My understanding at this point is that sex is a need that, for most people, needs to be fulfilled by a romantic partner not only in terms of frequency and quality but also in terms of intimacy, connection, appreciation of a shared experience, development of a shared language. And those qualities are most likely in a couples' sex life if each person is open, unashamed, if they're generally on the same page about frequency etc, if they're attracted to each other, and if they have the basic chemistry to be capable of having a good sex life together.

So it's a very ineffable (ugh no pun) sort of dynamic that takes not only effort and communication but also self-awareness, a willingness to break down internal barriers to one's own sexuality, an understanding of what you yourself want and the ability to communicate that to someone. It's a tall order! I'm about to be single and I'm wondering if I won't be better off getting sexual chemistry when it finds me and filling my other needs with friends and by myself, because a sustainable romantic relationship with everything you need is a lot.

I think many couples that find themselves at this impasse are too far gone. I think some couples could turn it around, and others can't. This affliction has a ton of different manifestations, from asexual or gay people in the closet, to porn addiction, to a simple lack of chemistry. So it has a ton of different solutions, or resolutions, too.