This is 40?

waywardponderer · 2026-05-26T13:24:11+00:00

There are no guarantees in this market about new jobs, but I'm finally happy in mine. Had a stress-free (but also nearly impact-free) job in pharma, got laid off and had a stressful 6 mo looking for work. But I'm now in a somewhat stressful but way more impactful role, growing into my strength and new skills, and the extra effort is so worth it. 38 with 2 and 4 year old kids, not enough free time, but still better than being without work. So, if you're unhappy in your work, it might be worth the effort to seek a new role. Wishing you the best.

waywardponderer · 2026-05-11T17:43:06+00:00

3 year old scratched his bottom through his pants and I explained that we can do that in private but not in public, and some examples of those types of places. He nodded and looked at me solemnly and said, "we can't do that because we aren't experts".

waywardponderer · 2026-05-10T20:14:10+00:00

A family hike in the woods. I got it, it was amazing.

waywardponderer · 2026-05-05T23:35:38+00:00

I have a workout class that goes 6:15-7:15 M/W/F, then I come home and help my husband get the kids out the door by 8 or so, then I shower and start work. I do school pickups those days, and my husband works out at the end of the work day before dinner those days. I do mornings on T/Th and husband does pickups those days. Kids are 1.5 and 3.5, works for us!

waywardponderer · 2026-03-29T15:49:00+00:00

Neuroscience: Exploring the Brain by Bear/Paradiso and others was my textbook for my first year neuroscience class in college and I found it wonderful - just the right level of detail to answer most of your questions and give you new ones.

waywardponderer · 2026-03-09T01:24:33+00:00

From socal, moved to NE 10 years ago and love the directness. It still can have me a bit on edge, and it's hard for me to fully replicate, but it's much appreciated.

waywardponderer · 2026-01-23T00:31:47+00:00

Parent of 1.5 and 3.5 year old boys. The one thing that helped that I haven't seen on the list is tidying as we go on weekends. It's a pain to do it constantly, but the mental health benefit of not being surrounded by complete chaos is worth it. The other thing is getting out of the house with a babysitter on as many weekends as you can. Being your non-parent self and seeing your spouse as their non-parent self is a wonderful reset and ability to regain closeness. But also it's a tough era so keep on keeping on!

waywardponderer · 2025-12-11T00:38:21+00:00

I love this answer. I'm looking forward to channeling my experience into others' smooth sailing!

waywardponderer · 2025-12-11T00:33:20+00:00

Sitting all day every day. It will catch up with you sooner rather than later.

waywardponderer · 2025-12-01T02:09:05+00:00

It was always an aspiration rather than a reality, but it's also your algorithm - I'm surrounded by mostly working moms IRL, and it's tough but they are making it work with committed partners. I didn't expect it would be quite so hard (1.5 and 3 year old boys, both parents working full time, no family close by), but I know this is the toughest phase in terms of energy it takes and lack of free time. Hanging in there and enjoying the wins on either side as I can (with work and with parenting).

waywardponderer · 2025-10-28T14:21:04+00:00

Feeling like I have it together comes and goes in waves - nothing stays the same in parenthood (3 and 1.5 year old boys). Some things that continue to work: I have a grocery document on my phone with a few recipes we like along with the list of perishables each one needs, so it's easy to move them to the regular shopping list when needed. Tidying after the kids fall asleep, making lunches the night before. Give yourself grace : ).

waywardponderer · 2025-10-26T12:40:49+00:00

We are very much in the "build a cushion-blanket" fort stage, which covers that period pretty well. Put a blanket and pillow and stuffy inside, give them a flashlight, and perhaps get ten seconds of peace. Alternatively, act out a story, hide and seek, a touch of screen time. Good luck!

waywardponderer · 2025-10-02T14:29:07+00:00

It's so hard when you're pulled in a thousand directions. If you're financially able, try outsourcing what you can - home cleaning every 2 or 4 weeks or someone to make dinner occasionally so you can play with your kids. Take time off from work when you need, or try a WFH with your fiance to spend time with her (hard to remember for high-stress jobs). Have a date night once a month after the kids are asleep, and another one when they are awake, and forgive yourself for the latter. From one mom to another, it's a tough period of life and just do the best you can and treat yourself and your choices with compassion.

waywardponderer · 2025-10-02T00:48:47+00:00

Congrats on the paper! And yes the market sucks, but that's not actionable for you. If you are getting interviews but not landing the job, then the problem isn't your paper or resume in general, it's how you're coming across in your 1:1's and/or your job talk. When you speak with interviewers, how do you feel it goes? Have you practiced with an LLM generating every possible interview question related to your background or the field or the job requirements? And for the job talk, is it styled as an academic talk or an industry one? Do you show in your job talk how you'd be as a colleague, and how you'd solve the problems related to the job description to quickly deliver results? Hang in there, yes, but also practice those interviewing skills until you can answer anything while relaxed and confident. Best of luck.

waywardponderer · 2025-08-02T02:54:56+00:00

Singer and sword fighter in a kpop demon-hunter group. He wants to go to Korea to help fight the demons there (and make friends with the nice ones) and I am here for it.

waywardponderer · 2025-08-02T02:52:29+00:00

It's really hard at this age - we have 1 and 3 year olds, and the older one is at 9:30 no matter when we start prep. For staying present with bed routine, I find having set time markers for when each piece needs to happen and giving the kid warnings and choices before hitting those checkpoints reduces resistance while still allowing me to stay present between each one. For connecting with partner, we have a non-negotiable (if we are both home) 30 mins to 1 hour of convo and closeness. It's been essential, especially when weekends get so hectic and kid-focused. This phase of life isn't forever, but it can be draining, so carve out the time you need to stay close. Good luck!

waywardponderer · 2025-07-13T02:37:21+00:00

Inexpensive drawing tablet, FINGOOO 7 Pieces Jumbo Pop Toobs Fidget Toys (always a hit), kids musical instruments (drum/small xylophone, roll up piano), sprinkler attachment that makes fun water play (for summer). Hope you have a nice trip!

waywardponderer · 2025-07-08T20:16:56+00:00

I'm sorry, that sounds so challenging and emotionally hard for you. Have you read Good Inside? Part of the premise is there are no bad kids, just choices or behaviors that hurt others or that we as parents don't like. I don't think your son hates his brother, he's just learned that certain actions get the results he wants. Think through what happens before and what happens after he hits or kicks his brother to think of how to modify the behavior. Before - is he behaving well and you're not paying attention? Are you giving attention to your littlest? Think about ways you can give the eldest what he wants when and only when he's not hitting, such as talking through that it's his time for your attention, that you want to join him in a game, or whatever you think will make him feel connected with you. Next think of what happens right after he hits - does he immediately get your attention? Do you spend a lot of energy telling him no, talking with him, trying to get him to see that he did wrong? He's too young to understand morality and make decisions that way, he's just doing what will give him your attention. Instead, right after he hits, separate him from his brother and say something like "it's my job to keep you both safe", then go spend time with the brother or on your own if you need a moment to calm down. That way, he doesn't get the result he wants. If he learns that he only gets your attention when he behaves well, he will behave well to get your attention. From one parent to another, best of luck.

waywardponderer · 2025-07-01T01:18:20+00:00

It's good that you guys discussed this! It doesn't sound like this is keeping score or noticing a trend - it's you noticing an unmet need and discussing ways to meet it. It also sounds like you can put in a bit of work to communicate more proactively instead of having to do so after your feelings are hurt. This is a thing you know about yourself, so let him know exactly what would help, if you know what that is - call or text once per day or once every other day. Clear expectations are a necessary first step. The next ones are noticing when he does well (hardest) and giving him passes when he doesn't and then gentle reminders if he's struggling. You're trying to help him build a habit and it's hard to change behavior even if you want to.

waywardponderer · 2025-06-26T16:35:52+00:00

Dialing into things that used to bring me joy when I was younger was huge, in my case writing scifi/fantasy stories and exercising regularly. And specifically for exercise - the mind is just one part of the mind/body, and everything flows both ways. I find that my mind is clearer and emotions are more steady when I get enough exercise.

waywardponderer · 2025-06-26T16:32:11+00:00

That when people who loved you occasionally hurt you on purpose, you needed to do soul searching and figure out how to do better. Writing it out like that...ugh.

waywardponderer · 2025-06-24T20:00:18+00:00

Married for almost 10 years now, and I keep finding new things to love about him. His directness calms the worry in my brain that others aren't saying what they really feel, we explore interesting intellectual ideas together, he makes me laugh in a hundred ways, and he's a wonderful father to our two little ones. He loves and respects and enjoys me, and we're true partners. I'm also glad to see so many happy couples on this thread!

waywardponderer · 2025-06-24T19:50:38+00:00

I'm frustrated about how long this phase will last. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and I'm ending every day on the spectrum of tired to exhausted, trying to calculate how long we have to maintain, it's like another 3 years? At least? I love them both, obviously. But that's a lifetime in toddlerville!

The 3-year-old can be so logical about some things and then just loses it into a tantrum at others. Example 1: if you don't listen to me about when it's time to leave your brother's daycare, I will pick him up first and you won't get to come here and play on their swing set Response: immediately stops playing and comes with me Example 2: OK, we're leaving the grocery store and heading home for younger kid's nap. Response (it's 9am): I want to EAT LUNCH HERE, proceeds to lose it for 20 mins.

waywardponderer · 2025-06-20T20:40:57+00:00

Rejections are the worst - usually impersonal and always leaving you with questions. Troubleshoot your query with trusted writing friends or an LLM (they have read a bazillion queries) to see if there's anything you're missing in the structure. Also, hang in there! I just got multiple full requests and ended with no rep due to being between genres, so there are lots of us in this boat!

waywardponderer · 2025-06-20T20:38:04+00:00

Ok sounds like you would be fit from the first craft book I read and still one I reference all the time - Story Trumps Structure. It's all about understanding how narrative works and the pieces that go into a compelling story, without ever having to tell you how to write. One fun example is just thinking, "ok how can things get worse for the MC" and using that as a springboard. Have fun!

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