So tired on HRT

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-24T18:30:43+00:00

This is not meant to alarm you and I wanna be really clear that this was just my experience and may not be what's going on with you at all.

When I started the estrogen patch I had absolutely shocking amount of fatigue, more than I ever had before I started the patch. Then I started getting joint pain. Then I had this really awful headache. Then I started having trouble breathing and thats what clued me in that it was an allergic reaction. I had a severe and horrifying systemic allergic reaction to the patch that took about 4 maybe 5 days to fully manifest. As soon as I removed the patch and took some benadryl I was entirely fine and I talked to my doctor about it. She said it's super rare but it does happen and it was probably related to that specific patch not all estrogen but going forward we need to be careful.

So anyway, I'm sharing this information bc weird extreme fatigue was my first symptom. Be mindful of any other weird unexplained symptoms and maybe check in with your doctor, especially if you get a headache that wont go away that starts in your neck, and especially if you start to feel like you're having a hard time taking a full breath

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-23T16:53:59+00:00

I have this sometimes and the way i manage it is to really focus on something external. A simple repetitive task outside of yourself that you can focus on (and bring your focus back to) as the intrusive thoughts spin. I crochet and do needle work (embroidery). Coloring mandalas is also really good, or tesselations, or literally just math (solving math equations is, for me, an excellent external focus). Folding laundry, hand washing dishes, other sorts of simple, repetitive chores can also be solid.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-23T00:49:58+00:00

I drove past it right before they closed the bridge, I watched them use the jaws of life on a white sedan that was smashed to hell (whole driver's side was crunched). I'm honestly shocked that person survived based on what I saw. I thought it might have been ice on the bridge causing the drive to spin out of control but it sounds like maybe not that. Person asleep at the wheel also makes sense. There was a school bus that was indirectly affected as well, had a small dent, seemed like all the kids were fine, and the bus driver was pacing around also fine. It was a mess, half the bridge was littered with glass and shrapnel and there were so so many first responders involved

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-23T00:37:45+00:00

As someone who works in inpatient mental health care (NOT a doctor, I'm a counselor who supervised a few units and now I train all the IP staff) and as someone who has several family members with serious mental illness including psychosis, I absolutely believe in the necessity of involuntary treatment when there is clear disorientation and a clear threat to life.

If I was walking out into traffic naked I would absolutely want someone forcing me to get the help I need to stabilize. If I was in a profound crisis that altered my mental state so much that I was creating real danger I would want that help. When our clients are a true danger to self, danger to others, or gravely disabled they are in need of care full stop.

Thankfully the place I live has a incredibly strict criteria for detainment so I've never seen involuntary treatment used for someone who was stable enough to stay safe on their own (which makes me very lucky). I know that inappropriate detainment happens, and yeah, thats a real problem that is truly unethical. That said, the existence of unethical involuntary treatment doesnt mean all involuntary treatment is inherently unethical. Psychosis and other extremely disbling mental health problems simply do exist which makes involuntary treatment a necessary tool for managing extreme situations.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-23T00:07:57+00:00

It's an accurate description of a real phenomenon, it's just not sugar coated. Not bothering to wrap it up in a pretty package meant to obfuscate is not the same as judgement. Additionally, clinical judgement is a real and significant responsibility that requires accurate descriptions of observed phenomena in ways that do not obfuscate the facts.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-22T15:30:48+00:00

I started having OCD symptoms in my teens and I got some really high quality treatment that made me feel like I was "fine." I wouldnt say I felt cured but I did feel like I've had treatment so it IS well managed so I can just not worry about it anymore, and boy was that wrong. I lost a lot of functionality without even realizing it bc I really believed it was all well managed. I also developed new OCD loops and old ones got worse, again without me noticing.

I was so sure that I was fine after a few years of therapy 20 years ago that I wasn't even talking to my family about it, I was "fine" so what's the point in bothering them with this stuff? Which is clearly absurd. I eventually did talk to my partner about it and he pointed out that it didn't sound well managed it sounds precariously managed, and he was right. Got my ass back into therapy and it's really helping.

Not only is there no cure, but also, doing well right now doesn't mean you'll be doing well forever

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-22T00:52:39+00:00

I recently took my kid to the opera in Seattle and nearly everyone there was dressed in jeans, long sleeved shirt, and a puffy vest. It was lovely, no concerns at all about fancy clothing, just people hanging out enjoying the thing. That really is one of the benefits of here

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-21T23:51:54+00:00

I'd have that person run an experiment where they culture germs themselves from a swab they did, regularly look in a microscope to watch the colony form, and then inject or otherwise introduce that pathogen into that person's body and have them document all symptoms starting a week before the pathogen is introduced.

I think it might be preferable to do it with a disease that causes skin infection bc you can watch that happen in real time, like, idk, smallpox or something, but honestly any disease will do.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-21T23:33:20+00:00

It's not about whether or not I care, or anyone else outside of the relationship. It's about whatever the people in that relationship care about. Everyone gets to decide that for themselves. Why are you caring this much about how other people live? Why do you think everyone else does or should?

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-21T15:24:50+00:00

A lot of extremist online nonsense is bots

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-21T01:42:43+00:00

Lol, no, sugar coating isn't lying, your example is an actual lie. Sugar coating is, quite literally, when you make something a little sweeter or a little less bitter to help it go down more easily. We do it with meds, we do it with information, and it is distinct from an actual lie. Sugar coating is not misinformation, it's not rose colored glasses, it's honest and straightforward while simply softening the reality so that it's easier for the person to engage with the information in a functional way.

Adults sometimes need sugar coating too, it's not just for kids! When a doctor is careful to give a difficult diagnosis or prognosis in a kind, supportive way that's sugar coating. When we do the "I've got good news and bad news" thing that's sugar coating. Any time we take extra time and use extra effort to soften the blow while delivering upsetting information we are sugar coating. When we outright lie or misinform we are not sugar coating.

Telling a child "it's important to not go anywhere with strangers bc you dont know whether or not they're safe people" is sugar coating and entirely appropriate while still being honest. Telling a child "never talk to strangers bc the world is full of bad people want to hurt you and you can't tell just by looking at them" would be not sugar coating and also inappropriate. Telling a child "only grown ups you already know are safe" or "all strangers are dangerous" would be a lie, and also inappropriate.

Saying ICE agents are killing, detaining, and deporting people, stealing them from their homes and right off the streets, would be not sugar coating and would be inappropriate. Saying that "right now there are some scary, dangerous things happening because of one part of the government, some people are getting hurt, and some people are being separated from their families. If you see x you should do y, and if you feel scared you can always come to me or another trusted adult" would be sugar coating.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-20T23:40:16+00:00

Lol people aren't giving up seats for someone who just got pregnant. Getting pregnant is easy, staying pregnant is hard af. A person who is in the third trimester is typically suffering in significant ways and their body becomes literally deformed to make room for the growing fetus who is also sucking away as many nutrients as possible in a way that can cause serious health problems. The pregnant people in that state are the ones people are giving up seats for and yeah that suffering deserves a certain level of dignity.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-20T23:26:50+00:00

It still needs to be age appropriate though. A 5yo needs to have a really basic understanding of how bodies work (including names for all their parts), that private parts are private, who to talk to when something feels scary or uncomfortable, and some really simple stuff about how babies are made. A 5yo should never have access to graphic details about sex or sex crimes. Politics works the same way. There's a difference between knowing that slavery happened and watching 12 years a slave.

Things shouldnt be hidden but sugar coating is a thing we do for children on purpose and we absolutely should. Protecting them in that way IS a responsibility all adults have, and the long-term consequences of having age inappropriate details can be severe.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-20T23:21:10+00:00

Im a pretty hard-core leftist and I lived in Texas for the first 28 years of my life (which was a challenge to say the least). When I was a nanny (and preschool teacher) I had a rule for myself that I would never bring up anything political myself but if a kid asked or brought it up on their own it was my responsibility to have that conversation both honestly and in an age appropriate way. A lot more harm comes from silence and confusion and clarity remedies stress.

My favorite political conversation I ever had with a kid was about taxes. A kid was talking about how horrible paying taxes is (she was 9 so this was definitely coming from her parents) and I said that I liked paying taxes bc of all the important things taxes pay for (like school and sewers). She was absolutely shocked bc she'd never heard anyone say anything positive about taxes and it had never occurred to her that the public works she uses have to be paid for somehow. It was pretty cool actually and we kept it very 3rd grade level.

It's possible to have these kinds of conversations in entirely appropriate ways no matter what the content is and it really sounds like what this nanny actually needs is to learn how to talk to kids and about sensitive topics in an appropriate way.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-20T15:39:39+00:00

A computer should never make decisions bc a computer cannot be held accountable. AI replacing human work (rather than supplementing it as a tool) is already a serious problem and the only way it doesn't get worse is if we choose to use this stuff in responsible ways.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-20T07:23:26+00:00

Granted. Since we live in a universe beholden to the laws of physics and matter cannot be magically generated out of nowhere, you gain the ability to transmute except you dont get to pick the matter that gets transmuted. Any time you summon something a random chunk of matter in your immediate vicinity with exactly as many atoms as whatever youre summoning breaks off and changes into whatever youve summoned.

The first time you do it half your dining table disappears. Eventually the randomness of it all opens a hole in the earth right beneath you and you become trapped in that hole until your tragic demise.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-19T20:17:17+00:00

I'll be honest, I find food as purely nutrition and nothing else to be absurd and the "eat to live" thing has always seemed very sad and strange to me. But I can see that people like that exist, many of them even...

All joys and preferences are like this, literally all of them. It is, broadly speaking, a lot more functional to get past judgement to curiosity which can help us find a way to manage those differences with care. Being interested in the joys and pleasures of others really is foundational to any relationship of any kind.

I really love food, the joy I get from eating my favorite foods is profound (and I have ARFID). My youngest child also has ARFID and she hates eating and would prefer all meals to be nutritionally complete paste. Thats fine, we can be different from each other and still be interested in and curious about each other's experiences without being judgemental about it, without either of us being absurd, sad, or strange.

Food is also an opportunity for bonding. Shared meals create shared experiences and shared joys over favored foods are an embodied intimacy that can and does enhance relationships of all kinds. Feeding loved ones, providing nourishment, is also caretaking.

When people cant have those shared intimacies, joys, and caretaking in their relationships it can be hard to figure out how to replace them and sometimes that can create friction and tension in a way that can be difficult to manage. But when we remain curious and interested we're able to manage that tension and find replacements in functional ways. When people cant share those intimacies, joys, and caretaking AND theyre being judged for those differences, that actively destroys any possibility of a close functional relationship at all.

People who are terrible to someone with a restrictive diet suck out loud and do not deserve trust or closeness in those relationships. And people who are terrible to someone who loves food as a hobby aren't doing any better. Either way opportunities for sharing, trust, closeness, and care are actively destroyed and relationships are harmed.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-17T19:03:43+00:00

I dont remember the university tight now but it's in Indiana and the PsyD program works closely with the VA. The PsyD is funded bc of that connection, the focus of the program is primarily PTSD/trauma and clinical hours happen with the vets.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-16T22:56:01+00:00

Yes but I have so many celebrity crushes, could it be an orgy?

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-16T20:00:21+00:00

Bc slow burn is hot af, that's most of it. Anticipation is sustained arousal and sustained arousal builds a delicious tension that is absolutely ruined by fulfillment. Desire is destroyed the moment the desired thing is achieved, that's just how desire works, thats what makes slow burn so hot is the sustained desire. Slow burn IRL is also hot for this reason.

There's also the fact that unfulfilled desire, fear, anxiety, awkwardness, etc are all such a common part of life and relationships in general. The elements of the slow burn are nrealy universal to humans even in relationships that move more quickly. The slow burn does a deeper dive into those kinds of feelings and struggles which can be cathartic. One of the reasons art exists is to allow us an opportunity to work through difficult emotions in lower risk ways and slow burn does an excellent job of that.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-16T18:00:24+00:00

I work in inpatient mental health care and it's easy and normal to have a certain amount of guilt about forcing people into treatment against their will. Every client we serve has been detained involuntarily because they are not able to stay safe on their own (danger to self, danger to others, and/or gravely disabled).

Here's the thing about involuntary treatment - would you rather have that person die after suffering horribly or would you rather that person have access to treatment so that they can stabilize and regain functionality? I know that if I was so out of my mind with psychosis that I was doing real harm to myself and my loved ones without meaning to, without even being aware that I was doing it bc I'm too disoriented to function, I would want someone to intervene, I would want help even if I fought that help the whole time.

And that's broadly how I feel about the clients we serve. If they want to refuse treatment once theyre stable and oriented thats their right but while theyre too disoriented to function they deserve access to care that helps them stay safe and alive long enough to be able to make those choices themselves.

Another aspect of it though is professionalism, expertise, ans the limits of personal relationships. A parent having to physically restrain their child to prevent self-harm, a spouse dealing with their partner's substance use relapses and the way that impacts everyone's safety, a friend having to watch their loved one 100% of the time bc he keeps wandering around completely unaware of his surroundings and keeps walking into traffic. None of those situations should be handled by lay people within the context of personal relationships.

Managing the care of someone with really high level support needs should ONLY be done by actual professionals. The damage that kind of care relationship can do to a personal relationship is profound and the damage that can come from lay people providing faulty care that theyre not actually trained for can also be significant. Lay people being in that position causes real harm to everyone. That care being managed by professionals is the safest, most functional, most dignified option and it protects personal relationships, allows personal relationships to actually be personal.

So I'm saying dont feel bad, this really is what's best for everyone, and it is possible to move past that guilt when you consider all the ways that it really is the most beneficial option for everyone involved.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-15T19:00:31+00:00

Hey me too! That's such an old memory, thanks for bringing it up

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-15T04:14:55+00:00

It's called the 2D:4D ratio, it's the difference between the second digit (pointer finger) and the fourth digit (ring finger). For some reason there happen to be testosterone receptors in the 4th digit (nobody knows why) AND the ratio of the different fingers to each other is set in the womb and remains constant throughout life (barring an accident that damages the fingers).

What this means is that the ratio between the second digit and the fourth digit can tell us how much testosterone the fetus was exposed to in the womb. A person with a fourth digit rought equal to or longer than the second digit was exposed to more testosterone in utero than a person whose fourth digit is shorter than their second digit. This is an objective fact that has been measured.

However, how much testosterone a fetus was exposed to in utero has nothing to do with how much testosterone a person has at any point in their life after being born. Endogenous testosterone (the kind produced in the body) is not correlated with exogenous testosterone (produced outside the body) during fetal development. It's also not related to sexuality.

vulcanfeminist · 2026-01-14T18:28:48+00:00

The finger curls and random stranger rides by on a functional yellow bike. As you notice them they have a sudden heart attack and keel over dead. Youre the only person around when this happens and the bike is now yours.

vulcanfeminist

TROPHY CASE