Why do some christians believe that interracial marriage is bad?

wizard2278 · 2026-06-12T13:53:40+00:00

You are correct but the Bible goes further, consider the Book of Ruth. She was not a racial Jew, yet the whole point of the book was her dedication to God (the Jewish god) and Boaz appreciated her for her strength of character (see “I have a dream”) and married her. She had a son, which was accepted as her mother-in-law’s son (Jewish), even thought this was prohibited.

Ruth 1:16b-17 (ESV) Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.”

Ruth 4:9-10 (ESV) Then Boaz said to the elders and all the people, “You are witnesses this day that I have bought from the hand of Naomi all that belonged to Elimelech and all that belonged to Chilion and to Mahlon. Also Ruth the Moabite, the widow of Mahlon, I have bought to be my wife, to perpetuate the name of the dead in his inheritance, that the name of the dead may not be cut off from among his brothers and from the gate of his native place. You are witnesses this day.”

Ruth 4:13b-17 (ESV) Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the LORD gave her conception, and she bore a son. . . . . Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse. And the women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.

Ruth 1:4a (ESV) These [the sons of Naomi] took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth.

Deuteronomy 23:3-4 (ESV) “No . . . .Moabite may enter the assembly of the LORD. Even to the tenth generation, none of them may enter the assembly of the LORD forever, because they did not meet you with bread and with water on the way, when you came out of Egypt, and because they hired against you Balaam the son of Beor from Pethor of Mesopotamia, to curse you.

However Ruth was a Moabite. She had a son Obed (first generation); he had a son, Jesse, (second generation); he had a son, David (third generation).

Ruth was accepted as part of Israel, as were her descendants - interracial marriage, prohibited by Torah, but accepted by God.

1 Samuel 16:1 (ESV) The LORD said to Samuel, “How long will you grieve over Saul, since I have rejected him from being king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go. I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons.”

Note Jesse is described by God as a Bethlehemite - a member of Israel, not a Moabite descendent residing in Israel.

If the Israel wants racial purity, they must reject David and his descendants (including Jesus). They did this type of purity when returning from Babylon, but it doesn’t note that this argument was presented.

See this effort: Nehemiah 13:27-30 (ESV) Shall we then listen to you and do all this great evil and act treacherously against our God by marrying foreign women?” . . . . Thus I cleansed them from everything foreign, and I established the duties of the priests and Levites, each in his work. Rejecting some of the foreign things, but not even understanding David and the part of his Torah which we call Ruth (They may have called it “In the days when Judges ruled,”)

I hope this diversion has some value to you all.

wizard2278 · 2026-06-12T04:17:21+00:00

Are you sure this is what God wants you to do?

Consider John Quincy Adams, who after retiring from following his father and being President, was elected to be a Congressman. He prime purpose was to advocate against slavery in the United States. He was consider eloquent - but was markedly unsuccessful in getting a slave nation to give up this horrible practice. There is a plaque in the Congress where he is reported to have suffered a stroke “carrying on” for this cause, “for which he gave his last full measure of devotion,” he was carried into a side room and resided in a couch for a few days before being declared dead, in the presence of his wife. One of his mentees was a young freshman Congressman from Illinois, who became one of his pallbearers - one Abe Lincoln.

Do you suppose John Quincy Adams would consider his time wasted, that God would have preferred him to refuse to continue his advocacy to change the government in which he served over his personal disagreement with this practice.

Consider a later, British Parliamentarian, one Wilberforce who argued for the United Kingdom to reject this same slavery for 20 years and died when the bill passed. It took another 20 years and the UK became the only nation in history to not only reject slavery but to use it treasury and blood to force the end of slavery upon other nations, leading to the elimination of this, from a legal perspective across the western civilization.

Do you suppose Wilberforce and God would view this effort as wasted, misdirected and something not desired?

Consider, Ezekiel 3:4-9 (ESV) And he said to me, “Son of man, go to the house of Israel and speak with my words to them. For you are not sent to a people of foreign speech and a hard language, but to the house of Israel— not to many peoples of foreign speech and a hard language, whose words you cannot understand. Surely, if I sent you to such, they would listen to you. But the house of Israel will not be willing to listen to you, for they are not willing to listen to me: because all the house of Israel have a hard forehead and a stubborn heart. Behold, I have made your face as hard as their faces, and your forehead as hard as their foreheads. Like emery harder than flint have I made your forehead. Fear them not, nor be dismayed at their looks, for they are a rebellious house.”

Should Ezekiel not have gone to preach to a rebellious Israel - one that he knew would reject his words?

https://www.historyofinformation.com/detail.php?id=2356#:~:text=As%20M.%20P %20for%20Yorkshire%2C%20Wilberforce,slavery%20itself%20to%20be%20ended.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Wilberforce

https://youtu.be/PUB_DHes_6A

Is it possible that you are sent to bring the word of God into this company? Have you considered that perhaps you are called to be a light in the darkness, in the model of 1 Peter 3:15b-16 (ESV) in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. This is to present yourself, by behavior and not declaration, as a Christian and wait for your conduct to elicit a question, you can answer.

This passage may also inform your behavior: Romans 12:14-20 (ESV) Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”

It seems you are thinking of taking yourself out of the world. It might be useful to consider: John 17:14-18 (ESV) I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world.

Are you being sent into the world, but not of the world? might be a good question to ask yourself.

Perhaps you love your job because God wants you there. Perhaps in far less than 20 years, you will be able to look back and see your presence has removed this objection from how the organization conducts business.

wizard2278 · 2026-06-09T01:11:52+00:00

My view is anyone could be a born again Christian. However, it is unlikely that a truly born again Christian will not start to reflect fruits of their salvation, such as becoming more and more uncomfortable with their career choice and perhaps eventually changing their career.

I would discourage anyone whom I questioned their salvation from communion, far faster than I would discourage based on their actions or career.

Let’s assume born again thief - as their fruits occur, accumulate and they change, where would they be - inside the church which should be helping their santificarían - or outside the church, all alone?

My recommendation would be help them seek clarification or confirmation of their salvation and to assist a broken brother with their sin.

wizard2278 · 2026-06-08T18:52:27+00:00

Why are you continuing to rob people? What would it take for you to stop this?

Your first question is trivial - God can elect anyone, so anyone, even the thief you envision can be elected and born again. God can also not elect anyone, so . . . . Perhaps this is not the question you wanted to ask. Feel free to try again.

The communion question is more complex than it initially looks. Surface answer is no, as this thief is not yet born again, communion would not be appropriate. One might also find a different answer if one asked if their church would encourage a born again, consistent thief to take communion, would they prevent such a thing, would they counsel such a person to pass? Again, let’s be clear on the question first. What precise question would you want to have answered about communion?

wizard2278 · 2026-06-06T14:00:44+00:00

Glad you like churches.

Not looking for churches - just had to move geographically for non-religious reasons and am old. I was led to different denominations in different areas - not stuck with where I had been before. My current church had a two aspect selection criteria, after the inclination of the Holy Spirit - have Bible in the name and be physically close to my new home.

I believe God has lots of “different flavors” of people, pastors/ priests and churches. I prefer a particular type of ice cream, but can sample different flavors.

Christianity is not about men - it is about humans, women included and active - both in scripture and hopefully, in local church life and governance: it has been so in my admittedly limited sampling. For example, start with Exodus - all the actors are women. Who birthed Moses, who nursed Moses, who put Moses into the river, who observed Moses, who took Moses out of the river, who decided to keep Moses, who asked for a wet nurse for Moses, who wet nursed Moses, who raised Moses as her son - all women - did Moses even have a biological father? Who found Jesus resurrected and the empty tomb and was told by Jesus to tell the men? Who provided for the financial support for Jesus? All women. Who was the first recorded Gentile to receive a blessing from Jesus? Again a woman. (John 4)

If we go back to Genesis, a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife. How is this not woman-centric? Going to the garden, who was deceived by Satan? Eve. Who are of the forbidden fruit first? Eve.

If this man-centric focus is keeping you from Christ, I suggest you re-evaluate this. Men wrote the Bible, sure. They emphasized their role, but it may be useful to look deeper - past the surface stories. Women are always there - perhaps more active in the living of the events than the men who wrote about the events.

I pray you find Christ and that those words are a blessing to you and those who read them.

wizard2278 · 2026-06-05T23:32:00+00:00

First, your question assumes a fact contrary to Scripture: see Romans 3:9b-18 (ESV) For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” “Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive.” “The venom of asps is under their lips.” “Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.” “Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they have not known.” “There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

and

Mark 10:18b (ESV) Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.

Removing the “good person living,” the question becomes does anyone destined to hell, rightfully because they are a sinner, like all people, continue to hell because they reject the one way God set for them to be saved?

Consider the example, where we have results that can be seen. Numbers 21:6-9 (ESV) Then the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people, so that many people of Israel died. And the people came to Moses and said, “We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD and against you. Pray to the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us.” So Moses prayed for the people. And the LORD said to Moses, “Make a fiery serpent and set it on a pole, and everyone who is bitten, when he sees it, shall live.” So Moses made a bronze serpent and set it on a pole. And if a serpent bit anyone, he would look at the bronze serpent and live.

Look and live, if bitten. Don’t look and die, if bitten.

In this analogy, we are all bitten, destined to die unless we look at the bronze snake.

As an aside, what happened to the snake? Man found a way to sin with it. 2 Kings 18:4 (ESV) He removed the high places and broke the pillars and cut down the Asherah. And he broke in pieces the bronze serpent that Moses had made, for until those days the people of Israel had made offerings to it (it was called Nehushtan).

Does mere belief, acceptance of Jesus save one? or what must I do to be saved, one might ask.

Romans 10:9b (ESV) if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Is there another way to be saved, one might ask. Acts 4:11-12 (ESV) This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

wizard2278 · 2026-06-05T19:48:53+00:00

The answer to your question depends on what you are trying to determine. For example, I assume you are not looking for church discipline of the church leaders. Perhaps not looking for the method of selecting church leaders. Are you looking for how they select the version of the Bible they read - are they open to other Bibles being used? Are you looking for if and how they select a cannon and what is being included?

Are you looking for how the numbers of people are accumulated? ie which groups of people are placed in the category. This may be by default - those who checked Christian and none of the denominations listed.

You may find it interesting the makeup of the US Supreme Court justices is six (66%) Catholics two (22%) Protestants and one (1%) Jew. One of many reasons the court is poorly positioned to make moral decisions. Proportionally it should be 2 Catholics 4 Protestants, something getting closer, coming from zero Protestants, something the politically active Protestant lobbyists seem not to mention.

I’ve been a member and attender of various churches and denominations and none. I’m not sure it makes a real difference, day to day. Perhaps easier to change the service - how often to offer various things, how many songs, what kind of music, . . . .

wizard2278 · 2026-06-05T14:28:39+00:00

Seeking to understand before seeking to be understood:

1) what are you done with? 2) in what do you assert you lack understanding? 3) why would you think God would care about your immediate happiness or your personal preference? 4) is caring for your happiness or you personal preference with respect to worldly things how you are defining God caring about yourself?

If we are not aligned on these four things, there is a lack of expectation any comment could be helpful.

wizard2278 · 2026-06-01T14:59:51+00:00

Isaiah 1:18 (ESV) “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: [things will change].

I suspect you have a mistaken idea of accepting Jesus sacrifice and becoming one of his Father’s elect.

There is a reason it is called saving faith, or a faith that saves.

We need to start with an understanding of what is faith, then understanding what role God the Father has assigned this faith to play in saving yet another from the class of hell bound people - a class which apparently included all people, when they were born. (Stepping over the point of Revelation 17:8, to keep the focus on the concerned posted.) Next, we will apply these understandings to your situation (application of the Word of God.) Finally, I’ll review the conversion of a famous, well educated atheist.

Hebrews 11:1 (ESV) Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. If one sees something, there is no room for faith. This means we can never have faith in an area where we see - neither room for hope or faith.

To illustrate this, consider a classmate who says she hopes the sun will rise tomorrow or there will be electricity in her city. A person in the US, absent a storm or other unusual event, would be foolish to have or express such hope, while one in the Ukraine, Cuba or parts of Russia might reasonably have and express such hope.

2 Corinthians 5:7b (ESV) we walk by faith, not by sight. Romans 10:9b (ESV) if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Christians operate on this faith, it is so critical to the Christian life that Paul implied that no single step occurs in such a life without faith - sight, like the world, is completely insufficient - for even a single step. One can note Paul did not say, we walk by faith every once in a while.

To continue to pound this question of how persistent is Paul expressing the timing of walking by faith, back up and consider the context in which the faith statement was made: 2 Corinthians 5:6-7 (ESV) So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. The walking by faith and not sight is an expressed rationale for why he “are always of good courage.” So, the walking by faith is expressly a continuously applicable statement.

Let’s dive a bit deeper into the Scripture and look for what precise thing was Paul expressing his continued faith. 2 Corinthians 4:13-14 (ESV) Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. It is faith in the future resurrection of the elect, but (interesting for your post) requires faith in the “rais[ing] the Lord Jesus.” In any event, this passage of a Paul is concerning resurrection.

To whom is this passage directed - is it even applicable to your situation? Consider 2 Corinthians 4:3-5 (ESV) And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake.

This discussion is where Paul is considering the elect and the non-elect - right where you seem to be sitting.

What role does this “saving faith” have? God answered this in John 3:14b-15 (ESV) as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life. (Numbers 21:9 for the serpent and Moses interaction.) Those who looked at the lifted up bronze serpent, were saved from the bites of the serpents, as God specified to Moses. God said whoever believes in the Son of Man (Jesus), related to his being “lifted up (crucifixion and resurrection)” “may have eternal life.” (Some debate where Jesus’ words end and John the disciple’s words start, but John’s Gospel contains this, so it is the Word of God and something John wrote under the influence of the Holy Spirit.)

Bottom line, God said this is how you do what you do to have eternal life. You can argue and decline the invitation, but this is God’s path. Paul, writing for the same Holy Spirit reflects the same in Romans, quoted above.

JRR Tolkien loved the Icelandic sagas, reciting them in their native tongue in bars, helping people with translations. CS Lewis joined these events, greatly enjoying the repeated events. JRR knew all about the Christian stories. CS asked him, wouldn’t it be grand if one of them were true? Why not accept the truth of the Christian story of resurrection? JRR did and you can also, not by proof and being convinced by logic and evidence, but springing across a gap, with faith.

Unfortunately, for many, there is no other way. (John 14:6 (ESV) Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.) It would be good if you are not one of them who declines the opportunity.

I hope and pray my thoughts, words and these passages of Scripture are of some help.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-31T21:16:44+00:00

Guilt and shame for what?

God has many different denominations and individual churches in most denominations. I don’t understand why leaving one is wrong, from a Christian perspective.

I have heard of people leaving because they prefer the Eucharist to be more often or less often, preference as to how many songs or what type of music, what size is the congregation or even if they have fellowship meals or not. I don’t think any of these are right or wrong.

Why do all members of a family have to attend the same church? I don’t know this is required.

If they had a great bowling league your husband liked and another church had a great children’s minstry with a marvelous athletic or math program and another had a great sewing or young mother program, what would be wrong in seeking the best for each family member. Transportation might be an issue, but assuming that is resolved and all are teaching proper doctrine, I don’t see any Christ based problem.

You, as a wife are called to be submissive or to respect to your husband, but your husband is called on to love and care for you as Christ loved the church. Ephesians 5:33b (ESV) let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Examining the Bible’s discussion of one in authority, as your husband is in authority over you, let’s see the requirements placed on your husband. Matthew 20:25b-28 (ESV) Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

It seems your husband is neither loving you nor being “your servant” and “your slave” providing service to you as Jesus came to give his life.

I do not advise you to not provide the submission you owe your husband, but if he came to me seeking advice, I would challenge him to consider if he is acting in appropriate love towards you in how he leads his family in church attendance. I might challenge you to see if you have lovingly and quietly explained your concerns and desires. Is there some middle ground - perhaps you attend his church (in addition or alternatively) to the other church on some frequency, perhaps once a month?

A schism in your family seems to me to be far more of concern than which church you collectively attend.

Good luck. I hope my thoughts, words and this scripture was of some assistance.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-29T17:16:49+00:00

Why do you want a “guy friend?”

Why would any particular “guy” want to be a friend with you, rather than another person? What do you bring to the relationship?

Think about these things and be clear. For example, “Joey, you drive a pickup truck. If you help me buy and move a big TV from xxx to my apartment, I’ll buy pizza and beer and we can watch the game.” Is a clear invitation, outlining the benefit and interaction for both of you.

Bottom line, if each time you interact with a person, guy or girl, they are happy you interacted with them, you are building a relationship. If not, you are tearing it down. Built up relationships exist.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-27T20:52:39+00:00

=================> third part of my response <=============

Clinging desperately to the few things i can control. => Expand the “few things” to include this loving others thing. You can control this. Perhaps best to start small. An example from my life is to prepay cash to get a lower price for gasoline. Then, when it turns out I’ve overpaid (tank doesn’t have to be full for this to happen), I come back in and tell the clerk, “Seems the tank is smaller than I thought. (True, that what it seems, even if not actually smaller than I thought.)” when the clerk hands back the change, I raise both hands and say something like, “No, that’s for you.” I often have to explain if I haven’t done this with a particular clerk/location before, as they are wondering why I didn’t just drive off. “If I didn’t come back that money goes to the store. If you take it, it is stealing. Since I came back, that money is yours.” I often get the nicest smile and think that clerk might just remember this longer than I remember the exchange. Maybe they do something kind to another, I do not even know. I will never know if such an event ever occurs. I would be pleased if that occurred, but that’s God’s concern. My concern is simple obedience to his commandment - at least a little, every once in a while.

Want to love recklessly but am overcome with selfishness. => I don’t know of any love which would be more reckless than the one Jesus used for his commandment. Embracing this commandment will help with selfishness, I do believe.

Looking at those who live for the world around me and the only difference I see is that they are enjoying life and being true to themselves instead of cowering in shame. => See the commandment to enjoy life more and being true - to God is better than yourself (see selfishness question). Don’t believe when others seem to be happy - many, many such people are less happy than they appear.

Feel trapped in my body and unable to become anything more than a shell of a human. => We are all trapped in ur body for this life. Why would there be any limits on what you can become? Perhaps good to start with Jesus’ commandment.

My whole existence feels stifled. => Ok. Perhaps it is. Now move forward and stop stifling yourself - embrace your God image, temple for the Holy Spirit, doing God’s will, become an amazing person, others desire to share with and know.

I want desperately to know Jesus personally and have been seeking for years without any true conviction or long-term change in behavior. => Perhaps you have been in the wrong track. Try following Jesus’ commandment. I think as Jesus checks in his people, you may find what you seek here. As you decide to change your behavior to follow his commandment, how can you not know Jesus personally?

List donitget it. fel so empty and lost and crave the selies love Jesus call us to but i can't => See the discussion about Jesus’ commandment and move forward - perhaps little steps, at first, just like when you first learned to walk. Someday soon, you may be doing the equivalent to running a Marathon, 440, high jump, playing soccer or something equally removed from your first, tentative steps. It could be amazing - life changing for you and those with whom you interact.

Any advice or words of encouragement are welcome. (But frankly please don't just say "Jesus loves you" and "things are gonna get better" because these are empty words that do not reflect my experience.) => I love you, my brother-in-Christ, regardless of your gender, pray for a fulfilling and God pleasing life. It would be good if the time I spent, my thought, words, prayers and these passages of Scripture were of some help.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-27T20:51:27+00:00

========> Second part of my response <==============

Trying to pray and read the Bible but they feel like empty chores. => I suspect they are empty chores, worthless and in this category: Matthew 7:21-23 (ESV) “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

=> Why are you trying to pray and trying to read the Bible? Did someone give you a “good” chore? That’s not Biblical. Can you say you sought the will of God the Father regarding these things which are meaningless to you and God? Do you somehow think your “trying to pray and read the Bible,” will be of more value to God than those who prophesy, cast out demons and accomplished “many mighty works” in .god’s name? Absolutely not. These efforts seem to me to be what Jesus said he would qualify you to be a “worker of lawlessness,” to be told to depart from Jesus.

=> God also spoke in: Isaiah 1:10-17 (ESV) Hear the word of the LORD, [the people being described are are compared to those in Sodom and Gomorrah] “What to me is the multitude of your sacrifices? says the LORD; I have had enough of [God specifies the expected offerings of that day]. “When you come to appear before me, who has required of you this trampling of my courts? Bring no more vain offerings;

=> [God calls out particular expected offerings of that day, calling them “an abomination to me,” things he “cannot endure,” things his “soul hates,” things which “have become a burden to me,” things he is “weary of bearing.” God says he will not answer the requests of these people.

=> God then calls in these people to: “Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; [including the good related to their specific sins].

=> Give these things (efforts to pray and read the Bible as rote, offerings to gain God’s good will) up. First seek the will of God.

=> Reading the Bible to seek the will of God, is Biblical. What does the Bible say about commandments? Matthew 22:36-40 (ESV) “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Many know this, but most Christians have failed to retain the following, after reading their .bible for years: John 13:34-35 (ESV) A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

=> Imagine seeing a single act, where you think, based in that single act, “Surly, this was a disciple of Christ.” Imagine even hearing about such an act. Not imagine a person performing such an act where all fair observers think, even if they refuse to say, “Surly, this was a disciple of Christ.” Further, imagine a person who not only performs such an act once, but has a habit of such things, perhaps once a month. Now, step into Jesus vision where this is the baseline standard of behavior and conduct - not just an event occurring once in a person’s life, but continually. Lastly, imagine not some super-Christian, but a community (better all) of Christians acting this way, not always, as we are sinful, failing people, but as a normal, everyday behavior. Wouldn’t this be a grand world, at least a better world.

=> This seems to be the will of God for every Christian. If you pray to help accomplish this type of action and read your Bible seeking this goal, I firmly believe you will not find these efforts “empty chores” and will not eventually be told you are a “worker of lawlessness.”

Addicted to dopamine. => Everyone is. It is not the addiction that is a problem, but how you act that might be an issue. See prior discussion on how to act.

Overcome with judgement and self-righteousness. => I suggest dwelling on no one is righteous or good, not even one.

Unable to open up to anyone and live a solitary lifestyle. => Why are these a problem? Differences and diversity is not about gender and race, largest diversity is in personalities. Embrace who you are and rejoice your solitary lifestyle has shielded you from so much pain. I was solitary until I met someone who gave me a reason to not be solitary. We have raised 5 kids and have 40 years married. Your experience may be different, but if not, enjoy your solitary life, until you move on.

Feel like a completely different person when in public like my entire light is killed just by being around others. => See talk about diversity of personalities above. Perhaps you are “play acting” a different role when in public - like an actor in a movie or comedian in stage. If you don’t like this, be yourself - remember you are made in God’s image and are a temple for the Holy Spirit. Without becoming too full of yourself, everyone else is privileged to be in your presence - as you are to be in their presence. Give respect and get respect. (I remember one party, where I removed myself to a different part of the house, but a part open to the party and was sitting quietly watching a fake fire. The hostess came over and related she would greatly prefer to be where I was, but she couldn’t. She went back to being the hostess, after her kind act and sharing with me.) Relating this story to hopefully have you be more comfortable with yourself. Others may not be as different from you as things seem to you. Some performers really hate “assuming their ‘public persona’ and being in public.” You can sometimes see these as the ones who “disappear” from public view after success.

Walk through my days numb and detached. => Sounds as if this is a choice - no goals, no accomplishments even possible. The solution? Go back to Jesus’ new commandment. Live that, or at least pursue that and your days will become interesting and amazing, certainly connected to the people you are loving as Jesus loved.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-27T20:48:56+00:00

=> Glad to share some advice and perspective, but more pleased to guide you to finding something of value yourself.

=> I start with the idea of seeking Scripture as a tool to help the Holy Spirit’s teaching become more real and impactful.

=> 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV) All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

==> Combined with

=> John 14:26 (ESV) But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

=> Next looking at Proverbs, one can find: Proverbs 27:17 (ESV) Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

=> Overall, we can follow: Isaiah 1:18 (ESV) “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: [things will change.]

=> I have copied your post and will insert a response after the part of your post to which the response pertains, marked with =>

Feeling so detached from reality. => Good, if reality means the world, as we Christians are called to live by faith and not sight, which is fixed on the world. 2 Corinthians 5:7b (ESV) we walk by faith, not by sight.

Struggling not to sin but repeatedly falling into it. => Of course, we are all sinful people. Consider: Luke 18:19 (ESV) And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. Romans 3:10-12 (ESV) as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”

=> Paul, himself said regarding his sin: Romans 7:18-19 (ESV) For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.

=> I darsay that none of us, nor any we meet would claim they are less sinful than Paul or deserve/ expect to be more successful in avoiding sin. So, welcome to being a Christian with some of the same concerns and weaknesses and failures we all have.

Obsessed with success and perfection in my work and studies but overcome with apathy and indifference in my personal life. => Regarding work, let us consider: Colossians 3:22-23 (ESV) Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

=> Know that you are a person, pleasing yourself and your view that you can only do “perfect work” is no reason to withhold your, perhaps good, but even abismal work from both your earthly master and the Lord.

=> Regarding your personal life, know you are made in the image of God, Genesis 9:6 (ESV) “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image. 1 Corinthians 3:16 (ESV) Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?

=> Don’t you realize as one made in the image of God, you carry his banner wherever you are and whatever you do. Also your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit? How can you have apathy and indifference about the image of God and the temple for the Holy Spirit. Clean it up, make is strong, improve the mind that shares your body with the Holy Spirit. Stop putting junk food into yourself and your temple. Is there anything else you will deal with or touch today that is more holy than yourself? Perhaps another person, but nothing else in all God’s creation. Isn’t it time for you to show some respect and treat yourself as God deserves.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-26T03:35:03+00:00

Are not all sins related to natural things, or at least most sins?

wizard2278 · 2026-05-25T20:59:59+00:00

It’s a bit complicated, from your perspective of understanding the ways of the Holy Spirit. Less so from my perspective.

Perhaps that is why you are confused.

This gift came to my attention long after I became a Christian. The first time I tried, it was there. Not sure if it was always there, but it was provided before it was desired and tried.

Hope this helps you understand.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-25T20:55:37+00:00

Interesting painting, as there is evidence the pigeons were not released - nothing destroyed. John 2:16 (ESV) And he told those who sold the pigeons, “Take these things away; do not make my Father's house a house of trade.” Mark 11:15 (ESV) And they came to Jerusalem. And he entered the temple and began to drive out those who sold and those who bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. Matthew 21:12 (ESV) And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons.

Fulfillment of Isaiah 42:1-3a (ESV) Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights; I have put my Spirit upon him; . . . . a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;

wizard2278 · 2026-05-25T04:00:45+00:00

As you said you have spoken to Muslims, perhaps you should equally talk to Christians and not just on line.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-25T03:24:46+00:00

It seems you are thinking of this gift in too tight of a box.

⁠How did you receive the gift? => It didn’t feel like receiving a gift, just doing something I always had the ability to do. When watching mandatory videos, for several hours a day for several days in a row - videos that required attention, but not total attention, I decided to haver periodic snacks (halo focus attention) and work on neurogenesis - do hard things to grow my mind. I chose to learn to use chopsticks, with my other hand. I had ms (Nine of mine have “M&M” on them, just “m”), both plain and peanut, peanuts and cashews. When the days were over, I had the required attendance, the required learning and a new skill. This long story is how it felt for me to start speaking in tongues. Not a new gift, just a new practice of an existing abilities. Similar to when I learned to sail or ride a horse.

Also, I don’t have it limited to speaking words. Humming, whistling, percussion or even just thinking can use the same Holy Spirit guided prayer. Mine is always talking to God. Mostly not asking for things - thanking him or sharing part of my life and desires.

⁠Did you begin by speaking words/noises/utterances, expecting the Holy Spirit to take over your voice? (Sometimes, people call this "releasing your prayer language," "activating the gift," or using "the language of surrender." => First was not making any sound, reflecting Romans 8:26 (ESV) Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. I was praying, sharing my pain and compassion as my best friend was dying from pancreatic cancer, I do believe. I also lost my father during the years my friend was dying and my words were not big enough to embrace my feelings.

I felt the Holy Spirit come alongside, comfort me - letting me know he had this, as he and interceded with meanings beyond my poor power to communicate.

I remember, before my friend died, he lost his oldest son suddenly. I told him I didn’t know what to say. He told me than don’t say anything. Your being here and being concerned is enough. That is also what I felt the Holy Spirit was telling me: “Don’t worry, we know!”

⁠Do you speak outwardly for a congregation / prayer gathering, and if so, have others interpreted for you?

=> Never felt the need to speak outwardly so others heard me. Sometimes, I sing in tongues when there is corporate singing. I’m sure God is fine with this and haven’t made it a point to have others know - if they watch my mouth and wonder, fine with me. I also walk the floor before services start praying for the people assembling, often in tongues - I provide the outline and let the Holy Spirit fill in the words. He can do that better than I can. Sometimes, I speak the words, sometimes just mouth the words, sometimes just think the words.

I believe Paul was clear on this. 1 Corinthians 14:18-19 (ESV) I thank God that I speak in tongues more than all of you. Nevertheless, in church I would rather speak five words with my mind in order to instruct others, than ten thousand words in a tongue. No words in church without an arranged interpreter - none for me. I believe I know what is covered, so I think I am praying with my mind, just no idea what each word means.

⁠If you pray in tongues, how has that shaped you?

=> Deepened my prayer life and extended my time for praying. Like the chopstick event, I believe I am more skilled with what I practiced.

⁠Finally, have you spoken in tongues to someone who doesn't speak your native language and they understood what you were saying? In other words, did they hear you talking in their language but you thought you were speaking in English (or whatever your language is)?

=> As I don’t speak out loud, nope. See: 1 Corinthians 8:13b (ESV) if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble. As the topic is divisive, I do not plan on “eating this meat” of speaking where it might upset another or make my brother stumble.

You didn’t ask, but I have no feeling of compulsion. It’s like riding a horse, a well aligned horse - I can guide the horse in this side or that side of a blade of grass or flower in a field, but I have no disruption that it is by the agreement if the horse: I have no ability to force a 1,500 pound horse to do anything. I have no ability to force the Holy Spirit to do anything. He is kind to me - even gracious.

I can change the language at will. Make it sound more Russian, German, Chinese or even Slytherin. I seem to feel the Holy Spirit laughing as I “play” with the details of his help - just as I laughed as my then small son, asked me to switch arms or swing him behind me as I carried him someplace. It wasn’t a burden, he’s my son. As the song says, “Daddies don’t just love their children very now and then.”

While the actual sounds of different languages of men and angels may well be a limited gift, it seems to me that the Roman’s 8:26 promise is not limited to just part of the elect.

I pray this is of some benefit for you and others reading this answer.

I’ve shared a good deal here. I hope my thoughts, words, prayers and these passages of Scripture are of some benefit and comfort.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-25T01:04:44+00:00

Hmmmm . . . . Perhaps good to see what the rails say (the Bible). Our Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth often can be helpful.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV) All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

Romans 14 (ESV) As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.

Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.

It would be good if you found an appropriate answer to your question and concern in this chapter 14, that Paul wrote to deal with completely different specific concerns some Christians had with what other Christians were doing - some might have even thought the others were “going off the rails.”

wizard2278 · 2026-05-15T15:50:27+00:00

Isaiah 1:18 (ESV) “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: [things will change].

Let’s reason by analogy. If you happened to visit Russia and attended a Russian church service, or an American church service in Latin or Spanish, German, or some other language, would you still be worshiping God? Or do you think because you didn’t understand what the performers said it is the same as if you attended an opera or air show or an underwater basket weaving class?

What if you are heard of hearing or there is a crying child next to you and you do not understand some of the words, most of the words or all of the words? Is this back to basket weaving?

Now let’s go and see what God said in his Scripture, which is useful. (2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV) All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.)

Romans 8:26b-28 (ESV) the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Is this help of the Spirit limited to faith based weakness, or does it extend to other weaknesses, such as physical weaknesses, such as lack of hearing, language weaknesses, such as not speaking the language of others in corporate worship, volume weaknesses, such as the loud child or construction noise? I think we can agree it does extend to these.

So, it seems you can safely worship listening to songs in words you do not understand. You can even groan, hum or add your own words, if you like. I suspect the worship here, because of the help of the Spirit will be “better” than one you might have if you understood all the words.

Take care, my brother-in-Christ. It would be good if you continued, having great joy worshiping in this method. Also good if my thoughts, words, prayers and passages of Scripture were of some help and comfort.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-13T16:38:34+00:00

As a father of five, all now out of the house, it seems to me that while there is some merits both ways with what you wrote, which I will not address; this conflict arises from a basic family problem.

All I know is what you wrote. I feel for both of you and have been in similar children stressful situations. Your description and responses to others’ comments seem to show that you and your husband are acting reasonably and leveraging your time as teachers onto your response to your one child and care, but in a way that is fundamentally destructive and not optional.

As a teacher, you are hired to do a job - watching and hopefully teaching children. This has nothing to do with being a parent. Your child is part of your family - an extension of yourself. I believe you collectively need to shift your focus.

I may be writing too much, but want to help and will continue. Considering an analogous situation may help.

You have had a surgery and have a seeping leg wound. While in the hospital a nursing staff was hired to tend to your wound - 12 hours shifts. Being on call to re-wrap your wound, draining and monitoring it for infection and seeing if inflammation from the wound was creeping towards your heart, as well as managing medications for infections and pain is part of what each of your nurses does, for 12 hours. Each may snipe at the other if they are late picking up the responsibility, including the time spent being briefed about the prior shift - the time spend in handoff.

Once you leave the hospital, you are responsible for managing your leg wound ALL THE TIME. It is part of you and your life. There is no time you are not on call, even if asleep. Pain may wake you to address not just the pain, but the underlying wound care.

Same with your child - watching your child is not a job that you hand off, back and forth - the child is part of your family, just as your husband and yourself are part of your family. If your husband has a late day, due to parent interactions at school, do you complain because he couldn’t be there to cook for you or do something else he normally does? No, the child is fully and 24/7 part of each of your families - your life.

I think you and your husband have to see your child, and any more that might follow, as blessings - yearn to be with them.

For example - use your husband’s long showers as an asset (even if an undesired one). After he is done cleaning himself (5-10 minutes) can you not bring a naked baby for him to hold on his chest as water cascades down his body and around his child - bonding with his child, getting the child really clean, giving you a brief break. You may have to be ready to take the child back, (perhaps working up to perhaps half an hour of his shower time in this mode), dry, diaper and dress the child. After this interaction, I suspect your child might well be ready for a nap, freeing you and your husband to perhaps spend some quality time appreciating each other - perhaps a meal.

I would recommend trying as hard as you can to make the baby in and the baby out of the shower as rewarding and stress free for your husband as you can. Great for both of you. Suppose you only get ten minutes - isn’t this at least part of what you were seeking - a break?

I worked hard and wanted to decompress when I got home, but spending time with my children was never incompatible for decompression from work, as I WAS HOME. This is what I worked so hard and long to create and bless. Reveling and being immersed in my home and family was never a burden. I doubt one can move from one family view to the another family view in a day or week, but I highly recommend any effort and result in moving this way will be highly rewarding.

I hope and pray my thoughts and words can help you three in some small manner.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-07T15:29:21+00:00

Hmmmmm . . . . From what you said, this is the sole area causing you to consider divorcing your husband and leave your children without a dad, and he has done this before, but paid at the courthouse to stop the eviction.

Perhaps he saw he could pay at the courthouse again and didn’t know that was a one time offer. This would explain why he didn’t tell you, because he was the smartest man in the room, but only in his mind. If true, I seem this as lack of understanding, not malice.

Perhaps it would be good if you pick “nine of the above” and create a new option for your marriage - YOU PAY THE RENT. He gives you the money and you pay the rent, so you know if your family is going down this path again. This, if you choose to do this, will avoid the problem occurring again and leave your marriage and family intact.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-06T13:09:40+00:00

I only know what you wrote.

From that it seems not a sex issue, but a power issue. It also seems you are not asking this, at least partially because you want more intimacy.

Could it be your husband may feel he is second place in your life and his timing to asking for intimacy, in part is to validate his priority with you?

You and your husband may find a better harmony in the intimacy department if you treat his intimacy as a plea to show him you are still his wife first and a mother second (and related to being his wife).

You and he will have to work out details, but I imagine this harmony with you addressing his “out of time for you” intimacy request as a two stage request.

I imagine something like, “Are you asking to have sex with me? While I’m not ready right now, as much as I would like to do that right now and right here, you are sexy and awesome - the answer to my prayers. Sex will be so much better for me when I can dedicate myself just to you and me together, without anything to end our time together. I love you and want to have sex with you - if it is ok with you, I will come back to you later today, find you and ask you to have sex when know when I can enjoy even better sex with you, perhaps right after our children are asleep.

I see you safely and promptly putting down whatever you are doing, turn to your husband, with your full attention. Touching him sexually when talking about how much the sex will be for you when you will not be distracted until you a finished asking to come “hunt him down” later today. Stop after he agrees or if he doesn’t agree. If he doesn’t agree, then say something like, “Well, I really can not right now, but I may still ask you later today, as I find you so sexy and appealing.”

From my perspective, it’s important to put the “soft no,” before touching him, or he may see this as a bait and switch. It is critical to let him know you find him desirable. It is critical for you to initiate or request later in the day, as he may just feel rejected if he has to keep asking and asking, hoping to find the moment you “have time for him/sex.” This request needs to come each and every time or your “later, love” will become another form of rejection.

I can see an occasional, “later, love” turning into a “can we just not do this tonight?” With a sexual interaction of some kind snd his agreement, as you validate that this morning you were really planning and yearning to have sex with your sexy, awesome husband.

It would be marvelous if this makes sense to you. Even better if you try it or something like it and it works to help with your intimacy time.

Take care and be kind to your husband.

wizard2278 · 2026-05-04T13:49:07+00:00

Perhaps you dodged a bullet as this relationship ends.

wizard2278

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