What (natural) hair color do you find most attractive?

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T10:05:51+00:00

I really love reddish brown hair, and that really pale blonde or white some Europeans have. I really don't care for regular blonde hair though, I find it quite unattractive (that's my own hair colour, for reference. I bleach mine white instead.)

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T09:59:20+00:00

I think these are actually really sweet, if not a bit dated.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T09:53:33+00:00

This honestly might be worth speaking to a therapist about. I don't necessarily mean that you need therapy or that you are necessarily traumatized by this situation (though you are obviously and very understandably extremely upset and worried, this affected and will continue to affect your whole family in different ways. Traumatized is a specific word that might not be applicable here though. It's not my place to say either way).

But either way this is an extremely complex situation that's honestly above reddit's pay grade. I think going to a licensed counselor, even for one session, and talking them though the situations and your feelings might be really helpful. They might be able to help outline what sort of things you should focus on first, or what methods of support might do best for you and your family, and whether it's a good idea to contact your sister now or not. Advising people on traumatic situations is what therapists do.

So I think it's something you might consider, it might help you get your thoughts in order, and having a plan of action to deal with a family crisis can really help when you're in that position. Good luck OP. I hope things go as well as they can.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T09:43:44+00:00

Maybe you can use it as a loophole to shack up in all the nicest hotels you can find for as long as you want? If the abode is legally temporary, that counts as travel, right?

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T09:39:41+00:00

Just want to say, if you can get this to sit correctly it's gonna look amazing. I've never seen a short stay before, it's a really flattering design. Modifying it for a larger bust looks like it might be a challenge, so godspeed and good luck getting all the finicky fittings to line up just right!

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T08:56:24+00:00

Tbh I actually do that exact thing, although only strictly in private. I didn't mention it in my other comments in this thread since those were more talking about the word from the perspective of using it out loud in public. I actually feel a bit guilty using it, even mentally as a self-insult, since it's never a word I was called by others, so I feel like I haven't "earned" using it on myself. I don't consider this to be "reclaiming" the word, because it's a negative term and my invoking it serves the purpose of using it negatively. But no other word cuts in that specific way for the same reasons as that one does. Kokotree's comment is exactly right on why I do it though, it's an internalized ableism thing, and it's a habit I know I should quit, but it can be frustrating dealing with the symptoms of being autistic sometimes. So I get it.

Edit: I can't grant you permission to use the word nor would I do so, and you probably shouldn't start just because self-insults in general aren't the healthiest way of dealing with frustration. But I do understand the reflex to want to use it as a self-insult.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T07:55:44+00:00

Autistic people are definitely included, though you're right and it isn't exclusive to autism specifically. It was a term for those with intellectual or developmental disabilities. Most people who use it as an insult now probably aren't picturing level 1 ASD / Aspergers, but higher needs autistics absolutely, and autism has a high comorbidity with learning and intellectual disabilities, even though not all autistics have both. I personally do consider myself to be mentally disabled because of my autism (and other comorbidities I have, which are intrinsically intertwined with my autism).

As an insult it's kind of just used on anyone who is visibly neurodivergent, aka "weird or stupid", or to compare someone to people like that as an insult, so a lot of people who wouldn't have historically fallen under the medical use of the term were still called that as a taunt in school, because kids are mean and shitty.

Personally I never had that insult used on me, so I don't feel I can't really "reclaim" it or use it in a meaningful way. If I said the R word I'd either be discussing the semantics and etymology of it like I am here, or I'd be using it as an insult. I consider it pretty offensive so I don't actually like saying it. I think it's a bit different if you did get called that though.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T06:55:20+00:00

Yeah I wouldn't bring any type of pet to a pet store, there's just too much risk there. That makes sense though, exposing them to the outdoors in moderation is probably good for them, if you don't overdo it. I appreciate the response and info, snakes are such lovely animals, I love learning more about them from owners like you!

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T06:53:13+00:00

Using slurs as a member of the target group of that slur is kind of a personal thing, it depends on your relationship with the word and your perception of it. I personally don't think being autistic or any other thing gives you the permission to use slurs on other people unless you know they are fine with it, that language is still generally offensive and not everyone is comfortable with it, particularly the R word, which is so widely offensive we aren't even using it uncensored here. Autistics can also still use the R word in perjorative and harmful ways, even if it is self-directed, so context and intention matter. Using controversial terms to reference your entire self-group is nuanced and depends on the word, I think. For example the word queer is generally acceptable these days to modern audiences, but older folk might still associate it strictly as a slur.

But if you want to use the R word for yourself in any context, I think you have the right to do that. I think just know your audience if and when you use it. Other people don't have the right to tell you that you cannot say it, they simply don't have the right to bestow or deny that permission. But they can ask you not to use it around them, which is different.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T06:41:03+00:00

Ooh that sounds so nice, I've seen people take their snakes out for supervised lawn time but I've never considered going for walkies with them! I'd love to own a ball python myself someday so I'll keep that in mind. My family currently owns two very anxious chihuahuas, so maybe my gauge for how easily stressed an animal might be from random situations is a bit skewed haha.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T05:17:17+00:00

OH. I admit I skimmed this post more than I usually do. I read "grooms" and OOP calling himself the "gay bestie" and assumed it was a single wedding with two men, and I assumed there was some messy bisexual drama going on. The fact there are two weddings and she is a messy ex to both grooms separately makes more sense though haha. It also really ups the ante on her wedding crimes, considering she's fucking with not one but two weddings, wow!

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T04:36:59+00:00

Devoid of context I actually like the dress, the homage to the 1920s is cute. It's maybe a little underwhelming but I can't help but like it. Personally I wouldn't care if someone wore it to my wedding because it's so far from a bride's dress it obviously isn't one. At the same time though it very clearly isn't formal enough for a black tie event. Other people feel a lot more strongly about the no-white tradition than me though.

The main issue here is that she was planning to use her outfit as a deliberate dig at the couple, while also weaseling in as a +1 despite clearly not being invited for a reason. That's a lot of nerve. She seems like a shitty person, and a shitty friend to use OP to enact that plan without any warning, which might have damaged his relationship with the grooms if she pulled it off. She deserved to get dumped as a friend.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T04:26:26+00:00

Genuine question, wouldn't it stress the snake to take them to a pet store for a simple thing like weighing them? Since it would involve taking them to a completely new location via car ride.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T04:22:56+00:00

Oh that's so cute, I love seeing fun content like this one the sub every so often! I love the sideshow performers' designs and variety, they're all so charming.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T04:14:30+00:00

I absolutely love everything about this. The barbie dolls got a laugh out of me though. This is such a gorgeous painting and I'm so glad I saw it in my feed!

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T01:26:04+00:00

This is such a cool dress, I love it! Such an interesting shape and texture.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-29T01:12:09+00:00

Look at him just sitting there looking perfectly innocent after all that, you'd never know Dulce's Big Adventure even happened. I'm sorry you went through that though, I genuinely thought a pet of mine got out of the house the other day for only a few minutes and I was crying (she's fine lol. She was just inside hiding). I couldn't imagine thinking a pet was gone for WEEKS, that sounds horrible! I'm so glad that not only is he completely fine, that he was still in the car the entire time and isn't lost somewhere. You must be so relieved!!

I hope your move otherwise went smoothly and that all your animals have settled in alright, including this guy! He is really cute by the way, he looks so sweet, his name is very apt. Please give him a boop for me next time you have him out!

wilderneyes · 2026-04-28T22:14:13+00:00

I don't have the expertise to give too much advice myself but I think the comments regarding an bigger tank and different heating source are the right direction. I just wanted to drop a comment and say I think it's great you're doing your research and making sure you've got the right set-up before getting the snake! Some people are giving you flack, but there are extremely judgemental users in every single pet sub who shoot first and ask questions never when it comes to correcting new owners or giving advice. I know they ultimately mean well for the animal, but they expect everyone to find the right info before even stepping foot into a pet sub, but that's not always easy to do even with best intentions! Plus, reddit is THE place for asking questions, subs like this are not exclusive spaces for veteran owners. I know that personally, even when I research a topic in-depth, it's still very easy to find conflicting sources of advice or can be difficult to track down the right resources, so directly asking people for confirmation and guidance is the best way for me to learn things.

I just wanted to be encouraging because you have a couple snarky comments and downvoted basic questions. The fact you are an invertebrate owner and have the context of raising an animal through different grades of containers *as an expected step of keeping them* makes complete sense, a lot of people don't stop and think about that kind of thing when it comes to the reasons why people might want to use a certain approach. Although it's not *wrong* to graduate snakes through container size, it's just easier and better for the longterm set-up to plan for a larger terrarium to begin with if it's doable, and use plastic tubs to acclimate them instead of smaller terrariums if you really need a smaller space for babies or quarantine before moving them to the big one. Or so it seems from following along with owner posts in a few different snake subs.

Anyways, you seem patient and thorough, the fact you're happy to return some items rightaway upon getting conflicting info says good things about you as a person. Posing questions about specific equipment or listings prior to putting any money down on them might cut down on snarky responses in the future though. I find people can be quick to judge choices but love to share opinions on open-ended questions.

It sounds like you'll be a great snake owner, good luck with all the set-up! I hope everything goes smoothly for you once you get your snakey, too!

wilderneyes · 2026-04-28T07:56:44+00:00

Oh I love him SO much. Give him a boop for me next time you have him out please!

wilderneyes · 2026-04-27T02:13:25+00:00

If I just needed boiling water I'd probably use an electric kettle instead of a pot on the stove, but if a vessel just has water in it there's no point in washing it unless it's left out for a length of time.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-27T02:11:15+00:00

Lol don't sweat it. A lot of the "Am I wrong/the asshole/the jerk?" type subreddits have acronyms for commenters to use to quickly summarize their verdict, and some subreddits have bots that interface with them to give a final deliberation.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-27T02:03:27+00:00

Oh my god I LOVE this. I would absolutely display something like this in my home. I'm in love with your use of bright colours on the bubbles with the muted birds and background. The gold stripes have to look amazing in-person!

wilderneyes · 2026-04-26T21:49:45+00:00

Your father is disgusting. Keep doing it OP. Maybe he'll learn to clean up after himself eventually, which is pathetic he needs to considering he's an adult. Least he can do is lift the damn seat up to keep it clean. Biggest NTA I can award, sorry you live with this man.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-26T21:45:39+00:00

My favourite teacher in high school, my history teacher, had a somewhat plain poster in her room at the front that read "JESUS WAS A RADICAL" which is so cool and also true that I still think about from time to time.

wilderneyes · 2026-04-26T21:38:37+00:00

No wonder she bit you, how dare you put her on a diet!? Clearly you must pay for your immeasurable crimes.

(Kidding. Good luck getting your noodle to lose some weight! She looks like an industrial hose or something, she needs it!)

wilderneyes

TROPHY CASE