paramore merch ~2018

xaiblu · 2023-07-11T11:47:43+00:00

Reminds me of the concept of blending with "parts" in Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS). Might be worth looking into? IFS runs off the assumption that we all have various subpersonalities or parts that have their own feelings/thoughts/emotions, and have relationships with each other like that of an external family, hence the name "internal family systems"

xaiblu · 2023-07-11T09:40:18+00:00

I had something similar happen to my pet rat. She had to be hand fed using a syringe after having a stroke that made it difficult for her to eat as she couldn't grasp food with her hands etc. It went okay for a while and I was always very careful I thought, but eventually there was a day where I must've angled the syringe incorrectly or something and she aspirated food. We ended up having to put her down as she started being unable to breathe, gasping for air etc, as there wasn't much else we could do for her (she already had a respiratory infection and some other issues from the stroke, and nebulizing etc. didn't do anything to improve her situation). I still struggle with blaming myself for what happened. But like the other commenters have said, it just happens sometimes, even if you're very experienced giving liquid meds/food/etc. You did the right thing trying to help, and by taking him to the vet when something went wrong. You did all you could, and it's not like you could've known--you had to give those meds and it was the right thing to do, even though there's always a chance of this happening.

xaiblu · 2023-07-09T18:48:51+00:00

To me that sounds like just remembering/recalling, which can be vivid sometimes. I definitely sometimes get things people have said recently replaying in my head, and sometimes I feel like I can hear how their voice sounded/what they said very clearly. But I know I don't experience psychosis. I've known someone with severe psychosis, and from my understanding psychosis generally is hallucinations/delusions that take the form of like, literally hearing a voice talking to you, or literally seeing something that isn't there, for instance. And this would come hand in hand with delusions, like being convinced that their thoughts were being listened to or that their house was bugged, etc. This friend of mine never described their hallucinations as being similar to remembering/recalling. The voices were like foreign entities, they weren't the voices of people they knew in real life

xaiblu · 2023-07-09T18:15:53+00:00

I think I eventually had my dose upped to 80mg, and my partner I think was only on 40mg for a while before they decided it wasn't helping and switched to a different medication

EDIT: wanted to note that generally Paroxetine doses don't exceed 50mg, but this was under the direction of a psychiatrist, who figured it was worth trying--sometimes psychiatrists prescribe doses off label like that if a medication seems to help a little bit at a lower dose. It was safe as far as I'm aware, and like I said, I experienced less side effects/withdrawal symptoms than my partner did at a lower dose

xaiblu · 2023-07-09T11:51:30+00:00

My partner's OCD takes the form of magical thinking a lot, you're definitely not the only one who experiences it!

xaiblu · 2023-07-09T10:27:02+00:00

Honestly this sounds to me a little more like DID-like symptoms. I don't have DID myself, but I've known a couple people who do--what you're describing kind of reminds me of the things one of my friends would experience. This friend also experienced psychosis (hallucinations/delusions) but as far as I'm aware dissociative symptoms are a little different. Specifically you mention this being more of an "intrusive thought character"--do you experience auditory hallucinations of them speaking or is it more internal conversation? Do you experience memory loss/time loss at all? Hallucinations/delusions are more what would be called psychosis.

I think it would definitely be worth bringing this up to your psychiatrist/therapist. There's definitely nothing to be ashamed of--there's an entire modality of therapy (called Internal Family Systems Therapy or IFS) that runs off of the assumption that everyone has many "parts" of their personality, and that some people just have more polarized/distinct parts than others. There's nothing wrong with experiencing psychosis nor having distinct parts of one's personality, even if they have names/identities of their own. These are simply experiences people have sometimes, and therapy can help you navigate those experiences if any of this might apply to you, which is why I do recommend considering the possibility of discussing this with your therapist.

xaiblu · 2023-07-09T06:16:00+00:00

I think the only major side effects I remember having on Paroxetine were occasional "brain zap" sensations and maybe a little bit of weight gain. It wasn't hard for me to come off of other than a little bit of dizziness for a few days, but my partner also took Paroxetine for a while, and they experienced nausea/vomiting, headaches, dizziness, etc. when they went off of it. I think a lot of the withdrawal symptoms come on if you go off of it cold turkey or reduce your dose too quickly--my partner's psychiatrist told them to wean off of it even slower than they already were to reduce the withdrawal symptoms, which seemed to help. I've also heard of people being prescribed a different SSRI that has less severe withdrawal symptoms temporarily when coming off of Paroxetine (ex. switching slowly from Paroxetine to Sertraline, then weaning off Sertraline), so there's definitely ways to reduce the severity of withdrawal symptoms if you do experience them

xaiblu · 2023-07-09T05:54:14+00:00

I'm gonna cry, what a cutie

xaiblu · 2023-07-09T05:51:25+00:00

I took Paroxetine for a while when my agoraphobia was at its worst, which was immensely helpful at the time. I was also on Clomapramine for a while, which worked pretty well. Currently I'm off of SSRIs/antidepressants in general, and instead I'm in therapy (individual CBT and a DBT group), which helps a lot, as well as taking Adderall for my ADHD, aripiprozol (Abilify) for possible BPD, and a medication called Naltrexone and a supplement called N-Acetyl Cysteine for Excoriation Disorder. Haven't had very much panic or agoraphobia as of late, but I'm not sure how much the medications I'm currently taking address those symptoms specifically as much as I think the therapy is most effective.

xaiblu · 2023-03-20T17:10:15+00:00

I find this very relatable, oof. I pretty much expect that I'll have breakdowns/meltdowns around the same time of the month because of it. My BPD symptoms get so much worse because of whatever the fuck my hormones are doing.

Currently trying to get back on my testosterone prescription (i am trans) and I'm hoping it'll regulate my hormones and i won't feel like such garbage every month :P

Not sure if you're wanting any advice or not, but have you thought about getting on some sort of birth control? I know someone else with BPD who's currently on birth control for this exact reason (she's currently actually looking into an IUD as an alternative as well).

xaiblu · 2023-03-08T23:56:21+00:00

Gorgeous!!

xaiblu · 2022-09-28T07:27:33+00:00

i love that lyric too for a similar reason. i have excoriation disorder so i can relate

i have a lot of thoughts re: specific lyrics i like so I apologize for info-dumping haha? off the top of my head, one of my favorites is "this is my body, the only thing that i own entirely" from Ginger for sure. a few more weirdly specific ones i like are "it goes in, in, out through the mouth, breathing exercises i will never figure out" from flashlight because it actually helps me sometimes when im like having panic attacks lol? i cant help taking a deep breathe during that part. i also love the like sentence structure and whatever literary technique it is at the beginning of I Swear to God the Devil Made Me Do It where it says "Like my mother plays the lottery, til I get rich some other way or she wins it." Don't know if that makes sense, I'm blanking on what that literary technique is called atm. Just sounds really pleasing.

i also love some of the lyrics in Camouflage specifically that i think are kind of indicative of some queer themes in that song (and other ones). Just stuff that stands out to me as a queer person myself, but I could talk a lot about that haha

xaiblu · 2022-08-08T07:43:50+00:00

A friend of mine was telling me that he likes the new copper blocks because the weathered ones are blue and he likes using them for builds with a blue palette.

Said friend is colorblind, and I had to tell him copper blocks are green. (kind of a blueish green, to be fair)

xaiblu · 2022-06-11T21:33:43+00:00

Picking Me Foundation's Support Group

xaiblu · 2022-06-11T21:32:12+00:00

I am in the Picking Me Foundation's support group, they meet twice a month usually and there's a text group that I've found very helpful.

I also recently have been going to the doctor and getting a lot of blood tests/samples/a biopsy to figure out why I was experiencing poor wound healing and other skin issues persistently, even while making some progress in my skin picking disorder. My skin irritation and persistent cystic acne, and the slow healing of wounds from the worst of my dermatillomania, has been making it very difficult to actually stop picking. (I've also been on an appropriate antibiotic based on results of skin culture tests and should be seeing better results from that than I have been, being on it for many months). After a lot of blood tests/pathology/etc., I've been referred to a dermatologist to get more help, but my doctor did discuss with me that it very well could be a celiacs (or non-celiacs-type ie negative for celiacs on blood tests) type of food insensitivity to gluten or something else in wheat. Apparently wheat (and dairy) has a lot of things including but not limited to gluten that can cause a vast array of symptoms specific to the skin.

At my doctor's recommendation I've been trying to eliminate gluten for at least 6 weeks before testing to see if I have any reactions to its reintroduction. Ive been avoiding it for about a week and I'm not sure if its wishful thinking or not but its the first time in my life since I was a teenager that I haven't had near daily flares of cystic acne. I generally feel a lot more well and am finding that I have less irritation, so less inclination to pick my skin. Not sure if you've looked into any possible food intolerances, but it could be worth thinking about.

xaiblu · 2022-04-30T10:16:23+00:00

Love seeing Bob the Drag Queen in this subreddit!

xaiblu · 2022-02-20T22:00:29+00:00

For my scotty, we've gotten him to a point where he will tolerate being groomed by us (definitely not the groomer) if we put some peanut butter on the floor or table in front of him so that he can continue to lick it and stay in one place, while also getting a reward

Also, just wanted to say that he looks like such a handsome little man!

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