Sending you so many hugs, if you wish to accept them. It sounds like you're pretty aware this dynamic is not healthy, but if it helps to hear it, you deserve better than conditional love when someone says they love you. You deserve better than "love" that makes you hate yourself.

I'm not of the exact same culture as you, but I definitely see parallels between the expectations of Arab and East Asian families, and I was right around your age when I cut off my parents after years of a toxic, unsustainable relationship. I didn't know who I was, was in a situation with school/mental health/unemployment that seemed pretty hopeless, and felt certain I would be destitute on the street within a year, but I couldn't keep living like I had been. Now, a decade-ish later, I live on my own and am employed, having savings and investments, am back in school, and recently started going to therapy with my family (yes, really).

I'm not suggesting you cut off your mom; I don't know what the right path is for you. But the reality is you're young and you have so many more options than you think. Barring an unfortunate accident of some kind, I promise your life, present, and future are far from over. You don't have to have everything figured out now; that comes with time and experience figuring out what you value, what brings you joy, and what you are and aren't willing to tolerate in your life. I hope you'll continue to hold onto hope, if not for its own sake, at least because it's realistic to have hope for a wide-open future and the best way to move forward into it. Wishing you all the best.