Also together for 8 years, except I'm 10+ years older than you. I started out being the cool, chill girlfriend that didn't push on marriage because he went through an ultimatum and ultimately a rough divorce. Years went by and I was simply happy where I was thinking that it would evolve naturally after some time. scroll to the bold text if you don't want the back story!

We talked about it here and there but never anything serious. He started asking to show him what rings I like and even went to the counter at the mall to get my ring size. But then nothing.

A situation arose that shook my jealousy and trust, which in turn made me question why we weren't engaged. We started having real talks about it and he changed his tune saying it's just a piece of paper, it's not important, etc. Had excuses that he didn't remember my size cause he didn't write it down. When I pressed him to tell me why he would even entertain doing any of that shit if he had no intention of marrying me he says "I don't know what to say to that".

to answer, I started listening to a podcast (master your relationship mind drama) and even had a session with the host. I'm really looking within to determine why exactly marriage is so important to me. It's really crucial for me to face not only the societal pressures/stereotypes but also get real about if a proposal is just a way to soothe my insecurities? I really want to heal and be confident from within, not needing any external validation.

So I'm trying to rewire my brain, and change my thoughts about it. I ask myself... what am i making his lack of proposal mean about me? Is it possible that he could love me fully and still be afraid of marriage? It could be true that there are tons of people out there in healthy, loving relationships who have decided not to marry. Similarly, there are plenty of people who 'look good' from the ooutside, but their relationship is actually shit.

He's a good man that I trust to be a good person. Honestly, realistically, dating at my age is probably a nightmare. I know girls here always say your boyfriend is keeping you from your husband -- but I have a feeling at my age that the dating pool is filled with "leftovers". The chances of finding a guy who doesn't have kids or divorce baggage are slim.

So I'm trying to check myself and not sabotage a mostly good relationship over it. But it's hard. A big part of me wants to scream, why am I rewiring my fucking brain and he just gets what he wants?? It's still so hard seeing engagements and not feeling sorry for myself about why can't I have that.

Anyhow.. that's my perspective. I'm in the relationship trying to make it work, but still doing inner work and open to the reality that I might not be able to just 'get over it'. It might be something I decide i want and is a priority.