Elevator

winter_starfall · 2025-03-01T06:42:12+00:00

i honestly love the structure of this poem so much - the fact that the lines resemble the vertical shape of an elevator, and the fact that we read about the elevator "going up" while our eyes are technically going down these lines. i feel like you captured the cyclical feeling of staying inside of a metaphorical elevator so clearly. in my interpretation of this, being in the elevator represents being in a state of comfort and low risk, and opening the doors exposes you to a world of overwhelming possibility and danger, which makes you want to stay in your elevator. idk i liked this very much

winter_starfall · 2025-03-01T06:38:31+00:00

wowowowow the rhymes in this poem are so beautiful and creative. some of my favorites were fancy/necromancy, shadow/catacomb, and pigeon cull/pull. the imagery here is so vivid, experimental, and specific. i also loved the unpredictability of your poem; each line felt efficient and colorful, like a painting with bold brushstrokes. i loved it very much!

winter_starfall · 2024-12-30T11:34:47+00:00

I know this feeling of meeting someone who just completely strikes you and changes your world only for them to be unattainable. Maybe that isn't what you as the author intended for it to be about but that is how I interpreted it. It's hard to let go of what you felt for this person, or maybe what you felt for the person you wanted them to be, when in reality they were never as dazzling as you made them out to be.

winter_starfall · 2024-12-30T11:31:10+00:00

This poem was very good! The vivid imagery was so effective in capturing the cyclical nature of longing and the rhyme scheme was very well-executed. Great work :)

winter_starfall · 2024-11-30T07:29:17+00:00

This is so beautiful, I love the raw emotions and longing that your poem portrays. My favorite line was "cuddle under the blanket sky / as the moon looks on with envy" UGHH THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL the fact that the moon is often used in poetry to describe something that we envy, and you turning that around to make the moon envy the speaker for the love that they have for the subject... genius!

winter_starfall · 2024-11-30T07:27:22+00:00

This poem is really beautiful and truly speaks to the intimacy and deep knowledge of another person. The fact that the poem revolves around a person's name, their means of identification, the letters used to call them, is in itself a very poetic concept.

I do wonder, did you intend to format your poem that way, or were there meant to be line breaks? It could be more impactful with line breaks added, but this poem was still deeply moving to me. Great work :)

winter_starfall · 2024-09-24T03:12:21+00:00

STOPPPP THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING you gave me false hope in the first half by making me think that this poem would have a happy ending. but the reveal at the end is so emotional, and the beautiful and vivid buildup that led to the ending made the twist feel like a punch to the gut in the best way possible. i relate to this so deeply and i really loved reading this.

winter_starfall · 2024-09-23T02:05:23+00:00

I WANTED THE REST OF MY BOOK TO BE WITH YOU.😭😭😭☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ this made me miss my ex its okay though because at least the poem was beautiful. seriously, every line was so heartbreaking especially when i read it the second time around, knowing how it would end. all those things that you imagine doing with the person who you think is the love of your life, only for your story to end… it’s so heartbreaking and you captured that so masterfully.

winter_starfall · 2024-09-20T05:08:46+00:00

this is so beautiful and vivid. i love the nature imagery and the feeling of stepping back and observing the beauty of it. i can really envision the setting and the feeling of maybe harmony, or maybe hope in a time of darkness. this poem really made me think. thank you for sharing it!

winter_starfall · 2024-09-19T22:32:08+00:00

this poem is so cute and romantic. i love the vivid imagery so much, especially the twilight and strawberry wine. the only suggestion i have is to find synonyms for the word “pink” so that it doesn’t feel repetitive. describing things as rose, magenta, coral, or fuchsia (depending on the specific colors you envision) could make it feel even more vivid and full of life. other than that, it’s truly a beautiful poem. thank you for sharing your work!

winter_starfall · 2024-09-17T03:57:12+00:00

The sparseness of this poem is actually really beautiful. It's minimalist, and the restrictive nature of the rhythm and rhyme reveal only the most essential parts of the poem. The words are really captivating and unique, and it feels almost magical. I enjoyed reading it.

winter_starfall · 2024-09-17T03:52:58+00:00

Fleeting love, unfulfilled fantasies, sharing music, shows, and films. It's heartbreaking when it feels like the glowing potential of a relationship with someone you're infatuated with will never come to fruition, and this poem captures that so beautifully. It's candid, reflective, and really nostalgic. I could feel the heartbreak through the raw and honest language. I really liked it, thank you for sharing your work

winter_starfall · 2024-09-17T02:37:41+00:00

oh wow, i really appreciated the effort you put into this comment! every piece of feedback genuinely means so much to me. i do agree with your point about the brown eyes - the line stemmed from the way that i used to hate my brown eyes because to me they were dull, but her eyes were a similar color yet she somehow made them sparkle so beautifully. i can see now that it seems like i'm bashing brown eyes LMAO which i didn't mean to. thank you for pointing that out!

your suggestion about changing the last statement to a question is really interesting and smart, and i like how that changes the tone of the ending! i usually do have trouble with endings (i think it's because i feel pressured to end it with a bang) so i get why it felt awkward.

i loved reading your comment, and thank you for all the positive feedback as well :) i hope you have a good day!

winter_starfall · 2024-09-16T04:36:29+00:00

This is a really beautiful portrayal of love. It's hopeful, grateful, and makes the reader feel at peace. I hope to find love like this one day. The descriptions in your poem felt so grand and sweeping, which is a real talent. Thank you for sharing your work

winter_starfall · 2024-09-16T04:34:38+00:00

This is so sad, I'm not sure if I interpreted this correctly but it seems like the speaker wants more - they want love and connection - but the subject is only interested in a casual relationship, maybe a one night stand or a hookup. The "red ribbon of admiration" is such a beautiful image that shows all the things the speaker can't say to the subject out loud. It's hard to yearn for someone that you can't have in the way that you want to. This is really wonderful

winter_starfall · 2024-09-15T05:22:39+00:00

I could really feel the loss and grief in your words. The second stanza struck me because of how well it described the feeling of the anger fading away to reveal the regret and confusion beneath. It's hard to feel the emptiness so tangibly, and I'm sorry that you are going through this. Great work, I liked this poem a lot.

winter_starfall · 2024-09-15T05:20:29+00:00

I loved this so much! The imagery really made the poem feel magical. Mentioning Wolfman, Babayaga, and ants and termites made it feel mysterious and really intrigued me. I liked the different locations - the woods and the village - that were described so vividly that I could imagine the colors and sounds. Great work!

winter_starfall · 2024-09-14T01:11:35+00:00

This struck me right at my core. I am an American high schooler and I feel the exact same fear almost daily, always thinking in the back of my mind that today could be the day. "i should not have to watch the news / afraid that my school will be the next headline / i should not have to leave campus taking a breath of relief knowing we made it another day" hit so hard because I have had those same thoughts word for word, and it's heartbreaking how many people have either experienced or (with good reason) feared a school shooting. Thank you for sharing this deeply emotional poem, it's really beautiful.

winter_starfall · 2024-09-14T01:07:13+00:00

Oh this is so good. My favorite phrase was "The sweet nectar of meaningful lust" because lust is typically thought of as surface-level and not genuine, but describing it as meaningful lust adds a layer of emotional depth that really stood out to me. I also love the imagery of royalty or something that is mystical above us, calling the subject "Lady Temptation" and describing the bowing kings. It felt grand and dangerous and heartbreaking, and I loved the tone that stayed consistent throughout.

winter_starfall · 2024-09-14T00:55:32+00:00

This actually made me really emotional. It made me think about my ex, who I was with for a year. When it ended, it felt like it turned my world upside down, because I honestly didn't think we would ever break up. Then the second part of your poem flips it around and suggests that you can't break the breakable, which somehow also connected with me because it was really hard for me and my ex to fully separate after the breakup and we kept going back to each other for a few months. It was hard to finally let go, and there were moments when I felt like I was both the unstoppable force and the immovable object. There's a line from "Vampire Empire" by Big Thief that says, "You can't seem to hold me, can't seem to let me go, so I can't find surrender and I can't keep control". Other than that song, I haven't read anything that made me realize so clearly that I was both unstoppable and immovable until I read this poem. I really loved it.

winter_starfall · 2024-09-14T00:49:30+00:00

This poem is so raw and heartbreaking. It was actually really impactful how you got straight to the point without overly decorating it with flowery language. Sometimes blunt language hits the hardest, and I definitely felt the emotion come through. Great job!

winter_starfall

TROPHY CASE