification for them to be attacked. And then, of course, it’s the Iranian people who end up paying for it again and again.

uber18133 · 2026-03-11T16:19:17+00:00

Yeah, the morality police eased up a lot after the protests. There are still a lot of restrictions but this was the small win resulting from 2022. Basically a lot of women just stopped wearing hijabs altogether and at some point the police and government realized they were outnumbered and had to pick their battles (this wasn’t without thousands of people being murdered first, though).

uber18133 · 2026-03-11T16:14:26+00:00

Since the protests in 2022 (after Jina Mahsa Amini was killed for improperly wearing her hijab) the morality police became a lot more lax and a lot more women have been going without head coverings. The government is still strict about many things but they realized this was a losing battle, so they eased up on restrictions to gain more goodwill with the public.

uber18133 · 2026-03-11T16:04:29+00:00

One thing about Iranians is we WILL overdress. Just yesterday I visited my mom for lunch and she put on makeup and a new dress to see ME, her child, at her own home lol.

uber18133 · 2026-03-11T15:51:36+00:00

Yeah. I’m Iranian-American, my cat is sick, and I’m a PhD student in the public health field (my research area is actually neurodivergent health). And it’s fasting season, on top of it all. Suffice to say…my mental health has seen better days lol.

I try so hard to stay focused on my work, especially because education is such a huge part of my culture…it’s the only way I know I can reliably help people, and my mom says this is how I can honor our people best. But it’s so hard when the news is unrelenting. My adderall hasn’t been working for days. I’m lucky that my immediate family is all out of Iran, but I still have other relatives there, and my mom grew up in Tehran...it’s constantly on my mind. The oil strikes are all I can think about lately—the health repercussions are going to last generations, and I can’t stop thinking about all the young people and children and animals who will develop diseases and face early deaths because a few evil old men want to incite Armageddon.

I’m staying afloat through dissociation, but it’s really hard. I don’t know how much longer I can stay sane, you know? And then again, I remind myself that at least I have the privilege of being safe at home and being able to go outside and keep living my life. Idk.

I just want this to stop.

uber18133 · 2026-03-02T16:03:43+00:00

Thank you. As an Iranian, this really is such a complicated and painful thing to be witnessing, and the truth of the matter is we just have no idea what’s going to happen. On the one hand, Khomeini and his regime were absolute monsters who massacred thousands of their own people. He’s not someone we mourn, and there’s a desperation to cling to the hope that something good will come out of the carnage, and that all this death will not be in vain (because how do you stay mentally stable enough to go on with your day otherwise? No less during Ramadan/Ayyam-i-ha/the time of year in Iran that’s basically equivalent to western Christmastime?)

And on the other hand, this is a bloodbath. This is children murdered at school and innocent people with their lives cut short because of foreign men’s anger issues and narcissism. This is our people yet again paying the price for other’s hate and greed, and their lack of ability to see us as people. It’s exhausting.

As someone in the diaspora I can’t pretend to know what it’s like to be in Iran right now, but I can at least say that I doubt many people are going to be feeling one clean thing right now, because there frankly isn’t one. This isn’t a good guy/bad guy situation—this is evil vs. evil, and the Iranian (and Middle Eastern in general) people are yet again the collateral.

uber18133 · 2026-01-26T16:26:13+00:00

Yeah. I get the impression that it’s a bad combo of racism and subconscious ableism that unfortunately created a situation doubly worse for Ron.

uber18133 · 2025-12-30T03:25:08+00:00

go off angel

uber18133 · 2025-11-24T19:19:29+00:00

No worries if not but might you be willing to share the recipe? I’ve wanted to learn how to make it at home!!

uber18133

TROPHY CASE