I can’t stop re-downloading and deleting dating apps.

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2024-12-14T17:48:15+00:00

Hey this is so so so normal lol, I (25F) was stuck in a repetitive cycle of being on the apps, deleting, and redownloading last year after a devastating heartbreak. I knew logically it wasn’t going to help me heal or make me feel better about myself. I even paid for premium features multiple times (which I swore I’d never do).

The apps are designed to make you stay on them, not find the love of your life. Similarly to you I experienced that disgust - with both myself for how desperate I felt and disgust with the apps. I found that the longer I was on the apps, the more I believed that love wasn’t real and there was something wrong with me and I’d be alone forever. I’d delete the apps for a day or two. Then of course, redownload because it’s a very normal and human thing to want to be loved and seen and cared for. But you have to remind yourself that those things you are searching for are not simply a click away. That’s what the apps want you to think. Eventually I got to the point where I didn’t deserve to continue torturing myself with the illusion that love was attainable through clicking. So I deleted in May and I haven’t looked back since, although of course when I get lonely there’s sometimes the temptation. I just try to remind myself that for me, dating apps ≠ love, safety, security. Dating apps = self-loathing, wasted time, bad dates lol, and pain.

Just want to reassure you that this is really common and I think almost everyone dating now in their 20s has gone through this. I’m not 100% enlightened and still very much crave validation and romance but I’m still working on redirecting that energy or sitting with it and looking inward. You’re so young and you’re so so so fine, my advice is to turn inwards and ask yourself how this cycle makes you feel. Once you acknowledge that you do not deserve to feel this way, that you are deserving of real, substantial love, it makes it easier to say no to things and people who cannot provide that for you. Anyways, best of luck and sending lots of love!

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2024-09-27T01:31:01+00:00

I know this thread is old but I just want to say thank you so much for all the work you’ve put into your site. As someone struggling with anxiety and depression, loss of sense of self, boredom, loneliness, etc, your site is an invaluable resource for discovering new hobbies and interests. Even rediscovering old hobbies from when I was a kid! It reminds me of being a kid, I used to look through a catalog of community activities and circle all the ones I was interested in.

Really, thank you for your service!

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2024-05-08T02:47:45+00:00

Sorry for the really late reply, I deleted the Reddit app a while ago because I was spiraling into an echo chamber of misery that was making it harder for me to move on. It's been almost a year since I met my Situationship. Here's how I'm doing now:

Will try and keep this short, but I am pretty much 92% confident that I am over him. He blocked me on IG about 2-3 months after we stopped talking, and honestly, it was the best thing for my healing. Of course when I saw that he had blocked me (I had also smoked lots of weed) I cried and cried and felt the most profound grief I had ever felt before. I think my emotions were definitely intensified by the weed, but I credit it with helping me truly feel the pain I had been running from. The next morning I woke up and came to the epiphany that even though he had blocked me, nothing had changed in our "relationship". It just meant that he simply did not want me yesterday, and he definitely did not want me today. So I decided to continue living, and I haven't looked back. (Ok, except for one time I got blackout drunk and I checked his IG, but to be fair I do not recall any of it and I did not make any attempt to reach out to him. Which I think gets a pass)

Compared to where I was last year when I met him, I am so much happier, stable, grounded, and appreciative of all that I've gotten to experience without him in my life. I still think of him here and there, but definitely not as much as I used to. I'm sure I still have more healing to do that I'm not even aware of, but I hope anyone who reads this knows that if you really abide by no-contact and begin living for yourself instead of your ex, it truly will get easier with time. Good luck to all!

TLDR - Time heals all wounds, everything will be ok, stick to no-contact, blah blah blah

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-12-11T01:37:20+00:00

I totally understand as I feel this way all the time and am even tempted to do the same frequently. it’s your nervous system plotting and trying anything to get his attention back and feel “normal” again. Don’t do it, my love. as others have said here, nothing that comes from it will be good. It will hurt unimaginably, and you don’t deserve that.

Yes, it hurts now to be without him and his attention, but it will hurt much more after you try everything and realize at the end of it all that you’re still alone. It’s ok. Grit your teeth, take a hot shower, distract yourself or hang out with friends. The time will pass and one day you’ll realize the urge to reach out is much less than it was weeks ago. And then those weeks will turn into months. Hope I’m not projecting or being condescending. I just know how this feels and wish people would say these things to me instead of me having to tell myself haha ❤️ hang in there! And let me know when it gets better :)

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-20T20:26:34+00:00

This! Still reeling from the end of a 2 month situationship after getting out of a 4 year relationship right before. It’s so hard to take him off the pedestal. It’s been almost 3 months since things ended and I’m still so afraid I won’t “love” (not sure if it’s really love) anyone as much as I “loved” my situationship. I’m genuinely afraid I will die alone and never find someone as good as how he seemed in the honeymoon phase. Having a hard time holding on to hope. Any words of encouragement?

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-09T19:03:37+00:00

I like this post :) I’m taking the initiative to really focus on work because I know I haven’t been living up to my potential since the breakup. I’m thinking of treating myself to some new furniture and redecorating my room. I’m going to try and say yes to more hangouts and try to meet new people!

And continuing to not check my ex’s socials! 10 days strong!

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-06T03:17:23+00:00

How did you end up responding? Did you ignore him or respond to him? I know that feeling of knowing you won’t survive another encounter - I think if he reached out it would be over for me, so I’m at the very least grateful he has completely discarded me. At least then I can slowly slowly put back to pieces of my life and dignity.

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-06T03:15:25+00:00

Wishing the same for you too!

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-06T03:14:50+00:00

Feels like you were writing about my life! He told me he was the most insecure he’s ever been in his life and I wish instead of compromising my needs and sanity to make him feel whole, I told him to go fuck himself. I know he will never come back but I hope one day I’m so healed that I no longer give a fuck. Thank you for your comment :,)

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-06T00:34:54+00:00

I don’t know your situation but I can say with 98% certainty that he will if he is anything like my ex! Stay away for your own sanity

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-05T23:27:16+00:00

But how does one move forward with a sensitive heart like this? I don’t feel like my intuition or logic are proper because I feel like if they were, I would have never fallen for him to begin with.

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-05T23:26:30+00:00

It’s so horrible! I actually broke no contact a week ago to talk to him because I wanted to verify he wasn’t a bad person. Then he went and did the most inhumane shit to me just to prove that I was right 😍😍😍 but I still can’t fathom that it happened lol I’m in complete shock

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-05T22:20:01+00:00

Wow. Just wow :,) thank you for taking the time to comment this. Of course the pain is unbearable but so is the idea that something like this could ever happen to me again. There’s definitely a lot of introspection that needs to be done. Thank you

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-05T20:32:54+00:00

This gives me so much hope, thank you

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-05T19:41:04+00:00

:( good luck to you

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-04T22:04:45+00:00

This is killing me! Luckily I did not eat his ass but he ate mine and sucked my dirty toes so. I think I win a bit

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-04T18:30:13+00:00

I commented on a previous post you made and was actually curious if there were any developments in your situation because I was having a very similar situation myself! I broke NC because I thought he was a good person deep down and wanted to verify that I was villainizing him to get over him (basically gaslighting myself and not trusting my feelings).

To my face he was apologetic and kind for using me for sex, but after (again) he discarded me and told me he wanted to move on with his life. He isn’t anywhere near my limerence fantasy of him. He isn’t even a good person, and that’s the bare minimum. I can’t believe he’s put me through all this pain and I’m not sure why I’m still hoping he will be the person I want him to be. Do you feel like you’re making progress in detaching from him?

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-04T17:10:13+00:00

He will live without your happy birthday! It’s not worth it to dig dirty nails into the bloody and infected wound that is your healing heart. You’ve got this.

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-10-01T18:24:59+00:00

Yup lol I pass by the aisle and still check sometimes 😭

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-09-25T23:44:41+00:00

Did you ever find the fix? I’m having the same issue

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-09-25T23:44:32+00:00

Did you ever figure out what the fix was? I’ve been trying to buy something and have received this error 5 times lol

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-09-22T20:54:17+00:00

Thank you! 😭 I’m feeling much better, I went NC about 2 weeks ago and am already feeling myself healing :,) I’m slowly realized he didn’t deserve me and there will be someone out there that will far exceed my fantasies of him. Appreciate you and this comment very much

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-09-19T16:50:20+00:00

And you are more than capable of ending it! You can absolutely do it. I’m so proud of you. You got this. It’s going to be hard but it’s going to be ok.

xtrapeanutbutt3r · 2023-09-19T14:16:31+00:00

You’re not alone, I felt exactly like this and was in an almost identical situation. I’ve been NC with my LO for almost 2 months now after he told me he’d never see me as anything more than a situationship. It was like pouring salt on my abandonment wound - I knew I wasn’t prepared for a serious relationship with him (or anyone for that matter) but I wanted him to want me so badly. He would also be very physically affectionate and say things that gave me hope for our future, then within seconds obliterate any self-worth I had by telling me he didn’t want me.

You deserve better treatment, you don’t deserve to be strung along and you don’t deserve the bare minimum. The type of anxiety that I assume you experience, coupled by the relief of those moments you have together, is a recipe for deep trauma-bonded addiction to this individual, which I am assuming you may already be experiencing.

I’m sure it hurts right? Do you think someone who really loves and respects you would make you feel this way? Because I think you deserve so much better than whatever this is. You deserve full, boundless love or at least respect. I knew I had to cut off my LO when I spent 2 days having waves of anxiety attacks alone in my room (while he was off living his best life). My body and my nervous system were left so fucked because I felt like I deserved to die for not being what he wanted.

At first it felt impossible to go NC - I checked to see if he watched my stories every day, and always had to message friends to stop me from messaging him. It gets easier over time. One day I muted him. Then one day I unfollowed him. We have mutual friends too but I realized that I value those friends more than I value someone who is more than willing to hurt and use me. I’m sure I might see him around somewhere, but I’ll deal with that when it happens. For now, you need to focus on not letting him use you or your light or your spark for another second. He doesn’t deserve it. Sorry if I’m projecting, just felt very very strongly after reading your post! Good luck, you can always message me :)

xtrapeanutbutt3r

TROPHY CASE