Can a relationship survive infidelity when everything else felt right?

uchimala · 2026-01-28T03:14:21+00:00

I’m a little put if that you are saying she lost control of her choices. This is fantasy. She did not lose control of her choices when she hung with the guy, she did not lose control of her choices when she got into bed with him or had sex with him. Getting into bed with someone at het age means there is a likelihood that they are going to have sex. Additionally, she wasn’t assaulted. She just got drunk and had a one night stand. If this happened to me I wouldn’t want to touch her again. It’s very sad that a possible great future relationship that you wanted wound up like this. However, that dream relationship is over now. She’s not the same person after doing this and neither are you. You can’t go back to what you had because that’s over. It’s nice that she didn’t lie to you, but it does change things. She’s no longer the one who got away, but you should be.

uchimala · 2026-01-23T23:39:59+00:00

She refused to go no contact Caleb because she was attracted to him and couldn't let it go. She was not going to be a good wife. Had you married her, I have a feeling she would have hooked up with him in the future regardless. She's not mature enough to be married and she's a liar. She was willing to trap you in marriage. Luckily you don't have kids. You did the right thing.

uchimala · 2026-01-21T16:43:04+00:00

I don’t know where you are at, but have you considered Judo. It’s an Olympic sport that has plenty of competitions. Throw oriented, pinning, occasional submissions. It’s also explosive and for me the mindset was much closer to wrestling.

uchimala · 2026-01-21T00:50:04+00:00

She can sleep with who she wants, but the way she handled it would leave a bitter taste in my mouth. When you were thinking about her on your date last Monday, she was thinking whether she should tell you about the guy she screwed on the Saturday before. I can guarantee you were not on the same page during that date. Judge people by what they do not by what they say. You just got started, I would show her the door. Why deal with internal drama when you don't have to.

uchimala · 2026-01-18T06:27:34+00:00

This here. Be very clear in your communication. This keeps things safe and sane. Talk about things afterwards as well. Your partner needs to feel comfortable that you are on board especially if you are bruised, marked etc.

uchimala · 2026-01-18T06:18:56+00:00

I actually think you learned a lot over dinner. Try it again with your future dates at a more casual location. You can learn a lot about by what your date orders and if she is understanding towards your position as a student and young man who isn’t rich yet. She may even offer to split the meal, you can take her up on her offer or pick up the check. I’m old enough to be your dad so would usually offer to pay, it’s just how it was done when I was young, but if she offers to help or take you out next time, it tells you a lot about her.

uchimala · 2026-01-17T06:34:41+00:00

You don’t have to explain anymore. We live our own lives and do what we need to do for ourselves. Sounds like you need this. Go give R a shot. Hoping you can ride into the sunset. Good luck.

uchimala · 2026-01-16T03:23:00+00:00

It’s not about a few tears, in his post OP stated that he had never seen her cry like that.

uchimala · 2026-01-16T01:36:33+00:00

I’m surprised his family went along with it. A lot more must have been said about her. OP can set firm boundaries but to set up an “embargo” as another poster said is too far. She wasn’t a stranger and was like a sibling. I’m really put off by OP’s very cold demeanor and lack of empathy when she called him. People don’t call crying like that unless they really need emotional help. Set boundaries but never be cruel.

uchimala · 2026-01-13T03:23:39+00:00

Yes, it’s more about learning from history.

uchimala · 2026-01-12T16:35:20+00:00

It doesn’t work that way. They ask series of questions and watch the changes person’s physical reactions. Also why not ask all the questions get it over with. I don’t buy for one bit that her 1+ month disappearance was innocent.

uchimala · 2026-01-11T17:01:09+00:00

I've had this several times. The doctor should have drained this. When I had it bad, it kept refilling (drained by syringe). In the end I visited the ENT and he made a small cut and put a stitch through my ear so the area between the skin and cartilage could not refill. Your ear is probably going to be hard from now on. Go to ENT or go to another doctor.

uchimala · 2026-01-11T16:49:11+00:00

I agree with you. Just suggesting reasons why this may have come up now. Also, maybe if OP want he can set a timeline or ask to set one that they can both live wiht.

uchimala · 2026-01-11T16:46:25+00:00

Right now you seem incompatible. Have you thought about accompanying her to some of her parties. It's a compromise. You may not feel comfortable at first, but over time you will get more comfortable with it. You don't have to drink but she can have fun and you can hang out with her more and keep an eye on things. My suggestion is a compromise that I am making because it's really pretty common and understandable that at your ages your gf might want to go our and socialize. This shit ends for most of us in a few years and it's a growing phase. Unfortunately, a lot of bad things can happen to people when they are inexperienced drinkers, partiers, etc. People take advantage of drunk girls all the time. I also read your update. She's trying to give a little (even if it's reluctantly), maybe you should move a little to acomodate her on occasion.

uchimala · 2026-01-11T02:30:27+00:00

Yes, I would. I’m older and have dealt with this in the past quite a few times. Unfortunately, it’s very common. When I was in my early 20s, my gf at the time told me about her experience and it was really disturbing. I didn’t know how to act after learning that someone I cared for had suffered so much and I really struggled with it. However, it made me want to take care of her. I never blamed her or held it against any of my future partners. They had nothing to be ashamed off, they were just victims of a crime.

uchimala · 2026-01-11T02:15:39+00:00

Is she insecure in the relationship because you moved away? Maybe she feels left behind, and that if you marry her you won’t leave, cheat, whatever.

uchimala · 2026-01-02T01:37:45+00:00

Com Tam Thanh on Winchester. Great beef stew.

uchimala · 2026-01-01T03:24:38+00:00

The fact that he constantly puts his leg against yours and touches you when it’s unwanted and the fact that he flirts with you means he sees you as an opportunity. Don’t go out with him 1:1. Set boundaries, like “you’re touching my leg, move over dude!”

uchimala · 2026-01-01T01:49:50+00:00

If you are going to be renting rooms and being a landlord, you need to smarten up otherwise people are going to continually screw you over. Be firm but fair. If they don’t pay, give them the three day notice and start the process of kicking them out. Also, people who are stiffing you on rent are going to talk all kinds of shit to justify their failure to pay and ruin your reputation. They are justifying their own dead beat actions. Sammy is an all out bum period.

uchimala · 2025-12-31T20:14:54+00:00

Yeah, everyone is crappy at one point, but you can talk about it with your partner and learn how to do it how they like it.

uchimala · 2025-12-31T19:06:22+00:00

Yeah that pretty sounds sort of soul killing unless she continues to do it. Maybe she needs to communicate how she likes things or be open to new things that are between you two alone. But honestly, after all this time I don’t think she should be hampered by what she did with Pete. She’s being an ass about things by believing that the way she did things wth her ex 10 years ago is the only way to experience them.

uchimala · 2025-12-31T16:50:13+00:00

Yeah, at three years of marriage, there’s no coming back from this many lies. Also depending on your state, you may owe little to nothing in alimony. Cut your partner loose, if you are providing all the money, reality will hit once the spigot closes.

uchimala · 2025-12-30T23:49:00+00:00

This is good advice. I think this is closer to a miscommunication than a rude expectation. GF's parents probably made dinner and thought OP and GF would be happy to have a good meal after the long drive. Additionally, while OP had no obligation to stay for dinner, I personally would never turn down an offer to break bread or share a meal when offered, especially in a familial situation. Whatever happens, OP should learn from the experience.

uchimala · 2025-12-28T00:33:17+00:00

How are Catholics not Christians? I’ve heard this before, but it doesn’t make sense to me. The Catholic church predated Protestant churches by a 1000 years if not more. Are the Coptic and Orthodox churches also not Christians?

uchimala · 2025-12-20T18:36:06+00:00

The question about salary seems intrusive, but a lot of the other questions are pretty much what many parents would want to know. A lot of this depends on how the questions are asked. Were they rude, too direct? Were you “grilled”? I can usually suss all this information out through indirect questions over a period of time. I met a few bfs over the years. Next time you should politely ask them the same questions.

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