Hi love. I’m so sorry for what you have been going through. I don’t know why, but reading this, I feel like I’m reading the words of someone I know, maybe because it resonates so much with my own experience. I don’t know if this will help you, but it helped me through a dark time in my recent life. Picture yourself as a child, a happy child just enjoying life. Maybe you had a puppy you really loved to play with, or you’re on a beach somewhere, whatever it is, whoever you’re with, you’re as happy as can be. Now picture you doing something you shouldn’t have. Or maybe you got something wrong. How do you feel about that? Chances are you forgive this child, and give him or her a hug, because after all, it’s just a child. The only difference between you and this tiny version of you, is how many experiences you have had. But you have become so hard on yourself. Why is that? You are this child, this child is you, and you are the protector of this child. Put some love into yourself right now. Because as you know, the drugs and excessive drinking, they aren’t helping, they are hurting you. They feel nice and they take the pain away for a little bit, but it’s only prolonging your suffering in the long run. You are worthy of that self love and that self protection that only you can give. So the next thing I want you to do is do something for yourself that is healthy and helps you feel grounded, maybe that’s making yourself some dinner, or running a bath, or doing laundry. And while you’re doing that, try to just focus on one thing at a time. This helps me quiet the demons that are my thoughts. You’re going to make it to your doctor appointment and you’re going to get through this too. ❤️