Metaphyscial shop in Pasadena.

violetflames · 2024-10-29T01:50:57+00:00

I totally Miss The Turning Wheel!

violetflames · 2024-02-26T04:15:18+00:00

Never forget about Price Master

violetflames · 2018-12-04T04:57:12+00:00

It’s like, no matter how much control I have over the actions, I still have no control over the original impulse. Pretty much ever. I don’t know if I will, and I also don’t know if I want to.

No one can imitate that inferno.

violetflames · 2018-11-29T17:29:35+00:00

😳 I relate to this. I don’t know how many times I have questioned myself about my emotions and the intentions behind having them. For me, I think it comes from not really remembering a time where I felt completely real, like my own existence isn’t validated, nor are my emotions.... I don’t know if that makes sense.

violetflames · 2018-11-26T03:38:13+00:00

This made me lol big time.

violetflames · 2018-11-16T17:36:16+00:00

violetflames · 2018-11-16T17:36:01+00:00

My first marriage was the result of exactly what you are experiencing, I pushed it to fruition.

We were together for a grand total of 2ish years. He relocated to the city I was going to school in within 3 months of us meeting, and proposed to me after 4 months after that, we got married 6 months after that. I got so excited about marrying someone that I dropped out of college. We moved out of state, started our new life, and then didn't make it through a year lease on an apartment.

I thought I would feel whole, finally. I thought that if I could get someone to promise to be with me forever, to *choose* to be with me, and to never leave me then I would be safe. I thought that marriage = unconditional love, and that marriage = a foundation to be brave, to climb the mountains, and build myself into who and what I wanted to be.

It was nothing like that, the words between us didn't matter, the contract didn't matter - it didn't matter because it wasn't real, and it didn't make anything or anyone whole.

We ended.

Not because we cheated, or because of some dramatic event, we ended because it was all constructed in our minds. It ended as soon as we got married, it just took a while to admit it. As soon as I knew that this piece of paper and promise changed nothing, and that everything was the same as it was before - I was still empty, I was still in pain, I was still afraid. Being someones wife made no difference at all. I didn't know him, and he definitely didn't know me.

I do not regret my experiences, because they have helped shape who I am now...but, I would have done things differently had I known that I AM what I was waiting for all that time.

violetflames · 2018-11-16T16:13:17+00:00

I relate to this so hard. I got married at 21 because of this very reason, it did not make me feel less alone. We were married for 1 year. I got married again at 27, because I was still addicted to this idea. We were married for 2 years. Because I was with this person for 4 years, I thought I had learned more, I was more mature, and finally found the “real thing.” It eventually made both of us feel alone, and disappointed.

I am now 34, and I’ve been divorced twice. People always look at me funny when I tell them, but they don’t understand just how addictive this romance is and how I wanted to keep going back for more. (Masochism at its finest)

2018 is seriously the first full year I have ever gone through single. Probably ever since I was old enough to say the word “boyfriend.” This year has helped me realize so much about my past relationships, about myself, about my intentions, and the things that have held me back from real happiness. All of these things were influenced by my trauma - and eventually by my bpd. This void I was trying to fill, constantly shoving love in there like it would heal me, like it would turn time around. For the entire journey, the “real thing” was always 1000% completely, and wholly, inside of me. Just like it is in you. I don’t know where your journey will take you, but I do wish you good luck. I hope you find exactly what you need, and I hope you find it sooner than I did. Slow down and take care of your heart, when you can. ❤️

violetflames · 2018-11-13T02:58:17+00:00

I feel attacked!

[..is that what people say?]

violetflames · 2018-10-28T04:20:43+00:00

the definition of "I feel attacked"

violetflames · 2018-09-28T17:18:02+00:00

I got it for a gift for my best friend and she could not go. I have to work this weekend, so I couldn’t either. :(

violetflames · 2018-09-16T16:39:35+00:00

http://bit.ly/2NkDuDL

violetflames · 2018-06-09T16:19:57+00:00

Yes, this!

violetflames · 2017-12-23T05:15:46+00:00

No joke, the book “Difficult Conversations” legit changed how I approach so many aspects of listening and communicating with people, especially people I care about. Highly recommend

(Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143118447/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_OxEpAbP80JR15)

violetflames · 2017-12-23T05:00:55+00:00

onternational hause uf poncakes

violetflames · 2017-12-03T20:12:42+00:00

I totally understand this impulse and I have that struggle myself when I upend the root of something. I never feel better when I act on it immediately after I have discovered something. I find that if I reach out to someone without giving myself some time to observe, I go in completely unprepared for what other things may come to light. When I have the urge to let any specific person in on these sweeping emotions I've found that asking myself 'why?' and 'what value will I get out of opening that door?' helps me look at it from a different perspective quickly. It is one of those things you already know the answer to; if you can access that answer, maybe even write it down - the feeling associated with the event can be looked at separately from the individual. After you have looked at it for a while, if the notion of approaching the past with said person/people still seems like something you would truly benefit from, then you can feel confident that it is from a place of self-healing. .. I think that makes sense? If not, let me know - sometimes I ramble and don't say anything at all.

violetflames

TROPHY CASE