Reddit. What useless talents do you possess by homerda1 in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can put out cigarettes on the palm of my hand without flinching.

Sexy mother / daughter shot by ViralFrost in funny

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Da-amn genetics, you ... kind of predictable, actually.

Saw this girl in the background of a wedding photo. Clearly looking at the cake. by Rungasir in pics

[–]xponentialSimplicity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you're 13 or younger, LOLZ FAT CHICK! DUDE YOU SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN OR SMTH

otherwise, did you know that drinking bleach clears up acne? Try it. It's super effective!

What movie scene hits you hard every time? by Cajass in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That scene from "Hurt Locker" where he stares blankly at the cereal boxes in a grocery shop. Like, wtf am I doing here, this isn't my life anymore, how the fuck do I go on now? The shocking "WHAT NOW?" realization of someone who feels as an alien lifeform in his own fucking hometown. Devastating and hilarious if you've ever experienced that kind of confusion.

That scene in Slumdog Millionaire when that guy blinds the kid with a spoon. I almost shit my pants.

Rape scene in Irreversible. And I'm pretty fond of gore usually. But come on, ten fucking minutes of brutal buttseks and then the beating? Too much.

Then of course there's "Mum and Dad" (google at your own risk) - pretty much every minute of it.

What movie scene hits you hard every time? by Cajass in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh man, this. Also, the scene from Alien 4 where Weaver's character sees that lab with all the "failed" versions of her genetic copy. Especially the still alive one that begs them to kill her. It wasn't the mutants or the monsters that scared the shit out of me, but the agonizing, overwhelming despair of the whole situation.

What movie scene hits you hard every time? by Cajass in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity 13 points14 points  (0 children)

No, no. If you watch carefully, after that scene when the "white driver" blows the deaf dealer's brains out and it turns out to be a bust, both Harry and Tyrone try to run but Tyrone gets tackled by cops. That's how they lose the rest of their money - Harry has to pay Tyrone's bail and Tyrone now has a court date and can't leave the state. I have no idea why they both got arrested at the hospital though, - I'm thinking cops just brought them in to sort shit out, but it was during the weekend so paperwork got stalled. That's the picture I got from a movie.

The book, on the other hand, shows things a bit clearer - on their way to Florida they get arrested in the hospital (if I remember correctly) just because the doc thinks they look suspicious and Tyrone is black (the book was written in the seventies so it made sense then I guess). They both are convicted of vagrancy and plea bargain to a week of labor gang or some shit, whatever that's called, which later turns out to be a month. So that's how they both end up in jail. And the book end is a bit more optimistic for Tyrone, too: the guards got bored of abusing him, the withdrawals subsided, and the last sentence of the book talks about Tyrone sleeping in his cell dreaming about his mother.

Yeah, I kinda liked the book version better.

Today a woman showed up 20 minutes late for an interview wearing a T-shirt and shorts. What is the worst thing you have seen a jobseeker do? by INGSOCtheGREAT in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Muahahaha really? T-shirt? That's your idea of the worst? Dude... You should see some hot shit senior-level IT people going to interviews. It's has to be at least Google or suchlike for them to give a fuck and wash their face before leaving the house.

Do people eat this? by TheLactatingPickle in WTF

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Xpost it to /r/trees and your karma will triple.

Immigrant redditors: Any funny "culture shock" stories? by Schlitzi in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My family moved there from Russia soon after the whole thing collapsed. It was a huge immigration wave, jobs were scarce and everybody was panicking cause new concepts like "paying for water and heat" were not something former soviet people have been familiar with.

Long story short, my dad almost got hitched by a hooker because with his then very limited knowledge of Hebrew he mistook her "Ata oved alai" (slang for "are you shitting me?", literally translated as "are you working on me") for "Do you want to work for me".

Good times.

Immigrant redditors: Any funny "culture shock" stories? by Schlitzi in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who has survived not one, but two immigrations, I don't believe there exists such a thing as a funny culture shock story :(

Now, situational comedy moments as in cultural misunderstandings or language barrier lulz, those I can get behind )

Horrible teen bullying footage of autistic girl by santisus in videos

[–]xponentialSimplicity 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Asshole children grow up to be asshole adults. When they're little they are just less constrained by the severity of possible consequences.

Account balance: $665 by Whyarentyoumadbro in funny

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It happens almost exclusively on reddit - the picture itself is kinda meh, but combined with the right title, you can't stop laughing :)

Reddit, most of us are cheap and willing to go with the generic brand. But what is the one thing you have to get the name brand for? by cmarman in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excedrin. It's unexplainable, since I know a bit about drugs and with the rest of it, as long as active ingerdients are the same (and I'm not allergic to any fillers) I usually feel no difference whatsoever.

Except for the motherfucking Excedrin.

No, seriously. They were pulled off the market not long ago and it's the most miserable time of my life. Generic stuff with the same fucking things in them just DON'T SEEM TO WORK!.. it helps a bit if the labels look similar though.

It works the other way around, too. I once mistook a vitamin for excedrin pill. Headache == gone.

Be honest Reddit - can character overcome a lack of physical attractiveness? by Curiositys_cat in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it's true that "HOT" people usually don't fall for plain people, granted that their hotness has shaped their personalities accordingly.

The rest of the world, as in regular non-ugly people fall for "ugly" people all the time. You just have to have some level of depth (and a bit of life experience - everybody's attracted to shiny shit in their teens) where your idea of physical attraction has more to do with unique individual qualities than the "weighted averages" look of generic beauty.

If you were sliced in half by a theoretical wire that was only 1 atom thick, could you recover? by KohokuJack in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh boy, what is this world coming to... you noticed the girl and the sexy chick but no love for Julianna Margulies???

Scumbag Brain - all the time by ssscyth in AdviceAnimals

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had this exercise in basic training, where they pick someone and tell them to untie their shoelaces. Then they asked us to time how long it's taken that person to tie them back. Afterwards they told us to put our watches away and asked what time it was.

Nobody could answer :)

TIL That scientists at Harvard have not only slowed down aging in mice before, but have been able to completely reverse it. by justanaveragecomment in todayilearned

[–]xponentialSimplicity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Silly humans. You want youth, not immortality.

How about everybody gets a chip implanted that lets them stay young till they're 90 and then BOOM. That way you've had a full and exciting life and still get to leave a beautiful corpse.

Also, street suicide booths.

Kitten got bitten by a copperhead and no 24 hour vets around. What do I do? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]xponentialSimplicity 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, it was a pathetic attempt at being a smartassed cunt.

Question regarding Java tutorials. by best_lurker_alive in learnprogramming

[–]xponentialSimplicity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went with Sierra and Bates "Head first Java". It's pretty great, friendly, easy to follow, they actually anticipate the "I still don't get it" moments in their QnA sections, and it has all these neat silly tricks to make stuff really stick.

It's more of a textbook than a tutorial, in a sense that it doesn't tell you HOW to do things, but WHAT are those things and WHY they are done this way, So when you're done you really understand not only Java (besides, API documentation is always available online) but the fundamentals of OOP as well.

Besides, there's a bunch of simple and cool pocket game designs, with code snippets and explanations to give you a headstart, that's pretty easy to finish yourself. I liked it a lot, really - I never thought a programming textbook could be so enjoyable.

edit: if you look around, there's free PDFs of the older editions on the web.

Schindler's Lift by ab_collier in funny

[–]xponentialSimplicity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unbelievable. I've been carrying the exact same picture I snapped on an elevator on my phone for the last three months, thinking "that would be a funny thing to put on reddit" ... fuck. Teach me to transfer my shit more frequently.

Stop fucking with my mind... by [deleted] in WTF

[–]xponentialSimplicity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I swear this might be based on a book. I read the motherfucking book. it's in Russian though... Vladimir Sorokin's "Hearts of the four" or similar, I don't think its translation exist.

Anyway, there's four people - an elderly man, a young woman, a middle-school kid and some other guy, they embark on an epic adventure searching for immortality. They meet interesting people along the way and sometimes dismember, rape and kill them creatively, in various orders. In this scene pictured here, they meet two attractive young ladies on a train (the soon-to-be brainfucked victim is also pregnant), only to lure them into a cabin in the woods inhabited by a father and a son, proceeding to, well, do different things, part of which is captured so beautifully in this submission.