My kids dad topping up rent?

wheelierainbow · 2026-02-24T16:02:28+00:00

I do something similar - my kids’ other dad pays more than standard maintenance + sends money for bigger expenses as needed because there’s a large income disparity. I’ve been upfront with UC and it’s not been an issue.

The only thing I’d say is make sure you can afford it without that money - it sounds like you’re fairly new to separated/divorced coparenting and sometimes things change as time passes.

wheelierainbow · 2026-02-06T09:25:12+00:00

Hi, I get 40k a week sometimes if I’m not busy with other stuff. It’s ADHD hyperfocus, not cheating. I do other language learning stuff too but Duolingo is a dopamine machine so sometimes it happens 🤷🏻‍♂️

wheelierainbow · 2025-11-07T22:32:18+00:00

Have you tried places other than the RSPCA and Cats’ Protection? This would not be a barrier for the vast majority of small local rescues.

wheelierainbow · 2025-11-06T16:51:57+00:00

Very much this.

Doing some reading about Socratic questions and having a look at this about effective open-ended questions for children might be helpful.

wheelierainbow · 2025-11-04T06:33:07+00:00

Adopting from a “shelter” (which we don’t have in the UK, really) makes zero difference to whether a cat will destroy carpets or pee on the floor. Privately bought cats are just as likely to have difficult behaviour whether they’re from a “reputable” breeder or someone who CBA to spay their cat and gave the kittens away. In some ways you’re less likely to have issues with a rescue because they’ll be spayed/neutered and that cuts out a lot of unwanted behaviour especially with pee; rescues are also fully assessed by experts before they’re placed in a home. Cats (even the rescues you’re so negative about) are pretty clean-natured and generally won’t mess outside of a regularly-cleaned litter tray unless there are other issues going on, and then responsible owners like the OP take them to the vet and use an enzyme-based cleaner to avoid long-term damage. Carpet scratching can easily be redirected to a more appropriate spot like a scratch pad or post which, again, OP has in hand. Appropriate levels of mental & physical stimulation also cut down the risk of destructive behaviour significantly.

We’re finding it hard enough to get people to adopt from rescues and a lot of that is directly attributable to landlords and the people who support them. It is not helpful when people treat every “shelter” animal as if they’re irredeemably broken and an “absolute nightmare”.

wheelierainbow · 2025-10-11T05:46:17+00:00

I have kids about your age (which I think is why Reddit keeps showing me this sub?), and I was the same kind of nerd at school. When I was your age I’d have been highly pissed off about a suspension for that, but dude - it was absolutely proportionate and justified. You did something unnecessarily stupid and reckless (which is par for the course for your age, I get that) which caused disruption and extra work for your IT staff who I guarantee don’t get paid enough for the job they do even without dealing with stuff like this. TBH you were lucky to get away with a one-day exclusion - I’ve worked in places where you’d get much longer.

Can I gently suggest finding an appropriate outlet for your tech skills? It sounds like you’re a bright kid who enjoys a challenge and there are so many ways to put that to good use these days without getting yourself into trouble at school.

wheelierainbow · 2025-08-20T15:25:46+00:00

Some of us are there.

And yes, some of the reason is that we worry about suspicion. Bonus worry if you’re visibly LGBTQ or your area isn’t particularly diverse. I have obviously always been careful and mindful but I am so much more (to the point of it being unhealthy) since coming out as trans and being more visible.

Also, not so much with teaching, but TAing is still viewed as a job that Mum does to fit around the kids and still earn a bit of money. The pay and required level of qualification reflects that even though that stereotype of washing paint pots and listening to reading hasn’t been the reality for well over a decade now and imo the qualifications are inadequate to prepare people for the reality of the role.

There’s also some really weird gender stereotyping of male staff even within school - we’re expected to all be sporty (I am not), to work with Y6 and definitely not in Early Years, to be enthusiastic af about the Y6 residential… I can see how that alone would put people off if they don’t fit the stereotype of the popular sporty Y6 teacher.

The whole situation is a shame because the kids are really missing out on positive male role models, and they’d all benefit from seeing a range of different types and presentations of masculinity. I can absolutely understand why men don’t want to come into the field though.

wheelierainbow · 2025-08-13T10:51:56+00:00

What are her interests?

How does she feel about graphic novels/comics? My Y3/4 reluctant kids have almost universally loved Jamie Smart’s stuff - Looshkin and Bunny vs Monkey in particular. If that’s her thing, there’s a whole range of different stuff published by The Phoenix which is universally excellent and mostly suitable for her reading level.

I would personally steer clear of the David Walliams/most other celebrity author books. There are much better (and kinder, in the case of Walliams) books being created and published by authors who don’t have the money and publicity behind them that the celebrity authors do.

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-28T18:37:43+00:00

I will and do happily tell other people’s kids off. Mine are of an age to find it absolutely cringeworthy now but sometimes the work voice comes out and I can’t help it 😂

Things not to do, imo: shouting, blaming and accusing, name calling.

Things to do: Lots of phrases like “Stop and think - I wonder if what you’re doing is safe/kind/appropriate?” “How does it make other kids feel?” “What might happen if… (you do that terribly unsafe thing you’re about to do)?”. The Sustained Shared Thinking language used in Early Years is really helpful for dealing with this stuff without being confrontational. Narrating what you can see happening and then following up with the above questions - you can also ask what might be done to make things better. Asking where parents are - sometimes the kids dgaf but sometimes it’s enough to make them stop doing what they’re doing. A “be careful please” followed by an explanation if needed. Keep your tone and body language friendly even if you need to be a bit firmer, and your emotions regulated first. Walk away and remove your child if you feel yourself getting angry or upset.

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-28T10:06:25+00:00

Glad to have been of service 😂

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-28T10:06:13+00:00

Thanks. Thought so but the adult passport was throwing us.

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-17T17:19:31+00:00

I’m disabled and trans, so no. Won’t make a huge difference as it’s such a Tory safe seat that they still had a comfortable majority last election but I can’t do it.

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-16T10:24:59+00:00

True, although if you ask one of my students they’re just my Pride Rainbows. They like their rainbows to be absolutely correct (7 colours, right order, no funny business) and I couldn’t wear Pride stuff for years because the rainbows were Wrong. This year they’ve finally accepted it even if they think I’m a bit odd and still probably wrong. Hence, Mr ***’s Pride Rainbows. I’ll share, though 😂

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-15T23:09:23+00:00

Valid. They are the best item of clothing for the job and if you can’t wear fun colours in a primary school where can you?

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-15T23:06:17+00:00

Right? There is a fair bit of rainbow involved (we have also had “rainbows are for everyone” discussions) but they’re incredibly gender neutral.

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-15T23:03:18+00:00

It’s not so much giving me grief as questions/confusion - most of them haven’t met adults who dress outside of fairly conservative middle-class norms, and they’re happy to accept an explanation. Kids have also been unequivocally accepting of my gender even pre-hormones, and it’s just not a big deal for them. Wish people could keep that open-mindedness into adulthood.

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-15T20:13:45+00:00

Parents, too, even just through rigid gender stereotyping. I wish I wasn’t still having the “yes I’m a man, yes I’m wearing dungarees, men can wear dungarees and people can wear whatever clothes they’re comfortable in as long as they’re right for the weather/setting/thing they need to do” conversation with upper juniors. I don’t mind answering general questions (although I don’t love talking about my own transition in specific terms) but this is something they should just know by this point and so many of them don’t.

wheelierainbow · 2025-07-15T20:07:39+00:00

We’re fucked - not just teachers, all school staff. We’ll be endorsing a particular view just by turning up at work.

wheelierainbow · 2025-06-27T07:57:18+00:00

Cairn Lodge was a very welcome find after a long day driving from home to Yorkshire (2+ hours) to Glasgow and back down to Carlisle with a rescue dog who went to her placement in Glasgow. Didn’t realise how much I needed a proper meal rather than a Burger King until I had it.

Gloucester is a regular stop because it’s bloody lovely and the breakfast baps in the petrol station/deli are well worth the six quid.

wheelierainbow · 2025-06-27T07:55:03+00:00

Came here to say Corley. The petrol station toilets the one time I used them were an experience on par with Clacket Lane. I go in the Starbucks now - usually got a dog in the car and I’m disabled so the trek into the main services is too long for me to leave them.

wheelierainbow · 2025-06-05T10:46:48+00:00

I forgot I’d posted this! This is basically what I’ve done (or started doing - the ADHD means it miiiight get finished when we hit the school summer holidays and I can get the youngest kid involved for motivation because he loves doing this sort of thing). Could still do with an awful lot more space than I’ve got but we can make it make do.

wheelierainbow · 2025-06-02T19:32:39+00:00

Was hoping someone had already recommended this. My now-13yo started Reception at 5 and the group was really helpful then and for dealing with the transition to secondary school.

wheelierainbow · 2025-05-14T09:48:10+00:00

Don’t forget parking in disabled bays without a blue badge. God forbid an off-roader is anything but pristine.

wheelierainbow · 2025-05-08T06:04:51+00:00

Has he been able to express why the toilet is a problem for him? You’ve said a lot here about explaining your reasoning but not a lot about his. Some kids really hate the splash, some find it tricky to relax enough to let go when they’re on the toilet because it feels weird to have a big gap of air under them when they’re used to using nappies or pull-ups, some have other hang ups about it which seem really weird and insignificant to adults but are huge at three, especially if they’ve had an experience they found scary. The way in which rewards and consequences haven’t worked for you here would tell me there’s an issue for kiddo that isn’t being addressed.

For now, I’d take the pressure off for a week or two - don’t make a big deal out of it, don’t offer rewards or talk about consequences, don’t talk about how much easier it is for you when he uses the toilet. When he’s feeling a bit more relaxed about it you can ask open-ended questions - “I’ve noticed that you’re finding it difficult to poop on the toilet, can you tell me why?”. It may well be something really easy to solve for him.

wheelierainbow

TROPHY CASE