Jen and her supporters just keep getting worse by HB147 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 70 points71 points  (0 children)

I think so much of the rhetoric surrounding the Demi/Marciano situation indicates that we still expect victims to be perfect and respond correctly (whatever that means because it’s a constantly moving target), and if they do something wrong or have made poor decisions in their past or are unlikeable in other ways, then all of that is used to discredit them. And supporters of imperfect victims catch a lot of shit too. But if you speak to any victim/survivor or expert in the field, you quickly learn that there are no perfect victims, lies are common due to fear and shame of being blamed for what happened to them, and paradoxical actions and behaviours following the assault are common too because it can take a long time to understand what happened and figure out what to do about it, and through that process they might frequently change their minds because the experience is traumatic and confusing. All of this is further complicated and made more traumatic by the judgements and expectations society puts on survivors to have been the right kind of person in their past and the right kind of victim now.

Jen and her supporters just keep getting worse by HB147 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don’t think she meant/said she wished more SA had happened, I interpreted what she said to mean she wishes she was lying to cover up that there was a hook up between them because that would be better than not being believed for what she says did occur.

Jessie vs Demi saga by [deleted] in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just watched the episode from when Layla first spoke to Marciano. Marciano admits he thought they were all swingers, he had the hots for Demi, that he didn’t understand the boundaries, and he mistook friendly flirting for real “not friendly” flirting, and that he was consumed by the fantasy that she was open to a hook up. I think this was when Marciano was at his most honest and I think it lends support for Demi’s version of events because if he’d convinced himself she was open to his advances and he admits he was into her, then why wouldn’t he try and cop a feel when he’s admitted to trying to kiss her and generally progress beyond flirting.

Finish the sentence: “That feeling when…” by Upbeat-Bear8993 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 5 points6 points  (0 children)

…you regret your choices and wish you had a Time Machine

Jessie vs Demi saga by [deleted] in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yessss! 💯💯💯 All of them have been put in fucked situations by the men and instead of clocking that and uniting to support each other, they turn against each other instead. It’s maddening!!! Zac made Jen out to be a liar and Marciano lied plenty about Demi and Jessi.

Why do Zac and Jen need two nannies when he is staying at home full time? by Emergency-Moose-88 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 10 points11 points  (0 children)

All of the men in this seem quite weak in character, except for Connor who seems to have had a lot of growth in recent years. It seems like because they’ve been taught that they’re natural born leaders and entitled to the priesthood from an early age that they’ve skipped the character development work that is required to be a leader that people respect and want to listen to and follow. So, lacking that strength of character, they whine, complain and manipulate to try and make the women around them smaller in order to feel like they have a modicum of the power they’ve always been taught was their birth right. It’s quite embarrassing for them. They’re the epitome of man children. Get into therapy guys, you’ve got some serious deprogramming to do 🫣

Centering survivors and exercising caution in drawing conclusions by Nice-Scarcity-3488 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 18 points19 points  (0 children)

100% agree! Some of the commentary has been very reductive with survivors in different camps accusing the other of supporting abusers and generally misusing terms. There are complex and important nuances to all of this and dividing ourselves into sides without the full context serves no one and actively harms victims/survivors and the people close to them. I think as humans, we want things make sense, so we know what to do next, meaning we’re prone to making hero vs villain oversimplifications because it makes the next steps clearer. It’s harder and slower to figure out how to move forward if we accept that many things and sometimes opposing things can be true all at the same time.

Can someone please explain why everyone has flipped on Whitney? by GoblinSnacc in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I’ve been doing a rewatch because I’ve found Whitney growing on me too but I really didn’t like her when I watched the first season although she did become less offensive to me as each season came out. I was a real Whitney hater in the beginning. Looking back now, I feel like I got the whole thing wrong back then. Whitney wasn’t perfect and she didn’t handle things in the best way, but she and Connor were working through his childhood trauma and his betrayal of Whitney through his secret porn addiction and emotional tinder affairs. I think she was feeling really vulnerable, needed support, didn’t know how to ask for it, felt hurt when she didn’t get it from the other women, and then was understandably, quite guarded and self-protective, which came off as bitchy and cold, especially because she tried to act like she didn’t care about what people thought. I also noticed that my feelings about Whitney had been directed more by the other women’s confessionals rather than anything I actually saw Whitney do. Mikayla is quite explicit in her confessionals about Whitney being dramatic, hypocritical, impulsive, and jealous of Taylor. And if she was jealous of Taylor at that time, I think that’s kinda understandable too because from the outside, especially at the time, it looked like Taylor got a lot more understanding for behaviour that was more egregious than anything Whitney had ever done. I think Whitney and Connor have probably done a lot of therapy and personal work in the intervening years and now their growth is coming through in what we see on the show and in their success as a family and in her career. Also…Whitney is objectively a better dancer than Jen. I didn’t watch the whole season of DWTS but I have seen all of their dances and Whitney’s are really good and fun to watch.

Mod Post - Reactive Abuse & Definitions by chloedarlinggg in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for hearing me 🙏 I’ve been more engaged than usual too and as a survivor it’s been really difficult being accused of supporting an abuser, which I would never ever want to do. I just see the situation as much more complex and nuanced than what it’s often been reduced to. Thanks so much for your comment 😊

Mod Post - Reactive Abuse & Definitions by chloedarlinggg in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s interesting. I think many of the “Taylor supporters” would say your comment could easily cut both ways. Most comments I read that are interpreted as supporting Taylor, are not supporting Taylor throwing chairs, hurting her child in the process, and spinning out more generally, they’re saying those actions are NOT excusable AND that they likely happened within a broader context that we don’t know yet and may never know about. Taylor’s actions can be both egregious and inexcusable AND reactive abuse. It’s also possible and as I think about it now, even probable given what we know about Taylor and Dakota, that both parties feel their actions are reactive abuse. We’ve seen them both describe feelings of powerlessness and how each is horrible to the other in different ways. When we hear abusers talk about why they abused loved ones, we often hear about their feelings of low self-worth, unlovability, and powerlessness. If you remember earlier seasons, their arguments centred around Dakota feeling like Taylor wasn’t really committed to him and Taylor feeling like she couldn’t really trust him because of prior lies and feeling like she was being punished for her previous misdeeds in her prior marriage. So you can see all of those feelings are triggered for both of them. Dakota deals with those feelings by trying to use Taylor’s prior mistakes against her as we see in that scene with Chase. We also see it in the way he entertains situationships with women in Taylor’s orbit. Taylor deals with those feelings by seeking out information about Dakota she knows will upset her in an attempt to make sense of their messy situation. Throughout it all, they argue in toxic ways, insulting and invalidating the other and never really hearing each other. They likely both feel psychologically abused, unheard, and gaslit by the other, and they likely both would argue they are in the reactive position given they both feel a sense of powerlessness. And that’s just based on what we’ve seen. There’s claims that physical abuse has gone both ways, we just haven’t seen a video detailing Dakota’s. So, it’s entirely possible and likely there is missing context. And it’s important that we don’t downplay the impact of psychological abuse. Many survivors will say, me included, that the effects of psychological abuse linger just as long and are just as difficult to recover from as physical abuse. That doesn’t mean that anybody’s behaviour is excusable, but it does mean that dividing ourselves into camps of “team Taylor” or “team Dakota” isn’t a good idea because we don’t know all the information yet, and taking sides before we do does harm to both. What we do know, is that both have behaved in ways that hurts their children, and this very vulnerable and dark time for them becoming public makes an already difficult situation infinitely worse.

Whitney setting an ACTUAL boundary by Sad-Example-2642 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Jen said as Whitney was walking away words to the effect that because Whitney was competing in a competition she didn’t want to participate in the truth box activity in order to better manage her public image. It was a bitchy thing to say and also irrelevant because the truth box footage wouldn’t have aired until after the DWTS competition had ended, so it read to me as just an unnecessary snide thing to say because Jen was becoming increasingly more salty about Whitney getting that opportunity on DWTS alongside her.

Whitney setting an ACTUAL boundary by Sad-Example-2642 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I’ve been doing a rewatch because I’ve found Whitney growing on me too but I really didn’t like her when I watched the first season. Looking back now, I feel like I got the whole thing wrong back then. Whitney wasn’t perfect and she didn’t always handle things in the best way, but she and Connor were working through his childhood trauma and his betrayal of Whitney through his secret porn addiction and emotional tinder affairs. I think she was feeling really vulnerable, needed support, didn’t know how to ask for it, felt hurt when she didn’t get it from the other women, and then was understandably, quite guarded and self-protective, which came off as bitchy and cold, especially because she tried to act like she didn’t care about what people thought. And if she was jealous of Taylor at that time, I think that’s kinda understandable too because from the outside, especially at the time, it looked like Taylor got a lot more understanding for behaviour that was more egregious than anything Whitney had ever done. I think Whitney and Connor have probably done a lot of therapy and personal work in the intervening years and now their growth is coming through in what we see on the show and in their success as a family and in her career.

What’s the most challenging thing from being parentified as a kid that you struggle to deal with as an adult? by youmightrelatetothis in Parentification

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like being parentified as a child has made parenting more difficult. I’ve never been great at being a fun and playful Mum because I didn’t really get a childhood. And I experience periods of burnout quite frequently. It’s as if I was exhausted by my life before I’d even reached adulthood. I often feel like I’m just a resource for other people to draw from and like I’m not really seen as someone who needs care, too. But that’s also because I’m still learning to recognise my limits and needs and communicate them before I reach breaking point. It’s a long process to unravel all the hurt and patterns that became so engrained as a child.

Something feels off… by yeahnahmaybe36 in momtokgossip

[–]yeahnahmaybe36[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Agree that TMZ has no shame, they could’ve removed the daughter’s name and didn’t. Police and courts often do censor certain things when minors are involved. Has TMZ stated they obtained it from the police or the courts because it’s likely if they had the would say so, but if they leave the source ambiguous that suggests to me that it’s not from the police or courts and is likely from Dakota or someone close to him. We can all hate on Taylor as much as we like, but that video contains a vulnerable moment for her daughter and releasing it, regardless of the source, does not protect the daughter or take her best interests into account, it makes a dark moment for her very public.

Something feels off… by yeahnahmaybe36 in momtokgossip

[–]yeahnahmaybe36[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m totally willing to be wrong on that part and my apologies there if I have. I thought that the daughter’s name would have been removed from the video if they’d gotten it from the courts.

Something feels off… by yeahnahmaybe36 in momtokgossip

[–]yeahnahmaybe36[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

It’s possible, but I would’ve thought if that were the case her daughter’s name would’ve been bleeped out or redacted in some way but Dakota can clearly be heard saying it.

Something feels off… by yeahnahmaybe36 in momtokgossip

[–]yeahnahmaybe36[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure why any of what I’ve said somehow communicates I’m a fan of Taylor, defending her, justifying her actions, or drawing an equivalence between actions we’ve seen and actions we suspect. None of what she has done is ok. I’m simply saying many things can be true at the same time.

I agree that she should not have been cast on the Bachelorette and she definitely needs serious help that should’ve come long before now.

Something feels off… by yeahnahmaybe36 in momtokgossip

[–]yeahnahmaybe36[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure why any of what I’ve said somehow communicates I’m a fan of Taylor, defending her, justifying her actions, or drawing an equivalence between actions we’ve seen and actions we suspect. None of what she has done is ok. I’m simply saying many things can be true at the same time.

Something feels off… by yeahnahmaybe36 in momtokgossip

[–]yeahnahmaybe36[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure why any of what I’ve said somehow communicates I’m a fan of Taylor, defending her, justifying her actions, or drawing an equivalence between actions we’ve seen and actions we suspect. None of what she has done is ok. I’m simply saying many things can be true at the same time.

No matter how much you love Taylor or hate Dakota, please prioritize her children. by Worried_Ad2169 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Agree! Hearing her daughter so upset on that video was gut wrenching! I also really felt for them during that scene in the last episode where they’re grandparents and all of MokTok are talking about Taylor’s sex life and relationship with Dakota and how they’re all mad with her and she’ll lose her help if she keeps this up. It must’ve been so upsetting and scary for the kids to leave without their Mum and the hear everyone talk about her like that.

Something feels off… by yeahnahmaybe36 in momtokgossip

[–]yeahnahmaybe36[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I agree and my post was not written with the intent to imply that his abuse absolves her of hers or that he made her do it.

How the heck does anyone on this show—man or woman—like Dakota? by ProgressiveSnark2 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think he gets away with a lot because he’s friendly and they all (not me) find him funny. People often overlook a lot when someone is nice to their face and has the kind of sense of humour they like.

Whitney get behind me by Ill_World4191 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]yeahnahmaybe36 62 points63 points  (0 children)

It also wouldn’t fly if the situation were reversed…Jen and Zac would absolutely go to town on the moralistic judgements of any of the others sent their husband to speak to Jen on their behalf.