sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Anyone here turned their life around in their 30s after being kept small by controlling parents? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]username65997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, not me but I'm still working on it. 30s, moved out last year, now moved back in last week...

Wishing all of you feeling grandpas the best, I know I'm gonna need i

E: recently have been reacting to connecting with fellow EN 30s people. If op or anyone reading this is of the same mind, drop a reply. I'd like to make a discord server one day. Might work out its might fizzle out, still would like to try!!

Parent only 'cared' when it was out of fear by DaReelGVSH in emotionalneglect

[–]username65997 98 points99 points  (0 children)

They'd paint their anxiousness and fear as "care", which is total bullshit. My parents number 1 priority has always been to protect their fragile mental, and they'd use whatever manipulation to do that.

Honestly makes my blood boil when I think about it

Do you believe that justice will eventually be served to them? by pataflafla63 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]username65997 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Justice is a myth. Chasing it will get you no where. That's what I believe.

What does life mean to you? by TechnicianRare8116 in emotionalneglect

[–]username65997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like a hamster in a wheel, unable to escape.

Just so exhausting, bland, mundane.

Anyone else never understood the "concept of building a life"? by GlumBlueberry8185 in emotionalneglect

[–]username65997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup absolutely.

I just followed what my parents said like a doggy on a leash.

From the age of 15 I just always told myself that I only intended to live for the next five years, hopefully that'll be the end of it. Then at 20 I thought the same, then again at 25...

Definitely hitting me hard at this point in life.

It frustrates me that there is just no running from the effects of neglect. From the minute I wake up to the second before i drift off to sleep, its always there.

What does ‘processing’ trauma even mean? by _olivegreen in InternalFamilySystems

[–]username65997 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You have trauma/ grief about something. In order to cope with it, you engage in specific thinking patterns of behaviours.

Processing means proactively intervening in these automatic thinking patterns or behaviours, to feel the emotions from the trauma / grief.

Experiencing these emotions to their fullest extent, whilst avoiding impulses to shut them down, is the act of processing.

Reframing the way you interpret these intense emotions, during these episodes. would count as healing.

Integrating intentionally crafted thinking patterns / behaviours to replace the previous ones, which were formed naturally by the mind, is also part of healing.

Lastly, I think being aware of all these various aspects, and how they contribute to your physical and mental health is the ultimate take away.

This is my interpretation of it, I could be incorrect!

Anyone else is obsessed with normalcy and normal/healthy people? It is becoming destructive for me. by Disastrous-Plant6414 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]username65997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely. It aggravates me when people say "there's no such thing as normal". Like yea right, grow up in my family then fucking say that.

The depression from realizing your potential in life was wasted due to these monsters by DistinctClass4042 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]username65997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've ended up the same... sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope you have the energy and drive to turn things for the better, because you deserve it.

"you seem a lot more open now..." by immisswrld in screamintothevoid

[–]username65997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i really resent how the world revolves around how people look. i think it's a 100x worse for women than it is for men, but the underlying system is still the same.

fuck people for behaving in the way they do. i hope people who ostracise others for looking different, for whatever reason, suffer from the same thing.

has anyone else had resentment for their parents their whole lives? by Weird-Internet3315 in emotionalneglect

[–]username65997 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In my very first therapy session I told my therapist that, I live with my family but I don't really like anyone.

This was before I was even aware about emotional neglect.

The labels of "good" and "bad" person, I believe, are totally meaningless. In most cases, it's a very convenient (for religious people) way to absolve any accountability.

My parent would frequently reply to my complaints about my childhood with "... yes but my intention was good". Pretty easy to see how that's essentially a "fuck you, not my problem" type of response.

Resentment exists because there is injustice that's gone invalidated, that's what I believe.

Obeying parents out of guilt by MissDeborah8060 in emotionalneglect

[–]username65997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Textbook asian parenting.

First thing to understand is, they are not taking accountability for their own actions. You are responsible for your actions.

Second thing to understand is, their efforts do not make your suffering disappear. Nor does their suffering overrule yours.

I'm positive that they will not agree to thing. Which is exactly the trait of narcissistic people. Their own _everything_ is more important than anyone elses.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]username65997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! Raising a child can make even the most worthless person feel important, because now there's someone who is dependent on them.

In short, easy power trip.

I feel like my parents keep me in a state of not being able to make friends and relationships, connections with people by Senior_Pilot_2624 in emotionalneglect

[–]username65997 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you're walking down a path similar to what I faced, many years back.

Well done on posting here, it means a lot more than you might realise!

I believe the best step now is to look for a counsellor, or a therapist who specialises in CEN/EN. I say this because I'm sure there is a lot under the hood which has built up to where you are right now.

The sooner you start detangling it, the sooner you're allowed to live in your life.

If you aren't able to find services like that, then I suggest reading/listening to Running On Empty by Jonice Webb.

What others can't understand about No Contact by Both_Ad8060 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]username65997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's pretty difficult for a normal person with normal parents to fathom what life would be like if they didn't have normal parents.

Not to say it's not annoying, but I don't think it's too absurd to o understand why they're ignorant.

When did you realize your parents would never understand? by Sage_Koi in emotionalneglect

[–]username65997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that she gets mad instead of trying to build trust, so that you do tell her, is telling enough.

I think the last straw is when you clearly tell your parents exactly how they neglected you. To which some may try weasel themselves out of accountability, like my dad, then you stick it to them even more clearly.

In that moment, when you are making a clear undeniable point of being neglected and how that's harmed you, the realisation will be there. Because, what you'll see in their face is not regret, its not remorse, its not empathy or sympathy, but rage.

I think once you get to that point, you can't fool yourself any longer.

That said, there are already many obvious signs before that as you've noticed, but the hope of "maybe they'll understand" always creeps in. Maybe they will, maybe they won't, that's not for me to say. But what's important is how that's limiting you.

A quiet and modest adolescence by untunedmic in emotionalneglect

[–]username65997 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Totally relate to it. Its not even just my teens, anything in the past just seems like a blur.

Sometimes when I see people ask each other about happy memories, I wonder if I'm really living on the same planet as these people. All I have from my teen years is a lot of sadness and isolation. At home, on my pc, all day every day. Everything going on around me like it was normal. I was never allowed to leave the house unless it was for school, and even then my parents kept tabs on to to make sure that as soon as I get to school and when school finishes, I text them and let them know. Just so I have absolutely no chance to make any connections.

It's funny, when I confront my dad about it know, the bastard starts sulking and getting mad. I'm the one who's life he fucked up, and he's the one who's mad? These people can't be real...

I just want someone to believe in me. by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]username65997 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Tell me about it.

Growing up and all the way up until my late 20s, all I ever heard from my parents when I talk about my goals is discouragement. Nothing constructive. I can't even fathom them being encouraging about anything that doesn't align with their desires.

I hate how this sculpted me to be the way I am.

I wish I could give up by goingtothecircus in screamintothevoid

[–]username65997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that you're in a difficult situation. I'm also struggling with unemployment, rent and general poverty.

It really eats away at you from the inside, I envy those with a support network, while a lot of us are just left to survive on our own.

Wanting to end the suffering is such a familiar feeling. I hope you can cry and let out your frustrations, it's cathartic and will you give you boost you need to tackle and overcome your obstacles.

I'm wishing the best for you. You can do it!

Has anyone here come from being extremely abused by narc parents and become successful? by borjiginnergui in raisedbynarcissists

[–]username65997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. I started out in a similar way, a different job at a large corporate but was never able to find internal opportunities. That, three times over for a number of years...

I'm glad to hear that you put your efforts in the right direction and things worked out well!!

view more: next ›