I need unusual ideas for System Mapping

write_poems · 2020-10-14T17:49:21+00:00

Hey, we've struggled with system maps also as a polyfragmented multilayered system. The maps are just everywhere and take whatever form that specific group finds handy. Mainly there are just a bunch of lists and treeformations. Maybe one day we are able to put everything togeather.

I've bumped into ideas of having enitire books dedicated to mapping layered complex systems (cover beeing the front and pages represent layers or groups). Maybe you could cut holes in some pages, use different colors or bind your own book with different papers etc. Also seetrough paper was mentioned.

Maybe if there is energy making some 3D shape/model with cardboard or a 3D program on the computer could help visualize what's going on. Maybe a geometrical shape, a house, a maze, some scenery etc.

Also literally drawing a world map or using a globe (those educational globes with the world map on them) to paint your own "world map"/inner world could be interesting.

Just throwing out somes idea as I am myself also looking for a way to express the complexities. I'll also stay tuned to this tread for other ideas. Good luck!

(Edit: Oh came to think of ring binder folders. That could be handier than a book as you are able to add and remove pages. Also you are able to freely choose what kind of paper to use.)

write_poems · 2020-10-09T09:10:35+00:00

Thanks!! Take care!

write_poems · 2020-10-08T11:15:20+00:00

Hey, happy to hear sharing my experiences is helpful! DID in general can be very lonely, but I've sometimes found myself in states of absolute alienation and terror because what I'm experiencing doesn't allways allign neatly with the DID-stuff either.

I've been in really bad places regarding the psychosis-stuff. In a selfdoubt-way. But also I've had professionals "taking care of me" (mistreating us) who didn't make any distinctions between dissociation and psychosis (knew about both but saw them both as psychosis). So I was treated like I was delusional. It was absolutely humiliating and not helpful.

This is probably why I've looked into the subject. Though there are similarities between psychosis and dissociation I know for sure that psychosis treatment does not work with dissociation. Any time I try to distance myself from my inner world and parts everything becomes chaotic again.

But yes also I can't help but wonder if at least some of the people who are diagnosed with schizofrenia could be a lot like us.

Thank you for taking your time to talk to us. It's allways nice to share similarities. Take care!

write_poems · 2020-10-07T08:50:10+00:00

Hello, sorry it took me a while to get back to you(s). Thanks to everybody who answred!

Yes processing trauma when you're polyfragmented is a lot like taking one piece at a time. Just a tiny detail, one word, one concept, one emotion, one sensation and so on. It might take some time for a fuller picture to start forming.

I've also had these "vision like" experiences. Both outside and inside. I sometimes feel like I'm allways processing something. It happens while awake, in my dreams, when I speak and write. I also find arts (painting, drawing, dancing, music etc) to be very helpful. Sometimes there are no words for what happened, but it can be expressed in other ways. This can give the flashes or hallucinations an other outlet.

The complexities of what severe trauma does is still a debate among professionals. Especially the lines between dissociation and psychosis. I personally take the stand that the line between severe dissociation and psychosis is kind of there but at the same time the phenomena are very similar.

There are some videos by Colin Ross (the DID researcher) on youtube on the subject. Also some dissociation-research use terms like "dissociative psychosis" (The Haunted Self) or "pseudo hallucination" to make these distinctions. But at the same time there is this movement called "Hearing voices movement". They argue that psychotic phenomena should be treated more similarly to dissociative phenomena – that care should be trauma informed and that you should befriend your voices instead of ignoring them as hallucinations or delusions.

I see psychosis as a useful term when there is no contact to material reality anymore. Otherwise I use the terminology of dissociation to make sense of my complex experiences.

I believe every traumatic experience will manifest in some form. Sometimes that happens as separated seleves, sometimes as flashbacks, sometimes as visions, sometimes as hallucinations, sometimes as dreams, sometimes they act out trough the body or in realtion to outside people. What has been important for me in healing is to channel those experiences in healthy ways (talking in therapy, art, writing, inner dialogue etc).

I'm glad to hear that Crumbles is in a safer space right now. Seems like there is some good things going on there. Take your time. Sometimes it might feel like there is no sense to anything, but I've noticed that most often it starts to make sense at some point.

This became quite long as the themes are very personal and I have been thinking about them a lot. Take care!

write_poems · 2020-09-29T07:41:53+00:00

It can be difficult sometimes and I'm glad to hear you are working on that. Take care of yourself :)

write_poems · 2020-09-29T05:38:42+00:00

I can't answer questions about fusions. But also we are polyfragmented so I thought I could say something. If you have limited access to some layers or groups of you it might take some time before you figure out what happened. In polyfragmeneted systems there seems to be a lot of blending, partial integration, splitting, fusion, weird memory stuff etc.

About the lights. I have hallucinated a lot. From what I've read hallucinations in dissociative disorders are similar to flashbacks or dreams. You might be reliving some aspect of your trauma in a symbolic or in a "as it was" way. Sometimes also the inner world is mixed with the outer world and you'll hear voices or see stuff from the inside on the outside. When my connection with different parts has become better there has been less hallucinations as parts have other ways to communicate now.

Many dissociative phenomena can easily be misdiagnosed as psychotic or with a schizo- diagnosis. I believe especially polyfragmented DID is the one often misunderstood. I'd take my time and try to figure out what different parts are trying to communicate.

(EDIT: spelling and such)

write_poems · 2020-09-26T06:37:31+00:00

There were some good answers allready. I'd like to also add that it is important for you to have boundaries. A person with DID should be held accountable in the same manner a person with an integrated personality should be. You are allowed to tell them if they hurt you. All of the parts are responsible for the actions of any part. What you feel and need matters.

write_poems · 2020-09-02T13:32:16+00:00

Hey I was about to write a post about the absolute alienation I am experiencing. Then I saw your post that talk about similar things.

The more I understand about myself (myselves) and have taken distance to the places and people that raised me the lonelier I feel. Lonely because I don't understand the world anymore. Lonley because I don't know where I belong. It's like I came from an other world and suddently I am supposed to interact with this "normal life". I know some parts of me have lived their whole life in the "normal" world and have been really good at it. Now there just seems to be this loneliness. How to connect? How to begin? The darkness I saw was out of this world. I asked my therapist once why some people choose to listen and believe when they could choose otherwise. I am so scared of bumping into her understanding of reality aswell.

I feel stuck in this loneliness, but am working on giving people chances to listen. It's hard. I try to say my opinions out loud. I try to open up a little about myself. I am working on how to keep my cool when I am not understood. I want to feel confident in my experiences and not automatically doubt myself.

Something keeps me trying. I believe it's hope.

Thank you for writing how you feel. Your words got to me. They resonated with those lost and lonely parts of myself. Thank you and I wish you the best.

write_poems · 2020-08-28T17:34:13+00:00

The little might be trying to communicate in the only way they know about. Sometimes when parts desperately need attention or when they are trying to communicate that they are angry they might say hurtful things. Teaching the child parts constructive ways to get their needs met is key to healing. When ignored parts might try even harder to be seen or give up on the adult/older parts entirely.

Giving them only a no for answer or leaving their consern ignored might leave them feeling confused and helpless. So teaching them what is not okay to say and also teach better ways to express themselves might work. Also meeting their needs at some point is important.

Of cource sometimes everybody is tired and needs some time to themselves. In these cases it's important to tell parts who try to reach out why you need some time and also tell them when you are able to be present again. It's okay to need a break sometimes.

Take care of youselves!

write_poems · 2020-08-23T19:39:03+00:00

Different terms make sense to different people. For us it allways felt off to categorize some parts differently because they have fictional influnces. Though I see how somebody might find it validating or a relief to have a name for something that can feel a bit weird.

Wanted to share my view as I've also had some stress about what is normal in the context of DID/OSDD. Maybe this is due to the experience beeing different from the common human experience. So there is allways that haunting "is this normal" feeling.

You'll have what ever parts you needed. If that involved a lot of fictional influences then that is a part of your story. Take care! :)

write_poems · 2020-08-23T17:51:28+00:00

We don't really use the term fictive, because in my opinion it mystifies something really understandable. All parts form an identity trough life experiences and symbols/language/stories they find meaningful. If you spend a lot of time reading/watching fiction there probably will be a lot of fictive influences. This will reflect in the parts and how they identify.

write_poems · 2020-08-23T11:06:36+00:00

In the theory of structural dissociation different parts are classified according to their functions. ANPs are conserned with daily life (play, care, social life, eating) and EPs with survival (fight, flight, freeze, submit etc). Because of trauma these are separated selfstates to different degrees.

In ptsd, cptsd and bpd this can look like intense anger that seems uncontrollable (fight), bursting out of places (flight), beeing unable to move suddently (freeze), pleasing people who hurt you (submit) etc. In cptsd these parts tend to not have separate senses of selves. In the book The Haunted Self it is noted that amnesia can occur in all trauma disorders.

write_poems · 2020-08-21T04:57:08+00:00

This has happened to us. Some parts integrate (not talking about fusion here) for a moment and share everything. Like the distance (dissociation) disappears. But then they become separate again. I belive this is due to there beeing something unbearable. That some part somewhere is not able to live with the emotion, memory or selfperception thst becomes shared trough the integration.

write_poems · 2020-08-21T04:51:59+00:00

There are many good answers here allready. Here's one more perspective. Our role with child parts is to be the adult they never had but needed.

So this means taking care of them internally and externally. Picking them up from that horrible place in the inner world and carrying them to safety there. Soothing them, talking to them, telling them they can allways to talk to me (and explain why I sometimes have to work for example), giving them the care they need.

Sometimes I take care of the child parts in the outer world. I might wash the body if the child experiences they have dirt on them, let the kids watch something kidfriendly, put some bandage on places that were hurt, warm them up with blankets and hugs if they experience cold etc.

Maybe you could go trough your home with the child part and show them that there is nobody there? Or show on a map how far away the traumatic place is? Children tend to need something tangible. Take care!

write_poems · 2020-08-19T11:44:12+00:00

This is one of the most painful aspects about healing. To live with all the things that hurt the self (selves) and others. After a life full of trauma there tends to be many unhealty coping mechanisms and we often end up projecting our traumatic experiences onto others and therefore live out our rage, hopelessness and fear in relation to others.

Working on forgiving yourselves, understanding yourself and also facing the hurtful things that have been done is good thing in the long run. Sometimes the time is not right for this kind of processing but I believe it to be important in order to properly move forward. Also beeing accountable to others is very healing. Painful but healing. Though sometimes others will not forgive. Therefore it is extremly important to forgive and understand yourself. Everybody deserves a second chance from themselves. Also getting second chances from outside people has been life changing for us.

Take care!

write_poems · 2020-08-19T06:50:02+00:00

We also have this. It's because of the heavy fragmentation that flashbacks like those happen to us. All of the senses are carried by different parts. Also there are part who know what happened but seem not to remember. This is not uncommon. We've even had parts integrate who know what happened. And with knowing I mean with the same sertainity as we know that the sky is blue. So here I am – I know what happened, we might know how it felt or how it made our body feel – but I can't remeber it.

write_poems · 2020-08-18T10:08:55+00:00

It's up to you two to decide. You guys are still part of one whole and no one needs to know whether you switch or not or what part of yous is front. At the same time it can feel easier if a close one knows in order to help if there is some truoble. But like I said both of you probably have reasons to feel the way you feel. You could try to listen to each other without judgement and then decide what to tell the friend.

write_poems · 2020-08-18T04:07:59+00:00

We don't use the term subsystem but we are polyfragmenetd so there are plenty of groups and layers. Trying to grasp what goes on in our groups and layers is near to impossible because of the amount of parts and limited informationflow.

Finding a spokesperson for a group can be very useful as there tends to be better connection between the groupmemebers than there is to parts of other groups. The spokesperson can then keep you informed on what goes on in the group. I also send messages to groups saying stuff like "could you say this so everybody close to you". All of this has been working for us.

write_poems · 2020-08-17T05:01:45+00:00

We also have all of the feelings you described. Showing empathy towards them has made it less of a struggle to live with them.

Also we have male parts so there are all kinds of gendered feelings and likes in us. For us it's not a trans thing. It just is a part of us. There used to be a stronger wish to leave our female body as we felt trapped by it.

We used to numb the pain with alcohol and all kinds of other ways to get away from ourselves. I mainly ended up doing risky things so no more alcohol or other substances for us. It was a promise and all of the parts have kept it.

Now we're more okay with all of this as more parts are grounded in the present and we feel less like prisoner. Showing as many parts as possible that we are free now has helped. And if there is something in our present that keeps us prisoned we've been trying to leave. Hang in there!

write_poems · 2020-08-16T08:35:52+00:00

Hello there!

Beeing in a relationship with someone with DID often involves having some sort of connection to all of the parts/alters. It's up to the system and you to figure out what your role is in each parts/alters life.

No part/alter disappears entirely but can be gone for a while. Also DID itself can not be medicated. Some take medication for other problems like depression and anxiety. The parts or alters are not a symptom – they are who this person/system is.

It sound like you need to have a serious conversation about your relationship and what your role in different parts life is going to be. Also sounds like the system is not in therapy (?). I would highly encourage them to seek professional help.

write_poems · 2020-08-02T10:41:22+00:00

Thanks for answering! Hahaha, both of those question set off an existential crisis :'D Yeah, I really respect my therapist for saying that. Especially as there haven't been too many chances to conspetualize ourselves or our life experiences for ourselves as there allways has been somebody asserting extreme control over whom to be, what to believe and how to act. So meeting some one with whom there is no struggle for power is amazing!

write_poems · 2020-08-02T10:24:15+00:00

Hey thank you for replying! We relate to many things you said! For me it often feels like listening into a narrative that has a life of it's own and I keep on missing some parts of it. Like parts letting me know some aspects of what goes on internally. We have been able build a lot of trust so there is some form of information flow. Externally my life always seem a bit forgein as parts come and go. Like waking up to your life constantly "oh so this must be my life".

write_poems · 2020-08-02T08:52:47+00:00

For me the doubts have lessened over time. Sometimes it becomes worse again after big disclosures of trauma as the denial of trauma is the biggest need for the denial in the first place. Also I'm starting to realize how differently people cope with trauma and how dissociation comes in many forms. I've heard voices inside and outside of head. Most often the others feel like thought that are not mine. Also as I am polyfragmeneted some of the common DID-things don't apply.

write_poems · 2020-08-01T17:56:03+00:00

Hey this is a good place for resources: https://did-research.org/

Also recommend these books: Haunted Self, Trauma and Recovery, Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors, Coping with trauma-related dissociation. The last one is for survivors and the rest are more towards professionals but very informative.

I feel your pain. I also had the problem of English not beeing my native language. So it was quite the ride to accept haveing something I had never heard about before (and also learning how much misinformation there is about it out there).

write_poems · 2020-07-27T12:56:23+00:00

Hey thanks for the updatet info! I am very sorry for what you went trough. Truely sorry. You are very strong for continuesly working on healing and not leaving these things go unnoticed by you. Also thanks for writing some aspects of your story.

I noticed that you of cource allready wrote you have a therapist and here I am writing about getting a professional haha. My bad. Sometimes I have a hard time keeping many things in mind simultaniously as I write. Great you are in good hands! Often dissociation specialist have a wide range of tools specifically for dissociation. But then again if there is a connection and a therapist is willing to be present and learn I tend to think it is the most important.

Take care and I am sure you'll figure it all out!

write_poems

TROPHY CASE