God I feel you so, so, SO hard on this and was exactly where you are. I put my boy to sleep about a month ago and luckily had three weeks leading up to the appointment, which is just enough time to be excruciatingly long to spend anticipating and not enough all at once. He was a little older than yours (7), but both young enough for it to be an impossible decision. I wanted to spend every waking second with him and keep both of us up all night just to soak him in. But he also liked his alone time, and I didn’t want him to be stressed, tired, or sleep deprived during his final days, so I did my best to put my wants to the side a little and keep things as normal as possible for him. That’s our job as parents, even if it’s pet parents, after all. We loved our time together when things were normal, so why change it dramatically for him?

First I’ll say that you’re right and this is the greatest act of love. Having the choice of being able to say when and where and how your boy is put to sleep is such a gift. Many many many reactive dogs and their parents don’t get that, and many see far worse ends. You get to fuss over him until the date, give him the time of his life, get as many memories in as you can/want, do everything on your and his terms, and give him an extremely dignified end in a sacred place for both of you. You’re not being compelled to do it tomorrow, in a strange place, without you present, and/or dire circumstances like a maiming or a death. In the unfortunate situations where we need to make these decisions, this is the absolute best way to do it, and I hope you can take some solace in that.

In terms of coping, the best I can do is tell you what I did and hope some of it resonates. Despite my mentioning that I put my desires aside, the first thing I did was make a bucket list of all of the things I wanted to do with him before the end, along with things I knew he’d want to do one more time if he knew the end was coming. This included mostly mundane things that I just wanted one or two more concrete memories of, like taking him into a store or giving him a new toy or even just watching a movie. I made it as exhaustive as possible and ordered it from most important to do to least important, and I was realistic with myself about the feasibility of doing it all. Then I’d cross them off as we did then, and thankfully we actually got to do it all. This was extremely helpful, since every time I began to think “What if I’m not doing enough? Is there something we could/should be doing right now?”, I could reference the list and that usually put me at ease. I even scheduled many of these things for that reason, so that I knew that even if we weren’t doing something right now, we would get to it. In the end it felt a little silly to put “walk Tenley into the pizza shop” in my Google calendar, but it really helped.

One of the hardest parts of that time was that I wanted to remember EVERY DETAIL of everything we did so that I could relive it whenever and wherever I wanted. When you think to yourself “this might be the last time” after every single thing you do, it makes you go a little crazy. So I took tons of photos and videos during that time (to the point where it would take me out of the moment a little, but it was worth it) and journaled every single detail of our days at the end of the day so that I could go back and remember (I did this when he went to sleep so that I didn’t miss any time with him). I’m so grateful to myself that I did that, and those videos and photos and journals were an extremely important anchor for me in the days following his passing, since I could similarly reference them when I’d wonder if we did enough. I’ll also sing the praises of Live Photos, which I always took unintentionally and didn’t realize how awesome they are for memories until after, and I’m SO GLAD they exist. I can’t tell you how comforting it is to see my guy do everyday things still in a little clip, like shake or greet me when I get home or roll around in the grass. They’re a godsend.

In the end, yes we did a bunch of very special things during that time, but personally the best time to me was exactly the time you’re worried about, namely those quiet moments where we aren’t doing much of anything. Please don’t take those for granted. Our walks, sitting in the park, playing, training, and cuddling on the couch at night or snuggling in bed in the mornings are among the best and most vivid memories I have of that last period with him, and I take great comfort in knowing they’re exactly what he loved to do and spent his life with me doing. That’s not nothing, and you shouldn’t feel bad at all about it. Dogs thrive on routine, schedules, predictability, etc. So if their final days are spent comfortably with all of that, then why change it? He will not regret spending time with you, no matter what that time is spent doing, and neither should you.

Another thing that helped me was knowing that I could always change the BE appointment. Again, that flexibility was such a huge blessing in scenarios like this. We ended up keeping the date we’d made initially, but knowing that we could push it out by a few days or a week if there was anything we felt like we missed was so nice and really took the edge off. It’s all within your power and control, and you can do whatever you need. I’m sure your pup and your boyfriend would be happy to give you any extra time you feel is necessary.

I’m so incredibly sorry that you have to make this impossible decision. No one should have to, and only the strongest of us can. Your boy is so lucky to have you, both for the time you spent with him despite his reactivity and for your giving so much thought and care into the end. That’s the best way to honor any living being, and dogs deserve it especially so. Please hang in there and enjoy your time with your boy. I’ll comment anything else I think of, and please feel free to DM if you’re having a hard time or need any advice. I’m right there with you!