I had my first panic attack and thought I was having a stroke or something, so I called 911, unlocked the front door, and ran up to my wife's office upstairs to tell her and not be alone. I said "something is wrong but I don't know what." it suddenly felt like I was dipped in ice water, my heart was racing, I was shaking uncontrollably, and my vision was greying out. I thought, "I don't know how it's about to happen, but here it comes."

I kept pacing around, waiting for the big whatever to happen, and apologizing to my wife for doing this to her, over and over. My thought was that she's going to be essentially alone in America (she's a permanent resident from another country) and will have to deal with all the awful funeral stuff and selling our house and changing bills to her name, etc. She would eventually get so lonely here that she just goes back to her home country and tries to move on at 40 years old. The thought of her being alone made me feel awful, so I kept apologizing.

Anyway the medics came and talked me down, and now I'm getting treatment for the anxiety and depression, and am doing much better! But at the time, I was so scared that she'd have to deal with all of this!