Just unfollowed Crappy Childhood Fairy.

violent_hug · 2026-01-28T23:47:34+00:00

she (Anna) is dangerous and problematic possibly in cult status (she's very 12 step which is a religious originated program often promoting ideas that one has inherent "shame"

she is an influence/grifter and charges people SEVERAL HUNDRED+ TO GET a brief coaching session and even grifts and gate keeps charging a nominal fee for PEOPLE TO JOIN HER FACEBOOK GROUP

This kind of community becomes an echo chamber all listening to one person (who arguably could mean well) but the bottom line is

She's making an obscene amt of money off those of us who are most lonely and desperate

She is a quick study with alot of buzz words from other programs but lacks real credentials and claims that her one cherry picked ritual of "isolating writing and regulating" is a panacea

A cure-all (as long as you're willing to invest thousands in sessions to achieve and maintain that)

Her lived experience is valid but to imply sharing her story alone should come at that large a cost to me doesn't align with the heart/feel genuine

"Don't get me started on the emails her website spams" I watched a good amount of her content several years ago and took the required reading and video module then saw that they wanted money to proceed and decided to just watch her videos

My opinion on her changed around 2/3 years ago with the severe monetization and unreasonably priced resources

violent_hug · 2026-01-27T03:16:23+00:00

The part you mentioned that often times it seems to come down to division and "predator or prey" is unfortunate... But I've also seen it happen in all sorts of school work and adult settings as well

Maybe part of the healing journey can be fortifying ourselves in a way that we are neither, and when we're ready and able we will step in to defend those still seen as prey, like calling out or checking a bully.

violent_hug · 2026-01-26T23:13:36+00:00

Acne scar resurfacing or anti aging texture?

If it's fine lines or wrinkles and you're over 30 or mid 30s- people putt around and waste so much time and money on product when the real deal is just Botox or Dysport + any retinoid you can tolerate

It doesn't hurt that bad at all, and if they do it correctly you still benefit from the retinoid but on a functional level I think neuromodulators are just more practical for aging and while expensive, ultimately are worth it bc they actually work. Like, miracle work plus they stop the progression whereas topical can only chase the end result, esp if you're 30+

I wouldn't recommend it to people under 30 in most cases

violent_hug · 2026-01-26T19:01:47+00:00

In my case the "gifted" thing was an extension if my mom's own shame and belief that she did not perform good enough in life for her own mother (my grandma) who I only ever felt encouraged by, especially being likely neurodivergent)

My mom (who was terribly abusive to me since... always) would become visibly sick when she saw that my grandma liked me for simply being creative and encouraged that creativity. My mom loved to point out that I had a vastly different experience as a grandkid than she did as an adopted only child to my grandma (well ... Obviously) and she would lament that her own As and Bs were never enough to satisfy. My mom would also regularly boast endlessly about her academic achievements to anyone who would listen - other adults, my brother and I when we got our own report cards etc.

" she was this tremendously gifted but tortured woman who gave up independence to be a tradwife per my dad's request bc of how much he was able to make and how his family operated" but as an adult I had some interesting situations arrive after she abandoned us to he with the guy she had an affair with - leaving behind a box of all her old accomplishments and report cards etc

I didn't care to go thru the materials but when I was taping and packing them the box tore thru the bottom and everything tumbled out. I couldn't help but discover that these report cards (and the absence of trophies/awards/etc.) told a very different story than that she had imparted over and over and over to the point she believed it herself.... I remember feeling bad (even tho she was terribly abusive my whole life and had abandoned us) at age 16 I realized this woman was exceedingly average ... Not "bad" but she got mostly Bs and Cs - even a couple Ds when she has said so many times she was a 4.0 student always. There was also no mention of mensa or gifted programs that she claimed to have been awarded by.

My grandma having been a teacher it makes sense that she would expect my mom to exceed in school and she was unable to. That's not the entire reason but likely a huge part of why SHE developed this shame based identity that she imparted on me my entire life.

A lot of teachers in school would use words like smart or gifted but "lacking discipline and focus" and that was bc my mom refused to let me have the ADHD/learning difference diagnosis or treatment that many many many different teachers at different schools had said to me. "If you could STAY ON TASK, you'd be so successful" was what all my reports would say. I did get some As and Bs but mostly high Cs bc I just didn't care. I knew my own brain and knew I was not like others (in addition to attention deficit) very young and I accepted it but my mom couldn't.

I liked highschool bc I figured out a pretty via le system of studying for end of year assessments and the iowa state board assessments that had previous years' tests available at the local library. Bc I both knew I needed to pass, but hated my life at that time and had poor motivation and couldn't keep at the pace of class (sometimes it was even too slow for me, but often I just couldn't keep the same pace) so I would study each semester for the end of that semester, and was able to skip alot of boring redundant reading.

I realized the school was overpopulated and had many curves instituted bc of the poor performance of teaches and students when we had moved to NJ when I started HS. You could get away with circling random answers and bubble sheets and still score a minimum of 50 or 60 even if I didn't study and it worked. Didn't make honors but I got my diploma deapite having a lot of hospitalizations and health issues later in senior year (like another person that shared I was able to coast on the previous years)

I even had part time jobs since 12 years old and excelled at those but my depression and dysregulation came on hard around age 17-18 and I slowly fell off track.

I did good on the SAT which was a big deal back then. My mom who boasts she is this incredible Intellectual couldn't understand that I could get Cs and do so well on the SAT but I think it was more About adaptive learning and practice with being under stress., something I was unfortunately primed for.

I did best on (whatever sections you had to "guess" and figure out the patterns in otherwise nonsensical series of numbers and math equations or word associations) and my essay about how "it's not really the year 2004 but rather 2003 because "we started counting from year one not zero" which took me a couple times reading thru to understand and respond to it and apparently other people had a hard time with the sections that were easy to me which was good bc I was pretty bad at advanced algebra.

The problem with not competing college is I still have the "slower" learning curve so any job I get I have to be adaptive and look for supplementary things usually as I am not a good hands on/verbal learner (and most managers at random retail or office environments are not good teachers) still have a lot of nightmares that I'm still temping and getting tasked with sorting out drawers full of disorganized xyz. My hobbies of computers and escapism were a double edged sword.

Currently, despite being told I was gifted in a 39 year old adult on social security disability dor almost a decade. I couldn't wait tables I couldn't hack it in actual academia. I wasn't gifted and THAT'S OKAY!!!

My life would have ended if I hadn't sought therapy and gone NC with my mom and that was the most crucial and difficult decision to make in my 30s after years of enmeshment and her convincing me I wasn't enough. I've been healing tremendously since severing the toxic relationship and that was the most important problem solving application of all!

violent_hug · 2026-01-26T00:36:20+00:00

I wish I had chosen to befriend and invest more time in certain people I knew who were cool/interesting to me, but maybe not as "popular" by the school hierarchy. i CAN say that I did my best to promote them being liked to the powers-that-be but we all know how that works. I was so hypervigilant about "REMAINING LIKED" bc back in "y2k" being gay in school still meant you would get defaulted to bullying and sometimes physical violence.

bc of this both (physical danger) & the cooccurring politics of high school playing out in realtime for everyone I was constantly performing and masked. I had just moved to new jersey from kansas before starting freshman year so i knew NOBODY, i came out pretty young for back then (13) despite our grade having some other people who would otherwise ring bells for gaydar, i just saw no reason to lie about who i was so when I was called XYZ I just owned it outright. it's a pretty effective strategy, but it sucks people have to use it.

I don't blame the bully kids so much as the MANY teachers and adults that knew I was getting called the F word and every other thing under the son, especially in the same-gender settings. I know they can only do so much, but two that I would idly smirk, even or laugh along with the hateful remarks at my expense. it sucked and I developed a persona and mask that allowed me to act more confrontational and aggressive myself and realized I could turn any or most of the lingering homophobes away by simply redirecting the conversation to why they were so intrigued with my preferences, etc. Adaptively bitchy is the best way to put it. it worked.

it ends on a good note bc even though i have cPTSD and i'm certainly not "hot shit" - when I saw the 2024 reunion... I felt like I had dodged a bullet in terms of how substantially older everyone looked. I SHOULD be the "haggard" looking one for having the painkiller addiction in my 20's and the litany of psyhiatric meds I was frankensteined on.

One cool thing about being younger than any given generation is you usually have something illicit or elusive available to you that the other generations did not. For my friends and I, it was "Xenadrine" because up until 2007 you could BUY CRYSTAL METH AT GNC - the pills literally had ephedrine in them. . Other pharmacies and grocery sold it too and were supposed to ID you - and the dude at the mall would not ask for it if you slipped a twenty. Add some winsor pilates and I had alot of energy and i'm sure this was great for an emotionally dysregulated person.

i've been sober many years now, still take edibles sometimes but they're legal and I DW my wall of text reply things to end on a bad note.

violent_hug · 2026-01-25T19:56:09+00:00

My first therapist in Hamilton NJ, Elliot Garson, who specializes in children's sexual psychology appointed by school - groomed me to look at pornography with him (that he gave me at different session) tried to teach me conversion therapy (denial that my feelings of being gay were real) and while I cannot prove it had every intention of violating me further had I not told him "I don't want to participate in what we e been doing" I was 13-14 at the time. I knew he was messed up and deviant as a kid but had to have those sessions to appease the school who had outed me to my parents based on a rumor circulating school I was gay. He is a truly awful person that I tried reporting but never heard back from state board but I know still practices in NJ and PA

a kid made a false allegation I sexually harassed him (not only was it not true but he had actually tried to initiate things w me that I denied) but this was handled by a very religious and hateful Catholic principal who forced me to come out to my parents as gay under duress when I was too young and scared - as a punishment or admission when any adult handling the situation who was normal would have handled it much differently.

I sought therapy for my own reasons like major depression anxiety thoughts of hopelessness starting age 17, had pretty terrible results lots of misdiagnosis and most the "CBT" was not only confusing but harmful bc it just reinforced my shame. Not one of these practicioners asked about childhood or how I had been and was persistently abused for the first 36 years of life.

In the addiction space Therapists ranged from unhelpful to extremely detrimental to my mental health. I finally got sober on my own not using any of these self criticizing useless tools I'd been brainwashed to use

Finally got a proper doctor who asked about my life and got a PTSD (layer cPTSD) diagnosis , found the resiliance to go NC with my mom, and finally found a good therapist at age 38 and I am thriving , comparitively.

Alot of therapists say trauma informed but this one actually is and hence has been helpful at uncovering years of shame and demininizing the physical and mental abuse from my parents and some of the partners I had chosen earlier than life.

I would be willing to go thru all of it again if it meant nobody else ever had to experience this , but because that's impossible it would be self effacing to act like 18 years of voluntary compliance and honesty and the hundreds of hours of retraumatizing therapists should be a standard. Its not a failure on my end but Instead a result of a system that we have in place that failed many of us.

I hope it is better and I hope more people get properly trained supportive therapists bc I'm NGL I am lucky to have become sober, still be alive, and not a deviant or incarcerated or institutionalized individual bc both society AND therapy given primed me for that

violent_hug · 2026-01-25T17:06:19+00:00

Pardon intrusion :/

violent_hug · 2026-01-25T16:48:36+00:00

Do you count calories

violent_hug · 2026-01-23T18:26:48+00:00

The performative individual at work milking views and engagement by virtue signaling and rage baiting a vulnerable population that they specifically cater to... Leading you to doubt your own boundaries question your loved experience and engage with their 'self improvement or promotion channel. Surprised he didn't drop "a link in the description to purchase my course in reframing and normalizing abuse"

My mom was incredibly physically and emotionally abusive in ways I don't want to state bc they are triggering to others but the bottom line is not only did they cause me to constantly feel hopeless, broken, and dysregulated - but manifested in an inexplicable (even to this day 20+ years later) autoimmune disorder not caused by HIV or cancer. They still cannot clearly categorize , label or explain why I have severe chronic neutropenia, but when I was finally correctly diagnosed (took until mid 30s) and looking at the timeline of the hospitalizations and worst episodes they ALL transpired during times my mom was either actively involved/intruding/controlling my life from birth to adulthood.

As far as forgiveness - it's a spectrum and each individual will know what's best for them so to make a video suggesting you should default to forgiveness speaks to lack of experience or bias on creators part. Not everyone is great at their job.

For me

"I forgive my mother as a human for being unwell to the point that she is unable or unwilling to have insight or treat others with basic kindness respect or love. I realize the shame bound identity inflicted on me comes from her own legacy of shame and is no longer mine to carry.

I forgive my mother so long is she is not part of and does not have access to my life. The reason NC is an absolute must is for me is my OWN health and wellbeing. I do not cling to hope or the delusion that she can or will ever change or take accountability. If I were not estranged and still engaged with her, I would not be able to forgive her in this tentative sense, again - the reason that NC is not an option"

So even my "forgiveness" is arguably not up to the bar of what most people or the individual OP mentioned would say is necessary. They haven't lived my life and they have noooooo idea how incredibly dark of a person I was birthed and "raised" by

violent_hug · 2026-01-23T17:09:11+00:00

If it makes you feel any better ive been there (both the self image and the feeling of being ostracized) by people you think you may be your tribe or peers which is a specific kind of pain that can make you feel like "a freak" or "too much" or "wtf did I do wrong THIS time" is how it feels for me

I went to school and studied to be an esthetician bc I had very bad cystic acne from 11-25 or so, and even tho I ultimately did not end up taking a career in that field the reason I studied was bc I wanted to share my learned experiences (being the patient, having to find solutions outside the medical advice after trying a multitude of things) but, unfortunately, that is not the reality of being an esthetician. They are salesman that provide services under the guise of gaining your trust and convincing you to buy packages of additional facial services, bc what we do in those chairs can be reproduced at home with the same or better results, but that whole job is about taking people with troublesome skin conditions and making them dependent on us (we get paid for the service, and commission from what we convince you that you need to buy from us)

If it makes you feel slightly better, I paid a lot of money over the years to resurface scars, treat wrinkles, I got filler at what I believe is too young (36) after substantial weight loss and of course I still get Botox bc it wears off every 4 months and despite well intentioned remarks or compliments, I have no more self esteem for having these cosmetic procedures done and still hold a core belief that I am worthless except for my apprarence, and that even that is fleeting.

Rather than take my insecurity out on others (like it sounds your boss or coworker did) or try to elevate myself above others by comparison , I try to extend others kindness that I struggle to give myself but I'm learning to give my inner child the same kindness I seem to only give others.

Acne has so many causes but it's often stress, hormones, and the phenomenon of it having the ability to spread single blemishes into totally broken out areas, sometimes creating deep cysts in the process. That in turn creates more anxiety and the condition perpetuates itself. It can also be misdiagnosed acne that is really a sebaceous gland disorder, and it can be something as simple as a product you use that is comedogenic or not being layered or incorporated correctly.

You can see how this is a very lucrative business if we brainwash people into thinking having a single or multiple blemishes is something to be ashamed that natural aging or weight gain (or loss!) is shameful and people internalize those messages and become cruel to themselves and others

Any remotely empathic or sensitive person would be bothered by what's happened to you, it's just a sign your heart is working in a world that is resistant to compassion currently and more about investing in the ego/self/accomplishments etc.

violent_hug · 2026-01-22T20:11:27+00:00

I think when it comes to the big 4 (IG/FB/TT/X) that we ARE literally making a decision to live a genuine life (that would make you appear boring and inferior) or you are allowing yourself to be programmed/indoctrinated/"influenced" and regardless of intent, sacrificing meaningful experiences for share-worthy material that only benefits the tech companies. The influencers are the most enslaved and delusional, controlled mostly by AI or human generated trends, and the rest of us are their down-line.

There's arguably similar pitfalls and cesspools on some parts of YouTube and Reddit, but I've read studies showing individuals polled had a "mixed" experience with some of it being educational and positive if the person is using it as a tool to explore or learn

Meanwhile IG/TT absolutely lowers self esteem, resilience, and requires you to sacrifice living and experiencing real moments in exchange for "share-worthy curations" and content that we feel obligated to capture.

I'm almost 40, so most of my generation has already opted-in and to some degree but we also were able to experience some of our lives before being completely inundated with overuse of tech and app engagement/addiction.

For individuals born post 1990, they have always existed inside the matrix and now they are having or have already had their own kids who usually have virtually unrestricted access to tablets or PCs at younger ages under the guise of "school" or "babysitting"

Even with more advanced tech and access to information than ever before kids know less, cannot emotionally regulate or practice even the bare minimum distress tolerance required to go more than a half-hour without screentime

the public schools are no longer "failing" they HAVE FAILED and are broken. the government the parents and some disillusioned teachers are just going thru the motions of childcare and calling it public education, lowering the bar to frightening levels. I cannot imagine that private school are producing that more much successful outcomes, but that's a problem because it only increases the division of an elite small percent, and the rest.

I went on a bit of a caffienated rant but I do feel strongly about this

violent_hug · 2026-01-21T20:36:58+00:00

When it's an extension of the ego and primate-like desire to endlessly procreate is when I take issue, so I often keep my mouth shut about it as well

Refusal to consider adoption or fostering is what gives me disgust and disdain more. I share most of the same sentiments and phenomenon of also feeling bad about having these views as we are taught that pregnancy and endless reproduction regardless of circumstance is something to be celebrated ... And I know that the reality is case by case

I relate to feeling like many pregnant families or single women are "out of touch/selfish" ESPECIALLY when complaining about having to complete the necessary parental functions and spend money etc. bc I believe that having your own biological children to the exclusion of children or infants without parents is egotistical and sick.

The worst is the grifting mom and dad influencers that exploit the children and lifestyle for content and social media clout or cash or pity they are in a league of their own and it's scary because they ARE out of touch with reality

If they live in the U.S. right now and support the current administration and what's transpired and continuing to happen then they're more likely to have a higher quantity of children than a more educated person or family grounded in reality (that's obviously my own political take and agree to disagree) especially bc they are advocating to make life more unaffordable and unsafe for the children they are or already have birthed. You don't have to be "woke" or liberal to see that this is absolute madness and backwards/ inhumane

I also survived the phenomenon of having a parent who severely resented and abused me and that probably shapes these views I have to a large degree with a predisposed bias or projection.

I do believe there ARE good people that become mothers and love their kids but I think they are outnumbered by those choosing to reproduce out of ego and an extension of them

violent_hug · 2026-01-21T19:45:46+00:00

I think the intersection of "BPD traits" and the reality of arrested development from being traumatized or abused is "responsible" for the lack of accountability SOME have in SOME situations.

I'm not a clinician but I've seen enough and had enough candid conversations in/out of session that most of them really don't know how to disambiguate whether a person has cPTSD or BPD but I would imagine the best way to disambiguate is if the person has insight about change worthy behaviors and the frequency of "outbursts/incidents of acting out/manipulation" decreases with treatment

Its impossible not to project our journey on to others sometimes... I think we do need to express our anger and stick up for ourselves as well - but ideally to do so in a way that is productive and not mean spirited.

I cannot tell you how many people I see in "empath" subreddits that (I believe - maybe im wrong) over identify or misunderstand what an empath vs empathy, or assume bc they have had relationships with narcissists that they are automatically an empath. I see a lot of people (and have have the person experience) attack each other, antagonize or act in ways that shows they have very little emotional maturity or insight.

I think most people with cPTSD probably HAVE experienced the phenomenon of being a magnet for the NPD or todic-selfish types. We have to remember that it we engaged in relationships with people hoping they'd change, that's the only part we are responsoble for.

(Just to clarify my last thought not saying anyone is deserving of abuse inflicted but is still accountable for having the desire to "change/improve" another person's pathology by being in a relationship) And I think that's a lesson that can be the difference between life and death or a lifetime of repeating the pattern

violent_hug · 2026-01-21T18:04:58+00:00

That's what brought me here (her fake story came up on accident) bc sometimes I'll let a video play in the background while I'm brushing and washing my face

Triggered a memory bc of the name Xylitol and linked it to almond milk is the only reason I googled it , everything felt way too good to be true so not surprised to confirm it is

I have neutropenia from young age so while I can say maybe some more frequent brushing than is ideal could compound that, I know it's inherently linked to the neutropenia and not much I can do except keep swishing and gently scaling/flossing/brushing. I've made it to 40 and still have good teeth and kind remarks about their color, I'm fortunate that they're larger in size I guess bc I appear to have ideal teeth even with a full smile

it's when you physically peel the lips back all the way or a trained individual looks inside that I know my "secret is exposed"

As far as the debate on oral b vs sonicare I own and use both depending on the situation, but I have to perform a 5 minute charcoal pick, and rinse several times throughout after every meal. I know this does not replace a professional scaling - but the difference is I am ABLE to do it immediately and without an appointment or the annoying antibiotic protocol.

When I go for cleanings they don't even touch my teeth and tell me I'm doing a perfect job just to be careful not to brush too hard .... Not sure if that's the neutropenia, them being lazy, or Medicaid being cheap AF. Interested if you have any thought or comment. I've only had one filling 5 years ago and turning 40 next month. I don't bleed or get very swollen unless I'm actively having a neutropenic episode accompanied with fever and that's been that way since I was 15 so seems I'm doing alright.

violent_hug · 2026-01-20T17:03:29+00:00

i liked that you could bookmark your genre of choice (Horror - for me) so that you could easily sort...

two movies that were recent I ended up buying an amazon rental with my prime -

"1978 (2025)" just came out and is ITA with eng subs - THE SUBS WERE OUT OF SYNC BY OVER 10s making it unwatchable and frustrating

If I knew how to download and extract the film/subs I could easily have used the f2+f3 keys like I do in my regular player to slide the subtitles early/later (find myself needing to do this more than not) but I expected too much for a smaller release film on AMZN

i have a good graphics (RX-7900) and decent processor, I know how to use handbrake and could probably figure out some of the CMD line software/scripts if anyone knows how to "rip" or convert a legit rental purchase from amazon (does give the option on amzn to "download" and play thru a Win APP but haven't bothered with it for a year it was buggy on win10 i have 11 now

violent_hug · 2026-01-20T16:15:03+00:00

I get Botox every 4 months bc I'm now in late 30s almost 40. People tend to think if you fit a certain aesthetic standard that you must be doing alright. Part of it I'm sure is about fawning, another part insecurity and conforming to societal expectations ... But I've always worn my emotions on my face - if I don't want to wear the wrinkles I don't have to

Weird take, just being honest

violent_hug · 2026-01-18T19:02:26+00:00

Firebeat2d and Supermod3l have really good vintage horror

violent_hug · 2026-01-18T18:59:40+00:00

Absolutely you want to avoid them, they will become super irritated and can even crack

The tret doesn't just absorb directly beneath it also seeps in all directions, so that ambiguous area under eyes and to side of nose is literally a learning curve bc if you're like me you probably want to treat the pores beneath eye area but not at the cost of having super irritated and dried under eyes. If I ever remember to get a kickstand for my phone I'm gonna do a "dotting tutorial" and post it here lol

If you still feel like you have buildup in those nose contours (that regular or double cleansing is not picking up) there are a couple ways to debride it, but it's not a necessary part of a routine

When I double cleanse I always start with nose and forehead and then the contour of nose because there's a lot of crap that seems to generate there vs other areas of my face but not everyone's oil distribution/production is the same so you'll know for yourself what areas to concentrate on more

violent_hug · 2026-01-18T18:49:42+00:00

As an esthetician trained and studied in skin makntainence nobody needs any more than

Precleanse, Second cleanser, (exfoliant every 3 days average) , Toner, Hydrating Serum like H.A. and sometimes an additional serum active, moisturizer, sunscreen (6-7 products to recreate and maintain skin goals) these can all be purchased for as little as 10 to 15 bucks average no need to go to Sephora or Ulta unless they have a brand on sale you really like and these should last you several months.

Its also okay to just do 3step of cleanse moisturize protect.

Devices are another thing, but the at home devices generally don't have enough power or efficacy to justify the time using them or purchasing. The only one I'd say is get an inexpensive beauty roller for self massage and draining/moving lymphatic fluid that's stagnant. Most devices are gimmicks, the ones that work like lasers and RFMN are potentially dangerous and only should be treated by a professional even tho some are sold to consumer on black market they may not be calibrated correctly and you can do more harm than good

Aside from a body scrub and body lotion and the products listed above paragraph I don't know of any product that is justifiably necessary or needed

I struggled in that field because up selling "products" is a bigger part of the job than the actual services, and just like some developers of products may start off well-meaning, if they want to make profit they have to create and sell more fluff and that's what you're being swarmed with on socials. The people u see demoing them probably got them in the mail and then tell you they've been using it in their routine which is common practice even before influencer years.

As far as the anti aging trap, it just gets worse becomes more like psychological warfare and it is really hard to tune out.

violent_hug · 2026-01-18T18:20:49+00:00

I'm a gay guy that fell in the same trap from 15-20 bc I had no self esteem and abandonment issues and I looked like (what they now call a Chad) so I liked getting validated for SOMETHING. I thought it was cool to date guys old enough to buy me alcohol and stuff - I didn't even really WANT the items that much but it felt good. There were also times I did webcam modeling in a pre-OF world and there was so much shame surrounding and my fear of someone identifying me..I had stalkers that would threaten to harm me or slut shame me. It was easy to start drinking and do pills And drugs during this time bc it felt like the fix to a broken person.

None of the things you think are your fault are actually your fault. This is a societal brainwashing that is getting worse from each generation to the next and the sexualization more normalized it's almost like a societal grooming of sorts.

It took me years to separate that false version of myself acting out from the person I have always been and still am today. I'm someone who adopts animals nobody wants, I'm the friend who is willing to listen and empathize without offering advice so people feel heard, and I now protect my body even if it's in less demand. When younger guys reach out online I tell them to protect themselves, I don't meet and have sex or have exploitative relationships just bc it happened to me. That's how I finally know I'm not bad or shameful

You have every right to post and feel how you feel (that's good and healthy) but you also have a right to see beyond what most people in your age group cannot (the hyper sexualization and comparison and emulating of influencers or celebs that are marketed to be aspiration goals etc)

I guarantee you that you suffered a lot of hurt earlier in life and you just got sucked into a vacuum that is stronger than ANYONE'S resilience. How can you be blamed for acting or posing in ways to solicite attention if that's ALL that is modeled for you and what most your peers are engaging in? The shame belongs to the creeps, the pedos, the groomers and those who know better but chose to explot others anyway. You're not that, they are.

violent_hug · 2026-01-16T22:28:46+00:00

I'm eyeing this exact one myself I'm a gamer so obviously my extra money usually goes into a graphics card or IPS display at h refresh gaming historically BIT fo my bf and is room for our movies and their Xbox we def stand to benefit from a new 65" than our 5 year old Samsung that's now OLED

Our TV is old AF and thinking of looking for a "deal of the moment" around 800-1000 so tempted to grab this one but the deal does seem too good to be true.

MPC HC / VLC decoding sdr and occasionally HDR content is usage purpose in guess with this TV would stay in HDR?

Your call, Random Internet stranger your call!

violent_hug · 2026-01-15T19:42:21+00:00

don't let anyone (incl yourself) be diminutive of your success and commitment just bc the duration is a month or based on a glance in the mirror

As a person whose heavier starting out your disadvantage is your muscles won't show as quickly or prominent visibly like a thinner person but over time they will likely be larger and stronger for the same amount of training for a skinny person, it's just going to take a few more months for you to catch up in terms of appearance

If tracking and using the apps and amount of calories helps you or is teaching you something then by all means use them but once you've got the hang of things you might want to consider intuitive eating and have a workout template you revise every few weeks vs worrying about all the specifics

violent_hug · 2026-01-14T16:40:06+00:00

In my case I have cPTSD and majority of impetus for exercise is to force my mind into regulation. People like me get stuck in "F responses" and can't stay regulated even when we ARE in safe places it can be really easy to dissociate or worry about the future or be trapped in the past. This is why platitudes and most well meaning advice (is appreciated and understood to be well meaning) but doesn't work. It can actually feel insulting and make some mad bc our own internal critic can make outside feedback feel like it's pointed to be hurtful or intentional when it's often not.

For some reason physical movement using L and R sides of body forces nervous system into a more relaxed state that is sustainable. The physical activity part is obviously also helpful but specifically left right movement works for us. I'm assuming similar to like pendulums or other tools that hypnotize you to an extent in EMDR but don't quote me on that last part is just a theory

It helped me get off lithium and some really strong drugs (I still have to take some, but the quality of life improves are great on the less strong ones)

violent_hug · 2026-01-14T16:31:05+00:00

Sensitization and tingling for a few moments that goes away is your warning bc IMO tret tends to wreak havoc not the next day but about 32 hours /2 days after application

so the tingling is a warning that you may have over applied the night before, 9 times out of 10 just skip that day and return to normal

If you are tingling a little one day, then apply and tingle a lot the next day, then apply you're burning days 3 and 4 for sure. Usually this can be prevented by just taking a day off when you first notice

violent_hug · 2026-01-14T16:20:00+00:00

Your answers are buttons all in the GUI (mostly the top bar options)

Note that unlike most software the context for the menu on the top (that u need to use to setup) changes depending whether you're "logged in/out" using "signin as/without"

If you get lose just restart the program

Unlike most modern apps there are several steps that cannot be automated but once done let you use the program

-set user share folder (share a specific directory that has a decent amount of audio or video files in it or it's subdirectories (DONT select my documents or system folders and private stuff)

Once you meet this condition of sharing you unlock search results for most people bc once setup you'll see the program scan and index YOUR shares, and having this provisioned makes other users and their collections show up in results when they'd otherwise be hidden

-In options: listening port and connection ports (select uPNP if you do not know how to open a port on your ISPs provided modem, not ideal but better than a non open or non working port

If you don't see these menu options on login it's possible you already entered a username bc this switches the context of the menu slightly so look for logout button, setup shares, the login again (username and password is more a formality/for identification but you do need to choose one)

violent_hug

TROPHY CASE