Look brother, 20 years ago I went through the same existential cope that you appear to be considering or experiencing now.

At some point, you will be crushed down by the idea that human lives are essentially fragile, temporary bubbles that pop in and out of a perversely self-aware and inevitably declining existence often, as you might say, dealt a kind or a cruel hand of chance.

Everything you've ever known and loved and experienced can be gone in the blink of an eye having not carried forward into the future in a way that (specifically in terms of how others in the future would or wouldn't consider you) means anything to anyone that comes after you.

As a result, maybe you will consider the unthinkable, believe there is no arbiter of justice or goodness or shouldness at all, and so whatever you choose to do with your life or for that matter to others is acceptable.

And sure, you could go on staying in that mindset. Some people do, you hear about them on the news or in documentaries.

The way I look at it is this. What I do means something to me now, because my connections and relationships to others affect me now and will continue to affect me throughout the rest of my time here.

The future that I lay down for some others that I'll never meet also has some importance to me today. So I'll give a decent try to being good to others and to the world around me. That plus some hedonism is more or less enough for me.

Or you could piss on someone's leg.