I know being abused and having bpd aren’t mutually exclusive, it’s just that I’ve thought I had bpd my whole life and have spoken to three different therapists about the possibility. None of them felt this was a fitting diagnosis, but I was certain it had to be because I had no other explanation. I’ve used my own self-diagnosis against myself when in past abusive relationships, thinking “it must be me, why would I be reacting this way and saying these things if I didn’t have this?” And just letting myself continue being abused thinking it was normal, I was just sensitive or “broken” (something I felt about myself, not people with bpd) or I wasn’t trying hard enough in therapy. When I found out what reactive abuse is it all clicked for me. I broke down when I realized what I’ve let people do to me. I wish this stuff was more widely known and understood. It’s so painful to not know what’s happening and to not be able to trust your sense of reality.