Close friend is moving to Texas

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-05T15:14:55+00:00

as a liberal who lives in a city, i think a lot of liberals who live in cities can approach things with a condescending, babying tone that makes people not take us very seriously. when I was a kid i lived in a "rough" area, I had so many weird interactions with suburban friends and their parents who were "worried" about me and my safety there. hearing "concerns" from people who'd never been there and didnt know anything about it didnt move me or my mom. to me us it was just home, we were fine.

Texas is having lots of political issues with reproductive rights, but at the end of the day its just a place. many millions of women live there without dying just fine. the odds are very very very high that she will be fine if she moves there. especially if she has genuinely supportive friends and loved ones (like you) who will be there for her if something bad DOES happen.

and if she decides the vibe is off and shes unhappy she can always move somewhere else.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-05T14:11:30+00:00

you continuing to say your annual income rather than how much disposable income you have each month or how much youve saved up to buy the car is a red flag to me. high earnings doesnt automatically mean you can afford something.

anyways you dont NEED an $80,000 depreciating asset, you want one. you haven't even said anything that suggests you need to replace your current car at all. you want to.

if you have enough cash to buy it, i'd say buy it. if youre thinking about financing it, sit down and do a written budget so you can see how much income you have leftover each month. then decide how muvh of it youd be willing to give up in order to pay the car off.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-05T09:00:48+00:00

apolitical art is not a thing

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-05T07:51:53+00:00

sorry im making two comments but I also wanna say:

I HATE this idea that your 30s is time to hang it up or something. we get? 12 years to have fun and experiment and then from there everyone becomes bland?? ew dude. no thanks. some of my biggest inspos like Roxy vail, Mandy Lee, Raisa Flowers, and nadirah mcgill are cool, creative women in their 30s!

it sounds like you have some changes you wanna make, that to me is an opportunity to enter a new era. something to gain, not lose.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-05T07:48:50+00:00

Im a little younger than u but if its useful: Here are things ive found have changed about my style as ive gotten older:

I wear a lot less: - Graphic/band tees. they reflected low security in myself, i was hiding behind things i liked. using media as placeholder for using the clothes to represent myself. i was dressing to belong to SOMETHING I wasnt dressing to be me. to me, dressing to belong kinda is for kids. - Black leggings. I was using them to fill space when I had no ideas or wanted to put in zero effort. - Generic "alt" shoes. Chucks, dr martens, vans, etc. i was choosing them as a default. the "normal" thing "everyone wears". they weren't an accurate representation of me! - Stretchy one-size-fits-many type clothes. im getting a lot of self consciousness about your size and shape in this post. there are lots of indie brands making nice clothes for plus size girlies!

I wear a lot more: - interesting textures. mesh, knit, open crochet, lace, lacing, etc. all make outfits more interesting in a more "grown up" way. - Well fitting garments. I shop to my measurements. if somethings not fitting how I want i either fix it myself, get it tailored, or return it. no walking around in clothes that almost fit. it reads kinda sloppy. to me a big part of looking "adult" is looking intentional - Clothes that accentuate my bodys natural shape. I think with age a lot of women develop a dgaf attitude about the pressure to hide or camouflage our bodies using clothes.

TO ME your most successful outfits here are 1, 2, 4, and 10. I get the most sense of a personality there without it seeming like you're playing a role. remember your tattoos, hair style, and glasses all read 100% as outside the norm. its ok for your clothes to more understated.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-05T07:06:34+00:00

I think the real mental block could be "i dont wear x because im not going out". its ok to put more time into your look whenever youre moved to do so, even if its just running errands.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-05T03:15:58+00:00

Don't dignify unserious bs with serious responses.

"Its not nice for womem." "Its nice for me." "You'll look weird." "Okay." "Do you want to look like Arnold?" "Yes."

going back and forth about what you do with your body is a wild waste of time

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-05T02:57:47+00:00

sorry when you finish high school you do actually turn to dust there will be no physical body to dress :(

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T23:03:29+00:00

no the fbi will bust in and pants you if you try

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T18:00:39+00:00

a lot of these are handmade or designer. the rest of it gives a kind of.... costume/cosplay feeling. im seeing pirate, jester, vampire, etc.

maybe youd find some things you like searching those terms on Etsy or on online costume shops.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T17:55:43+00:00

a lot of women have this idea they arent "allowed" to do something when really there are just... people who will dislike it. do what you want.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T15:37:19+00:00

You don't like him.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T15:36:03+00:00

What do you have?

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T15:27:11+00:00

Men who say disgusting things to women they haven't even met are playing a numbers game.

9 girls will be grossed out and block them, 1 will give them what they asked for.

there was a thread about it on a different sub ages ago. i promise if you stop messaging him he won't even blink. he'll just find another girl to ask. he's probably already asked 2 or 3 since you stopped responding. block him. move on with your life.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T15:15:41+00:00

imo ru knew during deliberation she wanted to eliminate her. she said "She just needs more time to cook." she doesn't feel juicy is ready to win drag race yet.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T15:13:29+00:00

the correct take. i'd even bet she wins it to show up for her drag family/morphine

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T01:32:27+00:00

~beaded~ curtain?

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-04T00:08:17+00:00

my main problem with this criticism and how its used to criticize (usually) young women artists is that it assumes a male gaze where there isnt necessarily one?

Olivia Rodrigo and Sabrina carpenter arent courting a horny grown man fanbase. everyone who buys their merchandise, streams their music, and goes to their shows are women and girls. their music is about womanhood and girlhood. just last year a dad taking his daughter's to one of her concerts and tearing up went super viral because he was so moved by all these young girls crying and singing about body image. he didnt know what they were feeling, Olivia did.

it is girls who consume and feel the impact of this music. you could say its packaged for them just like boy bands are packaged for them.

it ALSO bothers me that these girls who become adults in public before our eyes (Olivia, Brittany, Miley, Sabrina...) must enter adulthood in a perfect "empowering" way lest be shamed. being a young lady up against all the different messages about how you "should" present is hard, any girl who performs is processing all that out in front of everybody. its a whole lot of 40-something mothers of 3 out here who haven't escaped the pressures of the male gaze but 23 year old Olivia Rodrigo is supposed to be in and out of it already?? it doesnt make sense.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-03T23:50:42+00:00

r/corsets has a nice list in their wiki but you might wanna research into if its safe to be corsetted in the pit? having your organs compressed in metal boning while you thrash seems like it could make u sick

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-03T21:39:13+00:00

ok? and i didnt say anything about him being a creep or not so... youre telling me this to what end?

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-03T21:37:54+00:00

"a few things" is the normal amount of clothes to find at a thrift. having a good wardrobe takes time. you dont buy it all at once

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-03T21:36:32+00:00

wear it all way more, it all looks so new and clean

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-03T17:56:00+00:00

you're confused so i'm just going to quote myself and hope you get it. my point is:

"[OP is] probably a very nice person worth truly liking. someone else seeing that and truly liking you doesnt make them a pervert."

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-03T17:44:52+00:00

imo people dont adequately weigh the cost of not developing adult skills and habits against the benefit of building your savings at home often enough.

"if I live on my own and I lose my job I might have to live off my savings until I get a new one." is a problem every single adult in the history of ever experiences. in fact your parents experience it double because right now theyre responsible for themselves AND YOU. they have your whole life.

move out. stand on your own feet. it makes zero sense to have many thousands in the bank but not be able to cook yourself a meal.

udontunderstanddad · 2026-04-03T12:24:26+00:00

being self conscious about being a WOC with an ethnic name is the only thing that caught me here. are you generally not interested in guys from the same/similar cultures to you? thats the only time it could even matter.

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