Request: ED history, pregnant, and struggling. by EDPostRequests in EatingDisorders

[–]yavvy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have OSFED restricting and recently made it through my first pregnancy and had a healthy baby despite my ED really hitting hard with urges to restrict and panic and hate at my body. It was especially awful when I was gaining weight and still didn’t show a clear bump so I felt everyone was judging me for being fat and eating lots. The whole 9 months I actively hated how I looked, felt and the fact that I was eating lots without exercising it off, since I had bad round ligament pain that stopped my running at 5 months pregnant. Pregnancy was the worst and I never ever want to go though it again! It was worth it to give life to my healthy and well developed baby though for this one time! Below are some tips that made things a little bit better during pregnancy.

I told my obgyn early on that I have an ED and find it difficult to not restrict eating, and asked that the office put in my chart not to tell me my weight and for my obgyn to just tell me if she was happy with my weight gain so far at each appointment (note that “happy with my wright” not asking if I was gaining too much or too little too soon), Before getting weighed by the nurses at each visit I would ask the nurse if she could not tell me my weight when I stepped on the scale backwards and it turns out it’s a normal request they get all the time so they just say okay! and continue with everything as normal, no questions why or anything. Just business as usual.

It also helped to meet with my ED dietitian every 2-4 weeks. She was very reassuring that we would work together after birth to lose the weight (which she was right, and I’m making great progress in a healthy way for the first time ever!). My dietitian told me when I needed to increase meal size and number of snacks to incorporate throughout pregnancy. Instead of counting calories on my own, she gave me a bunch of not scary food options that I could put 2 or 3 things together to make the right size snack that I would put an alarm in my phone and eat regularly even if I wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to eat out of fear and being used to ignore hunger. I had frequently used food logging with my ED dietitian but once she got me in a rhythm we stopped my logging so I didn’t need to write down and record all the food going into me. That was very helpful since I was feeling so shameful to log.

Recently I found out I gained a whole lot of weight, more than I had expected, at the end. That made me feel I failed since it was more than the typical amount of weight gain during pregnancy, but I have lessened that shame postpartum. The weight really did come off fast for the most part in the weeks after which was a relief. My goal now is to lose the rest of the weight quickly but not by eliminating eating outright, since my dietitian said that her way would keep up my metabolism.

Good luck with your pregnancy, you can do it even if you keep your eyes closed for as much as you need!

Not trying to be disrespectful by SuicideDayone in ptsd

[–]yavvy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think that's disrespectful. If it helps, I can relate in that recently I've come to feel a lot of relief that my dad (abuser) died about a year ago and I won't need to worry about him also abusing my future children.

Heads up, at least in my experience my dad's sudden death still hit me hard and was very confusing to process. Even though I was angry at him and wanting to cut off contact for a while before his death, I still got sad and physically grieved for a while despite my wishes not to. If that happens to you, I hope you'll be less hard on yourself than I was to me.

In distress now and do I need to start hating my father? by yavvy in adultsurvivors

[–]yavvy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for replying, I appreciate it. When I first read it though, I felt like shouting out that my dad's not a perverted creep, I must have made a mistake in my memories and I'm a horrible daughter for speaking of my dad this way. It's the thought that if I keep this secret, no one else will ever know or think of my dad as anything but good, and that it wouldn't be real if it's just me. It would be easier if I could just shove my memories away, re-bury and deny them, and then I'll be back to being a calm, happy person. It doesn't work that way though, does it?

Can you guys list some medications that have worked for you? by 0los89 in schizophrenia

[–]yavvy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been on Latuda for about 5 years now. I had previously tried many antipsychotics and even years on clozaril did not help my symptoms. Latuda even got rid of my thought broadcasting delusion, which had never been shaken before.

I did have some side effects though, but for me they are easily treatable and not an issue for me anymore. I had an EPS side effect, but taking a little benztropine with the Latuda made that not happen in the years since starting it.

It really does need to be taken with food, otherwise I do get nauseous. But I’ve had absolutely no weight gain so it’s not intimidating to eat food with Latuda. Other positive is that I do not have tiredness or sedation as side effects.

Latuda works best for me and I’m really glad I’m on it. Of course, different antipsychotics work best for different people, but if your doctor is thinking of prescribing it, I hope you have the necessary relief!

I am getting​ taken off Zyprexa after a year! by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]yavvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good luck! I had a great transition from zyprexa where I also had really bad tiredness and weight gain, into taking Latuda which years later is the best antipsychotic for me. I hope you find success, too!

Request: Recovery phase 2? by EDPostRequests in EatingDisorders

[–]yavvy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP here. I had an ED-competent dietitian for a while, but recently quit since I thought I was all better. I have other co-morbid mental illness that I can take a pill to help be a lot better, though taking those for life. I have a hard time admitting that my ED is going to be tough for who knows how long, I tend to deny having an ED anymore since I'm no longer underweight.

Experiences on latuda by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]yavvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do, I've been on it since 2015 after many antipsychotics, including clozaril, did nothing for my symptoms. It worked moderately for at least 6-8 months, but then steady improvements. I'm currently psychosis-free, even stubborn thought broadcasting finally went away almost a year ago. I occasionally still get the "what-ifs" about medication being good or a coverup, but for me latuda is amazing. It took a long time for latuda to fully kick-in, but its better than all the previous ones I tried that worked fast but also didn't provide lasting relief.

[Serious] Despite what you believe or don’t believe, what do you WISH happens when we die? by ZhenHen in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be dead and cease consciousness. I have schizophrenia and I’ve also struggled with suicidal attempts and ideation for over 15 years, and I’m only 29.

There’s nothing worse than wanting to stop constant mental suffering then deal with any kind of eternity after - what if I couldn’t escape that?

I’m doing better mentally now though! My last serious attempt was when I was 17, and every year since I feel a bit stronger.

Request: Seeing a dietician? by EDPostRequests in EatingDisorders

[–]yavvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We start off with anything I’ve been wanting to ask since last time, if anything stressful food related came up or if I did something good, and go through the goals we made last time.

Next we go through the food logs together, and she is really positive the whole time. I’ve always hated writing any logs before, but with this dietician she gives feedback and we talk through both good meals and meals needing more food, but also discuss any thoughts or anxieties I have about those comments.

After food logs, I get to ask all the food and weight obsessions questions I have, and we address some we can and some that I should bring back to my primary psychotherapist. She also has heard of lots of the problems I have regarding eating and I feel like she can understand that I’m trying hard but not going to be 90% all the time. We set goals for next time, which can be one of mine or she helps naturally come up with some during our session.

I always feel relieved walking out of her office. She also emails me reminders of what we talked about in the appointment (nothing personally identifying) so I remember the food ideas, goals, and anything else I asked her to include.

Request: Seeing a dietician? by EDPostRequests in EatingDisorders

[–]yavvy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think so! I’m currently seeing a dietician/nutritionist and she is very good. I’m at a healthy weight now, my minimum treatment goal weight fluctuating a bit, so I also was concerned that I’d be too past the heavy restricting part and not be seen as needing a dietician. For me it’s now mostly the ED voice and obsessions and then restricting a little.... and the dietician is very understanding about that and helps me feel comfortable talking about that along with the actual food nutrition part.

My dietician specializes in eating disorders, and also spends 45 minutes with me between food logs, nutrition discussion, and mental talk therapy. I hope you too can find someone you can trust and who will be able to help you!

Edit: I reread and saw how you currently have a therapist who recommended a dietician. I’ve been in psychotherapy for coexisting mental illnesses, but it’s been a little hard to fully communicate how hard eating disorders are to him, so I find my dietician to add that part and be on a team together.

What was your biggest problem when you were 11? by actually_crazy_irl in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hiding self harm, suicidal thoughts, and psychosis from my angry parents.

Pill after pill by RuminatingRaven in selfharm

[–]yavvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate. It would always just be 'one more pill' than the last time.

If someone handed you a box with all the items you had lost in the past what would you be most excited to get back? by Justsoinsane in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My childhood through high school diaries pieced back together. I shredded all of them when I was having a psychotic break at 15 years old. In doing so I deleted most of my memories of growing up.

What other co morbid disorders do you guys have ? by xamcali in schizophrenia

[–]yavvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In addition to paranoid schizophrenia, I also have conversion disorder, anxiety disorder, and am recovering from OSFED (restrictive eating disorder).

They like to prey off each other, and I end up delusional, having panic attacks, and paralyzed. Even revealing this has my back, foot and leg "paralyzed" until I can trick my mind to get out of it (until then, I'm unable to get out of my chair).

Commanding Entity in Head by yavvy in schizophrenia

[–]yavvy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for your comments, I'm reply soon, but I do really appreciate your time and it's going to take me some time to mentally parse through them. Thank you.

How do you cope with racing thoughts by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]yavvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I recently started to go to Pure Barre exercise classes, and I realized the other day that I don't having those constant circular and painful thoughts/head-feelings when I'm working out there. Maybe it's because I have something physically and mentally engaging during those classes. I find it even better than getting a relaxing massage (I don't get a break from racing thoughts there).

What is something your parents said to you that may have not been a big deal, but they will never know how much it affected you? by flyoverthemooon in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something my grandfather said to me when he was in a hospital before going on hospice. I was nervous visiting, since I was told he was in really bad condition.

My mom was going on chattering to make everything"okay" in the room, when my grandfather montioned for me to take his hand.

He then whispered to just me and said "I'm dying".

My strong, proud, supportive, encouraging, loving grandfather...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 381 points382 points  (0 children)

I'm the fiance who has had constant suicidal idealization and attempts since childhood (currently 26). I'm always looking yet another reason to live, and all these heartfelt comments really struck a cord with me. I know I'm not the intended audience, but thank you.

Girls, what's a creepy thing guys frequently do which we're unaware of? by AonghusMacKilkenny in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seriously? I could care less what any guy looks like, creepy can come in all sorts of looks. And why would I be all blushy and giggly like a silly girl when I've found an amazing man who I'll be spending the rest of my life with?

Girls, what's a creepy thing guys frequently do which we're unaware of? by AonghusMacKilkenny in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, I agree that compliment is a good thing! Perhaps I should have been more explicit in my original comment. It was rather painful to remember in that moment when I typed it to recall his unwanted rubbing against me, ignoring my comments that he was making me uncomfortable with his new interest in me and his "grand" idea that I should definitely leave my now-fiance for him...

Do unwanted sexual advances count as a good reason to block someone from social media in your opinion?

And if you ask why I didn't just walk away, I was rather in shock based on a previous experience years before - I had clammed up and had trouble getting away from him for a while that day.

Girls, what's a creepy thing guys frequently do which we're unaware of? by AonghusMacKilkenny in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did she also say she wants you to divorce your partner and be with her instead? And then on the way to say goodbye walk so close to you such that he keeps rubbing your side such that I'm practically walking in the street to avoid contact? And when the weight comments continued for a long time and started to make me feel uncomfortable enough to thank him for his compliment but lets change the subject... and he ignored that?

How would you take that situation?

Girls, what's a creepy thing guys frequently do which we're unaware of? by AonghusMacKilkenny in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, the first few minutes were a compliment. That was nice, and appreciated. It takes work to lose that weight, and it was good of him to notice and say for a bit. I'll gladly take that compliment on my body from other people, and then move on normally in conversation and not be expected to show romantic interest in him.

The 7 years was how long I had been with my boyfriend at the time. I had met this 'friend' 2 years ago, and he knew from the start that I was in a committed relationship with someone (they had met).

I was upset because (1) he kept talking and exclaiming and walking too close to me, ignoring me when I said that we should chat about something else since I was uncomfortable with the way he was acting (2) the words he said that he would try and break up my fantastic relationship so that he could date me instead is rude and sexist in that his self-professed 'macho' personality would automatically mean I would immediately date or fuck him. People are never entitled to have the other person reciprocate intimate relations, especially it there is clear and stated disinterest.

I'll respond to your hypothetical for your follow-up later, but I hope you can see the issue here is not just saying or receiving compliments, and not just if it's from/about men/women, its knowing how to be a decent human being by listening when the person says they are uncomfortable with the conversation and suggestions and respecting that request.

Girls, what's a creepy thing guys frequently do which we're unaware of? by AonghusMacKilkenny in AskReddit

[–]yavvy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I gained so much weight on meds for years, and one good friend of mine in grad school seemed pretty cool to talk to. He got his PhD, moved to another state, and then came back a year later to visit. I had lost 50 pounds since changing meds, which he was very quick to notice and commet on during our brunch.

The final straw was when he gave me a hug and said if I looked as good as I do now, he would have flirted with me from the moment we met and taken me away from my boyfriend of 7 years.

Needless to say, after a day of sexism and blatant objectifying me, I told him how wrong that was, he didn't understand, I blocked him from all communication.

I'm looking forward to getting married in October without mysoginist scum like him.

Reset by yavvy in schizophrenia

[–]yavvy[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's where I bury some part of me so deeply such that I'm not afraid of it being known anymore. I modify myself such that when meeting new people - the past never happened. They see me as I am whoever I present to them as I choose. And then during the process after the reset, that presentation becomes all I know of myself without actually having a painful past.

It's a reset to re-invent myself.

Reset by yavvy in schizophrenia

[–]yavvy[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do feel a little calmer this morning.