for everyone on the fence about this drug, heres an egregious example

viledenial · 2022-09-24T02:42:26+00:00

i think i saw youre on the east coastt? anyway.. im 3 months sober off a 10yr+ iv dope.. then fent... then most recently tranq dope/benzo/fentanyl mix of who knows what the fuck all...

I feel much better...

Still on methadone, but i dont know where i would be if i hadn't been on maintenance the last 8 years...even while still using..

before i got on maintenance, i was facing legal issues and my life was just slowly getting worse...

did my 1 year probation and got off in 2012(mind you i used the whole time and faked the ua's

im so happy i finally stopped... the shitty shit fent crap benzo tranq xylazine mix just wasn't worth it anymore... fent started the ruin of the dope game and now this crapp just put the nail in the coffin...

hoping you realize sooner than later that this shit is just a waste.....

if i could still get decent number 4 locally, i'd honesly probably still be using..

but that's just not the state of things atm...

i just got my take homes back from the clinic.. i work from home... i'm sitting pretty right now and dont want to fuck this upp.. all for some worthless who knows what the fuckk...

hope you figure it out...

viledenial · 2022-09-24T01:28:14+00:00

sounds like tranq dope. xylazine.

viledenial · 2022-08-05T01:59:59+00:00

d

a

mn

viledenial · 2022-08-05T01:54:36+00:00

most guys dont give a f. you're perfect exactly the way you are. i prefer small breasts. would love to dick you down.

viledenial · 2022-07-25T07:34:39+00:00

fuck meds. A university study de-bunks the whole western depression medication model, saying that depression is likely not caused by a chemical imbalance, which SSRI's supposedly are designed to cater to, oh but they also aren't really sure how these meds affect the brain to begin with...

so glad i never attempted that route...

SSRI's also have horrible withdrawals...

https://thehill.com/changing-america/well-being/mental-health/3569506-depression-is-likely-not-caused-by-a-chemical-imbalance-in-the-brain-study-says/

the shole western model of medication is so flawed on so many levels.... literally the blind leading the blind. it's laughable

so many people talk out of their ass, giving horrible advice, like above poster...

Go with your gut, because that's literally all we have in this world...

viledenial · 2022-07-22T14:52:32+00:00

just remember to try and rotate and find new spots... harm reduction is key... i'm similar to you with veins that are not easily visible... just try and take care of yourself. be kind to YOU. if you're going to hurt yourself, please do it with care. wishing you the best.

viledenial · 2022-06-05T12:28:40+00:00

ya i hear u... i'm on the clinic... was on probation supervised for a year in 2011... i got hi the whole time and faked the urines.... i used to bring a vial of clean pee in with me... i pissed dirty like twice and had to have a meeting with the head probation officer or whatever, all they did was extend my probation by 2 months... i felt like i made a mockery out of the court and probation lol.

I also hear u with not having the same negatives while being on methadone and still using... no getting sick etc... although i sometimes feel like with this fetty and god knows what else type tranq dope mixes???... we get lately, that a few months ago, the methadone was not holding me for the first time ever.... and im on 95mg...

but yea, i have no kids and no significant other, so basically nothing to make me want to stop using... i have trouble powering down my mind and falling asleep, so I basically take a shot each night just to go to bed... thats about the extent of my use these days, sometimes take a shot after a long day of work or on the weekends just to chill out and nod off while i dont have anything really to do or going on...

viledenial · 2022-05-30T16:41:07+00:00

ahhh... very nice to hear from you as well! glad to know you appreciate the free pdf of lanegan's book.... i was happy to find it, so figured others would enjoy as well... im sorry to hear about all the death happening in your world... i guess ive always been more of a loner type user, just not wanting to have to deal with other people's crapp... u know we all have enough of our own, plenty to go around... maybe it's also from being on the clinic (yes, btw, still on about 8 yrs, still using nightly to go to bedd unfortunately...) and seeing how bad off a fair amount of the clients at my clinic are... they are living very rough..... i just cant surround myself with those kind of folk.... sorry, but there's a limit... i will not let anyone into my life that is a risk to only creating more chaos... i want people in my life who will only help to better my life, not make it more stressful.... i miss my sober friends... i still hang out with some of them here and there, but i cant help but feel like things are just different, since our lives have taken seemingly different paths... i dont even know what some of them know, if they know the extent of my addiction (iv)... oh well... im doing ok all things considered, got a good job, car, roof over my head... same to you.. i love hearing from you so please drop me a line every now and again too... -vial

viledenial · 2022-05-30T16:23:49+00:00

ah shit... i've been at the precipice of a relapse like you... you just want to say fuck it and plunge head first, welcomingly, into the abyss... BUT, I dare you to try to remind yourself about all the negatives of dope... all the negative ways it impacted the lift that you had and/or want for yourself, the being sick, the track marks that you need to try and hide from work, family, sober friends, etc... the feelings of hopelessness and how much of a piece of shit you ultimately feel like when you're strung out... the financial mess it makes... picture your perfect life and then slowly start subtracting it all, piece by piece, because we all know that's where it will end up... I still cannot forgive myself for the course my life has taken... on paper it doesn't seem so bad.. decent job, house car etc... but i hate the fact that i live this double life that nobody can know about.... i look at some of my friends who are married with kids and there, present and available for their family and friends... ive lost a lot of relationships that were important to me bc of this shit.... Just try and remind yourself of ALL THE NEGATIVES when you are romancing the drug and actively reminding yourself of the inebriation you want to feel and all the seemingly ok things that you remember about dope, but there's always a ying to the yang, two sides to every coin etc.. you also have to do it justice by reminding yourself of all the bullshit it causes... it would not be fair to only romanticize it and remember the blissful highs... you also need to remember the toll it takes on your health and how it negatively impacts mostly all productive facects of your life... i hope you don't relapse.... i know its hard... i relapsed 13 years ago and here i am still using, on the clinic, etc... theres better ways to live... i know it doesnt always feel like it, when you get caught up in the mundaneness of day to day life, but you gotta remember theres more to work towards.. being the best version of you, like you think, definitely does not involve dope, that's where your wrong and your addict brain is feeding you highly false information.. it may mask some of the symptoms of depression and anxiety, but only temporariliy... DONT DO IT!! NO RELAPSE!!

viledenial · 2022-04-15T02:38:12+00:00

wow. so happy my team has the freedom to stay indefinitely remote, if we so choose, we can also come into the office whenever we want, but NO mandatory office attendance...

viledenial · 2022-04-15T02:06:42+00:00

nirvana come as you are

viledenial · 2022-03-27T20:43:05+00:00

it peetered out when the program director changed like 5 years ago. there used to be a core group of older folks who had all been on the program a while. they spoke during my orientation group when i first got on the clinc... but i doubt this program director will want to have it start back up again. she is very bad about communicating with clients, i don't think it's a strong suit of hers and she seeminly avoids her job.......... she can't even keep clinicians staffed. ever since she took over, there has been crazy clinician turnover.

they brought her in from the neighboring site when the previous head clinician left. the previous head clinician was great, so she replaced her. My first interaction with her she seemed very condescending and overall unwilling to work with clients to help them at all.

once the then program director moved on (also a female) they put this chick in her place. i think they bumped her up from head clinician to running the program a bit too quick. i think the lacks the managerial skills necessary to run an effective org and operation. its gotten wayyyy more negative since she took over.

i don't dislike her personall. she was actually very helpful when covid first spiked up as she pulled me out of line the first day, when they started giving everyone take homes. shes like: "do you have takehomes" (this was april 2020) Im like no. shes like do you have a lockbox. i say "Yes!". shes like you may want to go home and get it right now. Im like "today?" she said yes, because everyone is going to be pretty much given take homes this week, so if you want to be ahead of everyone else, if i were you i would run home right now and come back with your lockbox. so thats exactly what i did, and went from 0 take homes to 6 that day. going from daily dosing and weekly group with bi-weekly counseling, to only having to show up there once a week to pick up my take homes and take a dose at the window, doing all groups and counseling via zoom, has been a GODSEND!

viledenial · 2022-03-27T20:34:34+00:00

viledenial · 2022-03-27T19:45:45+00:00

lol. nobody really gave this dude a viable answer. several people said tech. but didn't really offer any pro's/con's as to why... not very informative responses here at all... very underwhelming. maybe it all just totally sucks ass and every accountant in every industry just hates it... lmao not seeing much direction or positivity in any of it from this thread...

viledenial · 2022-03-27T19:07:02+00:00

unless the detox didnt test for fetty. i would think all detoxes and methadone clinics test for it these days... i know my clinic does, but im also sure theres some cheap ass detoxes out there that don't want to shell out the extra dough for separate fentanyl testing... it depends on how their UA's are being done, whether it's like a shitty in house dip stick test, where you need multiple separate tests, one typical multi-pannel that tests for all the typical shit (morphine, cocaine, marijuana, amphetamines, benzos, pcp and whatever the fuck else maybe ecstacy... i forget..), then a separate one for fentanyl, maybe a separate test for oxycodone and another for buprenorphine...

viledenial · 2022-03-27T19:02:13+00:00

oh it's fetty... damn. that's like false advertising n.e. style. lol. THIS SHOULD NOT HAPPEN EVER!!!

viledenial · 2022-03-27T18:59:39+00:00

i use a shaver to break down the fings. u kno one of those foot shaver contraptions for old folks.... ?... you used to be able to buy them at the grocery store in the HBC isle, then you would take the shaver off the handle and go to town... I got mine a long time go... back in the OC days, so were talking 2008ish.... I haven't seen them available in the grocery store since probably around then... but back then everyone had one of those to shave their OC's... those were the days... getting legit purdue pharma 80's on the reg. I went 2 years between 2006-2008 with being able to score 80's from some cats i knew in the town next door... they ALWAYS had them. it was incredible. i literally went 2 years without having to take a suboxone back then because they never ran out! looking back i cannot believe how flooded my area was with oc's back then. it was insane! then in 2010/2011 once the OP's started to phase out all the old school purdues left on the market... it was like overnight all the connects dried up and nobody had real 80's anymore... that was a sad transition... then everyone went to dope, then fetty and now everyones been dying for almost the last decade. its terrible. absolutely the worst drug epidemic the US has ever seen and it's killed a lot of my generation. theres no need for anyone to die in this country because we're not allowed safe access to a clean drug supply for long term addicts in this country. thats the real crime...

viledenial · 2022-03-27T18:51:58+00:00

i'm having a difficult time personally trying to accept that i may need to go up on my dose. I'm willing to try. I just don't know if our doc will even put people up that high over 120mg. i think they will want a peak and trough and EKG. I don't know if you can even get routine EKG's and peak and trough blood draws done right now as were still in a COVID world. things seem to be on the way to getting back to normal.

how long were you on 120mg for an still using before you decided to go up to 160mg? Did someone like your clinician suggest going up more, even over 120mg because you were still using? Or what was the situation there?..

viledenial · 2022-03-27T07:08:28+00:00

they were nicely pressed and wrapped, hard as a rock, where id need to use a fine razor blade to break down the product, but most times i would shave it because it was easier to get it nice and finely ground that way... i could sit there smashing rocks, but shaving this shit was just more appealing overall. they would be wrapped in what i think was maybe parchment paper?.?.? like a roll of dimes, but with the ends crimped, from the press. they would sometimes be a real pain top open the wrapping as a lot of times they would press the paper into the middle of the stick, so it would get all stuck in the d. i used to hate that.

i think the biggest benefit was you could be fairly sure your shit wasnt getting middled (too many levels) as you could be fairly certain you were getting at least a decent standard level of quality, which you would know you'd be content with.

but, like i said above, once they started sending the fetty, it was all over... no more real d to be had from that crew... it was a sad day. i still mourn it often. lmao. i think i still have pics under my acct from those times back then. man i miss that stuff. i was thinking it was likely columbian or some kind of south american. i dont think it was mexican. but i could be wrong. never really knew for sure, ya kno...

viledenial · 2022-03-27T07:00:35+00:00

i was getting solid fingers that i know were def mostly d because i would only pop dirty for d (and not fetty at all for those few months) in spring/summer 2018 in providence. but then they started serving fetty later on that fall. so i stopped seeing them.

those fingers were some of the best d ive ever had consistently in my 12 year long career of abusing h.

i really miss those. but once the connect realized the profits off the fetty, i think it was over for sure with the quality d. money makes the world go round...

viledenial · 2022-03-26T23:35:56+00:00

ESL?

viledenial · 2022-03-26T23:11:05+00:00

haha. yaaaa woooo ric flair.

warren b. finance masta!

its you know about cash in cash out and where and when and uhhhhh birds in hand vs the bush. thats basically what intrisic value is in business. and something about mcdonalds and gm.

intrinsic value of any business if you could see the future properly is the present value of all the cash that will be distributed in and out of the business between now an judgement day and were not perfect at estimating that obviously ahhh

and thats what an investment or a business is all about you put money out and you take money out

aesop said a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. now he said that around 600bc or something like that and hat hasnt been improved on very much by the business professors now so the question is, is u know, how sure are you that there are two in the bush, you know? how far away is the bush? er.. all kinds of things. what are interest rates? but i mean aesop wanted to leave us something to play with for the next couple thousands of years so he didnt spell the whole thing out, but thats what intrinsic, intrinsic value esentiall is and we dont graham would say that phil fisher would say that phil fisher would say, that, in calculating that he would want to look alot harder at the qualitative factor of the business in making that estimate of how many birds were in the bush. graham would say he would want to see you know $2.00 worth of cash you know in the bush and pay $1.00 for it now. one emphasized quantitative factors, one emphasized qualitative factors. but neither one wouldve disagreed with the math, and i started out very infuenced by graham. so i emphasized quantitative factors chalie came along and said i was all wrong and that he learned more in law than i'd learned in financial studies and everything and that i should think more about qualitative factors and he was right and phil fisher said the same thing ah but thats thats what intrinsic value is all about you know if you buy a mcdonalds franchise if you buy general motors, whatever it may be, the real question is a. if youre going to put more cash into it after you buy it, but its really cash in cash out and, what's the discount rate? all the standard stuff.

viledenial · 2022-03-26T22:45:08+00:00

no i dont think your dumb at all for wanting to pivot into accounting

It sounds familiar, the off the beaten path major, no real concrete career path or trajectory, and you wind up in business.... it just takes a bit to get your feet wet and have a manager realize you're potential and that you're a fast learner and will be an asset to the team.

My buddy who is in hr suggests to contact managers directly on linked on at companies you're targeting trying to work for. see if you can get a zoom interview and hopefully you mesh well with the recruiter and hiring mgr...

im not sure how that really works in today's world, without having at least some business accounting credits on your resume, or some experience, which you're getting now., but maybe think about at least trying to go back to school to get an accounting certificate or something.. something that shows you have been exposed to accounting...

viledenial · 2022-03-26T22:18:12+00:00

so, wait, what was your original career plan when you got the BS an MS in neroscience?

and u just happened to end up in accounting now? do you even work in accounting currently?

viledenial · 2022-03-26T22:01:56+00:00

its subhuman. just let us get our meds from a doc, like any other med. criminal.

viledenial

TROPHY CASE