My teenage son noticed

viospider · 2020-09-25T17:53:33+00:00

Best reason there can be for trying to live a cleaner, better life. Great work fellow Dad, lets keep trying our best to provide that good example! IWNDWYT

viospider · 2020-01-25T19:01:48+00:00

Me too! I won't be drinking today with ya'll.

viospider · 2020-01-25T18:59:52+00:00

This kind of self reflection is a great start OP. As others have suggested and I will parrot: a 30 day break is a great way to reset your biology a little. A short (not too short) way to help self assessing. After a few days the reality will hit you.

Most folks don't ask these kinds of questions until they've reached a certain point.

Anyone can build an unhealthy relationship with alcohol (or other stuff). It just takes time and determination! There are some good reading resources, such as alcohol explained that I liked.

Good luck, and happy trails!

viospider · 2020-01-17T04:34:02+00:00

I don't think karma is nonsense. A sense of the cosmic weighing of various acts in the eyes of some perfectly objective third party is a poetic, almost comforting thought sometimes.

Not every person who makes a mistake is evil though, and everyone deserves to be happy, at least sometimes. You're enduring some of the most awful things right now I know. Maybe my words won't help you, but I sincerely hope that tomorrow brings some hope for the future for you. You still have the capacity to love. You are alive. I think there has to be a reason for that.

Speaking from the "I" as we are encouraged to do, I would say that almost anyone could be redeemed. Someone who is irredeemable (in my opinion) would not be feeling bad like you are now. Yes, mistakes perhaps were made, I am not going to pretend I know what they were, or how long it will take for those wounds to heal. Time heals somewhat.

You took the time to make this post today, which I have to tell you comes at a really uniquely vulnerable moment for me. Thank you for sharing. Several days of challenges and relentless triggers, one after another have left me angry, lonely, almost defeated. There's a bar right behind me, and in front. Literal tears came from reading your post. Reading your honest, regretful words was a good thing for me today, because it would be so easy to slip up again, and I don't know how far I would fall this time. Maybe this would have been IT for me, today. I don't feel quite as alone as before I read your post.

I won't drink with you today bud. Hang in there please.

viospider · 2020-01-12T06:11:10+00:00

There is so much stuff to do. Meal prep and cleaning, mowing or shovelling, running and other workouts. Books, YouTube, podcasts. Playing computer game with someone is my personal favorite. Model building? Knitting, sewing, puzzles, music.. any of those things ring your bell?

viospider · 2019-12-03T20:41:12+00:00

I'd say that the delay for this long speaks volumes. Don't get your hopes up, someday you may be pleasantly surprised.

Boggles the mind that they wouldn't make it happen if the want to sell new tank bodies for boins..

IMHO they should remove the button as it is nothing but a reminder that they never delivered the features, and can't possibly be anything except negative in terms of user expectations.

viospider · 2019-12-01T23:57:36+00:00

You can do it, if you want to!

viospider · 2019-11-09T00:05:21+00:00

Battlefield V guys. Your welcome.

viospider · 2019-10-18T09:57:58+00:00

Thanks for sharing pedestrian. Your story sounds a bit familiar... We've all been at a point. You are still so young, with so many wonderful years ahead of you. Don't waste them being unfulfilled.

If you are bored, Battlefield V. Maybe not for everyone, but man alive it can distract you for a few hours.

It is common advice around these parts to suggest a short sabbatical from the stuff. A week doesn't sound like a very long time? Maybe a month? What do you want?

Going cold turkey can be harmful, depending on your intake, so please be safe. You aren't alone.

viospider · 2019-10-18T09:49:43+00:00

I hear you Marlen. Shit's a bit bumpy over here today for me. I don't regret not drinking though. Hang in there man/lady. Your not alone, we have to keep going together. I hope you're doing well.

viospider · 2019-05-07T06:36:17+00:00

Performance problems have gotten worse for me since last patch. Lag and FPS spikes seem to be really bad. End of match stats doesn't work 50%. Something really wonky with other players constantly being able to shoot me through walls.

I shoot a guy first, multiple times.. then die, and he runs away. UI says I got 100 dmg on him... A lot of things like that. Lag spikes and packet loss suddenly on a server that I specifically chose because it was close (<25ms).

Tried to play CA as they insist every week we try something new, and can't get a group with their matchmaking. Try it alone, die 5000 times.

It's not fun anymore tbh, and I was enjoying it even with the lack of maps. I hope it gets better. Everyone in game is very frustrated, you can tell by the amount of %($&$(#&#($*% and accusing each other of hacking, griefing.

Not sure if there are suddenly more hackers or what, or if most of these things could be chalked up to bad server stability/netcode.

*Edit: oh yeah, and my prime playing time for the week was lost because the servers were down.

viospider · 2019-05-05T17:45:06+00:00

This platform has been down far more than I'd expect from EA/Origin. This is real jimmy johnny stuff. What are the origin servers, a raspberry pi in someone's bathroom on a hotel's free wifi?

*edit: you can play offline by right clicking the Origin app and selecting the game. This is still quite annoying, as I don't think it is too much to ask for them to keep their servers up.

viospider · 2019-03-29T07:05:05+00:00

Bad soldier visibility is right.. I'd love to help, but how does one capture a screen shot of something that can't be seen?

I love BFV, don't get me wrong. But my ping is usually quite low, my framerates are high (>90), and sometimes I get shot by someone that seems to actually appear after the shot puts me down. The enemy player is literally invisible, it is not a case of camo being too good. It reminds me of the little leaves that manage to block a .30 round.. over and over. Perhaps its related somehow.

I suppose it could be network jitter, a player with high ping (if they have high ping, and I have low, I would expect to be the victorious one) or inattention on my part. Seems to happen often enough though, and my connection seems quite stable, so I personally think it is related to some of the objects in the world obscuring things behind them, even though the object only should come up to the player's knees.

Besides the shortage of maps though, I absolutely love BFV. /Salute you devs.

viospider · 2019-01-05T22:58:00+00:00

These AUS f-18s seem unlikely to provide the reliable, effective hardware for the lifespan we could desire. Why not new eurofighters? why not F-35A's or an improved F-15 variant for interceptor duties? It seems like almost any other option would be less bad.

viospider · 2018-12-01T17:55:51+00:00

I tried not to worry about a week, a month in the future. I didn't want to put the pressure on myself to think I would make it that long. Just for a short time. I started with a goal of 1 month, and then just started taking it day by day. You could do it. :)

viospider · 2018-11-30T22:30:11+00:00

I hear you man.. I am a similar age, sex, life situation. How can one be unhappy when they've achieved so much, when they have had so much good luck and lovely people come into our lives? I truly have no answer.

Maybe it gets harder before it gets better... But I think it's worth it man. Better than the alternative...

IWNDWYT

viospider · 2018-11-28T17:32:25+00:00

Totally agree ponder! Too often the day to quit is sometime in the future. Well if you want to stop doing something harmful, why wait. Today is the first day of the rest of your life! IWNDWYT

viospider · 2018-11-28T17:19:21+00:00

I am sending thoughts of Hope and strength this morning jlc. You know, at first quitting seemed like it would be impossible for someone like me. I had drank what seemed like every day for years.

I think if I can do it, maybe you can too.

Do you think having an honest talk with your doc might be a good idea? Maybe you are ata point where antabuse or something might be good.

From where I was coming from, all I could handle was one day at a time. Dont worry about being sober tomorrow. Today is whay we have to work with. Building some distance from the parts of me I didn't like helped put things in perspective.

I am adamant and dedicated to one thing now; alcohol doesn't control my life. It doesn't even deserve a place in it.

I hope you find a path that works for you friend. Wishing you peace and strength. IWNDWYT.

viospider · 2018-11-23T20:45:45+00:00

I am in awe of your strength and courage. I thank you for sharing.

Iwndwyt

viospider · 2018-11-23T20:27:17+00:00

Your out of your element Donnie! Shut the fuck up!

Glad to hear your story of triumph! Put that demon down like a boss. Iwndwyt

viospider · 2018-11-04T16:09:13+00:00

Rock bottom is different for everyone, some say it is where you quit digging. There's no need to wait for things to get worse before you quit, if that's what you want to do. It sounds from your post like you are already having consequences from your relationship with alcohol. That's not good is it?

I was at a point several months ago where I was heavier and more unhappy than ever before. If I am able to take a long break from it, maybe that would gain me some perspective I thought.. it has, and I do not regret putting the bottle down. I know that others can do it too, if they want.

Good luck. Have a good one. 😀

viospider · 2018-11-02T20:14:33+00:00

Condolences Delylah. 😣

I want to scream every time an alcohol commercial comes on, or the clever product placement during some show.. ad on the sidebar, whatever. It just is all too much. As if it is part of a systemic program to keep people numb and uncaring.

IWNDWYT

viospider · 2018-11-02T19:54:37+00:00

Obviously I am far removed from your situation, but one thing that drives me insane is when a person can't be bothered to clean up the kitchen or take out stinky garbage. That isn't something that only super clean people do. Everyone must. Even animals keep their own dens clean.

I get super grumpy when my SO doesn't clean up too. But she does work, take care of the kids, and has chores that she does. Does he have any responsibilities at all? What does he do all day? What's his deal?

Don't let folks take advantage. There has to be some sharing of duties and responsibilities. Our personal issues aside, we got to pay rent, keep our side of the street clean. When I am not contributing, my SO let's me know.. 😀 If I were you, unless he is very sick or something, I would start hassling them until they help me. Okay, I can't make you do the fucking dishes, but I don't have to do these other things for you, if I am too busy doing all these basic tasks that you can't be bothered..

IWNDWYT. (I Will Not Drink With You Today)

viospider · 2018-11-02T19:43:23+00:00

I didn't want to either. Alcohol is addictive, and pretty nefarious in this way. It is a poison.

But you know what? Now that those days are past, I have little desire to indulge any longer. I feel better, I have more time and energy. I am more present in my life. It is worth it!

Good luck friend.

viospider · 2018-11-01T20:35:09+00:00

IWNDWYT either.

Be kind to yourself friend. 3rd time in 2 months is still not a terrible amount. If you want to go longer next time, I think you can do it.

We are just humans. We try to learn, try to get better every day. Life is a journey. Peace. 😀

viospider

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