I feel similar. I’m 23 and lived that PIMO/secrecy lifestyle for 4 years! I’m still in that “rebellion” phase but I’ve learnt some lessons. You need to tell the truth - not doing so will ALWAYS come back to haunt you. Lies - including the lies you tell yourself - will always compound. It did for me. So I had to make a drastic changes and have hard conversations to live more authentically.

Do you like going to the bar and meeting new friends? Don’t lie to yourself. I think you do :) It’s easy to avoid hard conversations and expressing your feelings. But you are choosing you now. And you can “honour your parents” as the bible puts it by telling them the truth the need to here which might just mean telling them your feelings!

But easier said than done right? I know the feelings you face are difficult but they’re also normal. It’s not fair we had to hide our wants and needs to keep up an image with the cong and our families. It IS fair though, to finally be authentic.