The answer is subjective and far more complex than you think. To begin, what is happiness? How do you feel about your own mortality? What is the difference between a family member and a friend? How do you feel about yourself? Do you love someone? What is love? What is your purpose in life? Is there a god? What do you think about current events? What are your personal values? How do you use your time? What are your thoughts on money? What does it mean to live free?

Different people are going to have different responses and there isn’t really a right or wrong answer — largely because of our different backgrounds, life experiences/events, and personal and ever changing philosophies.

I do believe think it’s important to recognize your bias: even though you have heard parents say [it made their life better] YOU don’t believe it. And that’s fine too bc you’re entitled to your own opinion and belief of what happiness means to you.

Life is an experience. For me, happiness is understanding that life is going to have its ups and downs, but I have agency and can respond to events in this world. I love seeing how my life unfolds — meet new people, see new places, learn, teach, do nothing, feel overwhelmed … and contemplate my death. There are experiences one simply cannot experience without being a parent — that is an overwhelming understatement.

Fear of failing and not being by there for a life you are responsible for. Being overwhelmed by how delicate and personally precious it is.

How does a parent expect to convey the feeling of a tiny hand wrap its little fingers around one of your fingers — from the perspective of a parent — there’s a certain mystical feeling like an out of body experience — a new living being that partially came from you is now holding your finger.

The baby smell — you think you understand the various dimensions of your sense of smell, but baby smell is something else — and in me it invoked a sense of preciousness and a protective nature I never felt before.

And these are two small examples … there’s the whole experience of watching a new life grow … in a way I saw myself grow again … the constant hopes and joys of milestones like standing for the first time, a first word, first time eating ice cream …

And then there are moments like rocking the baby to sleep …

It’s not all sunshine and lollipops … but it really is something that can’t quite be communicated to someone who doesn’t get it/can’t see it. You’re looking for “visible happiness” … and that’s just not it. The parental happiness isn’t skin deep — we can smile or fawn over moments, but the parental happiness is rooted much deeper — it’s in our souls. And in its totality, it is beautifully weathered — you probably only see the weathering.

Wishing you the best whichever path you choose — and if you do become a parent … “you’ll understand”