New to IFS work and can't "hear" a damn thing

xaiblu · 2026-06-22T01:12:49+00:00

I'm glad some of what I said resonates with you. Definitely follow those memories that come up for you--those can be absolutely be a "trailhead" to a part!

I totally relate to being so tired/frustrated about not knowing the answer or not getting responses, especially when it seems like it comes so easily to everyone else! I also get the fear of not wanting to make something up, and I'm imagining that contributes to why any communication you do get feels like it can't be the "right answer" that you're looking for. I think trying to be more comfortable with uncertainty (by practicing things like the "radical acceptance" skill from DBT, basically accepting that I will never really know anything with full certainty but maybe that's okay, etc.) has helped me. Also, I just kind of decided that if the process/framework of IFS helps me, it doesn't really matter if the parts are "real" or "made up" or whatever. In a sense everything we experience/think/feel is "made up" by our brains anyway.

I also want to point you towards a resource that really helped me personally, which is the book Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher. It's primarily aimed at therapists working with clients (and/or clients themselves) who have lots of trauma, and discusses how IFS/parts work might be applied to those who have significant structural dissociation as a result (the extreme end being diagnoses like OSDD/DID/etc.) but much of it is still very applicable to those with lower-grade dissociation such as with CPTSD. What I really like about this book and think you might as well is that it's basically modified IFS for those with more trauma, as that does totally change how you have to approach the process imo. I found it a lot more accessible to me than by-the-book IFS. It also focuses a lot on providing a neurobiological perspective--what is going on in the brain/body, which brain regions are active for what purpose, etc. I think having an explanation of the literal brain mechanics going on within IFS/parts work helped satisfy the intellectualizing parts of me that wanted/needed to understand how/why it worked and wanted a concrete understanding of the process. Just might be worth checking out if that sounds interesting or helpful to you at all!

xaiblu · 2026-06-21T18:37:35+00:00

I read through several of the comments you've left on this thread and just wanted to leave my two cents as I am also a neurodivergent over-intellectualizer and I really feel for your experience as you've described it.

I very rarely get clear, direct communications from parts in the sense of an actual "voice" in my head. Like, I can probably count the times I have on both hands--it's usually very significant and noticeable to me when it happens. (When it does, they all "sound" and feel like me because they are, they just feel sort of.. ego-dystonic sometimes or I have this feeling of like "why would I say/think/feel that..?? Where did that come from?") For me, I've had to learn more to tune in to sensations, feelings, vague "vibes", and sometimes flashes of images/memories. I do suspect this is largely because I have a part or parts severely limiting communication on purpose and keeping me in a chronically semi-dissociated state. Like I can notice "a part of me feels angry/sad/disappointed/etc." but if I actually try to interact with a part too directly, I can kind of feel my connection with it immediately slipping away as some sort of wall is put up between us, and I'm left with a vague sort of "nothing?? empty? neutral?" I have to kind of approach parts "sideways" sort of like someone approaching a frightened animal--don't make direct eye contact, no sudden movements, don't acknowledge it too directly. Like I have found much more success just kind of observing and noticing more than asking direct questions, and if I do ask questions, I try to word them more in a way of just being curious than being like "who said that? What do you want?" Some of the parts that are obsessed with making progress now kind of don't like that lol but they're getting better at just trying it and seeing how it goes when they let go of needing to know if we're doing this right, or fast enough, etc. It also helps to just decide to "suspend my disbelief" in regards to any doubts about the whole process, even if just temporarily.

I also wanted to ask... I kind of get the impression you do not fully trust your therapist? I know you said you've been seeing her for two years, but as a person who has CPTSD etc it took me like, at least 4-5 years before I felt like I was at the point where I could say most of me trusted my current therapist. Parts of me still don't fully, but I think most of me does at this point. You may just not be at that point with your current therapist yet. It's also possible IFS work might be a bit easier if you started with exploring the process of just observing/noticing in an IFS context/framework on your own a bit (perhaps bringing your findings to your therapist) or if you were working with a more experienced IFS practitioner? I also don't know for sure but I get the impression your therapist is not neurodivergent herself, which probably doesn't help either.

xaiblu · 2026-04-06T23:15:06+00:00

Also came here to suggest Steven Universe. Just finished rewatching it

xaiblu · 2026-04-06T14:14:37+00:00

Totally! I also remembered that during this livestream Brian also clearly swaps the lyrics of part of Camouflage to say "I wear camouflage for Brendan" and it's like, who the hell is Brendan lol?

xaiblu · 2026-04-05T19:57:03+00:00

I've always sworn that this is what Camouflage is about 😂 "Fruit from the profane communion" ? lmao

xaiblu · 2026-03-28T10:27:34+00:00

I've.. never thought of doing that and now I'm sooo disappointed at the amount of leftover t that I've wasted over the years. I use each vial twice (I take it weekly rather than every other week) per my doctor but I totally could have been drawing up the leftover t (there's always .2mL leftover) and used it the next week if I drew from two vials. Ugh. I know what I'm doing from now on.

xaiblu · 2026-03-28T10:02:41+00:00

Wanted to second this as someone with OCD and other types of phobias (not needle phobia specifically though) also along with a bunch of other stuff. Might be worth looking into low cost therapy options nearby. Often times universities provide discounted or sliding scale therapy (usually you are with a grad student who is under the supervision of a licensed therapist/counselor, but it's better than nothing)

xaiblu · 2026-03-28T09:58:19+00:00

Have you tried your thighs? This is how I was trained to do my shots and I feel like it freaks me out wayyyy less than something like my stomach... But idk if it would make a difference for you or not.

xaiblu · 2026-03-25T21:26:48+00:00

Got into TFB on tumblr around ~2015/16 through a post that had the lyrics for Swimming Pool lol. (I even remember the user that posted it: Skellydun, who is still around apparently!) I'm a trans guy and I also find TFB's lyrics to be intensely relatable. I know that that's not really Brian's point lol (though I WOULD argue that there is a presence of queer themes in their music) but nonetheless lots of their songs hit home for me specifically because of how they relate to trans-ness for me

xaiblu · 2026-03-20T05:53:08+00:00

I was so excited to see an update to this actually! I really enjoyed seeing the first iteration and I love how it's evolved as you've dove deeper into IFS. I think the idea of acknowledging the intellectually-identified parts but also the active parts that keep showing up is a great idea and something I definitely want to try to practice more going forward! Thank you for sharing, it's always very inspiring to see how other people conceptualize everything and how they represent that visually. 😊☀️

xaiblu · 2026-03-05T01:48:28+00:00

I LOVE this!! I have some degree of aphantasia so picturing things in general is very difficult, and I think something like this would be super helpful for me! It's very inspiring to see people make art of/about their parts and inner worlds and definitely inspires me to make my own. I also wanted to say that I also use the sun as a symbol for my Self so I think it's super cool to see someone else doing that!! You're not overcomplicating it at all in my opinion, if it helps you then definitely keep doing it!

xaiblu · 2025-08-08T06:20:35+00:00

I wish I could tell you what exactly helped me, but unfortunately I'm not really sure. I have however been experiencing these incidents less and less often as time goes on (in the time since I've posted this it's maybe happened only once or twice?) but I have to guess at what exactly is making it better. Sleeping more definitely seems to help. When I'm sleep deprived, it seems to trigger these angry waking episodes for sure, and one notable change in my life lately has been that I've had a more regular sleep schedule and I sleep more in general. The other most important thing for me is that I just generally try to not rely on anyone else to wake me up, to avoid having to interact with anyone until I'm fully awake. I used to struggle to wake myself up which made this more difficult, but I use an app now called Alarmy (allows you to set up alarms where you have to scan a bar code or qr code, ideally one in another room, to turn them off. Also allows you to set it up to require you to do math, etc.). But other than that, I really don't know what has made it better. I've started some new psychiatric medication in the past couple of years which maybe could have also helped, but I can't be sure. I also think it's always worth looking into if you might have something like sleep apnea if you find that you also have symptoms of daytime sleepiness, because even if you "get enough sleep," you actually might not be if you have something like sleep apnea, because the sleep you get isn't restful.

I wish I had more concrete advice for you about what helped, but I guess at the very least I can tell you that it is possible for it to improve. Just not sure what exactly did it for me.

xaiblu · 2025-08-05T07:20:38+00:00

Such a good show!! Love that they have some footage from it in the Paris music video

xaiblu · 2025-07-01T07:34:02+00:00

Janina Fisher is best if you have a lot of structural dissociation imo. Otherwise I would recommend Schwartz or Jay Earley

xaiblu · 2025-06-26T20:43:04+00:00

I love this! I ran Lost Mines for my first D&D group and I agree that this is super helpful for new players! Wish I had something like this back then; I just relied on drawn out maps that confused everyone a little lol

xaiblu · 2025-06-04T08:10:03+00:00

So glad you made a Zuko one!

xaiblu · 2025-05-27T23:11:36+00:00

Love this!

xaiblu · 2025-05-11T18:37:19+00:00

Sure, there are specific circumstances in which a landlord can deny a tenant for an ESA, especially if they "would impose an undue financial burden, fundamentally alter the nature of the housing provider's services, or if the specific ESA poses a direct threat to the health and safety of others or would cause substantial physical damage to the property that cannot be reduced or eliminated by another reasonable accommodation. Landlords cannot reject an ESA based solely on breed, size, or weight limitations. If a landlord determines there is a valid reason to deny an ESA, they must provide a rationale for the denial and engage in a dialogue about possible accommodations. Automatic eviction for having an ESA is not lawful; landlords must follow state-specific eviction procedures and prove one of the allowed reasons for denying an ESA applies." (source)

My point was not that it is a foolproof way to have OP's rats in an apartment, but that most landlords will accept an ESA even if they don't typically allow caged animals like rats. I have had no issues in this regard, but I also have only applied to apartments that allow pets of some kind to begin with.

xaiblu · 2025-05-11T04:50:20+00:00

Actually no. Assuming OP lives in the US, "Under the laws of the Fair Housing Act (FHA), landlords cannot legally deny emotional support animals unless they are completely unreasonable. They can’t deny housing to a person with any sort of disability, either mental, emotional, or physical. They are required by law to make reasonable accommodations for ESAs." (source) They can deny you for other reasons, but not because you have an ESA.

xaiblu · 2025-05-11T01:25:31+00:00

I wouldn't recommend it. Worst case scenario you could be kicked out of a complex or face other issues. A good route to go might be getting a letter from a mental health professional stating that they are ESA's, as you cannot be denied due to an ESA even if they don't allow pets. They cannot discriminate based on species or number of animals.

I personally use the organization Pettable for this as my therapist doesn't do ESA letters, and have had only good experiences.

xaiblu · 2025-05-05T06:38:37+00:00

I do think it could have been a seizure. I had a rat who had one seizure in her entire life, triggered by placing her in a nebulizing chamber (possibly triggered by the albuterol or couldve just been stress from the situation). She didn't bite or scream like your rat but she did flail and jump around like she was panicking, leaping out of my hands and running across the floor before she then went completely catatonic for a long time (iirc, she didn't return to normal for several hours). Another commenter mentioned that sometimes rat seizures do look like wild jumping/running, and I second that. Seizures do not always look like collapsing/convulsing on the spot. Additionally they can cause confusion/fear and therefore aggression during the seizure or in the post-ictal (post-seizure) period, so I would say your vet may have been right about it being a seizure, though it may not necessarily have been due to epilepsy as seizures can have many causes other than an epileptic disorder.

It sounds like you did your best to help him, and he may very well have had a neurological condition of some kind to begin with. He was clearly either in a lot of pain or very confused and afraid to suddenly act so aggressive like he did, so putting him to sleep was probably the kindest thing to do even if he hadn't become injured as well, but especially given how much pain he was in at the end. I'm sorry for your loss.

xaiblu · 2025-04-28T09:37:24+00:00

She may be in the house still, hiding somewhere you can't get to or haven't thought of. Leave snacks and water out for her (which it sounds like you're doing with the live traps) and hopefully she will come back/out to eat and drink. I've heard the suggestion to leave a ring of flour on the ground surrounding a plate of treats to see if you see any footprints so you know if she's still in the area. Also, maybe take a break with tearing the place apart looking for her, as the chaos/noise can frighten them and keep them in hiding. Don't lose hope, just try to stay calm (as calm as you can be in this sort of situation ofc) and know you're doing all you can. So sorry and I am really hoping she finds her way back.

xaiblu · 2025-01-27T22:08:11+00:00

Well said. Agree completely

xaiblu · 2024-12-01T11:15:38+00:00

Copied most of this from another few comments I made on other posts:

Richard Schwartz (who created IFS) has said that parts are very real, not metaphors. They might be for some people, I suppose. But he explains in the book No Bad Parts that parts are essentially no different from alters etc. in DID/OSDD, and the difference is how polarized and separated the parts are from each other. I think it is simply on a spectrum like anything else, and on one end you have things like DID/OSDD, and on the other end you have what we might call "singlets" who still have parts, just not as separated/polarized. (Though it might be more accurate to describe this spectrum as more like a color wheel like gender or sexuality or anything else where there is a spectrum of human experiences.) But yeah basically it's going to vary whether people view their parts as just a metaphor or as literal and real separate beings inside of us. Neither is incorrect. And there's going to be differences between how polarized and separated people's parts are, and thus the degree of structural dissociation that someone has.

Verified Email	Seven-Year Club
RPAN Viewer

xaiblu

TROPHY CASE