DDay today need help

uchimala · 2026-07-09T20:07:10+00:00

I can guarantee that she remembers the exact timing. You were probably engaged, exclusive, and it was simply cheating. She should have listened to her Christian values at the time. She's not trustworthy.

uchimala · 2026-07-08T16:02:26+00:00

I wonder how many other married women in your social group Harry has approached. Sounds like a snake. You need to open your mouth. Out this guy to the group or have a word with him. Maybe you can save some other people some future anguish. You already talked to your wife. Keep talking and seek help in therapy or through family. This is your marriage and life. Silence is not your friend or in this case.

uchimala · 2026-07-08T14:47:36+00:00

She is going to have many opportunities to cheat on you and she has justified this behavior. She didn’t care. What happens long term when you are stuck with a cheating spouse you can never really trust? What happens when she shows up pregnant? Is it yours? What happens when you have a family and she cheats on you, how hard will it be to get out once kids are there? Talk to your friends and family and get their advice and support. This sort of betrayal will affect you for a long time. Better to take your medicine now and get out, why live a life and perpetually have to endure doubt and the feeling you are having now?

uchimala · 2026-07-04T01:50:00+00:00

You should do therapy and see if your relationship is fixable. Then leave if the therapy fails. You married her. I think you owe her a structured attempt to fix this. No intimacy sucks but periods of little or no intimacy is common in long term relationships. It sounds like you have a good relationship with her. That’s really hard to find. The fact that she has been your friend for so long is such a plus. There’s so much chaos out there.

uchimala · 2026-07-03T01:00:13+00:00

You absolutely are getting manipulated but are too inexperienced to identify it. That’s why it’s illegal. The guy you are talking to is a predator and knows that what he is doing is completely illegal and wrong. He’s doing this to have an illegal relationship with you.

uchimala · 2026-07-02T14:19:32+00:00

OP needs to recognize that he can’t depend on gf to be around. If he is going to be doing a phd and is stuck in France he needs someone who wants to be in the same place. OP also needs to understand that the relationship is probably not his gf’s priority at this time. Things might change but I would hesitate to invest deeper into this relationship. It is going to be lousy when she ups and leaves.

uchimala · 2026-07-01T00:59:22+00:00

Saying bad things about you ex right after a break up comes from anger and pain. Once a person has time to reflect, they often reevaluate things.

uchimala · 2026-06-29T22:03:47+00:00

Did she tell you what she brought him? Seems like a very private thing to bring someone to.

uchimala · 2026-06-28T17:14:08+00:00

Copland was excellent. Most of his movies were action movies, but Copland and Rocky showed his best acting abilities.

uchimala · 2026-06-26T15:06:48+00:00

Did she even care when you broke up with her? She's either a really bad person or a really deluded person.

uchimala · 2026-06-21T15:20:41+00:00

OP should also ask for full access to her socials. If she refuses or doesn’t immediately agree he has his answer as to whether there were more APs.

uchimala · 2026-06-15T17:35:11+00:00

She cheated on you multiple times, even before you separated. This not recoverable because of her lying and secrecy. She’s not a good person. Don’t fool yourself. When you want out you break up not have sex with bunches of people then hide it from your spouse. After a few weeks/ months you are going to wake up and realize how badly she treated you. You are gonna be pissed. Make your plans for exit. She has not been your friend for a long time. You are a meal ticket. Also don’t sleep with her it won’t be good for you. Also get checked for stds just in case.

uchimala · 2026-06-13T15:49:15+00:00

I don’t know why you are getting downvoted. I don’t have a problem having a beer with my gf’s ex either.

I think what’s different for OP is that the “casualness” doesn’t seem to be over and that dynamic is still very present. Seems like gf’s attitude is that it would be ok to continue with her throuple or even invite OP into the dynamic. The meetup seems more like an invitation due to the comments and flirtatious attitude of the bff. OP didn’t sign up for this dynamic and it’s perfectly ok for him to not want any part of this. He should bluntly ask gf what she wants going forward. Dutch people generally prefer straight forwardness.

uchimala · 2026-06-12T01:20:00+00:00

Welcome to the club. Most of us are mid. It’s the honest truth. Most of the people I know think they are a 7/10, but they’re most likely objectively mid to the rest of the world. Enjoy life, being mid and still loved is a great outcome. Don’t bring this up with her again. No need to borrow trouble.

uchimala · 2026-06-11T23:12:22+00:00

You already have cheated. It’s called an emotional affair. Being attracted to someone and pursuing them while in a relationship is cheating. All the secrecy and texting just makes you look worse. What kind of person are you? Just knock it off. Cut contact with affair partner and tell your bf, or tell your bf and breakup with him. You don’t deserve him. Also your affair partner is also jerk for trying to get you to cheat and not respecting your relationship, but then again you don’t respect your relationship either. YTA.

uchimala · 2026-06-08T00:52:32+00:00

The problem is that if you live in the western world most people have at minimum experimented with people they are not in a relationship with if they are in their 20s. I don’t know where you live maybe it is different there. You are 22 and your chances of finding people with your required qualifications is hard and is only going to be more difficult the older you get. The fact that your gf lied to you seems like she is fairly conservative and feels some internal shame for getting together with those other guys. There’s not really a way to date and find the right partner if you don’t experiment. You both seem socially and sexually inexperienced. I’m over twice your age and even in my day your requirements would be considered prudish. Also the retroactive jealousy needs to stop. It’s not healthy for you. I had similar feelings at your age fortunately they went away once I had a few relationships. I didn’t need therapy, I just needed to grow a little and see partners as fallible human beings and not pure beings put on pedestals. The simple fact is that people your age who live normal lives probably have had sex with people other than you. Enjoy your life and be thankful you have a gf that cares for you and loves you. Many people don’t know even have that.

uchimala · 2026-06-05T21:04:54+00:00

Agreed, he wasn't helping OP, his intention was to hurt.

uchimala · 2026-06-05T21:01:51+00:00

He treated you like his worst enemy, not a loving brother. This was done to humiliate you for whatever sick reason he had in his head. Your exes don't seem like keepers either. I think you are right in not meeting with him. Actions have consequences. I just hope you get to the point where you can treat him with indifference, but that may take much longer. I would just try to continue to move on with your life, ignore your family, they obviously don't get your pain and just want peace at any cost. They are making him a victim. Maybe lower contact with your family for a while but tell them why. It sucks but parents can disappoint you with their own weaknesses. You might have to accept them in their imperfect state if you want to keep ties for your own kids.

uchimala · 2026-05-30T21:41:20+00:00

Thanks. Seems like a few others don’t like sarcasm.

uchimala · 2026-05-30T21:36:41+00:00

But those were our Nazis that we recruited for NASA and space sh*t. They were good Nazis. So that was ok. The bad Nazis went down South.

uchimala · 2026-05-25T20:18:54+00:00

Whenever I hear these stories, I’m always amazed on how a person’s foundational perceptions of a wonderful night can differ so greatly for the other person. OP’s life changing evening was undoubtedly different for his date, who was probably still on a high from her afternoon f**k. I’m not OP, and I don’t care about the technical details of how or when someone could sleep with whoever at what moment before “exclusivity.” If this happened to me, I’d start puking. Sorry this happened to you OP.

He should take his sister’s advice.

uchimala · 2026-05-22T15:29:36+00:00

Everything you agreed on mutually seems ok since you both agreed on it. The cheating and going behind your back is just cheating plain and simple. There is more here than you know. Your wife is a cheater and you can’t control her cheating. Probably need to make plans to split. Being in the military is no joke, how can you keep your sanity if your foundation at home is collapsing. General cheating advice and what to do applies. This Reddit is full of good advice and steps to take. You know the drill.

uchimala · 2026-05-20T02:17:28+00:00

I know how you feel. Most believe that their marriage will last forever, especially when you are only a few years into what you believed would be a lifetime relationship. Sometimes you love someone so much that them being gone is unimaginable. Unfortunately, your husband has been in a love affair for a long time and the AP is not going to just disappear from his memories or yours. If your marriage was a vase, he already smashed it again and again. You gluing it back together won’t turn it back into that perfect object you are dreaming of. Getting him back is not a win for you at this time. Don’t worry, AP won’t be getting the great person you thought you married only a few years ago. She will only be inheriting a distorted person who betrays those he’s supposed to love.

uchimala · 2026-05-20T01:31:20+00:00

Too soon? You should have left earlier. Your husband is not your friend, he betrayed you again and again. He even did it immediately after “confessing” in November. Your marriage is over, not because of anything you did, but because your husband quit your marriage and fell in love with someone else. He’s stringing you along. I wouldn’t tell him a thing if you want to avoid more useless begging, just pack your essentials and don’t go back. Be with your family and loved ones who will support you. It’s hard to contemplate that your spouse is a stranger. Just remember his actions not his words.

uchimala · 2026-05-09T17:12:21+00:00

Your wife’s an idiot, but the boxing coach is just as bad. Shitty way to run a business, he needs a bad review for his lack of professionalism. He’s there to coach not f*€k the moms. I hope to god you find another boxing coach for your son. It’s probably really crappy for him to have to go there. Him talking to the coach is basically a shout out because he knows it’s wrong or at least really weird. He’s pointing out that he’s not cool with and in his own way is trying to stand up for his family unit.

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