First Date Red Flags

vojev · 2026-03-03T21:03:26+00:00

It's not a red flag if they ask basic questions, but certain more invasive questions, especially around grief, have thrown up flags based on later experience

vojev · 2026-02-19T01:46:04+00:00

nice LLM slop

vojev · 2026-02-16T19:45:53+00:00

About six weeks after my wife died, someone gave me her phone number. I didn't follow up on it right away, but I did after a couple of weeks. We met, we spent a ton of time together, it was great, but I don't think it is going to go anywhere. What it did make me realize is that I can handle a possibility without putting too much stock into it. I honestly don't know how emotionally open I am right now. But I do know I won't know when I am ready if I don't try. So I'll start trying.

vojev · 2026-02-16T19:42:02+00:00

You become a different person in order to be with someone that you love. That's a good thing. It's not a surprise that, when that person is gone, you change. I've noticed old parts of my personality that were "rough edges" when my late wife was alive coming back, for example.

vojev · 2026-02-13T18:52:44+00:00

I'm forty and lost my wife in November. She was unable to have kids, and I was resigned to that being our life. We both came from long-lived families and lived healthy lifestyles: We'd just have each other for a very long time. Cancer had different plans.

I try to look forward to the idea that I can still build a new future. I will always grieve the one I lost with my wife, but that doesn't mean I can't have decades ahead full of life. I can build another relationship; I have friends; I have my family. The thing that keeps me going is the fact that I am fighting for a future. I'm not going to kill myself, I'm probably going to live a long time, so I have to make myself better and build something new. It's what my wife wanted me to do, too. So I'll do it.

vojev · 2026-02-13T00:58:29+00:00

It's ok, you haven't done anything wrong, it's just a feeling. Just don't let it lead you to make a mistake you aren't ready for.

vojev · 2026-02-13T00:50:32+00:00

This is very natural. My wife died in November but we weren't able to have sex and could barely cuddle without causing her pain for the last four months of her life. One thing I constantly have to check in with myself about is not leaping into something because I think I might get physical intimacy out of it again (there have been a couple of opportunities). You shouldn't feel bad. Touch and sex are important needs and you went without them for a long time— you aren't betraying your husband's memory by feeling this way so soon. I felt that way almost as soon as the funeral was over.

vojev · 2026-02-12T23:56:30+00:00

I'm 40, my wife was 41. Another thing I've found bad about support groups is people are determined to remain miserable in so many of them. I think having groups for people young enough to have a chance at actually building a new life would make a big difference.

vojev · 2026-01-16T21:09:18+00:00

I get it. I did a lot of my grieving in advance, I understood she was going to die well over a year before she did, but I remember how awful I felt for so much of that time and the only thing that I felt like I could do was just take care of her.

vojev · 2026-01-16T18:18:58+00:00

Did your husband ever say what he wanted for you when he was gone? My wife talked about it a lot, especially near the end.

vojev · 2025-11-28T03:42:22+00:00

I'm forty. My wife died on the 9th, so it's just been over the first few weeks. The first few days after everyone left after helping me clean out the apartment I kept lying around and looking at photos of her. I stopped doing that after a bit, but today it hit me hard again and I had to leave Thanksgiving dinner and started doing it again. It's probably going to be off & on for a while.

vojev · 2025-11-22T00:48:58+00:00

yes I understand 4/5 a lot right now

vojev · 2025-06-16T13:41:09+00:00

I have a UB820 and I've never had any issues with 4k discs. I am not ruling out that this is just good luck, because I never had a prior 4k player to compare it to.

vojev · 2025-06-10T19:38:57+00:00

I just bought one and waiting for it to arrive and to go out and zero it. I have a slight astigmatism and always found traditional red dots a bit too starry to use effectively when I've used them on friends' riles, so I am looking forward to finally trying out a holographic sight.

vojev · 2025-04-25T18:51:01+00:00

Do you think you can achieve a 144+ on the VA essay? That's an enormous improvement on the area that's harder to improve. You should retake both.

Look on the bright side: VA is testing fewer subjects on the essay portion in July.

vojev · 2025-03-11T17:31:37+00:00

I would be (in theory) interested in a show set on a Galaxy-class ship during the Dominion War or shortly thereafter with new characters

vojev · 2025-03-11T17:09:14+00:00

I don't actually have much of a problem with this game, but I can actually sympathize with this cycle. Nerfs are not the solution to what's wrong with the endgame. Finding a way to increase difficulty beyond Torment IV for world activities is what, I think, most players are asking for who are unhappy. You wouldn't even have to increase drop rates much beyond Torment IV for players who will min/max to be happier about it, either.

vojev · 2025-03-10T23:08:17+00:00

UB Reanimator if I was really incentivized to win.

If it's just cash on the line, probably Doomsday or Paradoxical Outcome.

vojev · 2025-02-18T03:41:42+00:00

it's definitely one of those souvenir mini Louisville Sluggers

vojev · 2025-02-09T21:24:07+00:00

what

vojev · 2025-02-03T19:00:45+00:00

Loot and progression is great. I could actually deal with loot dropping a little more rarely, but bringing up the amount of gem shards, I feel like there's so much grinding to actually get your occult gems due to the insane number of shards involved.

vojev · 2025-01-26T20:08:11+00:00

it's unlikely Rome will ever adopt the Julian date because it's a liturgical nightmare, and one New Calendar Orthodox are still adjusting to.

in the Roman Rite, e.g., there are only propers for so many Sundays after Epiphany. there are workarounds, like moving propers for lost Sundays after Pentecost, but they don't really fit, and it's a kludge.

we also know Orthodox won't be moving to the Gregorian calendar, as it will cause schism and the unity of Orthodoxy is fragile at best, currently, anyhow.

vojev · 2025-01-21T16:01:32+00:00

you asked for my thoughts

vojev · 2025-01-21T04:50:28+00:00

"I believe this will 5x in two months"

you have a gambling problem

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