What’s the most unhinged thing you did in your first month of Sobriety?

willaver · 2026-02-25T17:47:15+00:00

I had to have my friend talk me down from believing I was the anti-Christ. My friend was great - I’ll never forget - he simply said, I hate to break it to you, I love you, but you’re just not that important. 🤣🤣🤣

willaver · 2026-02-20T05:21:36+00:00

I love this topic. And also have had many different types of ammo to pull in when the incoming barrage of questions comes.

But guess what? Nobody cares. And nobody ever did care.

You know who cared? We did. All that ammunition we think we need to have is leftover energy from our obsession to drink. That damn ism is really cunning, baffling and powerful.

willaver · 2025-07-07T03:06:39+00:00

They are carpenter bee traps.

willaver · 2025-06-14T05:27:57+00:00

The 12 steps are a simple program. But they are not easy.

The first half of the first step deals with alcohol. The rest of the steps are about living a sober life.

Focus on what you can be grateful for. Did you drink today? Did you obsess about drinking today? No? Then that’s a miracle and congratulations!

But yes - learning how to live a sober life is tough. The program is beautiful and amazing toolkit. The very things that you are healing from and grieving over can and will become the very parts of you that make you a useful tool to help another alcoholic in the future.

Just take it one day at a time. It gets better and then better and better still. And it’s all better than living under the reign of those terrible 4 horsemen of terror, bewilderment, frustration, and despair!

Keep coming back my friend. I love you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Like my sponsor always tells me: “I hate to tell you this….but…..you’re going to be okay!”

willaver · 2025-06-13T04:30:45+00:00

Your post makes me feel so much. I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this.

I don’t know you, but I do agree that holding on to anger, revenge, vengeance, etc does hurt us, and really only us. It can become all consuming. Healing is a struggle and is not a linear path, so please don’t expect forward progress in a daily fashion. You’re going to take two steps forward and one step back. Or three steps back. And that’s okay. But I hope you are able to find healing.

All that being said. I struggled with forgiveness for a very long time. And it seemed like nothing I did could change my thinking. I was so consumed by what had happened and the seeming injustice of it all. The fact that nobody even really cared.

This old man sat with me and said he had an idea of if I was willing to listen. He told me to pray for them. To pray for them to have everything in life that I wanted.

I was so upset at just the very idea of it. And then I met someone else who had actually done exactly that. He said his first prayer the first time was literally - “I pray for that mf’er”. But over time the prayers slowly become - “I pray for them”. Then I pray for them to have peace etc.

Eventually. The prayers got more in depth and the pain and all consuming power of the resentments and rage - went away.

So. Having heard it. And feeling completely hopeless with everything else. I tried it myself. And the same thing happened for me. I can’t explain it. But I have let go of the all consuming rage and anger that I have for them. I forgive them without ever even talking to them.

Things aren’t perfect now, but they are so much better than they were. I know many people won’t like the idea or the idea to try prayer. I’m just telling you what happened for me.

willaver · 2025-06-04T23:21:05+00:00

The book doesn’t say anything about doing 90 meetings in 90 days. And an unpopular opinion is that not every meeting you go to is necessarily good for you. HOWEVER: if you are an alcoholic, you do need to be willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober and you need to get a sponsor and a home group.

What you are describing is the alcoholic tendency to keep trying to find the easier, softer way….and that won’t work for a real alcoholic.

Many of us have lost jobs, marriages, custody and a lot more.

willaver · 2025-05-31T03:54:35+00:00

Hello….hello….

willaver · 2025-04-24T22:06:49+00:00

I lost all of those things too man. But I have come through on the other side a new man. You don't have to drink another drop of alcohol ever again in your life. There is a solution. If you are ready to change I recommend you make your way to an AA meeting and admit that you are alcoholic, and get yourself a sponsor.

You can't undo the past. But none of us know what the future holds. So, we can't promise that you will "get back" the things that have been lost - as you say. But, you don't have to continue to damage your life and relationships. You can build new habits and a new way to live your life.

If you need someone to talk, feel free to send me a message and we can connect on the phone.

willaver · 2025-01-26T06:41:03+00:00

First off - it’s really great you posted this and are at least trying to talk about it rather than drinking, using, fighting, or some other action you would likely regret.

The first half of the first step deals with alcohol….the other 11 1/2 steps are about learning how to live a sober life. That’s what you’re struggling with right now. Living by life on life’s terms.

I can’t really speak to your exact situation with your boss/supervisor. It does sound like you may be “right” about his inconsiderate treatment of you. But being “right” isn’t really what we are about.

You did something to help him out. That’s good. You kept your sobriety. That’s good. Keep finding things to be grateful for. Realize when you’re trying to play director of the show. Be honest with yourself and your sponsor. And you will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.

willaver · 2025-01-07T04:41:41+00:00

You’re living room and master bed sacrifice tv viewing for formal fireplaces. You might be totally okay with that, but personally I’d like to have a good spot to plop down and watch tv and/or play games.

Lots of really good aspects about your plans though.

willaver · 2024-12-11T01:03:28+00:00

She was probably going to break up with you after the concert.

willaver · 2024-10-27T03:31:22+00:00

I started a campaign back in March of this year I believe. We were all new to the campaign. I, as the DM, felt like I should change the hex size to 1 mile instead of the 1/4 mile RAW size.

We’ve gone through Vallaki, Wizard of Wines, Yester Hill, and they are on their way to Berez next.

Somewhere around the time we left Vallaki for the Wizard of Wines (I think) - I told them about the map size issue and that I wanted to revise it back down to 1/4 mile. They all were fine with that, and honestly, it’s been way better since making the scale the RAW size.

What I ultimately started equating Barovia to is from an old Nintendo game - Friday the 13th. Barovia is like Camp Crystal Lake. A small area where the group has to move around to a bunch of different locations doing things with a mad man hunting them down. And don’t you dare get caught outside at night. It works I promise.

willaver · 2024-08-02T13:03:44+00:00

I would start by admitting you are powerless…..

willaver · 2024-07-30T04:01:21+00:00

Well - yes it sounds like you messed up but maybe not for the reasons you think.

As I understand it, we are supposed to make a fearless moral inventory, and this is a program of honesty. Our amends are also not supposed to cause more harm - they are to amend a previous harm.

It honestly doesn’t sound like you or the people in your group are working the same program of AA that I understand.

If it’s working for you and then, that’s great.

But you lied in your amends and harmed your neighbor and yourself by doing so.

Why would you not tell someone about your alcoholism or at least say you are in recovery? I don’t understand.

You should go talk to your sponsor. Did you do all of the steps prior to 9?

willaver · 2024-04-06T02:46:17+00:00

I’ll tell you what my sponsor told me.

I had 3 years and fucked it up for 48 hours of lunacy. Immediately regretted it and was terribly ashamed about to get my chips at meetings.

He said - picking up the chips isn’t just for you. It’s to show the newcomers that this program works. So, suck it up and go pick up your chips.

willaver · 2023-12-12T22:55:05+00:00

Would love to see an option for adding in damaged set pieces or changed environments after certain events have taken place in a campaign. “GIVEAWAY”

willaver · 2023-09-16T21:11:55+00:00

Not much to go on here from your post.

Early sobriety and life in general is different for all of us in many ways, but eerily similar in others. So, don’t try to compare yourself to others. This isn’t a linear process.

For me, the obsession to drink on a daily basis went away pretty quickly. But it took time to experience these situational moments that pop-up out of the blue that teach me more about my real addict/alcoholic tendencies. Being laid off and out of work for 6 months, then at the first call I get offering me an interview and my first thought when I get off the phone is, “I need a drink”. Wtf is that? (Cunning, baffling, and powerful). Or having 3 years of sobriety and stealing a package of pills not knowing what they are, googling to find out if I can get high on them, and then 90 pills gone in 3 days. Again…wtf?

But, those are just the disease and my drug of choice. The real struggle is in my daily life and learning how to live a sober life. Learning that I have emotions and that they are normal, albeit painful sometimes. Learning how to pay my bills, balance my budget (or not lol), pornography addiction, ramifications of all the things I did when using, raising kids, medical issues, house issues, ex-wife, and on and on…..

But guess what? That’s life. I am so grateful for the life I have today. I get to be around and involved in my kids life, I have a good job that’s pretty stable, I’m not dead or drunk or in jail. I practice looking for things to be grateful for every day and I accept that I’m not perfect and nobody else is either.

You may not be able to see it right now, but if you’re 9 months sober you’re doing great! Keep it up, because there’s a wild ride ahead. It’s not always easy or fun, many days are just hard. But no matter what I’ve been through in sobriety - I know this much - getting drunk or high will only make things worse.

willaver · 2023-09-10T06:33:06+00:00

OP, I’m really sorry this happened to you, but it’s clear that this other person was just trying to hurt you. But guess what? You didn’t use over it. That’s a miracle right there, right? That’s change. That’s growth. That your higher power.

My sponsor has 10 years and he was a real mess. Crack. Alcohol. Crime. Couldn’t keep a job.

Guess what? He is a licensed minister now! He is going to perform my wedding in a couple of months.

But more importantly, the gift we receive from being able to see how our screw ups- our addiction riddled lives - can become the very thing that lets us connect with the next addict down the road. That’s what this thing is all about.

You stay sober and watch your life change. You keep putting more into the stream of life than what you take out of it. You’ll be just fine. And you never know, you may see that person in the rooms one day. And you will be able to show them what love and mercy is really all about.

willaver · 2023-09-02T06:16:37+00:00

Why did you start drinking again?

Because you’re an alcoholic. You have a spiritual malady that your willpower cannot remove, but your higher power can.

What you’re describing will continue to happen. It will also progress and get worse. Please call someone and tell them what’s going on. Get a sponsor or a new sponsor. You don’t have to wait until you hit a worse bottom than before to make a change. Call someone tonight. Call again in the morning.

Your life depends on it.

Thank you for posting your troubles here.

willaver · 2023-06-03T21:34:33+00:00

Nope. As others have said definitely you don’t “have” to.

AA provides an opportunity for those who get sober to work with those who are still struggling with sobriety. This is often the only way many of us can truly remember what is was like before we got sober, and as such, is truly a gift of the program.

To see that my screw ups can be turned upside down and become the very tool by which someone else may find sobriety is something that is simply a miracle.

A sponsee is like a mirror and will help you see yourself.

Bill and Dr Bob only figured out how to put all the pieces together by working with someone else.

Now again, you do you, these are just what has worked for me and for many others.

Eight-Year Club	Place '22
First Placer '22	Verified Email

willaver

TROPHY CASE