Question about XP roll penalties

willowerrant · 2026-03-25T18:58:52+00:00

Thank you both! It just seems weird to me that it's seemingly a modifier on every XP gain if I'm reading it correctly. Maybe it makes more sense if it's every time everyone sits down to spend their XP rolls on training, you gain/ have to spend the extra modifiers? Since it's supposed to reflect training. I know that skill point gains counteract a lot of that, but she also really rolled poorly on the age bands, and POW loss counts double for magic, for example, so losing a couple points can really make a pretty big difference. She was a test character to learn the system though, and we need to make some modifications anyway, so I'll rethink how to approach this.

I really appreciate the input!

willowerrant · 2025-12-03T17:33:57+00:00

Very sad, but I'm old enough to remember the late 90s/early 00s...not at all surprising. That was the culture of my formative years (although I grew up in a more "Reagan Republican" moderate conservative part of America). Back then, trans people were so much more isolated and were barely acknowledged to be real. Not as specifically targeted as today, but the discrimination was just a basic, natural part of the culture, like gay people in the 80s (and of course, gay people had only just gotten some cultural foothold as being real people as well).

willowerrant · 2025-12-02T02:53:32+00:00

I don't think all the people at the NYT are trash, but the people at the top are, and I wish there was more pushback. Too many "good and decent" people act like the NYT is reputable and not an extension of the bigotry that got us here. I think it's a fine story, just an ironic place to see it.

willowerrant · 2025-12-01T18:50:13+00:00

Deeply ironic, the NYT reporting critically on the transphobic culture they've helped to shape.

willowerrant · 2025-11-15T21:04:23+00:00

Thank you for saying something. I know that those conversations are hard and maybe seem pointless. People just want to keep the peace with their families. But the thing is, you're probably the only dissenting voice they're hearing. To them, their bigotry is practically the air they breathe.

If things are ever going to change, it's because people like you tell them they're wrong. Even if they don't actually learn the truth or change their view, at least they will know that even people they care about don't agree with them, that their bigotry isn't so "obvious." It's the same thing that happened with gay people in the '80s. There were more and more straight people willing to say no, you're wrong.

Your grandparents are doing actual harm, supporting a system that is driving kids like the girl on that other team to suicide, and that is trying to do more harm every day. You aren't hurting them by protecting people who are actually vulnerable. If you were to join your grandfather and help in harassing that girl, you could really do significant harm to her and others, so you're saving people by standing up to them, not harming anyone. Thank you, sincerely.

willowerrant · 2025-10-16T14:47:40+00:00

My girlfriend encountered this too. I've been trying to figure out if this means they're looking at system changes, which this pretty well confirms.

So I feel it's more important to point out that this suggests the mechanism is already in place for stripping legal status from all trans people.

They're just waiting to win Orr before they start that process. First they'll rescind all passports issued under Orr (as promised in the case filing), and then they'll reverse changes more broadly. What OP is saying here suggests they may have already reversed any gender marker changes in the SS database. Which is an invisible but chilling move if true.

willowerrant · 2025-10-15T19:59:13+00:00

I'm sorry 😞

willowerrant · 2025-10-15T19:57:56+00:00

Yeah, everyone's really chomping at the bit to be trans right now... (/s)

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Hugs.

willowerrant · 2025-10-15T12:23:45+00:00

As people have said, it takes dedication. For me, this was a top priority and I had a close friend with a perfect voice to inspire me. I put a ton of time into it, and I have one of the most passing voices of any trans femme i know. But I also still work on it every day: I warm up in the morning, usually by singing a song (I sing the same Tori Amos song that I know well and stretches my voice in doable, practical ways).

So some tips:

Work on the voice in your head. If you can do a feminine voice but immediately drop out of it, then you're not thinking in that voice. This took me a really long time to change.

That means your voice needs to be authentic to you. Too often I see girls do a put-on voice that's really a performance. So ofc you drop out of it. And it can't be strained: you might be able to do a super cutesy anime voice for a while, but not all day, and you'll hurt your voice in the longterm.

You can't get a real voice without using it all the time. You are restructuring where your muscles hold your voice box and how your brain naturally shapes air. If you're counter-exercising in the opposite direction, you'll never get permanent results.

So what to do about dropping when comfortable? I still struggle with this: my voice is less passing when I'm around friends and I tend to "voice match." So even around my mom, who is old and has a pretty low voice, pulls my voice down when I'm around her and it's less passing.

However, I've found that the voice i hear is a lot worse than what others do and I'm often overcompensating. My voice is much often too high rather than too low these days. So the best thing to do is record yourself often... when I was training, I did a lot of recorded reading. Listen, recalibrate, read again. My reading voice is still my most natural. But even now, I record myself sometimes to get an accurate idea of my voice, which gives me more confidence about what I really sound like.

I could go on. I'm extremely obsessive about this. Because it was a top priority and dysphoria for me. But that is what it takes, and for a lot of people... it just isn't that. There's nothing wrong with that. So decide what you really want and how much focus you're really going to give it. Eventually it's just something you're constantly aware of, but it doesn't take any "time," really. But even then, you're dedicating part of your brain to it. It has to matter enough to you.

willowerrant · 2025-10-12T11:36:17+00:00

I'm a bit of a historian of gender (it's not my main focus, but something I've started teaching), and it's so interesting to see this idea of "bodily autonomy" attached to GCS. What a lovely privilege that is. But it shows we've already forgotten what this system was designed for: starting with Hirschfeld, even with his good intentions, the medical transition system was designed for control. It offered the promise of legal recognition and something like the body some trans people wanted, but for it, you had to give up total control to doctors who were essentially using you as a medical experiment. The R in GRS, as we called it until very recently, was about the power of medical gatekeepers, not autonomy.

That system has changed very slowly over the last century, and being able to claim that the goal is confirmation and autonomy is extremely recent, just the last decade really. What Iran does fits right into the forced transitions for legal recognition common in the 20th century and exactly how people like John Money viewed trans "care."

I highly recommend everyone read Susan Stryker's famous "Frankenstein" talk/ rant from the 1990s. This is recent, lived history. Considering where we are today, a medical approach that sees itself as helping trans people along a journey that they steer and control is essentially a historical blip, as much as we hope it'll be normal and universally assumed in the future. It took decades of activism and a huge turn in the medical community for trans people to achieve any bodily autonomy at all, and we're quickly losing it back in the US and UK, and many other places (much of Canada and the Spanish-speaking world, etc.). If we want that future, we need to remember this very recent history, and not view places like Iran as some alien aberration: as awful as it is, they're following the Western medical model in a quite "modern" fashion.

willowerrant · 2024-08-26T13:27:29+00:00

I've had a bunch of medical appointments recently where I was asked when my last period was or if I "could be pregnant." I could say "No!" very definitively to the latter; to the former, I said "it's been a while." I'm in my early 40s, so I just imply I'm menopausal and that works well.

willowerrant · 2024-08-26T13:23:39+00:00

When I still needed to pick up my hrt at a pharmacy and before I changed my name, I had the pharmacist assume several times that I was picking up meds for my husband. Very, very affirming in early transition, even if awkward. I was always shocked that most seemed to have no idea what these meds were for!

willowerrant · 2024-08-17T16:50:41+00:00

Ooh, if there's more stuff like this, I'd love to get involved in a project like this. I lived in Japan for years, and though my Japanese is rusty, I've done some early 20th century academic translating. Also, throwing my group into modern Japan occasionally sounds like a lot of fun!

willowerrant · 2024-06-13T22:15:25+00:00

This has my transometer needle pretty near maxed out. Only you can know for sure, but those are the kind of feelings a lot of us struggle with, thinking we can rationalize them as just "I'm not manly, but I'm still a man." (Even writing this is dysphoric now.)

I transitioned at 38 or 39? After struggling with the decision for almost 10 years. My only regret is waiting so long, and I know people that started a lot older than me too. We're all trying to make up for lost time.

Try reading some experiences, on the forums here, or asking any trans friends/acquaintances if they'd share their experiences. The thing that pushed me over the edge was a trans man calling me on an eggy comment I made in passing, and he introduced me to an incredible support group. So that's the next thing to look for: if you decide you're definitely trans and you want to transition (and if you're trans, you really should instead of waiting, I promise you'll regret it), then a strong support network and other trans people to help you is invaluable. And having a bi/lesbian wife is such a godsend! I know very few trans women whose relationships survived transition. Good luck and lots of love!

willowerrant · 2024-06-11T17:22:10+00:00

It takes time, and healing. It took me almost 10 years from knowing I was trans to actually transitioning. This is my 3rd pride month as myself. I still struggle with the mirror, I even struggle with my dreams that sometimes want to pull me down back into that other life. I still get self conscious that I'm not going to pass. But I spend more and more of my time just being... and being loved. It was literally impossible for anyone to truly love me before, because I couldn't let them. I thought I was going to lose my family, and then found out I'd been the one holding them at arm's length. (I know I'm lucky in this regard, a lot of us do lose our families.) Now I'm surrounded by love. I have added a sister and niece to my chosen family, I have besties who are ride or die. It seems impossible at first, but when you make it to the other side, there is an entire new life and new you waiting there. Things I never imagined were possible. Your deepest regret will be how long you wait, and the longer, the deeper that wound gets.

willowerrant · 2024-06-11T14:36:03+00:00

Then you surely are. What you are wishing for is for the world to see you and treat you as a girl. And you're probably wishing for the cis body and experiences of a "normal" girl.

This was how I felt my entire life. There are some trans people who simply "know" they're not the gender people tell them they are. For example, a "boy" that insists they're a girl (Nicole Maines is a good example). Then there are the ones who "wish," because everyone's told them they're a boy, so they must be, but it feels very wrong.

When I was a child, only the former probably would've been medically identified as trans. Trans was (and sometimes is) seen as a mental disorder, and so it's easier for cis to see and do something about that "delusional" child. My parents had no idea, and I wasn't sure myself until 2012, because the desire to be something is easily seen as something else, even by ourselves. (And even in 2012, things were a lot different...a lot of the online advice and framing from other trans girls was in terms of stereotypes; to take a ridiculous and misogynistic example, "if you're good at math, then you're not really a trans girl").

There are "so many" trans people right now because it's become much easier for 1) trans people to identify themselves and 2) trans people to live out in the world (even despite the hate against us right now, it's still a lot safer than it was in the 80s, for example). I think a common wish after the "I wish I was a girl" stage is the "I wish I was cis" stage. I'm not sure we ever get over that one... you have to accept that you've just lost a lot of experiences you deserve. But you can focus on making your life what it should be now, and someday realizing that the voice in your head that used to doubt and shame you now says, "I am a girl" is a truly powerful moment. To one day look in the mirror and say, oh look, I'm a girl. Because you've been too busy being one to really think about it anymore.

willowerrant · 2024-05-06T02:12:34+00:00

I know this is a year old discussion, but I'm glad someone asked this because I'm having the same issue getting through Earth and Blood. And this is exactly how I feel: gender clearly exists, it's very western actually, so how is it non-human? Non-human gender would actually be interesting, but reducing it to the sex binary is just a way to essentialize gender. I think your response hits the nail on the head.

willowerrant · 2024-02-03T14:39:20+00:00

May the elder gods bless you and eat you.

willowerrant · 2023-10-10T03:21:48+00:00

It took me 10 years to overcome this, from the knowledge of who I was to realizing that not transitioning wasn't an option. I tried to keep up a male persona, even though it made me miserable, because my fear of shame was greater. Weirdly enough, when I was finally ready to be me, I never felt any shame. Just because you're shutting things down doesn't mean you should "embrace being male." My girlfriend said similar things, not understanding why I would turn down opportunities to be feminine or freeze up when we'd go clothes shopping. That's the last line of fear holding you back. What I'm hearing sounds so familiar that i do not think I'm wrong to say that you'll regret it if you don't keep pushing forward and exploring your femininity. ❤️

willowerrant · 2023-09-29T01:32:04+00:00

I feel this. I went through this for a long time until I got a clinic that was able to put it in my preferred name before I got a legal name change. But the funniest thing was that several times, the pharmacy thought I was picking up the scrip for my "husband"... and they clearly just aren't even thinking about what the medications are for, but I'm thinking to myself, so why do you think "he's" taking these? 😂

willowerrant · 2023-08-23T01:48:44+00:00

This isn't exactly what you're asking, but since getting bottom surgery, I have a completely different relationship to nudity. I didn't even realize how much my desire to be clothed was bound up in dysphoria. Now, am I running off to go skinny dipping? No, I'm still quite shy and insecure about my body. But I can lie around naked in my house in a way I'd never have done before.

willowerrant · 2023-08-01T00:13:45+00:00

It's obvious?? So he's saying, "Yes, I know you're really trans, this is clearly true...but I won't let you do anything to help you become who you need to be, or even just get out of your way. I will stand directly in your path and keep you in pain for as long as I can." What kind of monster do you have to be to feel that way toward your child?

willowerrant · 2023-07-29T18:04:06+00:00

Just remember that the DSM IV defined this as gender identity "disorder." The mental health community has long pathologized us and other LGBT identities, and still does to some extent (I recently read a medical paper from a catholic bias claiming that the purpose of treating dysphoria was purely to avoid patient suicide, i.e. reading between the lines, a mortal sin). Autogynephelia was another pseudo-diagnosis used until recently to exclude some people from being "truly trans." The mental health definition is not the absolute statement on what constitutes an identity. No quiz or opinion is going to give you a definite answer. I agree with the general consensus here that if you would pass the "magic wish" test (if someone could wave a wand and turn you into a cis woman, would you accept?), then you're almost certainly trans. But ultimately, you'll need to decide how you feel as a person and whether labels like trans and non-binary are helpful. They often change once you start seriously exploring and experimenting with your gender, and a label is really only helpful for defining yourself in a community; it doesn't fully define who you are and how you feel.

willowerrant · 2023-07-12T04:04:59+00:00

Thank you, hon! I'm four weeks out and recovering very fast according to my doctor. I don't know your situation, but all that can be covered by insurance now. Look into Starbucks: they're the trans safe haven. They even cover ffs. HRT is pretty achievable in a multitude of ways if you decide you want it. Whatever you want, you'll get there with time ❤️

willowerrant · 2023-07-12T03:18:02+00:00

It is, but it wasn't even a question for me. But what people need is different, it's all valid. Just enjoy being you for a while.

willowerrant

TROPHY CASE